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- Cloudruler · 16k words · 31 13 · 846 views
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You know... I curious about how the version WITH rednecks went...
Otherwise, yeah, this needs a lot of work. You need more character development than just a lecture-y bit of backstory, mate.
Lyra with boobs attracted me to this story.
As far as the story goes. Meh
(Hmm i like where this story is going!)
The story has pretty good potential, and the grammar is well-done. It was a bit direct like Ginger mentioned, but good work nonetheless! I eagerly await another!
721719
My, what a deep, philisophical statement.
In a more serious light, good story (ish) so far. It could use a little better pacing, and the explanations could be greatly extended.
Also, the Lyra/Bon Bon fiasco could have either been gone into more depth on or glossed over more.
Just saying.
721819
I don't think I've seen this premise anywhere else before. Looks interesting.
The "dark" tag, not to mention the whole 'hanging Lyra from her hands' thing, suggests this is going to dive into some serious kinks, yes?
Also, poor Lyra. Finally she gains hands, only to get tied up and hung from them from the ceiling. Poor gal just can't win...
Oh, I like the story so far, ignore the heaters and continue on!
... Um... how can I put this... I'm not a furry, but, you just managed to get me... intrigued?
733783
Ignore the heaters? Why, is the AC turned up too hot?