Totally Birth It

MGotta Be Kid-In-Me!
Equestria Girls
Romance
Drama
Random
Slice of Life
Applejack is now eight months into her pregnancy, she's having a peaceful day when the baby daddy calls.
Sex
Applejack
Shining Armor
Xx_LunaDash_xX · 2k words · 50 23 · 2.6k views

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Comments ( 9 )

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Hopeful_Ink_Hoof

Hopeful_Ink_Hoof #1 · Feb 9th, 2016 · · ·

Considering the description and the fact it's marked as incomplete, you missed a good opportunity to end it on a cliffhanger. I can't exactly give an unbiased opinion of the story, as I'm not a fan of cheating, and I kind of lost interest in the story after Applejack pretty much blaming Cadance for why she can't be with Shining Armor (ignoring that Shining was probably with Cadance to begin with, meaning he was cheating on her and Applejack was the other woman, or the fact that Shining Armor still refuses to leave her, even if he claims to love AJ and got her pregnant...).

However, on a technical note, you need to work on your punctuation a little. Several times I noticed commas that were unnecessary:

And with a man, who can't love me.

some that were used when it should be a period:

"Hey Shining, I hope I ain't interruptin' anything."

and others that were a word or two before their proper location:

"Come on, in my Sweet Apple Pie."

Twilight is the BEST

Twilight is the BEST #2 · Feb 9th, 2016 · · ·

This was good. Though it needs a lot of editing.

pikachu123454

pikachu123454 #3 · Feb 9th, 2016 · · ·

I can't wait for More!

Xx_LunaDash_xX

Xx_LunaDash_xX #4 · Feb 10th, 2016 · · ·

6918034 Thank you for the criticism and tips. I know this needs editing but thanks for pointing that out anyways. Thank you for reading my book and I'm sorry you lost interest. I hope the second chapter will be more interesting to you.

Zeyon The Green

Zeyon The Green #5 · Feb 11th, 2016 · · ·

I'm interested, but I can understand why people might not like it. I think of Applejack as more willful than this, but artistic license and whatnot. The pun at the end was painful, even though I was prepared by reading the title.

Aeon-Reaper