Who is he?
That, is the same question every living being on Earth, and Equestria has wondered.
This is because he isn't a politician, or a leader, or any mastermind. He is just... human.
Unfortunately, mistakes were made, and now he is the winner of 'The Raffle'; the biggest event in history. The poor human is now thrown into the middle of both worlds, and is the most famous person of the century.
What nobody understands, is that maybe 'ordinary' is what the galaxy needs.
(Major hiatus until further notice. I'm seriously trying to fix it, but I have no idea when everything will be finished. Sorry for the inconvenience ;_;)
Chapters (6)
Moar plez?
This has a lot of potential! I also think the backstory is amazing beyond belief! I can't wait for future updates.
I would like MOAR.
More
Bwah X3
You have my attention. Following, for now.
eh ill be fav'ing
This fic holds so much promise, follow it i shall!
So, an au were none of the other sapient races exist, just the ponies?
I'm glad you all like the story, next chapter is coming soon.
7051435
Nope, Celestia is just the chosen delegate of Equestria, that's why Luna isn't there.
Okay this story just went from 0 to 100
JESUS what the heck is gonna happen now
Espionage? Secret conspiracies? More Assholes trying to burn the world by trying to be 'the good guy?'
You just made me feel weird
see you next chapter
Gave it a shot. Wasn't for me.
This is where you entirely lost me. That's not irony.
It also looks like just another self-insert, so...
7053061
The story isn't that bad, is it?
Anyway, thanks for commenting. I'm going to be changing it, then I'll post it again later.
Murcia'! Fuck yeah!
So much backstabbing, oh well, that's politics for you.
Maybe need more chapters to be sure..
It started up pretty interesting but when the humans just randomly started shooting up ponies it just spiraled down for me.
7053480
Fixed.
Sorry about that.
Fight!!!!!
This is garbage.While not awesome, it has certainly improved. I could actually read it all the way through this time.It's only 2050 and somehow we've devoloped sufficient FTL? And in that short amount of time the United States changed their name? What, did Trump win or something?Despite the fact that the alarm clock had a snooze button, video games still used controllers, and other antique tech being used, I appaud the shift forward two centuries.I guess the sudden inexplicable use of weapons against the Griffons is believable, we have a history of conquest. However, a reason would not have been out of place.Much better.The sudden end to the war makes no damn sense.Now it does.Summary execution for travel between worlds? On either side?! No. That's ridiculous.How, in Faust's name, would allowing a single human passage for ten years to Equestria alleviate a crippling global depression?Still not sold on the raffle accomplishing this, but isn't as glaring an issue.This is as far as I got before I considered making a "stories that need more hate" shelf. How is this featured?Never did make that shelf. My previous vitriol towards this story was compounded as it was because it was featured. If I had stumbled upon it elsewhere I would've given it a dislike and been on my way.
Overall this story has seen a marketable improvement and I'll go ahead and give it a like. Peace.
[EDITED: March 23rd, 2016CE 22:38 UTC]
7053626
I didn't know this was featured.
Anyway, hi. As much as I appreciate your 'constructive criticism', I would like to let you know, that this story is still a work in progress.
I have received help and advice from many people, whom of which, tell me many ways in which I can improve the story, and become a better author in general. This is just a story where people can relax, be in Jack's shoes, and simply have fun. That's actually the main reason why I wrote this story.
In actuality, I am even considering your thoughts, and can gladly apply it to my story.
Thank you, and good day.
For humanity and For United Nations space command then for America YAY
Could have sworn that I read this story on fanfiction.net a couple of years ago....
7053675
Boom! Look at the author, droppin' the law like it's hot.
However, good author, while I cannot fault you for bristling at the provocative language levied against your story, I would also be wary of making excuses. The reason the story was written doesn't change the story itself, and trying to defend yourself with such excuses only serves to make your position weaker. Be confident. If you're going to respond to criticism, do so like you did in the majority of your comment--acknowledge that you read and understand it and will keep it in mind for your future writing. That's how you present a dignified, humble image as an author who is both comfortable with his work while still willing to improve from the criticism brought against you.
Yeah I came here for a lighthearted fic and I'm not sure if I want to read this kind of story
What happened to it being called Equestria?
Edit: Apparently this is fixed, nevermind.
So basically, Princess Celestia gives Earth, money, so one Human, every ten years, can visit Equestria ?
49.media.tumblr.com/954029fa7555d64085551777776458ba/tumblr_ngwiwpOali1sh43kgo1_250.gif
Sounds too easy i mean, if she really really wanted to help the Earth Governments, i don't think she would have really mind giving them money until they're good to go again, i mean, that's basically what she's doing here, i don't see why one human, should go to Equestria for this.
If she wanted to calm the political tention, why didn't she just asked for more humans, at least a small group to start, then if the Equestrian society accept them, to accept more and more until both World can communicate without problem.
Really it sounds too easy here.
7054504 It's a fanon thing, the Kingdom itself is Equestria, the world it and the rest of the peoples of the planet are on is Equus
7055205 I know, but earlier in the story it was stated that the planet was called Equestria, and apparently it is fixed now.
Here is some of the problems I see. The war had no reason, just an event. No lives were lost, but it is treason for trespassing. Jack was attacked by the SS in public and there was no instant riot. Celestia accepted a kidnapped person as the delegate. Celestia is complicit in hustling the entire earth. Jack had the opportunity to cry out for help from being kidnapped and didn't take it. If manhandling is illegal and rude, adding TK would make it worse.
I am just going to throw logic out the window with this fic. I think this fic is suppose to be read like lunny tunes and ignore that the universe is ooc. In that case, this became an OK fic. The writing technique is good.
While this is an interesting concept for a story, I'm still rather unsure about it. Your wording is rather awkward in some places and some of the speech and behaviour is just flat out odd.
I'll continue to read before making any solid decisions, though.
Oh god first person present tense, and so it begins.
x Classified Document A776 x
(If you've never looked at classified documents don't try adding something like A776, it seriously broke immersion for me. Just change it to classified(change classified to red for a even more realistic approach.), and block the thing out like other people do with letters, and I'm sure people will get the hint without hamfisting like this.)
"Man! I saw that video you sent me... why didn't you just stay a DJ more... this job is boring."
Get rid of more....Also ellipses, you use way to many of them.
5:00 P.M or something... you don't care what time it is.
Narrator breaks fourth wall in an attempt at comedy, narrator fails.
I thought to myself, before casually handing her over the ticket.
Might want to get rid of her or reword it, unless you want others to have the visual I did of him dropping the ticket on the floor only to pick up the princess and move her over it. I did laugh at that.
"No! If you reject the offer, there is an enormous chance of war. That would be breaking our treaty, and the humans are a very meticulous species!"
Ummm honestly I can already see humans doing this on purpose to incite a war...but really if we were in the recession you claim we would have waged war anyway to jumpstart a wartime economy.
Overall dude not bad for your first fanfiction on this site, I know my criticism might seem harsh but it's leagues better then some of the stuff I first wrote on here.
This story gave me AIDS but not in a bad way.
uhhhhhhhhhh did this just turn into a crackfic or something? Really went a bit overboard with the chapters after 1, felt weird reading something ok to immediately 'why?'
i have to unfav this honestly. i will watch this story just in case tho
I was expecting a fic of a boring guy winning a raffle to equestria with little to no political stupid conspiracies or of the like.
Coulda done without the whole war thing, maybe the U.N. makes Equestria an illegal place to visit because people are assholes
Also would have maybe put in a little politics here and there but never go anywhere because the human is just an ordinary boring guy
too over the top, 0 - 100 in 10 seconds flat
I think you might wanna rework your story and plan it out a bit but thats all up to you, write what you want or write something resembling to what you want but isnt, thats your desicion as a writer on whether you do it to for yourself or for others
7056538
Nope, I'm just fixing them. I'll post them again soon.
There were just a few plot holes that were pointed out.
Interesting. At this point that all I can really say, I hope you publish your next chapters soon so I may construct a better opinion in the future
More. I demand more.
My own take is a nitpick that may sound silly but the stories setting is reminded me of the old 1930s Flash Gordon shorts. They where set in the
"Future" but people drove around in the earth scenes in Model Ts.
Your version of two hundred years in the future feel more like 2010, heck it might as well been 1990s with only "modern" tech mentioned are large display screens at a stadium and a sound mix app on a phone.
For an interesting view of a future earth read the semi-optimalverse story "down and out in the magic kingdom" here on fimfic.
That's a great way to begin a story. You have my attention. Patiently waiting for more
THIS STORY IS AWSOME
7076045
Thank you.
I'm sorry to say that I simply no longer wish to continue to read this story. I came for a lighthearted romance fic and this has become a conspiracy fic... Maybe in the future I will return but it is unlikely.
A chapter that center around pants BRILLIANT!
This chapter got me hook in again, even though I not all in to romance fics I and happy with this one and cake wars!!! Artistic chapter
Jeah, the only part that I dislike so far in this story is the conspiracy stuff. I feel that it takes away the humor and romance that you have build up in this chapter, just to end it on a bad note with 'Silver'.
I am fixing the romance-thing.