Grim Rune had lost everything that defined him as a pony of privilege when an attack by changelings left him without a home. With his village and possibly parents gone forever and no help from the Princesses; he'll have little choice but to venture out into the world to make his own way.
Handicapped (Hoof-i-capped?) spiritually and physically; Rune begins his journey towards enlightenment.
There is hope that he gains a real education of the world that is not always in black and white nor night and day, but will the revelations and meaning of friendship be enough to save him from the dark path he travels?
His magic sure hopes not but Equestria better sure hope so.
First fic so constructive criticism is welcomed. Please excuse any poor grammar; I really did try my best. 
When you take everything away from someone... they have nothing left... and THOSE are the most dangerous ones of all. With nothing left to lose, their will can become as steel and only monsters know the heart of one such as they. Wonderful introduction to this story so far. Showing us a bleak setting of ruin in Grim's life.
Everything forsaken and the world takes another part of him with it, his mother. Worst yet that he had been deceived and that his mother has long past... I started to remember my grandmother as she struggled with Alzheimer Disease when Everglade seemed out of it and that made a more emotional connection. So when she(it?) revealed itself, I felt as betrayed as Grim in this.
So here begins the tale of Grim Rune. They say the future of nations can be shaped by an unbreakable will. Can Grim find the steel within himself and succeed? Or shall his trials and tribulations be for naught? I look forwards to reading further. For now I shall leave a bit of... things I noticed. I am no, nor shall I ever truly be, a knowledgeable person when it comes to grammar and such. Still, I shall try to point out what I noticed while reading. Please take this with a grain of salt. I am not insulting your skill. Merely pointing out what I saw. Some of this could be wrong as well! :3
Oh, one last thing before I put down what I saw. About the time that Everglade changed... I stop looking for stuff that might be incorrect... take that as 'too interested in the story to notice any flaws'! :3
Rooves is not incorrect, but the more 'standard' one is Roofs.
Use of and multiple times within a sentence is apparent within the story. It's too easy to do, I should know.
This - You and mother are the last left - seems awkwardly phrased when spoken aloud. I suppose a better one might be - You and Mother are the only ones left - ?
Should - shimmers with purple smoke and he plods dejectedly along his route - have an AS instead of AND?
This might need to have been enclosed? - Due to recent events, the stallion has learned that in the face of all things an untamed heart is nothing more than a hindrance to what must be done in the face of extinction. - the part like - ,in the face of all things,
Painfully he remembers lush fields tended by earth ponies full of frolicking filly and foal, He remembers skies - Painfully should have a comma after it? and there should be a period instead of a , after foal?
Mayhaps change? - With a sigh and pausing at a door at the end of his journey;
change and to as in - a lesson learned and his headache begins to subside with the passing moments of silence.
Any reason some paragraphs do not have a space between them?
Mayhaps rework this into two sentences instead of a long one? - This place is the bedroom of the only pony left to him and the one mare of which he cherished and that had promised once she got better to travel, they together, would move on to somewhere and start life fresh.
Three conjunctions in the same sentence - It was disgraceful how the mighty had fallen but he and his mother still lived and that is what was important.
Long sentence and three conjunctions - The bedroom’s wood adornments and finely crafted accents were once enjoyed by a line of unicorns that stretched back as far as the stallion could remember and yet now, all that is done save for the two of them; He and mother.
A version lives in this world? - “Depression is a painful and heavy burden when you lift it on your shoulders constantly, so, why not let it go and put it down?” - Dalai Llama of Xiǎo mǎ xīzàng - Cause now all I can imagine is a wise old Llama...
Should there be something between cold and Rune? - Though the night wasn’t bone achingly cold Rune didn’t
And should be as? - She also wouldn’t need to use the little strength she had for something so meaningless and attending to him when he was right there by her bedside.
This paragraph is one long sentence(If you discount what is said within quotations) - Rune responds to her question as he gently peels back the covers from his mother’s head with his hoof and exposes her face to the waning moonlight that comes in from the window and his soft smile beaming down on her, “Save your strength mother, I am here. It will be dawn soon and I had thought that I could take you outside for some fresh air and sunshine today.” adding a touch of hope.
Don't forget the commas after a word that comes before a conjunction.
Should there be a space in anymore - nopony any more my dear Grim Rune
That's all I saw on the first read. So far it's started off well. It's built a world that we can see and feel. Now we need to see where the journies end leads. Oh the myriad ways of life and how they sometimes lead to exactly where we needed them to when we stop our pursuit.
Sincerely - Jojo/Xaxu/Screwball<3
I swear I want to hear Celestia eating more then just cake sometimes... Like... Someone makes it where she eats like... really healthy stuff and when asked about it she is like, "Oh I indulge when I'm at events as moving to and fro burns away the confectioneries like you wouldn't BELIEVE, but I eat quite healthily when not doing so. How do you think I remain so thin? ;)
-It's mostly just requests for audiences, inquiries about the Grand Galloping Gala, and offers at courtship.- Ok... that last one made me snicker more then it should. Like... someone from the most backwater towns is like 'Golly Celestia! We should hook up! I know I ain't the most impressive of stallions, but we could have more fun then a group of pigs in a pool of muck' Celestia, flattered, but a soft chortle at such a request. Heck... I would LOVE to see her show up at one of those places and just have a day with the stallion. Show them that she isn't just a haughty Princess that they gossip about!
I C Wot U Did Thar - The mail courier service would never higher somepony… somepony so, so…” and as if searching for the right word the guard blurts out, “So Ditzy!” - Derpy Hooves-AKA-Muffins-AKA-Ditzy Doo
First letter should be capitilized - “be..be..begging your pardon my highness
If spoken like the english phrase then - I know my life is in good hoof. - should be Hooves instead.
Two things I would like to point out - “Here!” smiles the mare as she offers the guard a gift. “Everyone loves muffins and you were just scared for the Princess. I know you didn’t mean it. You’re a nice stallion that loves the princess a lot and was just doing his job like me. I'm Derpy Hooves and I'm glad to meet ya!” - I know that we all love to reference characteristics of ponies we enjoy, but playing it more lowkey is much more enjoyable then having the character state it directly or we pose an action that is heavily related to that quirk. Celestia's Cake, Derpy's Muffins, and every little thing we associate with these characters. It feels a bit 'tired and worn' when spoken or posed as such. A mention 'in passing' seems to be a much more enjoyable thing. Not saying that this exchange isn't freaking adorable and this is probably just a pet peeve of mine. So take that with a grain of salt.
This - Even as the magically enhanced armor attempts to hide their embarrassment and rose filled cheeks under a vale of illusion; - and - Thankfully the illusion spell covers all of his blushing except where his ears poke from the centurion helmet. - What's going on here? What 'Illusion Spell' is happening here? Did I miss something?
Ya know... as soon as she held out the letter I felt a cold pit form in my stomach about the contents... my fears were realized when I read it... Now... I know that Derpy didn't mean to, but gods if that isn't a punch in the stomach...
I had to look up what a 'missive' is.
Princess Luna is mostly a dark Cobalt Blue - Without additional words, Luna leans in and wraps her neck partially around Celestia’s in a loving pony-sister hug. The contrast of white and black, of night and day, of what once was yin and yang; hold on to each other and draw power and strength from one another in preparations of the tasks to come. - Only her Cutie Mark is completely black.
Aaaaand now I see Pinkie Pie with a lampshade on her head decked out in a toga... - the equivalent in pain and strain to a night at one of Pinkie Pie’s hard cider parties and the aftermath it caused.
-“It’s all their fault.” Spits Rune to himself in a hungry hate.- Hating someone for not helping is not the same as them hindering. It becomes a 'They did not help, but they did not hinder'. One cannot truly blame another in this way unless they are RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. Grim has no way of knowing that the Princess' where not yet informed, but I feel a lot of animosity is generated due to 'You did me harm by not helping', no... life or your situation did harm. Don't blame those that didn't help you. Not saying that we shouldn't be morally COMPELLED to help, but... I think a lot don't see it that way...
-Steadily they keep site of the fleeing pony form with eight yellow glowing eyes and perked fur covered ears and it is almost as if they are awaiting orders to give chase. - a comma after Steadily?
-When Spider wolves attack they are often silent and deadly.- Just like Ninja Mime! :D
-He doesn’t use magic as the hum might give him away- Magic makes a physical noise in this world? A lot of what we see is for OUR benifit when it comes to a visual medium...
-“You’re Puff the magic Drag…” begins Rune in a deadpan voice.- *Audible Groan*
Another great chapter to read! :3, "How the plot thickens. Though I do see some developments if I'm reading the worlds right. Until I read again!<3
"It's only a model."
This is great imagery! Now *I* am hungry.
7611684 The "Illusion spell" references a commonly held Fannon that the reason all the guards look the same is due to enchantment on their armor. As opposed to there being color discrimination in the hiring process.
Comments-
-I'm gonna say, you went for something bold here, and I'm proud of you for that. Writing prose in the present tense is never easy because you can't provide the benefit of actions happening in the past to the reader. But it's also very hard to pull off - I'm not saying you didn't, just that maybe I'd hoped you'd go with past tense on a first attempt at a story like this.
-You're a storyteller. I know that because I've edited work for you before that ended up getting published in magazines, and I think those publications were justified. There's detail and development.
-Puff the Magic Dragon. See, I can't fault you for that because I know your history with Piers Anthony. But it's because I know you. I can see how that would elicit groans from others
Criticisms-
-I'm going to stay off of the thing about your grammar. I already know you know it, and you know I know it. Thus, I don't think it would be fair for me in particular to knock it or pick apart specific examples. What I will say is that you have definitely improved. There's room for more improvement though, and I'm sorry I'm so distracted that I'm not always in a position to help.
-I stand by the fact that you can tell a good story, however, it's both a benefit and a detriment. There are sections of this tale that are simply too wordy. Setting a scene and painting a picture in the reader's mind is important, but remember that there's a such thing as giving the reader too much. There are times when I felt that bogged down the pacing of the story.
Overall - Don't be discouraged. You already know you can tell a story from past experience, and you're good at thinking up twists. There's merit here. Maybe grab an editor, but bust out your tale