{2nd/second person/reader insert X Maud Pie}
You are a Pegasus that works in the Rainbow Factory. So, you work with colors a lot. One day, you get tasked by Your manager to bring a little color to a place that almost nopony knows about. There, you meet the love of your life, but... She seems so... colorless...
1st chapter called epilogue?
Good so far!! I expect more!
Well you did say that "criticism is always welcome".
Well written, I couldn't really find that many mistakes.
However I have to say that the fourth wall joke just came out of nowhere, and I don't mean in a good way. Usually we shouldn't see it coming, however it shouldn't feel forced. Now maybe I'm no expert, but that joke just felt... stale.
I love a good fourth wall joke (goodness knows I've put enough in my stories) but this one just felt like it was inserted to fill a spot.
As for the way the story is flowing I have to say that you seem to be getting the reality of living as a pony down really well. Maybe that's because it's in first person, but it's still interesting.
6658562 I fixed it to be prologue. I got the two mixed up. :3
6658605 thanks! :D
6658695 The fourth wall joke was added because i was listening to a lot of Pinkie Pie songs at the time, so i felt like i had to put that in.
And, thank you! I feel like i write pony stories better than human stories. I feel like... "Im not really here most of the time," if you know what i mean.
and... favourite, good work
6662626 thank you. :)
Is that a Undertale reference I see.
6667470 Uhm... What's Undertale?
6667880 Just some popular indie game where saving always states fills you with determination
6669365 oh huh, I've never played it, but I've seen it get popularity points on DeviantArt.
Pretty interesting idea!
6676437 Thank you! And, thanks for the watch! I really appreciate it! :D
6676445 No prob
6676453 I'm actually writing a chapter as we speak.
Hehe.
6676474 Great! Can't wait :)
A bit of a short chapter, but a nice intro to the village and maud. Keep up the grew work!! I really want to read more
6679781 I might have a chapter up later, if I type fast enough...