• Published 5th Mar 2016
  • 591 Views, 14 Comments

A Whole New World - The Lunar Toaster



Chance is the average joe, but not before getting sucked into Equestria through his closet...

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Chapter 3, Unexpected Encounters

I hummed a small tune, ambling down the dirt road. It's a bit quiet. Too quiet. You know, the kind of quiet where you look around and you're like.

"Where the hell did everyone go?!" I say out loud, frustrated by the lack of anyone in the vicinity. My only response was a deep growling behind me. "Oh... fuck me." I slowly turn around and look up. What greets me is a massive shadow. On cue, it's eyes open up. They're beady and yellow.

My instinct kicked in as I started to back up, beginning to tremble. The second my foot hit the ground behind me, it took one lumbering step towards me, making another growling noise. I spin around and began to sprint, going faster than I'd ever gone before. The world felt like a blur, the wind in my hair, my eyes watering, and the big motherfucking shadow with yellow beady eyes thumping after me. Yup. Just a normal day in Ponyville.

Since life isn't fair, and frankly... between you and me, I think the author hates me, I trip, tumbling around as I began to painfully hit the ground. I let out a girly squeak as the thing slammed to the ground on either side of me.

It then let out a scratchy laugh, "oh you should see your face right now!"

Well great, it's your friendly neighborhood prankster Rainbow Dash. She got me good, hell, even the ponies vanishing was genius!

"God damn it, Dash. I appreciate you encouraging me to shit bricks but I don't need it," the sarcasm bled from my words.

"Did you like it? I spent forever designing this costume for Nightmare Night," she beamed, or rather the fake Timberwolf above me beamed. It reeks!

My free hand found its way to pinching my nose, "you even got the rancid breath down to the rotten teeth, your attention to detail is almost a little too good. Did you make this or did someone help?"

The expression on the Timberwolf changed entirely. "W-wha-? No! Yes, no? I made it! All myself!" Dash replied nervously before attempting to steel herself up more. "N-nevermind about who made it or how, where are you headed?" The hastily made topic change and her clear flusteredness totally betrayed the truth. Ahh, potential blackmail, an easy way to get favors done dirty and remotely.

I barely suppress the devilish grin that nearly worked up from the thought alone, "I was actually heading to Pinkies, I was getting a bit of cabin fever from sitting at home," needless to say, it was just as boring as walking through Ponyville, I simply lucked out with a Dash prank this time. If I only had my technology like I used to, I'd be at home playing games. And I'd be laughing.

"Oh cool, hey, when you get there could you tell her to meet me at Applejack's around 8? I have this really sweet idea for a prank I think she'd might like," she said, the excitement in her eyes translated a little too well in the Timberwolf.

"I'll pass the message but I am not responsible if you get your ribs kicked in," I warned, deciding that the dirt road was wildly uncomfortable. For a brief moment, I looked over myself and brushed off the dirt. I was, however, not ready for the unexpected disappearance of the massive Timberwolf that had been looming over me not a few seconds prior.

"That is total shit! There's no way you vanished that fast!" I ranted, mentally comparing her to one of those Jutsu using flies that refuse to leave you be. The kind that always knows the most irritating place to land. Fuck that fly in particular, the memory of him covering his entire body in blankets helped pass time while he resumed his walk to 'Pies.


The sound of the popular show American Dad rang through the house. Chance could be heard laughing at the ridiculous eyebrow swapping he's witnessed. Right as his giggling died down, a fly landed on his exposed knee. The effect was almost instant as his hand flung with enormous speed, the clap of the impact rang throughout the living room. With a brief and disappointing check of his hand he brought his attention back to the screen.

He didn't even get a second to return his focus to the screen before the fly returned to his knee. Irritation filled his very soul as he reattempted the swat of doom toward the demon fly. It's a shame that flies are natural born with high parry. That, and the attack he used had really low accuracy, a debuff he wasn't aware of.

As per expectation, the fly was seemingly gone. "Stupid.. ninja fly," he muttered to himself. He didn't move his focus this time- a quick attempt to catch the fly in the act. He waited for a minute straight, his mind on a motion basis. Eventually he'd get tired of the image of his knee and let his focus back to the TV. The SECOND he even registered what was on screen the fly strategically flew in for another landing, on the exact same spot as before.

A frustrated growl rumbled deep in his vocal chords while he stared hatred, daggers and ice at the demon fly. His glare could have made even the toughest man wither into a skeleton, but the fly was obliviously immune to his smoldering anger. And then it bit him, sending him into a fit. The sting stung through his rampant stomping into his room, kicking aside the crust of an old pizza slice before flinging his closet open.

"Screw you and your entire species you stupid fuckin' fly!" He'd yell as he grabbed several blankets from the upper shelf. He stomped back to the living room and immediately started cocooning himself with the comforters as a defense from the fly with Annoy as its primary attack.

Feeling satisfied with the panzer like feeling he got from the blanket fortification he finally allowed himself to catch a breath and enjoy his show. Try and get to me now, you freaking lunatic. Chance taunted mentally, but alas.. the nearly impenetrable defense of his blanket Fort Knox was thwarted within the span of five seconds. Right as he began to enjoy himself once more, the fly charged directly into his eye.


I rubbed my eye for a moment, the memory flaring up a heated anger. Luckily for me, it didn't last very long as I soon found myself right at the entrance of the Sugarcube corner again. All hands, brace for impact! my hand hadn't even made contact with the door before it flung itself open. Not wanting to get Pinkie punished, I allowed the tactical hug to hit.

"WHOOF!" My lungs shouted as the wind was forcibly ejected from my soul. "You're back early, Chancey! Do you really like me that much? Huh? Do ya? Do ya do ya do ya?" She teased seemingly playfully. My mouth flapped wordlessly for several moments, my body trying to regain the air that was punched from me.

"Wheeeze! O-one sec I cahn't- Wheeeeeeze! breathe!" I protested, my head swam a little from the brief disconnect of airflow and impact. In my luck, Pinkie isn't really as big of an airhead as she usually tends to act and had eased off of my chest. "I'm sorry! I didn't know I got you that hard," she said, voice laced with a little concern.

After about a minute of regaining my lost breath and concern whether my solar plexus was fractured or not. Deciding that it would probably be a little bruised, I told Ponk that I wasn't hurt and forced my body vertical.

"It's weird how I can crash land from seemingly orbit and be totally okay but still get the wind knocked out of me from a pony half my height," I ranted mildly, re brushing the dirt off my pants and back once again. Pinkie giggled in response.

"Silly Chance, you didn't have magic protecting you! Its why I can't get Twilight or Rarity," I felt the grumpy anti-magic thought rise from my chest, but her attitude was infectious.

"Yeah.. anyways, I've got a message and a request," I said, attempting to bring my reason for my visit back to light.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Rainbow asked you to meet up at Applejack's around 8, something about a prank? That and I wanted to do any work to ease my ceaseless boredom," I explained.

"Ooh!" She squealed and then got quiet and whispered, "is it the Timberwolf?"

"Yep. She scared the man out of me with it," I admitted, "if you tell anyone I told you that I'll curse whatever sweets you make to taste like mayonnaise that was left out on the counter for too long," I warned with absolute seriousness. My threat was empty so long as Twilight refused.

"I cross my heart, hope to fly," she said with the included gesture, "stick a cupcake in my eye," and thus the ritual was done.

Something about her unusual version of the chant made the air change. "Did.. you use some magic or something? It feels kinda weird outside now," a cold shiver rolled across my skin.

"It's a secret~!" She sang, "but if you ever need to make a promise you can never ever ever ever ever EVER break, you can trust the Pinkie swear," then at once she got ominous, her gaze felt like it punched a hole in my soul, "nobody breaks a Pinkie promise. Ever,"

With that, she returned back to her usual self as quick as her soul destroying expression came. "Anyways, let's go bake something! I'm thinking something with loads of chocolate and whipped cream," she said perkily. Chocolate and whipped cream? That doesn't sound bad at all actually!

With a grin and a curt nod, I stepped over to the door and pulled it open. "Ladies first, madame," I said with a faux-posh accent.

"Why thank you, my kind stallion! Now let us bake the most delectable sweets and pastries," Pinkie responded with the same silliness before dashing in, leaving me in her dust. A brief chuckle motioned forth before I dashed after her, refusing to miss a single step of this creative baking process.

Author's Note:

I really had to force my own creative process with this.

You'll probably be delighted to know that I based the aggravating fly story on an interaction I actually had, just a little less extravagant.

Also, if you find a typo or a sentence that doesn't seem quite right please let me know! I'm writing on a smashed phone for you guys :)

Comments ( 4 )

There you go. It took me 3 freakin' years to make that happen. I guess I just needed some life lessons in persistence for me to realize that.

3 years worth waiting pal :raritystarry:

Hope you're doing well. I know it's been a while but I still remember our shitposting fondly!

9950174
Yeah, I'm definitely alright nowadays. I've gotta type out another chapter still and I've been slacking.

9950252
Ohhh boy. Still uh, still slackin'.

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