after defeating tabuu with the brawlers from the super smash bros universe, lucas goes through a portal into the mlp universe. will he be able to get back to the super smash bros world...or say stuck as the only human in the world of ponies.
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Grammar...
Dude, this has so much potential! A Mother 3 crossover? Hell yeah!
But your grammar is atrocious... Please try and find an editor or prereader who can try and help you through this one. You have a great idea here, but to have someone alongside who can help you with it would really benefit you.
723991
yeah i tried to use much grammer as i could...ill be sure to check it over on the next chapter :)
724007
yeah dude thanks for the feedback and support... and im gonna read it over on the next chapter...the basic goal for the first two chapters were to see if people would like the idea....check!
724258
Hint: Use Google Chrome or type it up in a different program first. Otherwise, it's a good story.
726871
thanks bro ill keep that in mind
But, where are Kumatora, Boney, and Duster? If your going to make it Mother 3 make it Mother 3. Besides that I like this story.
All I can say is capitalization. Besides that I like it a lot!
730782
in this its more about lucas. sorry if i disappointed you.
also sonic rules...nuff said
It looks good, but the grammar
.....Anyways, so far it looks like a Super Smash Bros Crossover instead of Mother 3.
Also, Fox has an Arwing, not an Airwing. You also had Fox call Lucas Luke.
And you can't use Final Smashes in Brawl's Boss Fights.
733964
yeah i thought the name would be good though, mainly because its only lucas that goes through the portal.
and it kinda rhymes :)
thanks for the correction on the arwing...im not much of a starfox player.
i know you cant use final smashes in boss battles...but i thought it would be cool to add it in.
740416
Well I must admit it was a rather dramatic way to end the battle with Tabuu. I do like the idea behind this story though I would like to see Lucas at least use some of his old skills as well as the Smash Bros ones. In all honesty most of Lucas's special attacks in Brawl were used by Kumatora alone with the exception of PK Magnet, though that would explain why he didn't need to focus as much for it.
So in short find Lucas's skill list from Mother 3 and take some notes. If Lucas can only use four skills you made a bad character choice which would account for the low rating. I can see the potential your just not using it.
Hey, Wattwolf, I have done a riff of this story for Carts' Unicorn Theater. What's a riff, you ask? Well, basically, I just took your story and inserted my lines of witty dialogue in-between the lines of the story. It's sort of like Mystery Science Theater 3000, but for Fanfic!
You can read the riff here.
And you can read my other riffs here.
PK STARSTOOOOOOOOOORM!
Nice story! I'd have to say that the only problem is that it needs capitalization, but other than that, nice job!