Luna hates politics. She absolutely HATES the paperwork she has to fill, she HATES court, she hates the nobles...
All in all, Luna hates being a princess. And she wants to have a normal life.
However, one day, she wishes upon a trio of stars to have a normal life, have a chance at love, and be away from her royal duties. She then learns a valuable lesson: be careful of what you wish for, because she is then sent to another world, far away from her royal duties.
Marc is twenty-two year old guy who lives in Montréal, Québec. He's got an okay job, a few friends... He's also a gamer and anime fan. But mostly, he's down on his luck, like Murphy and Fate are out to get him.
One day, while at work, a young girl appears out of no where into his life. He'll have to learn what it means to truly care for something or someone as he discovers the girl's identity.
I have to warn you, this is my first romance story. Please let me know if anything is wrong in a comment or PM. I am also looking for someone to make artwork for this story, as well as for my other stories. Send me a PM if you're interested.
DO NOT READ if you are not at ease with age play (Luna has a body similar to that of a thirteen year old girl).
Contains: sexual innuendos, age play. DOES NOT CONTAIN CLOP!
The protagonist reminded me of the First World Problems meme. There's also a rule called "Show, don't tell", as well as grammar issues.
7023937 Care to give examples of grammar issues? And what you want me not to tell,so to speak.
7023966 Said study was not large, but it wasn't small. The walls, painted a deep navy blue, had small, white dots scattered over them. A bookshelf stood against one wall, with a torch holder on each side. The ceiling had an accurate representation of the night painted on it in a nearly-black blue paint and silvery white...
She had shoulder-length auburn hair, emerald green eyes and light skin. She would have been pretty if her haircut had been different. She wore square, thick-rimmed black glasses, and she wore an oversized wool sweater as her uniform...
On the counter was a girl, looking to be thirteen or fourteen years old. She had a petite body typical of an earlier teenager, and she was probably five feet to five feet four inches tall. She wore a light blue dress made of a light and somewhat see-through cloth. She had a silver choker and silver-coloured boots. On her head was a small, silver tiara. She had skin white as snow and hair black as night with bluish highlights under the proper light...
7023966 As for grammar...
"Thanks. You're a great friend, and I glad to have you..."
"but this time, she tried to use all her might and brute-force it to gather..." (More redundant than anything else)
Just a couple examples. One other thing is the dialogue. It felt rather forced, and the clichéd "behavior" you wrote Luna exhibiting didn't help immersion.
7024033
The narrator her is giving the bare minimum description of Caroline, with Marc's opinion of his coworker.
Marc, and the readers, are seeing Luna in her human body for the first time. And, again, the narrator is giving the bare minimum description of Luna, with some of Marc's estimates (age and height).
Here... Well, I'm not sure what you mean...
So far, I
have seen no grammar issues, norhaven't seen the "Show, don't tell" rule you mentioned. I might be missing something, but for me, everything is fine here. Of course, it might be because I am more used to French, which uses, in descriptions, a lot of adjectives. I don't pretend to be all-knowing when it comes to English literature. As a matter of fact, my mother tongue is French (I actually live in the province of Québec, near Montréal (and there are no errors in the names, since they are written that way in French, and they should not be translated)).EDIT: I am currently revising the prologue for errors that slipped past, and for the dialogues. Again, I don't feel they are forced, but it might be just me, because of the way I write (all dialogues are thought and conceived in French, then are translate to English).
7024059 The method of description was a bit too close to Stephanie Meyer's "method" for my taste.
7024089 Ah. I didn't read *shudders* the unnameable story, so I wouldn't know. Thanks for the heads up.
Age play is a nice way of saying Pedophilia and has completely killed this story for me and a lot of other people as well.
I just dont understand why its necessary at all you could just make Luna 18+ and all would be well. Why would a 22 year old fall for a 13 year old its just creepy.
7081847
What I mean by age play is that Luna has a body similar to that of a thirteen year old girl. She is still herself inside, but on the outside, she looks young and seems to be that young (until you see her act... mostly). Age play is by no means pedophilia... And while I hate spoilers, I feel like I have to say it. Luna won't stay looking like a thirteen year old girl for the entire story. At one point, she'll look older, and by that point will any sexual innuendos start. Love is what it is, and it does not choose the age, or gender, or species, of the one your heart falls for.
7081944
No but the police do.
If Luna dose not stay that age then it seems unnecessary to have it in the description since the contents warnings are usually reserved for things related to sex or fetishes.