In a land far away in a castle age universe, Fluttershy is the Princess. She is to be wed, but, she, unfortunately, hates dislikes her suitor. For, she is hopelessly in love with one of her slaves: a Pink mare by the name of Pinkie Pie. She has no way of telling her the way she feels without being caught by her personal guard and being scolded for conversing with the slaves for reasons other than to boss them around.
But, an opportunity arises during the Festival of a New Cycle: to celebrate the kindom reigning successfully for yet another year. Fluttershy asks a question she thought was impossible to ask a slave...
"May I have this dance?"
Chapters (1)
Um...
Meh, can't e to hard cause I like these kind of stories, when done right, but I knew it was going to have issuse with only 2000 words.
Something like this seems like it would work better at at least 8000 or multi chapter.
Though, the biggest sin is, who, what why?
Okay, so Fluttershy she's a mare, falls in love but, I admit the conflict is nice, but the story just flys by too fast to get to know the who's and the what's of how this world works, and there's no time to build any chemistry or emotions with this charcters till the end.
6815970 thanks for the feedback. I'll be sure to apply what you said when I do another castle age themed story.
This had to be a quickie, but, now that I know what you said, I will be careful about the various points you listed.
Thanks for the feedback.
NEED'S A SEQUEL .
great story. Seariously need a sequel.
7029045 oh my god thanks.
Maybe. I dunno. I might do one. I'm just... Not In the MLP mood at the moment.
7041674 ok thanks for the heads up
Short, but still enjoyable. When/if you feel ready to write a continuation, we'll be waiting.