Equestria is at war. The land is plagued by an unending horde of timberwolves that pour out of the Everfree Forest. Cities have fallen, and it seems everypony is powerless to end the slaughter. The call has gone out for all ponies to rise up to defend Equestria. Scootaloo was one of the first to enlist. Can the timberwolves be stopped through military force? By the time they are, will Equestria even be recognizable?
This story contains action, violence, and a strongly implied threat of rape.
Chapters (209)
This is amazing, one of the best stories I've read.
I don't know why this isn't more viewed
7004431 Thank you so much for saying so! Feel free to spread the word. :)
Well, I can see you barely have any comments (Just one beside yourself), so I guess I'll give it a shot as well. Can't guarantee I'll stay on the wagon through the entire thing though.
First off, you get a little bit overboard with purple prose, such as in the very first two lines of this story, so if you ever do any editing you may wish to tone it down in some parts. Secondly, there are a handful of extremely large paragraphs in this first chapter that should be split in half or even thirds as they become unwieldy to read otherwise.
I'm glad you gave Scootaloo flight, because that's words of angst I don't care to read much of these days, and the show needs to stop beating around the bush and give it to her too. As for lack of her Cutie Mark, well, that's alright, if we all had to stick rigidly to show canon we'd be writing, well, we'd be rewriting the show episodes in written form. Besides, I wrote a story about the same premise of an in-flight Mark-less Scootaloo, though to a different ending.
I'm mildly surprised that Rainbow Dash is a military officer in charge of training and not a front-line troop, though. Given her Sonic Rainboom is capable of some pretty powerful stuff, I'd half-expect it to have been militarised against the Timberwolves somehow.
7056811
Thank you so much for your feedback!
I shall definitely take all of this into consideration in the story so far and going forward.
It actually didn't occur to me to weaponize the rainboom... I might steal that. :P
My concept... which I clearly haven't been quite clear enough about... was that they are basically on a defensive strategy while they train up troops, mostly relying on unicorn magic. But don't worry! Rainbow Dash won't be sitting there training cadets for long before she gets into the heart of the action.
Well, I'll be straight: you do a pretty good job at keeping the action compressed in just under 8,000 words. Some writers seem to have an issue with keeping things fairly simple and just go on, and on, and on. There's lots of action on this chapter but it doesn't drag on, which is a good thing.
Don't take this as harsh criticism or anything, typically my comment sizes are in inverse order to how popular a fic is, so stuff with zilch for comments (like this) will get lots of feedback. If you had a thousand comments I might put in three or four lines if I even commented at all!
There are a number of things in this chapter that are a little jarring. They can each be explained away but they haven't been in-story. The most consistent thing is Sparklefly's role as leadpony for her squad. She's number one in her squad in the competitive exercises, but that doesn't necessarily make a good leader, as the Wonderbolt Academy episode attests to. The first chapter goes in-depth on her background a bit. It could be filled out some more with why she was apparently leadership material as well. Also, I suppose she would have picked up an equivalent of the Royal Canterlot Voice to be able to shout to three thousand pegasi in a three-dimensional space!
It's mentioned that it begins to rain once they go to pick up their third load of refugees. The big question is, how? Weather in Equestria is controlled by the pegasi, who are a little bit busy now to be starting a storm. There's 2.5 ways to go with this: part one is that they're deliberately starting a storm to prevent potential fires from getting out of control when trying to destroy the Timberwolves. Part two is that along with the timberwolves wild weather is also coming out of the Everfree like crazy and dumping rain at random, just like on Earth. Part two point five is that the pegasi are spread too thin to tame the wild weather.
'Morning light' is mentioned twice, when the siege of Canterlot started around midnight. Again, this is Equestria, where the sun and moon are manually raised and lowered, and Celestia has her hooves rather full with defending Canterlot right now, so where are her or Luna finding the time and energy to spare to be fiddling with them right now? I suppose they may be bound by international agreements to raise and lower their bodies at precise times, capital city being assaulted be damned.
And back to the Princesses, there would need to be a really good reason for the remaining four Princesses to all arrive magically at the same time, since that stretches narrative convenience a bit. About the only good reason would be that all four of them were in the same place when they received news of the siege.
7057712 Weaponising the Sonic Rainboom isn't my idea at all to be honest, there have been a few fics that have tackled it.
7058694
Thank you again!
As for weather and the day/night cycle, you're quite correct. I should have established that in chapter 1. For the entire run of this story, the weather isn't being controlled. I can't remember if I ever explained it or not... In any case, I need to establish this in chapter 1.
As for the princesses arriving together; that is unexplained due to this being from the point of view of my main characters. They don't know this, and so the reader does not. However, in this case, I think you're right. The fact that it was jarring means that it does bear a second look to see how I want to fix it, or at least make it seem a little less questionable.
Thanks so much!
It sounds to me like Sparklefly is suffering a pretty bad case of PTSD. It would make for an interesting case study - is the regular pony army a small standing corps of professionally trained life-timers, or a continuous rotation of volunteers who serve a few years before ending their stint? In either case, there's bound to be a few ponies who suffer from it, but scaling up to a large draft population where the entire population is either fighting or in the war munitions department means a lack of resources for the far larger population that will have PTSD.
When it comes to dialogue, you have a fairly painful trend that's especially noticable in the earlier part of this chapter in the conversation with the Princesses and Sparklefly. Namely, it's always 'Pony name says "Dialogue"', repeated over and over again. The English language is flexible enough to allow dialogue first in a paragraph followed by 'said the speaker', or just dialogue in a paragraph with no indication of the speaker (if it's obvious who the speaker is), of action, dialogue, action or dialogue, action, dialogue. But you keep repeating action, dialogue for each paragraph and it gets noticeable quick. To see what I mean:
Never
And yes, there it is, Sparklefly's survival guilt. Considering that only about 10% of the cadets were killed, it's pretty impressive (and damaging to Sparklefly's psyche) that more than half her and Scootaloo's squad were KIA.
It would appear that Pibs is rather smitten. I suppose that after any damaging war with many casualties such as this, that's what a country needs: citizens who will go forth and multiply. Heck, look at the baby boom generation following World War 2.
And at last Scootaloo's experiences with tree sap will come in handy
7059412
I see what you mean. I think I did that because there were so many characters in play. I was afraid it might not be clear who is speaking. I'll reconsider this when I revisit the chapter.
Thanks!
7059585
Smitten is what Pibs does best. :)
One thing I really wanted to do is make sure that everything that happens has consequences that have to be dealt with.
One could say that Pibs is floating on air
. Rainbow Dash I guess now gets to see what it's like to be Fluttershy, who rarely flies (I made an interesting note a while back that Fluttershy most often flies in her rare few moments when she's being aggressive, such as confronting the dragon in Dragonshy or bullying Pinkie Pie and Rarity in Putting Your Hoof Down, where she's in the air during basically that entire sequence), or of course, pre-flight Scootaloo.
In fact, I'm now imagining Rainbow Dash as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, just without a Gomer Pyle to bully.
7059813
Shazam shazam shazam! That takes me back... Gomer Pile... good times. :)
Floating on air! I see what you did there. :P
What, no comments from Twilight Sparkle about Lightning Dust's presence? I guess they patched things over later on. Otherwise, it'd be awkward to be leader of the pegasi troop in a town where four ponies live who you almost accidentally killed. Discord being in Ponyville is somewhat surprising, given that he's basically a super-powerful mage whose non-presence in the war needs to be explained, either by personal neutrality or ineffective powers.
Everyone could probably tell Scootaloo didn't want to be there. If it weren't for Twilight's presence, I half-expect there'd be a few blank flank comments again. Considering DT thinks to give military strategy to actual military-trained ponies, I wouldn't have put it past her.
Applejack pregnant, and not likely for the only time, but then who's the father?!
7060149
Discord... yeah... you're right about that. I will say that he does play a useful role going forward. And I should have at least had some kind of passing not about Lightning Dust knowing the princess from before. You are completely right about Diamond Tiara... without saying too much... there will be blank flank comments. :)
As for Applejack... I thought it felt like a normal progression for her, considering the time that has passed... however, I'm afraid I got cheap on it. While it is mentioned later about the father, he will not be appearing in this story. This is mainly because I try to stay away from shipping in general, so I decided to leave it to your imagination. For this story, it is her first time... again, I got cheap and didn't write more kids for her. So sue me! :P
If this had a TVTropes page, this would be the Wham Episode chapter. I guess that explains Nimba's fatigue at least; more likely than not a Changeling replaced Nimba at some point and was casting a spell on her to prevent her from noticing any changes in her brother's mannerisms, and the real Nimba is either stuck up in a cocoon somewhere or dead at this point. I'll guess the Changelings are hiding out in the Castle of the Royal Sisters because that's just about a cliche by now (heck, I even do it in one of my own stories).
At this point really, they may as well just nuke the Everfree Forest, whether with a concentrated sun beams from the sun (if it's your headcanon Celestia can do that), a Sonic Rainboom nuke ala what Rainbow Dash does in Lesson Zero, or just plain old fire. Considering there's not going to be as much love floating around in a long-term war, I'll guess either this isn't Chrysalis' hive or they're skipping love-gathering and going straight for kidnapping.
Well well well, so things are finally being revealed. When the going gets impossible, you tend to pull out insane plans, and what Scoots and Pibs are about to do definitely qualifies for insane. The Timberwolves not even noticing they stepped over something that's definitely not a rock or a log and is invisible makes sense. After all, the Pinkie Pie clones were mostly one-dimensional in their personalities, so a Timberwolf clone being pretty dumb isn't unexpected.
Spike hasn't been mentioned once in this story I think, but I'm going to assume he's definitely not in Ponyville holding the castle down for Twilight, otherwise the Changeling siege of Ponyville would've been doomed from the start by somepony going to Spike and saying, "Hey Spike, can you send a letter to Celestia and tell her we're under attack by Timberwolves here and recon from the squad sent into the Everfree says they're being controlled by Changelings?" and Spike says "Sure, there, letter sent."
It's funny, I've always expected to see somebody writing a 'Zecora adopts Scootaloo' fic, and yet the first time I see someone actually moving in and living with her full-time it's Sweetie Belle. Also, Scootaloo? Now would be a good time to get that Cutie Mark. Preferably in something like Ursa-taming or Changeling ass-kicking.
Hmm, maybe I should write a story about Trixie taming an Ursa.
7060678
A more visceral force drives them... revenge.
As for Nitro; this will be explained in time. :)
7060758
For reasons I cannot explain, I never really wrote Spike into this story. He is not in Ponyville, for sure... maybe he's... doing a dragon migration? I don't know. Another thing I should explain a reason for his absence... I think what I really need is a prologue to sum up where all of the main characters are from the show to the beginning of this story.
I think I mention more in depth about Sweetie Belle later. She and Rarity had a falling out, and she moved with Zecora to learn more about magic. Maybe a little stretch, but it wasn't meant to be a permanent arrangement. She kind of got trapped out there a little when the Timberwolves overran the forest. That is explained in the coming chapters.
Thank you so much for your comments! They've been highlights of my day. :)
You know, you have to admire whoever is the brains of the Changeling operation, whether it's Chrysalis getting even smarter since the wedding or some unseen third-party, given that they're faking out four regular Princesses, an alicorn with semi-reliable foresight and a draconequus.. Of course, in the process they're also becoming real works of art and even nastier than before. Let's see how much damage Chrysalis can do before she gets caught. Nice fake-out with Lightning Dasher there. Seems to me a little bit of a con that Changelings can only take on the form of living ponies and not dead ones, unless you use that to suggest a living sentience to the magic that allows Changelings to transform.
I wonder if Sparklefly's interpretation of this is correct, or if we'll see a few more deaths from the crew to bring the total number down to four absolute, regardless of injury status, with the 'forest' line being extended to include the general battle for Ponyville that is about to occur.
I'm surprised they didn't attempt to blow up the bridges immediately, unless they were stone bridges that were harder to damage. Ponyville isn't on an island so it's still only a delaying action since the Timberwolves would still have been able to go around. I wonder if those 'townsfolk' who were blaming Discord also happened to be Changelings in disguise. Other than that, a better chapter with lots of action, although also pretty lengthy. Scootaloo may even get her Cutie Mark out of this
If your Ponyville is one that holds actual elections to elect its mayor, somehow I doubt Diamond Tiara will be re-elected after the shows she puts on in the castle. If she even survived the last Timberwolf attack, that is.
I expect Twilight was delayed so long since she probably encountered Queen Chrysalis in the form of Twilight Sparkle, and even if they beat Chrysalis she probably delayed them significantly. Still, there's something that's going to have to be accounted for, and that's why the heck there are so many ponies (20,000+) from so many cities. The fact they gathered that many means they probably brought them from all over the country, which would require more time than putting together 5000 ponies and bringing them to Ponyville. Either Twilight must have been under the impression there were more Timberwolves than she thought or they wanted to respond with a counterstroke so powerful absolutely nothing would survive. Discord's power has limitations, but what he was doing and why he couldn't just pop in and teleport everybody in the castle out will have to be mentioned.
I should probably call you George R.R. Martin with how many ponies you killed this chapter. Also, poor Fluttershy, wherever she is
Also, you should edit Pibs ever time you refer to her arm. Ponies don't have arms, they have front legs and this isn't anthro.
Something you may want to explain in a future chapter (though I see you released one more today) is regarding the scouts who were supposed to send word to Cloudsdale or elsewhere. In the first few chapters of this story it's mentioned by a few characters that from Cloudsdale they can see Ponyville, and later that they can still see the smolders of Canterlot being burned. Last chapter or so it's mentioned there was a fire in the Everfree, and given that the battle around Ponyville took place at night, that's a lot of light being generated. I would expect if Cloudsdale has even minimal surveillance apparatus, somepony or three would have noticed a bunch of fire around Ponyville or, during the daytime, how the normally green area around Ponyville has been blanketed with a brown colour, which would be the Timberwolves. Unless of course Cloudsdale has been so infiltrated that all their watchers are Changelings again.
I was surprised Sparklefly didn't demand proof Twilight was the real deal and not Chrysalis. I mean sure, she's a Princess and all, but after having to stand up against a siege for nearly a week I would think she would be paranoid enough by then. As it is, either the unicorn guys must be really slow at their job or the Changeling detection spell must be really draining if it took them close to a week to test enough ponies before they could come out to Ponyville.
Food should seem to be a big issue but, as you even write Sparklefly as doing at one point, they can still eat grass. Given the tide has been turned it's not as if they have to stay up in the skies anymore either where there isn't grass. Proper nutrition might be more of an issue.
Since Pibs is confirmed as dead, that leaves Scoots and Sparklefly as the only remaining pegasi of their original squadron. Lightning Dasher is a question mark. I guess his fate is a twisted version of the watching paint dry game at the end of Too Many Pinkie Pies, where instead of outlasting one another in a game, it's the last Lightning Dasher to survive the battle who basically gets to be the 'real' Lightning Dasher.
I wonder which pony or draconequus managed to nuke the Mirror Pool for once and for all, or if it was a combined effort.
7060963 I absolutely wouldn't complain if you read and commented on any of my own stuff
7062409
Well, aside from being a clever plot device to not get everypony killed... I decided that they can only take the form of the living because they didn't kill Cadence in A Canterlot Wedding. Granted, it is a kid's show, and you can't just be killing everyone. But it fit nicely, so I went with it.
7062619
Thank you again!
You have given me a lot of good things that I just didn't catch... yeah... arms... oops!
I take it as quite an honor that you thought of George R. R. Martin and made that reference. I have read only the first book his is Song of Ice and Fire, but I'm planning to read them all when I find the time.
But I do to have time to check out your stories since i got off work early! Woot!
I wonder what Scootaloo has in mind. Possibly root out a potential traitor or Changeling in the midst that she's beginning to suspect?
You may want to reconsider writing the story synopsis before you post your next chapter.
7267197 Don't worry, you'll see early in the next chapter what she's up to.
Out of curiosity, why do you think the synopsis needs a re-write?
7267690 It's not really a 'Wow, I want to read this story now!' synopsis
7267696 Maybe something less about setting the stage and more about "we're all going to die?"
Huh. Given the end of the chapter, Equestria won't have to worry much about rationing anymore. There'll be so many dead ponies that there'll be many less mouths to feed.
That Scootaloo and the two LDs should find the Zapapples right before they're about to bloom is a fairly massive coincidence. In fact, I think it'd honestly work better if the Everfree is a quasi-sentient forest that realises a part of it (the Mirror Pool) was abused for a great evil and is passively balancing the scales, hence the sheer luck Scootaloo has in locating the Zapapples.
I suppose someone going to see Lighthoof and inform him of Pibs' death has been a few chapters in the making, ever since Pibs died. He seems a little more realistic here than a lot of TV dramas: since he recognises Scootaloo as being a friend of Pibs, he knows whatever news she brings isn't going to be good and is expecting the worst and gets the worst.
Whenever Twilight Sparkle finally makes it out of the Everfree, Applejack is going to have strong words for her for signing a declaration so open-ended that Mayor DT can use it to appropriate Sweet Apple Acres.
7350373 Why thank you! I worked hard to get that bit with Lighthoof right.
As for the massive coincidence... yeah... Maybe all the extra timberwolf howling is confusing the magic and making zap apples happen more often? heh heh... I figured since things tend to go so wrong, one thing going really right would be okay. :D
7400035 Haha, Thanks! I had a lot of fun with this scene, but Applejack must always speak truth! :D
7400102
Indeed!
Swiftlight killed by my count eight changelings in a sniper nest. If anypony else is alive to verify his actions then he'll be getting a medal, posthumous or not, for storming the nest. I see you're trying to give the impression of the changelings being fairly naive to the world, given the one changeling fetching a book of nursery rhymes. Chrysalis perhaps instituting a breeding program and churning out young changelings by the hundreds for a total war program?
Diamond Tiara is really short-sighted. Once the Princesses return, they're going to hear all the circumstances of her attempted appropriation of Sweet Apple Acres and she's certain to have cake on her face.
Also, you should split your paragraphs into half or more. You have some enormous walls of text in there.
7417657 I've chosen to leave it to the imagination why that changeling was interested in a baby book. I like to think of them as more than just mindless minions, and that was a small way I could imply that there is more depth to them. I feel it makes them a more formidable foe to be more like ponies than different.
I do think of Diamond Tiara as short-sighted. I may have overdone it a bit... I think I would still have the events turn with her the way they do, but in hindsight, I might have waited a little longer. At the very least, I hope Diamond Tiara's shenanigans are enough in-character for her. Although, given some of the last few episodes we saw her, it looks like changes maybe in store for her as far as the canon story goes.
I'll keep an eye on those paragraph lengths. Thanks!
Well, it looks like the cavalry has arrived. I assume that the zebra army wasn't anything the Princesses planned for outside of the one Princess whose name I forget now, though it may be the event that, if the zebras have anyone who can foresee the future as well, they would have moved in absolute silence at the optimum moment: in other words, when the changelings are themselves exhausted from a battle. Let's see how they turn the tide of the war, and also if they have any expansionist ambitions with the amount of ponies Equestria has lost over the war thus far.
Applejack may have decided to run for mayor, but given this version of Diamond Tiara's behavior so far, I wouldn't doubt that she has a few tricks up her hoof. Something like keeping AJ in jail without actually giving her trial to keep her in limbo and prevent her from running, or declaring Ponyville is in a state of martial law and thus there won't be any elections allowed until some convenient time in the far future. I guess Filthy Rich isn't around, or else others would be appealing to give his daughter a talking too (even if she is the mayor!).
I wonder if Cloud Blazer is really suffering just fever dreams, or if he's actually having outright prophetic visions. If it's the latter, then it sounds like the Cutie Mark Crusaders might finally reunite for one last adventure to go to the Castle of the Two Sisters and do...something to deal a decisive blow in the war.
Let's see how long before it takes Diamond Tiara to hear from some sycophant of hers about the Apple clan's plans to oust her. Somepony like that won't let go of power without a fight including underhanded tricks, so I guess we'll see what she's got.
Shining Armor really doesn't seem to understand the concept of a decentralised military hierarchy. Now, if Mane Crusher had had an easy way to get a message to SA and failed to send a message and get a response, that would be more understandable. Otherwise, it seems merely like Mane Crusher did the best he could under the circumstances.
7659126
The chapter in which Mane Crusher decided to go to Las Pegasus was "Loss". Shining Armor had sent him a message that he was aware of the action in Las Pegasus, and a reiteration of the order to hold position until further instructions. If it hadn't been for that, he wouldn't have been nearly so upset by the General's actions. Well, that plus the whole, his wife and sister are missing thing. :)
I have wanted to write a scene between Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich where he expresses his deep disappointment in how she handled all of this... he always seemed a sensible one to me in the show. Given the format of my story, I don't know if I'll get to write that scene.
I didn't want to drop poor Cloud Blazer as a character (oh, bad pun), so I made his dreams the centerpiece to his continuing story while he heals up. I won't confirm or deny anything about them. :)
As always, thanks for the feedback! :D
So I guess one of the generals either turned traitor, or has been replaced or otherwise compromised by a changeling? That's my best guess at this point.
I guess we'll be waiting a while to see some of Diamond Tiara's dirtier tactics, if she indeed has any.
Cloud Blazer is in for a whole new world when he wakes up, and not a good one.
Yep, looks like a traitor of sorts. Mane Crusher probably isn't happy about having been scolded by Shining Armor before and having his successful victory tarnished. Well, Shining Armor still has the Crystal Empire to retreat to in the worst-case scenario, but we'll see how this turns out. That still leaves the mystery of the two divisions leaving the train with no clear orders.
Cloud Blazer finally finds out the truth. He seems to have absolutely no ability for lucid dreaming whatsoever, to be completely unable to tell that he's in a dream.
Ha, Cloud Blazer got used for a photo op without even realising it.
Sounds like Luna is calling to him. Moonbutt doesn't seem to realise how injured he still is and him being laid up in bed, though.
Yep, looks like there's going to be lots of work to break Duster out of his daydreaming tendencies. That's gotta take a lot of training
Looks like Sparklefly is getting antsy about being able to fly, too. It seems the military at least can move their recruits a lot faster than the post can move the mail, though I'm guessing the mailpost has been decimated and they're running on fumes by now given the war conditions.
Yeah, I think DT would have thought twice about getting a photo with Cloud Blazer if she had realised he had the strength of will to actually come to the debate.
Looks like we're getting close to zero hour for the revolution. Well, about three days worth of recovery, and Cloud Blazer might be recovered enough to actually be able to follow the command of the voice from his dreams.
Looks like Diamond Tiara is in an actual right panic. Well, I'm sure it'll only take one outburst from her at the Question and Answer session to sink her hopes for re-election.
7660108
Wow you've been busy reading! You have made my day! :D
Yeah Diamond Tiara's normal propensity for dirty tactics was curtailed by the rules and regulations. :)
The mystery of the divisions leaving the train is one of those that will remain a mystery. I very strongly considered telling that story from the point of view of somepony that was there... but I never got around to writing it.
As for the general's... extra curricular activities; you probably have enough context by now, but I'll confirm: it is strictly an internal affair.
I have made a note that you are predicting that Luna is speaking to Cloud Blazer in his dreams. :)
Duster was based on some of the less desirable traits of my own personality. I had a horrible tendency to daydream when I was a child. I have put that to good use, but it took a while to learn how to channel it. :)
As for the mail; I figured that all non-military communications are low priority, and so they don't move fast anymore.
The photo-op; she was so distracted by the cameras that she didn't take the time to notice the name on his chart. Also, that's a testament to how mangled poor Cloud Blazer actually is that she didn't recognize him.
She was having pre-crowd jitters. Her facade will be in full force soon. :)
So, do you like the shorter sections? I had considered putting them back together when I was finished posting the chapter, but I'm not sure. What do you think?
7661107 Eh, doesn't have to be all in ONE big chapter, but certainly 1k-2k at a time doesn't really work. 4k-6k chapters is usually a good sweet spot for people, long enough that it doesn't feel 'bite-sized' but not too long that it feels like it begins to drag on.
Looks like the two subplots may collide soon, especially if Diamond Tiara throws a tiff right about now.
'Hopes and dreams', you missed a word in there. Also, even after a war, Pinkie Pie continues to be incredibly tactless