EKat
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Okay, I do love that last line.
It's....interesting. I like where it's headed but seems to be rushed. Try to slow things down a bit. Flesh out the characters and how they fit into your story. Add more problems for them to solve. Things of that nature. Another thing that I noticed with the second chapter something that Applejack says that she wouldn't normally say. The line in question is this one....
In any story that I've read on Fimfiction, I have never seen a story that featured the Mane Six or just Applejack and her family, use "Bro". I'm sorry, but when I read that line, Applejack was instantly transported from Sweet Apple Acres to the beaches in California. She would have used the full word.
Other than that one little line and the rushed feeling, it's a pretty good concept. Keep up the hard work and I can't wait to see what more you come up with.
Twilight and Big Mac. I have read a lot of stories and I have seen pictures and videos of other ponies being good couples and funny couples but these two I have to say this is perfect regionality can't wait to see what happens
I believe you missed a word there, I think you meant to say "if I want to tell him or not."
Aaaaaand funny.
I always like twilmac story,
I think it's nice you took the time to write this all up. That all said, it probably would be a good idea to go back through what you have posted so far, and maybe switch this chapter over to being a blog. With going back over it all it can help as a refresher for what you have written out so far, and do some much needed edits (and revisions) you probably need. And try not rush it in the future, that's a quick way to get sloppy, besides coming back to a work in progress an hour or so later can help with finding your own mistakes. Besides, quality work takes time, a little extra time won't hurt the story as long as you don't rush it because of some schedule you've forced your writing into.
7822670 Well you see, I wrote this as a chapter so my readers could all see it. I wanted them to be able to ask me questions instead of just my followers. As for your other advice, I will keep it in mind when I edit the first and second chapter to fix small mistakes. Also I'm sorry if it seems that I was forcing the story into a schedule, when in actuality, I have school to attend as well as family maters (neither of which I want to do) to attend to. If you want to continue this conversation, feel free to mail me! Thanks for commenting!