Happy Birthday, Princess

by Solaris

Happy Birthday!

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction by Solaris. Everything except Harmonic Song copyright Hasbro Inc.

Princess Celestia awoke with a feeling of dread. It was that day of the year. Her birthday, though the term “birthday” was inaccurate, as nopony, not even Celestia herself, knew when, or even if she was born. Throwing off the covers with a sigh, she walked to her bathroom and drew herself a bath. Settling into the hot, steaming water, she thought about the day to come.

“You’re a big girl, Celestia. It’s just one day. Just smile at everypony, eat a slice of cake, and then you’ll be done,” Celestia thought.

Celestia had never liked her birthday. She just felt it unnecessary. For the rest of Equestria, however, it was a national holiday. Celestia had been their benevolent ruler for as long as they could remember. They saw it only fitting to honor her with a celebration. As she rose from her bath and toweled herself off, she heard footsteps outside the door. Her adviser, Harmonic Song, had come to prepare her for the day. Opening the door, she was greeted by a humongous smile and a cup of coffee that she handed to Celestia.

“Good morning, Your Highness, and happy birthday, might I add!” said Harmonic Song, her grey fur stretched around her face in a smile. Atop her cherry-red mane sat a small, colorful party hat.

“Thank you, Song,” Celestia said with a slight twitch, “What’s the day look like?” Celestia asked with a sip of the coffee, and started towards the royal dining hall. Without a doubt, Harmonic Song had the entire day planned out. In fact, her adviser reminded her of her student Twilight Sparkle. The two were both very fond of their schedules. Sure enough, Harmonic Song produced a list and began to read.

“First off- Breakfast. The very finest Prench toast, with a side of eggs and a glass of orange juice. Simple but delicious. After breakfast, the Elements of Harmony shall arrive and you’ll raise the sun. Once that’s over with, the party can begin.”

Celestia sat down at the long table. From the kitchens, she heard the familiar sound of somepony with a Scottish accent berating the staff. A yellow pony in a stained chef’s apron hurriedly rushed out of the kitchen with a silver platter. He placed it in front of the Princess with a slight bow, and ran back to the kitchen. Celestia’s mouth watered as she looked at the plate, and she dug in enthusiastically. No matter how bad the day might be, the royal kitchen staff never disappointed. She vaguely noticed Harmonic Song chattering away in the background about the attendance of the Canterlot elite, but Celestia didn’t care. She wanted to enjoy her breakfast while it lasted. Far too soon, though, it was over.

Noticing that Celestia was finished, a servant came and took Celestia’s plate, and she rose from the table. She waited for a moment as Harmonic Song appeared with the Elements of Harmony. She put on a smile as Twilight Sparkle approached her.

“Thank you all for coming,” said Celestia. “It means more than you realize. “

“Happy birthday, Princess!” said Twilight, with similar exclamations from her friends. “I’m sure you must be so excited!”

"Oh Twilight, you have no idea,” Celestia said with a fake smile.

“Well, Princess, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to keep everyone waiting. There must be hundreds of ponies down there!” At this, Celestia gave another small, unnoticeable twitch.

“Of course, Twilight. Let us not tarry.”

Princess Celestia and the seven other ponies walked back down the hallway towards her chambers as she steeled herself for the events to come. She stopped before the large double doors leading to her balcony. Harmonic Song noticed this, and asked, “Something wrong, Princess?” concern in her voice.

“No, Song. Everything is just fine.” the Princess said. Putting on a brave face, she took a step forward and opened the doors.

The sound of all the cheering ponies below was deafening. Celestia looked out across the city in awe. Twilight had been wrong. There were thousands of ponies in the streets below, from all across the country. Ponies from Canterlot, Ponyville, Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Stalliongrad, Baltimare and more were in attendance. Even though she hated her birthday, it was warming to know that they were all there because of their love for her.

“Thank you all so much, my little ponies. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you have all come here for such an occasion,” said Celestia, and she meant it. “Let’s start the day, shall we?” and again, the sound of all those ponies cheering was loud enough for Celestia to feel. With a look of determination, Celestia set about raising the sun.

The crowds grew silent as a magic glow surrounded Celestia and she flew into the sky. All of the lights in Canterlot were extinguished. For a short moment, there was nothing but the light of the stars and the moon. Then, a faint, barely perceptible glow appeared in the east, across the valley below Canterlot. The first rays of light streaked across the sky as the moon lowered behind the mountain. In a few moments, several more streaks hit the top of the tallest towers of Canterlot Castle, where crystals had been strategically placed, creating a rainbow aurora around Celestia and the castle. The ponies below were breathless. In one final surge, the sun crept above the horizon and illuminated Princess Celestia herself. Her pearly white fur shone brightly, whiter than the purest diamond. The thousands of ponies below broke into cheers and stomped their hooves. Celestia gently touched down again, and saw Harmonic Song and the Elements beaming at her. Pinkie Pie cheered wildly.

“Wow, Princess, that was beautiful!” exclaimed Twilight.

The ponies below had turned their ravenous cheering in to an organized chant, and now spoke as one. “Princess, Princess, Princess!” they cheered.

As Celestia looked out upon all the ponies, the ponies who loved her, she decided that maybe birthdays weren’t so bad after all. Suddenly, she heard a commotion behind her, and saw Pinkie Pie wheeling forward what looked like a fire on a cart. It was only until Pinkie exclaimed, “Just wait until you try the cake, Princess!” that she realized it was a birthday cake, decorated with thousands upon thousands of candles.

Comments

[Solaris]

My own criticisms:
-WAY too short.
-Awful dialogue.
-Poor/nonexistent backstory
-Awful plot
-Probably some grammar errors
-Celestia maybe out of character
and more.

[Lamsmmsms]

Criticisms? Hmm...
>Too short. I firmly believe that the absolute bare minimum length a chapter should be is 1,800 words. Next time, develop your chapters more.
>Celestia is a bit out of character. This may or may not just be me, however.
>A few spelling/grammar errors, just go touch them up.

Good points:
>Interesting plot, exploring a different side of Celestia that the public doesn't see.
>You kept the other characters in character very well.

All in all, it has potential.

[thaman]

This is why your story sucks. (Just kidding)

Seriously, it isn't that bad. I have seen A LOT worse. I main problem is that it's short. You could probably make it twice as long if you were to put more of Celestia's thoughts and continue from the cake. The randomly thrown OC was kinda weird but not bad (again, I've seen worse). The good thing about Celestia is that it's really hard to write her out of character. I've seen it all from tyrant Celestia to the the infamous Molestia, so compared to that your Celestia is fine.

Seriously man, don't knock yourself. I mean, sure, it's not amazing, but it definitely isn't bad.

[EpicGuy]

Not bad, for your first fanfiction! I don't think Celestia was out of character at all. But there are two things I noticed:

>“Something wrong, Princess?” concern in her voice.

Methinks there should be a comma instead of a question mark.

>The Ending

WAY too abrupt. Suddenly you're talking about Pinkie's cake and WHAM, story over. It feels short, and not very satisfactory for the reader.

Other than that, I adore your writing style. It flows neatly and the dialogue feels natural. Don't let other's opinions hinder your optimism, because I'd like to see more from you.

[Teashakes]

728112
Your criticisms are rather invalid because;
-Short because its your first and you were testing the waters right?
-Dialogue wasn't awful.
-It's called fimFICTION so it doesn't have to be existent
-Plot wasn't bad. I can think of worse XD
-Yeah, I noticed some grammar errors but nothing I'd complain about.
-It was believable that she was Celestia. I wouldn't go far as to say she was out of character.

I know you don't want this but i found this story perfectly fine. No complaints

[Bookworm24]

730458 I agree. I wanted to see more of the party, more of the mane 6 and why was there no Luna?

[1I1I1I]

730457
have you seen corona blaze? hasbrolestia? trollestia? YOU MUST COMPLETE THE PENTAVERATE OF CELESTIAS!

[Syne]

Not THAT bad, it was just too short, the dialogue was pretty meh, and the plot was also meh. Just an overall meh fiction. Not bad, not exactly good, just in the middle, just meh.

[danail24]

Hahahahahah! Nice ironic joke in the end. Celestia finally felt happy to be celebrating her B-day, and then they had to remind her how old she was with a cake with a Kajilion candles!

T-was good! though I would've like it even better if there was some sisterly relationship thing inserted between her and Luna

[discord7]

It was rather short and there really seemed to be no point to it. It was a good idea, but I was kind of waiting for something to happen. I was a little disapointed in the dialouge. Pinkie's characterisic didn't really seem all that in tune. My fav AJ didn't say anything, not that that's a prob, AJ seems underappreciated in the fanfic world anyways. But if I might add you'd probably be better off writing for the Slice of Life catigory of this stuff with me. I notice you like to delve into the background characters and OC's, that's good for coming up with stories to make the tears flow, which I specialize in. Anyways good luck to you and keep writing.

[derpyhooves15]

there are so many of these stories about celestia's eternal rule, i wrotethis and now they are all i see

[Resda]

728112
For a second I was going to get angry at this post for flinging around baseless criticism. Then I realized that you were the author.

The only thing I can think of that needs improvement is the plotline, or lack thereof. You start off with a wonderful premise. But I think that there are a lot of ways to go with this. You could turn it into an event-driven fiction, where everything goes wrong on her birthday and she just smiles and nods through it all. You could turn it into a character introspection, allowing Celestia to question her existence on this, the day where everypony else is celebrating her.

Heck, you could probably turn it into a romance with Twilight or Harmonic Song or something.

I think you let this story go too quickly - as is, this seems like the start of a much longer fiction. And if I had read it as that, then I'd have said it's a pretty good one.

[Solaris]

Wow. Thank you all for the feedback. I was honestly not at all expecting the good reviews for this. As for the negative ones: I was totally expecting those and agree with you completely. I was sort-of considering adding onto it, but I really don't think I have the literary talent. Then again, I wrote this story literally within the span of two hours. There were no pre-readers and I only sort-of skimmed over it for errors. If anyone would be interested in helping me continue it, feel free to send me a PM. I'd be really grateful.

EDIT: Holy crap, somebody favorited this.

[Lyall]

A fic about birthdays....on my birthday...eh what the hell I liked it

[Solaris]

731433
The disaster idea was my original intention for this fic. One of my ideas was to have the cake accidentally set the castle on fire.
730849
I specifically left out any dialogue from the rest of the Mane 6 simply because I was too terrified of writing dialogue for AJ.
730789, 730481
Yeah, I totally should have put Luna in there. It probably could have made the story a bit longer.
730457
It took me 15 seconds to come up with her. There was literally no character development at all with her. Haha, I didn't even specify what kind of pony she was.

[Loganberry]

I think you're being a little harsh on yourself. I'm not going to say the story is perfect, but I've read a lot worse recently. I'm rather a fan of short-short stories, so that isn't a problem in itself, though maybe a few hundred extra words would have allowed a bit more "breathing space" for the story to unfold. And it was nice to see the well-worn topic of how Celestia celebrates her birthdays (when she's had so many already) given a slightly different spin. I also depart from some commenters by saying that I liked how you ended the story.

All right, criticisms... the dialogue is a little uneven at times, and there's the odd mistake (eg in the final sentence, that "until" should be a "when"). I'm not convinced that Celestia would use a slightly pompous phrase like "Let us not tarry" -- she seems a bit more grounded in reality than that. And the adjective "Prench" (as in toast) is distracting. Since you use "Scottish", you're obviously not avoiding all "Earth" terms, so you might as well stick with "French toast".

Interesting that you say you avoided giving Applejack any dialogue. It's not actually as difficult as it seems; the trick is to draw on what you already know about the pace and rhythm of each pony's way of speaking. It's easier if you forget about trying to write AJ's voice phonetically (ie using "ah" instead of "I" etc) and instead use vocabulary and phrasing. Everyone reading a story on this site knows what AJ sounds like, so unless she's speaking strangely for some reason you can rely on the reader to fill in that blank. For example, "You sure did, sugarcube" -- just four words, but only AJ (of the Mane Six) would say something like that.

Anyway, this comment is getting far too long now, so I'll finish it here. Please don't put yourself down too much: this is not the awful story you claimed initially. It has its rough edges, and it could do with some work in places, but there's a nice tale a little way under the surface that I think with a bit more experience you might well have polished up really very nicely.

[Solaris]

733698
Wow. First off, let me say I totally missed that whole Prench/Scottish thing, and now that you brought it up I want to go back in time and smack past-Solaris in the face. What you said about Celestia is also pretty true. While I mostly wrote this fic because I thought "Hey, why not?", if I ever do any future writing, which might happen, (As I've said, I'm considering a second chapter) I'll definitely try to incorporate all of the advice you- and everyone else- have given me.
One of the reasons why this fic is so short is because I was suffering a MASSIVE writer's block and was struggling to get it over 1,000 words as fast as possible, which is probably because I didn't have the exact end of the story planned out. I forget who said it, but some wise writer once said that it is nearly impossible to write a story if you don't know how you want it to end, and that was exactly my problem here.

[MI9000]

I liked it it. was nice, just short thats it. also PINKIE WHY YOU TROLLING!?