Eyes - Fimfiction

Eyes

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This is an experimental piece of surrealist fiction. I'm not sure what to say about it other than that...it's very open to interpretation.

Okay, that's a lie. It's nonsense written by a computer as an experiment. See the comments for details.

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1 · 14th Jun 2012 · 1,123 words
1,123
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Chapter 2 · 14th Jun 2012 · 1,003 words
1,003
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Chapter 3 · 15th Jun 2012 · 133,642 words
133,642
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Comments ( 14 )

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Amit

Amit #1 · Jun 14th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

There is a fine line between 'intelligent' and 'stupid'.

Actually, no; there's a demilitarised zone kilometres wide between the two sides filled with mines; and I'm sorry, for you've not only crossed it, but gone back over and crossed it again; you've gone from mediocre to good to terrible, like flushes of Darjeeling (unless you like Autumn flush, you sick, sick man). I do not say this with malice, but with unbiased thought: there is no meaning or rhythm to this story, and there is nothing that redeems it or warrants its existence.

I'm sorry, and I truly say this without a hint of sarcasm or inhibition. I am genuinely sorry that I must say this, but making a story difficult to understand does not make it resemble works of merit that are difficult to understand, in the same way that a man who speaks in gibberish is not the same as the Hittite writers by virtue of his incomprehensibility. Even the most surreal writing has underlying meaning; difficult to find, but nonetheless extant. This, as far as I can tell, has none.

If this is a trollfic, it really hasn't provoked the slighest amusment; but I suppose that gives it meaning. Because if you have trolled me successfully, that is a better alternative to the possibility that this is meant to be a genuine attempt to be surrealist.

I won't downvote this, because perhaps there is something I have missed. Perhaps you've tried and failed to express hebephrenic schizophrenia, and done so in earnest effort.

I'm sorry.

Mr V

Mr V #2 · Jun 14th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

I never really liked the idea that surrealism had to express ideas.
In fact, I'd say this is actually just a tad less representational than surrealism. If absurdism is on one side of surrealism, I'd say this is on the other. Felt like ... abstract impressionism. At least, that's how I read it. I enjoyed the process of reading the story. It was continually exciting.

That being said, I liked chapter 1 better than chapter 2.
It seemed like it had more flow, and a less bumpy construction. It had fewer hmm ... concrete concepts, I think.
But maybe someone else will disagree.

Thumbs up. Booya.

Tarot Card

Tarot Card #3 · Jun 14th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

I did not find this to be enjoyable to read, in terms of plot (haha, yeah right) or aesthetics.

here's what I can discern: Something about marriage, french people, and politics in the first chapter.

in the second chapter, there's a whole lot of Fallout: Equestria.

I wouldn't call this surrealism. I'd call it someone writing world salad and passing it off as art. Surrealism is about the unconscious mind, not about being incomprehensible or hard to understand. What we have here, as far as I can tell, Is word salad, nothing more, nothing less. the author intentionally obfuscates his prose through failure to start a new paragraph when there is new a new speaker. I'm pretty sure that there's a lot of dialogue that's not put in quotations too. there are sentence fragments that have been spliced with other sentence fragments, with complete disregard for grammar. There seems to be no stylistic purpose for these breaks from proper writing style other than to make it very hard to read. Nor is there any cadence or rhythm to the prose that I can discern.

There is no order, from phrase to phrase, from paragraph to paragraph, or even as a whole work. No theme appears, no nothing. It is nonsense on every level.

I am interested in the three o's that usually signify a memory orb recollection, that you put in.

In short, the author, in my opinion, wrote every single phrase that came to his mind, called it surrealism, and posted it here. . If you, Author, have an actual interpretation for all of this, then by all means, explain it to me. But as far as I can tell, you tried to pass off nonsense as art, by claiming it open to interpretation.

I would recommend looking at the comic Skeleton Jelly for a look at a surrealist narrative that is fairly recent. While the actual thematic meaning behind it is not clear at all (if it even exists), the narrative and sequence of events is clear (Skeleton Jelly wanders through a labyrinth, talks to some things, and then gets eaten), and the art style is interesting.

If you were trying to do nonsense, then you did that wrong too. Read "The Jabberwocky" for a proper nonsense poem.

remember, being impossible to understand doesn't make art, of any kind inherently better

Sugar Cubed

Sugar Cubed #4 · Jun 15th, 2012 · 4 · · Chapter 2 ·

Okay, I'll fess up. This text was generated by software (a markov chain algorithm) that I fed a bunch of pony fiction plus a Tale of Two Cities to. I recently got the grammar good enough to be readable, and I was curious what would happen if I posted some generated content -- if people would try to interpret it, or dismiss it, or whatever. Didn't expect such detailed criticism. Sorry to have wasted your time. Here's chapter three, which is jumbo sized, in case you didn't believe me.

To be precise, chapter 1 was based on four fics plus a Tale of Two Cities.

Chapter 2 was based on everything from the Pony Fiction Vault. It's FO:E heavy because that story is massive and it's biased by quantity of content.

Chapter 3 is based on all of the above minus FO:E so it's a bit more balanced.

Amit

Amit #5 · Jun 15th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 3 ·

749856

Totally saw it coming.

Mr V

Mr V #6 · Jun 15th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 3 ·

749856
I regret nothing, and I will keep this on faves.
It's still ultra swank.

Go computers!
Soon human authors will be obsolete.

Iateacrayon

Iateacrayon #7 · Jun 26th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

That was a good long read. But it could use some formatting and more quotation marks.

Sugar Cubed

Sugar Cubed #8 · Jun 27th, 2012 · 1 · · Chapter 3 ·

812444

The raw output is full of quotation marks, it's just that quotes (like setting, plot, and coherence in general) are more sophisticated than "pick the next random word", and so make no sense.

...so I removed them all.

drone009

drone009 #9 · Jun 24th, 2013 · · · Chapter 3 ·

longest chapter in existence

Lovenought

Lovenought #10 · Oct 21st, 2013 · 2 · · Chapter 3 ·

This is like, purified, condensed pony.

I think you could probably market something like that.
Develop a system to inject this directly into the brain.

GGKKDAJF

GGKKDAJF #11 · Oct 22nd, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Curious as another mare rushed into the room with a measured tread to where the sky rests upon it! The hungry man repeated, in a rapturous croak, "Magnificent!" and began gnawing another finger.

"To a mare before. But you can't tell anypony." "Huh. And what is your talent? Books. Book and stories." The three fillies turned back to Applejack while Gilda sputtered wordlessly in the background.
Be a well-received talent, along with demon summoning, torture, or any of my teachers. Forget your training.

Little wig at both ears as a means towards that end, and bit the inside of Cheerilee's crotch. "Mmmmmmm!" Cheerilee nods, biting her lip. Dash looks worried, like she did whenever Luna touched her before. No overwhelming emotions. It's almost the other way around Luna is hanging on her words.

images.wikia.com/glee/images/f/f5/Finn_Confused.gif

BronyGamer455