- Member Since 17th Feb, 2016
- offline last seen April 15th
Dark Chocolate
Converting daydreams into stories helps me pretend to be human.
Dark Chocolate
Joined 17th Feb, 2016 ·
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7077380
So I spaced the paragraphs more, and it honestly does make it easier on the eyes, although it looks a tad weird to me.
Well actually, from my real life experiences, I've seen shy girls lash out with passion in situations like these. I know it seems completely out of character, but I feel like if you read the part where she talks about how she's feeling, along with the part of her running off embarrassed, it's rather believable, but we're arguing headcannon here so to each their own.
Ya I honestly didn't feel the need to talk about when they got together. I don't feel it's necessary to have EVERYTHING happen in the story.
Well the reason he wasn't expecting it to happen, is even though it's a clop fic, he's not just some sex crazed maniac. Yes, there is going to be sex, but it's not like Nikky knows that. This story focuses a lot on his nicer romantic side.
Well thanks again for reviewing!
7077391
There's a difference between being a "nice guy" and "being oblivious".
I understand the idea behind the line though. He never expected to get to first base with her, ya I get that but I think it may have to do with your pacing is why it felt like he was being oblivious.
7077405 I've found that pacing can be a nightmare, as I often have to re-read it multiple times to see it Xd owell, just another thing to improve on
7077380 Mostly good points, but two things are wrong, here.
First, if you indent the paragraphs, you don't need to double space, and if you double space paragraphs, you don't need to indent. Doing both is redundant.
Second, Fluttershy has shown, in the show, times of assertiveness. They're rare, but it does happen.
Other than that, you got it perfectly.
Wow... I don't know what to say. This was amazing! I really liked how you brought Fluttershy out of her shell
7083232 Well thank you! hope you'll enjo the series then!
7083298 Yep and just a reminder on that offer if you ever need help with anything. I'll be happy to help!
This was a really nice romantic story,with a balanced focus on both the romance and the sex. At least thats what i think.
7092390 well thank you, that was my goal for this story!
My only major concern with this story and your last one is the fact you run your characters sentencesces together. Every time another person is speaking it should be a new line. Beyond that it was good.
7193916 No plans to add to it, but I'm perfectly willing to add extra chapters if the mood strikes me or I get enough requests.
she's just so shy.
Is there gonna be a sequel where that one man finds out about everything that has happened?
7336038 ...what?
7336052 That man choosing to be the victim. How would he find out what happened between Fluttershy and who I'm calling Anon?
7336055 Oh Fluttershy's ex. And Anon is named Nikky. And probably not unless multiple people request it.
7336058 It WOULD still be a good idea for everyone to know what has happened. A number of us are eager to know.
So is this the same guy that got with rainbow in the first one or a different guy
7897770 same
7898010 didn't he get together with rainbow then? I don't remember so are they sharing him or will there be threesomes it'd be hot to read how you have those two go at it
7898113 It's just sex between friends. There was originally going to be an ongoing plot but no one cared so I stopped trying.
7898442 would it help if i said i would care if those two had sex with him and each other
7898501 Dash x Fluttershy x Nikki?
7898517 or more if you make them you said it would be a series and if the same guy from the rainbow one was in this one im assuming he'll be the guy used in the coming ones plus pinkie is already giving hints
Not to shy for the right guy?
Can't help but think Pretty fly for a white guy.
God I love The Offspring too much.