I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
01.11 Twilight had found a book of spells; and as she flipped through the pages, one special spell she could not resist trying out.
With this spell, one could catch a Unicorn; or it is what the book told her. Maybe she should have read just a few more pages before trying it.
Now, what would one do with the trapped Unicorn, but she had chosen Trixie to be the play-mate.
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What? I have no idea what's going on. Why does the colored segment cut off. If you start a chapter saying the entire thing is in Twilight Sparkle's POV, you probably shouldn't switch the POV after the first section. While I suppose there's nothing stopping you from writing in present tense, past is the better choice for both novice writers as well as those with writing styles antithetical to using the present tense. The lines seem to represent changes in perspective, but such rapid changes are disorienting and very confusing. I can only gather the faintest idea of what actually is occurring here, and such a short chapter should not inspire such confusion.
6778783 If you by Coloured Segement is refering to the colour of the text, it is merely a means to point out that this is Twilight Sparkle's POV, for now I am cutting this colouring short due to publishing restrictions, although I guess it would have made more sense if I had continued this for the next scene as well?
I used an intermission o point out the effect of her spell directly in the chapter, rather then leaving this up to the next chapter where Trixie is to experience what had happened while she was sleeping.
On the note of the colour, I hope it still is fully readable to you. Otherwise I will gladly adjust the hue to be easier on your eyes.
Most of these lines are for minor shifts in perspective or from a room to the next, as opposed to the full on scene shift to Trixie's location, which is more directly lined out.
If you could elaborate on exactly what is confusing you, I may be able to make the section clearer to you?
On that note, it could easily be the other way around; the shorter section can't contain as much and thus more confusing that a longer chapter.
6778845
Personally, I think using colors to display perspective is an unnecessary crutch, but if you are going to use it, you need to use it consistently. I'm not so much confused by the section as I found so little plot movement as to bore me into being unable to focus. It's all very well to present a thousand word chapter, but it needs to be catchy and intriguing if published on its own, at this point, I have no desire to continue reading, because nothing in the first chapter caught my attention.
So far nothing really happened in the first chapter, Twilight casts the spell but we don't get to see the result? I'd think a better ending spot for the first chapter would be after Trixie has been "captured" and arrived so we know what the story is even about. So far I'm leaning towards this being some sort of mental compulsion/mind control story but everything written so far has been very vague.
6778845 when is the next chapter?
6778997 You are entitled to your perspective and opinion, which I am happy to listen to.
So long as I don't get any complaints about readability or the like, it did only take me a few minutes to set up.
It presented the story and grounded it within the FiM, even if I guess it could have been more interesting and catchy.
Other writers may have done a better job out of it, but from my perspective; the chapter ended where it did due to a matter of the perspective. Besides, I did not have all that much more to add at that specific time.
6779462 She did cast the spell, but little is revealed as to the final, ultimate effect of it. I am going to reveal more of this in the next chapter. If it is enough and in time is up to you as the reader to decide.
I think you need to explain what you mean with Capture, in this case; if you don't mind me expressing it that way?
The chapter ended where it did, due to how I play the perspectives, as in POV and Framing.
6790096 I will publish it on its due date, unless it is delayed. I should be able to publish it by the next week.
when is the next chapter?
6794481
do you intend to update this story or is it dead?
7829025
I have, what appears to be roughly half a chapter ready.
If and when I can edit and complete it, I will publish it.
9175370
Sorry about the delay, I do intend to continue the story.
Just hope, I can pickup, where I left off and maintain the spirit of what I had intended for the story.
Ps: Thanks for sticking with the story for this long.