Chapter 2 - It Fell From The Sky
Sauer was on her hooves in an instant. She took a moment to observe the falling creature in order to judge where it would crash. Then she started galloping.
Her muscles ached from the sudden exertion after they had already been pushed to their limits from her chores. But Sauer ignored it; if nothing broke that creature’s fall, it would be horribly injured, if not worse!
The mare’s mind was racing. The creature would come down in the middle of the field. Sauer knew that there was barely anything around that could soften its impact, much less anything she could get into place in time. Well, there was one thing. Sauer made the decision in an instant: she was an earth pony; she should be able to take the blow. And every bit of force she could take away from the impact, however small, would increase the creature’s chance of survival.
Sauer looked up as she ran—she was nearly in position with only seconds left before it would hit the ground. She noticed that the unconscious creature was definitely not a pony; it was covered in some kind of dark material, and there were large holes in its legs. Instead of feathered wings, it had limbs that reminded her of a dragonfly.
Yet, all that didn’t matter—what mattered was that she save it! But Sauer could tell she wouldn’t make it in time; the creature was falling too fast.
Out of options, Sauer screamed at the falling figure. “Wake up!”
Suddenly, its eyes flickered open. Two otherworldly blue glowing spheres instantly widened in panic. The creature produced an un-equine shriek and started buzzing its wings rapidly, slowing its descent just a tiny bit.
It wasn’t much, but it had to be enough! She thrust her hind legs out with all her strength and leapt into the air just in time to—
“Oof! Ow…” The impact hurt like hell! Sauer’s vision went blurry for a moment while she dragged herself back to her hooves and got her bearings. She gave herself a quick check over and thanked her earth pony ancestors for the incredible resilience she inherited from them. As far as she could tell, she hadn’t broken anything.
The newcomer lying next to her was another story entirely. It had been knocked out again by the collision. Sauer examined the strange creature with curiosity. Its skin was dark-grey and covered in what appeared to be scaly chitin plates like an insect’s exoskeleton. Along its back was a hard carapace. It had cracked in places, oozing out bluish-green fluid of some kind. Blood? There was even more of it dried around a lot of older wounds all over its body.
What kind of creature was this? It was clearly not a pony at all. It seemed more like a cross between a pony and a giant bug—familiar in some ways, yet completely alien in others. Sauer couldn’t even tell its gender. Well, going by the lack of certain… obvious features, it was surely female.
For a few moments, Sauer just stared at her in astonished fascination. Then, she managed to snap out of it. This… mare—whatever she was—was in desperate need of help!
Sauer was pondering how to lift the unconscious creature onto her back without risking any further injuries when she heard the sound of a group of approaching ponies. She looked up as a patrol of five soldiers closed in on her in a quick canter. Sauer recognized their leather combat barding as that of the Southern Equestrian Legion. The patrol was lead by a maroon earth pony mare with a sword strapped to her back. At her side glided a pegasus stallion with a readied crossbow. They were followed by two more earth ponies carrying spears, flanking a unicorn stallion.
The leader shouted in a strict voice. “Stand clear, citizen! This creature might pose a threat!”
Sauer quickly assessed the situation. She saw the direction the legionnaires came from. She knew that the magic blast could only have come from the unicorn which accompanied them. A burning fury rose up within her. She positioned herself between the approaching soldiers and the fallen creature and took an aggressive stance, her voice a guttural rage. “You!”
The maroon mare came to a halt right in front of Sauer and gave her an irritated look. “Pardon?”
“It was you! Verfickte Scheisse! You shot her down!”
The legionnaire's look turned from irritation to annoyance. “Watch your language, citizen! This is not your concern.”
Sauer got right in the pony’s face and screamed. “Fick dich! Don’t you criticize my verschissene language! It is my concern, verdammte scheisse! You just tried to kill her!”
"Calm yourself down, citizen; it was just a weak stun spell. Nopony's trying to kill anyone."
"N’scheissdreck! What do you think happens to somepony who is flying when they can't move their wings?"
“When an unidentified flyer is spotted in Southern Equestrian airspace, it is standard procedure to hit it with a minor stun spell that will force it to land. It was never supposed to—”
“Get off this land! You and your verfickte cohorts are not welcome here!”
The now furious looking soldier shouted back at her. “I’ll have you know, the Legion is the official protector of this realm, and—”
Sauer wasn’t having any of this high and mighty Legion talk. “My family has been protecting this land from the troglodytes long before you arschlöcher started doing your job! My dad lost his verfickte foreleg fending off a scheiss raiding party by himself!”
After that, there was a moment of silence as the two mares glared at each other, panting heavily. The pegasus stallion had landed next to the patrol leader and kept a cool, calculating look towards Sauer. The remaining three legionnaires stayed two pony lengths behind and shifted nervously in place.
The the maroon mare visibly relaxed and took a deep breath. “Enough of this tomfoolery. You have already wasted enough of our time, little filly. We—”
That’s it! Sauer whirled around and sent the mare flying with a buck to the head. The pegasus stallion instantly turned to face the unicorn within their group and shouted, “Paralyze her!”
Looks like we have another volunteer!
Sauer’s hind hooves connected with a pony for the second time within moments. Before she could turn her attention towards the remaining three legionnaires, there was a flash of light, and she lost all feeling in her body from the neck down. She then collapsed, hitting her head hard on the ground.
“Scheiss die wand an!” Okay, apparently she could still speak. She tried moving her body, but simply nothing happened. She focused her glare on the unicorn, who involuntarily took a step back. “Take this verschissene spell of me! Right! Verfickt nochmal! Now!”
For a moment, Sauer thought the young unicorn stallion was actually about to obey, but then he looked to his fellow legionnaire next to him, a green earth pony mare.
The sudden attention snapped her out of her stupor. “What? No! The Lieutenant gave the clear command to paralyze her before she knocked him out.” She blinked a few times as if realizing something and continued with more conviction, “Also, she knocked him out! And Commander Eiserne Regel! This is like a war crime or something! Don’t you dare listen to her!”
After that, the three soldiers did their best to ignore Sauer no matter how loud and wild she became as she screamed at them. The unicorn and the mare who seemed to have taken over command walked over to the alien creature—giving Sauer a wide berth—while the remaining earth pony looked after the still-unconscious commanding officers.
“What is going on here?”
Sauer recognized her sister’s voice. She instantly stopped screaming and tried to look behind her, but her body still ignored any command she gave it.
“Blauy! Please, you gotta help me! They’re going to hurt her! Please, don’t let them do more harm than they already have!”
Blau Kraut appeared in her sister’s vision from the side, looking expectantly at the soldiers while ignoring her sister. What was she doing? Sauer tried and failed once more to get up. She watched helplessly as the mare in command walked toward her sister.
“Stay clear, citizen!” the green mare said with attempted determination. Her nervously shifting eyes betrayed her lack of confidence. “I am Corporal Grün Schnabel. This is official Legion business, and we cannot allow you to interfere!”
Without missing a beat, Blau replied, “I am Blau Kraut, and you are at Kraut Land Hof, my family’s property. Also, this screaming lunatic on the ground here is my sister. I daresay, I have the right to be here and to know what is happening.”
Taken aback by Blau’s confidence, and maybe a bit frightened by the notion that this was the sister of the mare that had just knocked out the senior members of her patrol, the corporal seemed a bit intimidated when she continued. “Well, yes… Okay. You may stay. But don’t do anything which would interfere with our operation!”
Blau gave a short nod in acknowledgement, and Grün Schabel returned to her unicorn comrade, keeping a nervous eye on Blau.
“Please, Blauy”, Sauer pleaded in a hushed voice. Her sister kept a close eye on the legionnaires and the bug creature, but her ears flicked in Sauer’s direction. “They’ve already shot her down for no reason. She nearly died! Those hay-brains have no clue what they’re doing. If they take her away, she’s not going to make it. Please, we can’t let this happen.”
Blau didn’t show any reaction; she just kept watching. Her eyes were slightly closed—a sign that she was thinking something through.
“Blauy?”
Without even looking back at her paralyzed sibling, Blau took a few slow steps in the direction of the creature and the two soldiers inspecting her. She stopped far enough away that the already worried-looking young legionnaires would not feel threatened. “So, you shot her down? Since when does the Legion take such extreme measures unprovoked?”
The unicorn stallion was visibly disturbed by this accusation. “We don’t!”
Grün Schnabel gave him a disapproving look before turning back to Blau. “It was not our intention to shoot her down. The spell was supposed to make her stiffen up, so she would have to land.” She tensed up a bit before continuing. “But when the spell hit, she dropped like a stone. Check out these wounds. My guess is she's been in a fight recently. She was pretty banged up, so she was barely holding it together. Then the stun spell pushed her over the edge. It was an accident.”
Oh no. Sauer’s gut twisted up. This couldn’t be right, could it? If it really had been an accident, that would mean that she… Sauer shoved the self-doubt into the back corner of her mind by focusing on Blau’s next question.
“And what are you gals going to do with her now?”
“She’s a member of an unknown species. We need to take her to the outpost to make sure that she…” The corporal glanced at the broken body next to her. “or her species in general isn’t a threat.”
N’scheiss! Sauer could tell that her sister had a plan and already knew exactly what she wanted to say.
Blau tapped her chin in thought “I see. You have special medical facilities for alien creatures in your outpost then?”
“Um… no, actually, we don’t.”
Sauer watched with satisfaction as the realization hit Grün Schnabel, who gave the creature a worried look. “We’d have to take her to Cloppenburg…”
“You wanna take her all the way to Cloppenburg?” Blau asked disapprovingly. ”In her state? You honestly think she’s gonna make it?”
The corporal’s discomfort grew visibly. She looked over to her comrade who was trying to revive the patrol’s still-unconscious commander and lieutenant. The stallion shook his head. Sauer couldn’t deny that she felt a bit pleased with herself; when she knocked somepony out, she knocked them out good.
“Look.” Blau took another step towards Grün Schnabel. “The biggest threat to Southern Equestria is currently the troglodytes, correct?”
The soldier gave her a confused look before nodding. “So what?”
Blau gestured towards the fallen creature. “She is some kind of insectoid—much like the Great Mantis in the west. And troglodytes eat mantis!”
Sauer had never heard of this before. “How do you—”
Blau gave her a rather annoyed look. “I read books! You should try it sometime.” She turned back to the green mare. “But I’m right, aren’t I?”
Grün Schnabel gave Blau a short nod.
“So, I can’t see those bug ponies working with the troglodytes. If anything they might actually be potential allies for Equestria.” Blau gave the soldier a moment to think that over. “I’ll make you a deal: Our farmhouse is a lot closer than even your outpost. We can take her in. This way, the risk that she dies before somepony can treat her is minimized, and you know exactly where she is. How about that?”
The corporal exchanged a look with her comrades, but neither seemed to have any better ideas. “Okay, we will leave the creature in your care as long as you promise to take care of her to your full capacity and allow the Legion access to her when asked for. Agreed?”
“Agreed!” Blau stretched out her hoof, and with visible relief, the green mare bumped it.
“So, what about my sister?” Blau asked.
The legionnaire regarded Sauer with angry glare. “She attacked us and knocked out both our officers. She is under arrest!”
“I see. Yes, that seems reasonable.”
Sauer felt her blood run cold at her sister’s words. “Blauy… what are you doing?” she whispered through clenched teeth.
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And if YOU break its fall, YOU could be horribly injured if not worse.
And the moment I say it, it happens. I swear I'm psychic sometimes.
A Changeling.
Well, that's gotta help somewhat, but with how close it is to impact, not much.
Phew.
It IS a changeling. Also, I'd say get a professional since well, you have no idea how this thing's insides work.
Not impossible, however, equine shape or not, once again, you have no clue how that thing reproduces, it may not need said obvious features, it could just lay eggs or something.
Huh?
Even so, THAT THING was IN MID AIR! Wouldn't it have been a better idea to have pegasi intercept it right after the spell?
I can't speak German, but I get the feeling that's not very polite language. Also, fendind ofF.
Stun spell I bet.
Oh. I see.
Fair enough.
Bad move.
Doubt it, once again, alien physiology, what might be a pain killer for a pony could be a stimulant or a poison for a Changeling.
My guess this is right after Canterlot Wedding, and the Changeling got hurt in either the fight with the Mane 6, probable, and or the Love Shield/Repulse, and word about Changelings has yet to reach this place.
Sauer, buddy, you attacked them. You're not exactly in a favorable position.
Take your time.
6928695
6928712
Thanks. I've got practice.
6928712 6928695 Fixed it!
Because no species exists with internal genitalia!
(considers snakes, lizards, cetaceans, pinnipeds, birds, insects, fish...)
Oh... *stupid ponies and their lousy basic biology education*
6928695 Once again great to get this live reader experience
wait for it...
Well, the tag on the story kind of is a dead give-away...
There have already been some hints towards the time frame we are in during at least chapter one
Thanks ^^
6928749
Happy to entertain, Mr AnY.
I thought that'd amused.
Point taken. Makes me wonder though, why DO we say dead give-away? Why not a live give-away? Eh, English is weird.
True. Might have to reread that to see if I can catch them.
As far as I'm concerned, my general policy with content, be it fics, reviews, episodes, whatever, is it takes the time it needs to take for it to be up to a decent standard. Bottom line, I'd rather wait an extra week for something good, than have it a week early and said thing having clear sings of being rushed.
*reads a bit more*
So this moron goes off on a rant that the Guard stunned an alien-looking thing flying into their lands for reasons he has no idea of and instantly becomes protective of it without explanation or common sense...
And of course this instant-changeling-sympathizer has medical facilities in her farmhouse. Oh no she doesn't. In fact, she likely has no sterile conditions or surgical instruments whatsoever, which would risk massive infection to a typical creature with major injuries. Which these soldiers would normally quickly point out if they we're being lobotomized by the ham-fisted writing intended to drive home the point that the pony military is not only racist, but also stupid.
*teeth grate* And another wish-fulfillment cliché! The super-protagonist can move so fast that trained soldiers can't react in time to dodge or parry.
And of course, just because the bug pony isn't a troglodyte, this must mean it's an ally and not a spy for some other aggressive foreign species, which is just as equal a possibility... but trained soldiers tasked with guarding the region just automatically conclude the snarling civilian makes sense because the super-genius protagonist who's always right says so... Sweet Jesus, this story isn't even going to bother with plausibility. I get it, ponies are horrible racists and the cherngelerngs are just misunderstood. Fanon favoritism agenda identified. There's this little concept in writing called SUBTLTY. Ya might wanna try using it sometime.
Oh god, it's going to be one of those fics, isn't it? I've seen sooooooooooooooooo many stories and bad movies that follow this EXACT formula. Some of which were old Soviet propaganda productions, BTW.
6928695
Uhm, read the synopsis. This takes place some years before NMM's return. So, no.
6928803
Oh. Well now I feel stupid.
6928793 Outch! brutal honesty is brutal
However, got a few things wrong there... ;)
I do like the free German vocabulary lesson with each chapter
6928695
How did we not see this!?
Now I gotta order spellcheck lenses
6928793
lol. uptight, much?
Of course you're free to express your opinion, but wow, how can you enjoy anything in fiction if you're going to be that critical? It sounds like your willing suspension of disbelief has been burned away years ago.
I say all this not to be snide, but with actual concern. If you cannot suspend disbelief, maybe stick with nonfiction historical stories or something. All works of fiction require WSoD. And if you think it's even remotely possible for a first-time author to create a story that doesn't contrive a few minor details, then you have a lot of things to learn about life, sorry.
Kick back and relax. Enjoy a fun little tale that's not meant to be taken too seriously. You've got a great eye for detail. Maybe open up a youtube channel like CinemaSins and have some fun with it instead of being so irate. Enjoy life! It's short.
And , of course, you did get a few things wrong as mentioned by the author.
Regarding your point about the medical facilities. Blau points out that the soldiers don't have medical facilities, but you are correct in noting that she herself has none either. The soldiers don't mention this (although they probably should as you pointed out). This is an exceedingly minor detail.
Regardless of that detail, the fact remains that Blau's point is the creature would not likely survive the trip to wherever they would take it. The best chance for its survival would be to leave it on the farm despite not having medical facilities. At the very least, they could provide a place for it to rest and recover. To give it general care and hope for the best. Given the two choices, that's the obvious best choice and an intelligent soldier would know this to be true. So the scenario in the story is much more plausible than you suggest.
6928807
Aww, don't sweat it. I rather enjoyed your play by play reaction to things.
More stories need that kind of feedback. It shows that people are actually reading it and enjoying themselves.
I was gonna mention the synopsis as well, to let you know where to find the time period. There are other subtle clues in the story which indicate the time, but they might be easy to miss.
Basically, the changelings are an entirely unknown species to ponies at this point. And to understand the reactions of Sauer and Blau to its sudden appearance, you need to get inside their heads and discern their motives. The main thing (which Alondro clearly overlooked) is that these mares were doing their best to make sure that the Legion soldiers did not take off with the creature. Even if their arguments didn't make sense, the purpose was to get the soldiers to leave it alone and go away. Nothing more.
Was looking forward to this updating, and this chapter was well worth the wait. Take all the time you need with the next one, though: a good late chapter is better than a rushed on-time chapter, after all. Really enjoying this so far, keep up the good work!
6929529
Very true
We've already been nitpicking about nearly every small detail in this chapter for daaaays, so rushing chapters won't happen anytime soon
I'm interested in seeing where this goes. While this takes place in a part of Equestria it seems to operate largely independent of the Crown, which is appropriate for a more remote location, similar to how Ourtown turned out. This means that while this is an account of the first contact between Equestrians and a Changeling, news of such contact may not reach Canterlot, depending on how much the situation is allowed to escalate (the more major the event, the more likely it will become known. And then Canterlot itself might become more alert to Changelings and their tricks).
This assumes, of course, that this Changeling belongs to a Hive that believes in military conquest, as Chrysalis's Hive clearly does, in both the comics and the show itself. But a Hive that uses diplomacy would certainly find greater benefits in Equestria, resulting in something similar to what happened near the beginning of ask-flufflepuff. News of friendly contact is also less likely to reach royal ears, especially if the Legion does not end up requiring reinforcements.
On the other hoof, that may be a chance to show the Wonderbolts as an effective unit. I try not to waste such chances.
I like to see active comments sections on fimfiction. I wish my series had such activity, so I'm jealous, AnY. You're lucky: I've been publishing for over a year and have only a portion of your response.
6931206
It's so cool to see all the speculation here. I'm sure it'll be a treat for you guys to discover how it's going to turn out. I can say, however, that this is a rather short story which is a prequel to the larger story which will follow shortly thereafter.
6928749
I must admit to having missed that tag myself as well. So I too was taken by surprise at the "twist" of a changeling showing up, though it's a favorable turn of events regardless that gives me just one more thing to be curious about in regards to where this story is going.
Otherwise, however, things still feel rather slow. You've introduced some potentially interesting characters and set in motion a scenario for them that is likewise equally interesting in its potential. Unfortunately it all feels like something of a blind setup at the moment as there doesn't seem to yet be any overarching plot to tie everything together. In many ways I feel like this chapter and the last were just a lengthy prologue that leave me wondering when the story is really going to get started. Assuming the changeling regains consciousness next chapter, that's something I hope can be rectified once it and Sauer have a chance to start interacting with each other. Although, that is of course likewise assuming she doesn't actually get carted of to jail.
I suppose I might just be grasping at straws, but that's really all I can do for the moment as this story just hasn't given me much to properly gage my expectations by.
Enjoyable so far.
I find the German phrases are actually growing on me quite a bit. It adds a fun dimension to the characters, especially Sauer. It makes me wonder though whether all the ponies in this story speak Deutschified English or if the Kraut family simply lives in a region of Equestria that has some sort of German language roots. Perhaps they were once an independent state but have since been conquered by a larger Equestrian Republic? That would certainly explain the militancy of their armed forces. It would also lend tension to any dealings between the native populace and any of the occupying forces, even if those forces have now occupied long enough to be made up at least in part by some of the ponies residing there. I am personally hoping this is the case as it creates a background that can add a lot of depth to the situation without having to say a lot about it. Her use of German when she is swearing could easily be a callback to her language being repressed by authoritarian Equestrian rule. The angrier she gets, the more German slips from her mouth.
As for the interaction with the guards themselves, I felt there were a lot of missed opportunities in that regard. Blau and Sauer were both a little too brash while the guards themselves didn't seem professional or sure of themselves at all. Though I do not share Alondro's disdain for this imperfect writing, it does stand as a good example of where you can improve as a writer. Often times, new writers will write what is convenient rather than what is difficult. It was convenient for you to make the guards easy to sway and to make Blau very rational and strong willed throughout the scene. I imagine you were looking more towards the end goal of getting the changeling in the care of the Kraut family. The issue with writing towards a goal like that is that to get there, you often end up making concessions that leave the story feeling jarring or contrived. Characters, both major and minor, are made weaker and more two dimensional for the sake of plot. I feel it would have been a much more powerful scene had Sauer and Blau truly been afraid. Professional soldiers on a manhunt should have instilled that fear, and the moment Sauer realized she was coming between the soldiers and their prey should have been a much more intense scene. A genuine internal dilemma ought to have occurred wherein Sauer had to seriously consider whether or not to risk her life for a stranger.
I submit that in light of the somewhat goofy and short minded character you have presented as Sauer, it is not inconceivable that she would have acted without thinking. But even if she had done exactly as you had her do, there should have been a sense of dread welling up in her after she had acted and was stunned. Perhaps she could have taken a moment to lament over her inability to react rationally to any situation while at the same time pondering her imminent death. The arrival of her sister could have been taken with two conflicting emotions: elation that her sister might be able to save her and terror that she might also be killed too for coming between the guards and their prey just as Sauer had.
These are just a few examples of how you could have escalated the situation to make it more intense, impactful, and telling. Readers will always get more interested if a situation escalates with genuine conflict. Yes, it was convenient that the guards just let Blau take the changeling, but it might have been a bit more interesting if by some means, Sauer and Blau stole the changeling away and hid her Anne Frank style from the Equestrian military. Even with the cliffhanger ending of Sauer being taken prisoner, I don't have any genuine concern for her safety because of how weak and disarming the soldiers were written to be.
Please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I don't know exactly what you're building your story towards so a lot of my advice may be pointless and I may simply be underestimating your ability to construct a story. I am only giving my perspective from what I have read in the first two chapters. Please do not let negative comments discourage you. It's all a work in progress and I have read much, much worse as far as first stories go. Cheers.
6929343 Not in the least. This would be akin to expecting the US military to leave a Grey alien on the farm in Roswell simply because the farmer got uppity.
Ain't happening.
6933064
The US military is hardly pre-industrial Equestria. Plus, in a world of no less than a dozen sapient species (as opposed to our one) there's no reason to suspect that there would be mass hysteria over the discovery of an 'alien'. It's simply a new species. Probably has happened plenty of times in the past.
This is about Suspension of Disbelief... And the willingness to imagine a world which does not operate like our own. If these soldiers had no means to transport the creature alive, and the locals were willing to care for it temporarily, then what else would they do? Kill it or leave it?
Also, checking the genre helps. If this were tagged Dark and Adventure rather than... Romance and Slice of Life, then one might interpret this move as a massive oversight which might lead to the violent deaths of these farm ponies. "Oh let's take care of this unknown creature" followed by something more akin to the movie Alien. Could that happen? Sure. But that's pre-stated by the author via his tags as not the way the story plays out.
Bottom line: People do make incredibly stupid mistakes. And perhaps this is one of them. Perhaps the farm ponies are naive in this instance. That doesn't mean the story itself is flawed. It just means the characters are.
Flawed characters are fine as long as they are flawed by design.
6932098
Man... your observations are uncanny. This is the exact kind of thing we talked about when we began the editing process after AnY showed us the very first rough draft. You said it feels like a "lengthy prologue". Thing is, that is exactly what this used to be! This entire story was literally the introductory (14k word) chapter to a much larger story. Sauer was not even the protagonist. I suggested to AnY to make this into its own story and make Sauer the protagonist. Figure out her issue, decide on a climax, construct a plot and some obstacles to go around her progression toward the climax. All the basic storytelling stuff. And so then AnY disappeared for a couple weeks and came back with... exactly that. It was awesome to see all the changes and fleshed out characters, along with the new perspective (used to be omniscient) which lets us see inside Sauer's insane mind. If you saw where this whole thing started, you'd know why I'm jumping-up-and-down excited about how fast AnY is catching on to this whole writing thing. I've never seen someone pick up on this stuff from absolute scratch so quickly.
So yeah... you're definitely seeing the vestiges of how this story originated. Unfortunately, that means I've not succeeded in fully masking those signs via editing.
But yes, there is a plot. It's just a short story though, so it's not going to be super complex or anything. It's a romance. It has some cool twists I think you'll enjoy.
6932145
I really like your analysis style. Feel free to analyze my stories all you like!
I'll see if I can clarify a couple things here, since I think I have my mind around AnY's story pretty good. Regarding the German expletives, this is meant to work in a very similar way as it did in Firefly/Serenity where they swore in Chinese but otherwise spoke English. In this story, it's a regional thing from the southern extents of Equestria. This region is much less influenced by the central rule from Canterlot. Their Legion is much less experienced and organized (from what I can tell) and more easily intimidated.
Sauer's mentality is a little weird. It took me a moment to get my mind around it. She's a lunatic for certain. But she's also caring and determined. A key feature is that she believes she is 100% right at all times. At least at the beginning. Notice the unrepentant attitude regarding the prank in chapter one. So when she assaulted the soldiers, she had no hesitation that this was the right thing to do.
But as you mentioned she ought to be a bit concerned about what she has done... this is actually in the chapter. Notice when the soldier explains to Blau that it was an accident what happened to the creature, this is Sauer's internal reaction:
This is the first hint of her progress toward not being such a self-righteous twit. And thus, the plot progresses.
Also, since the tone of the story is more lighthearted with a mix of serious and funny which seemingly contradict one another at times (like the tastes sweet and sour, I suppose), it's supposed to be a bit easier to let some of the more "strict" interpretations and implications slide. Granted, you're 100% correct that the scene with the soldiers has a tone about it which suggests it is more a "means to an end"... this is probably because that scene didn't really exist in the first draft. I think it turned out alright, though naturally, it's not going to be perfect.
I like the way you think. Something like that would probably add a lot to a story like this. I know later there's more opportunities for that kind of thing. Maybe AnY can work your idea in.
6929343 hail fellow trouper
6927405 mot even fallout equestria is safe and that's how old?
6944362
Absolutely. Though I don't think Kkat is updating it still. On the other hand, Pen Stroke updates Past Sins continually with minor tweaks.
Reminds me of Lord of War when they say something like "you always resort to your native tongue in times of anger and in times of ecstasy"
Hopefully there will also be ecstacy along the way
As many people as want to call his portrayal racist, your characters remind me of Ricky Riccardo. I loved him and I like this as well. Keep up the good work. Found myself wanting to send in some of my characters to help out (for me that just means I'm enjoying the story, not that I want to force a cross over.)
You say this is your first time writing? You're not giving yourself due credit I sense. You have to have some history with writing fiction. Maybe just a few classes or something? Many people say they have "no experience" because they haven't been published and are thus "amateurs". Really the term "amateur" has lost all meaning to me, as all it really means these days is that a major publisher doesn't think you have enough big time connections to pay attention to you. Being published or not has nothing to do with the quality of your work. Still, you need experience to get good, so what is your experience, if I might ask?
6950795
Well, there probably will, considering who is writing this
However, the story is rated teen and there is no sex-tag so I wouldn't expect to much juicy detail...
6952085
Well, you are not completely wrong. I had German as a class in my Highschool diploma and my studies included classes like "the narrative". Also as an analyst I started accessing shows, fictions and movies more thoroughly over the last 3 years.
Then there are the scripts for my videos but those are really more focussed on getting a point across and not on telling a story, but they still might have given me practice in the department of rhetorics.
And, well, yeah. I actually wrote a novel when I was a teenager. However it was all the cliches you would expect: wish fulfillment story with self insertion , gary stue protagonist that was more or less a super (anti) hero in its world. But this was over 15 years ago and in German.
So, if I have taken anything away from this story, it would be the "How not to do it" experience
I don't know whether this would conflict with anything in upcoming chapters, but it might be worthwhile to say that this particular patrol was made up of ponies who were still in training. It would make their lack of confidence and competence more believable.
6993050
Being written. Which, thankfully, has given his editor time to work on his own story. *cough*
The editing marathon of the first two chapters was pretty intense. Fun! But intense.
6993050 Yeah, here is the thing with chapter three
As 6993102 said, I am working on it and it is already longer then the previous two. However there are two aspects of it (beside a currently rather busy RL):
1. There is a lot of stuff happening that never was actually addressed in the original draft (the events the majority of chapter three made up two paragraphs of summary in the draft, not even accounting for a side plot that sneaked into the new version)
2. This stuff is really not my strong suite and writing it is hard for me, unlike the first two chapters I could basically write down just like that
But I really wanna get to the upcoming chapters that more down my line again, so I have an incentive to push through the current one
6993290
Good~ I only ask because you have readers eagerly awaiting. Don't worry too hard about not making snappy deadlines. I would usually wait a month at a time to post a chapter. It took 18 months for me to finish one story. 
Keep it up!
Though any chance of translation for the non-Deutsche?
7005582 Not really - all the missing words are either names (that you don't really translate) or swearing. So just think of the most fitting swear word whenever Sauer talks in italic and you will be fine
Do you by any chance have a German version up somewhere?
I quite like this story so far too.
Keep it up.
7017642 Glad you like it, but nope - no German version. And also unlikely I would ever make one myself. I prefer English as a language over German
7020130
All right, just wondering if I was missing something.
Keep up the good work!
I'm happy to have finally started reading this!
Also this is really good, i hope for more soon!
6928718 You've got me hooked, can't wait for the next part
7463380 Fun fact: I actually intended her to be a bit crazy, like in literally not 100% sane. I have some plans to show it a bit more directly in chapter 4, but I am glad it already came through a bit ^^
More.
Great fanfic any