- Member Since 24th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Jan 15th, 2021
ForgottenDreams
I bid you welcome traveler let this ancient storyteller do what he does best. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcsS60n04i48UCZJ0lYPGsQ
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Since there are no comments on this yet, I just thought I'd put my two Bits in on it.
OK. This story needs work. I noticed a glaring punctuation mistake in the first paragraph, and many-multiple more of them throughout. Another problem is that this story has odd pacing, like everything is very, very rushed. Probably because it's only ~1.6k words long, and most of that is scene-setting.
The 'sex scene', if you can call it that, was very disappointing. If you're going to write clop, please do yourself and your readers a favor and write CLOP. What you wrote is basically a slightly longer version of the sentence 'A married mare is in heat, and then she banged with a male that's not her husband because she was in heat. The end.' No details, no substance, no conflict with either one about her committing adultery with another species, even if she IS in heat...unless you view every Equestrian marriages as being open...
Overall, this story needs (A LOT) more detail, more words in general too.
I totally spaced
but better late then never
. THIS IS SPARTA
Pretty much as Legion said, you had a good idea but it needed more.
Before anyone mentions it I know there are still some punc. errors and it is still fast paced. I am going to go back to fix the punc. errors later and the story is always going to be fast paced because I would have to delete it and start from scratch otherwise and I am not doing that.
I imagine there would not be a sequel to this, right?
7362281 very unlikely
7362891
Oh well it was a really good story, thanks for posting it
Also aren't these stories supposed to be more ambiguous... not everyone would be a head smaller ya'know. There is a guy alive over 8 feet tall
7957625
You have to bare in mind that by most non anthro stories, ponies are the size of large dogs, with their eye level being at crotch level on humans. Most anthro stories do make ponies larger than humans in order to counter balance this. When most stories portray humans as enormous towering monsters, it is a refreshing change to read ones where humans are the runts.
The Monk
8043860
I honestly just thought it was some random fetish for taller women more then anything. I always though of the idea as weird. Mostly some sort of human superiority complex I guess
Weird fetish bullshit.