Equestrian Life

by StapleCactus

Introductions

Dash and I stood in front of the library. I could finally see the thing enough to make out that the show was accurate, and it looked as I expected it to: a hollowed out, but somehow still alive, tree. Before I had a chance to knock, Twilight opened the door. She jumped slightly, not expecting my presence so close to her home, I wagered.

“So you’re this ‘human’ Pinkie told me about? Quickly, get inside.” She shuffled out of the way as Dash herded me into the treehouse library. The inside continued the basic design set from the show, but I could not make out many details.

"About time you got here, the party is almost ready. Oh, you already met Dashie! Hi Dashie!" Pinkie said, popping out of what I assumed was the kitchen. What is she doing?

"So you do know this thing? Pinkie, why didn't you let anyone know? It could be dangerous!" Dash responded.

I'm right here you know. "Okay, we're here and you can see they were expecting me. You can stop being rude now."

"Jeez, you sound like Rarity. It's your own fault for not stopping when I told you!"

I didn't get a chance to respond as Twilight walked in front of me with curiosity set upon her features. She looked a bit frazzled as well. “Pinkie is bringing everypony over to meet you, but I think we need to discuss a few things first.”

“Yeah, I think that would be best. Is there somewhere I can sit down? Someone thought it would be a good idea to tackle me,” I said, sending a smirk Dash’s way.

"Hey, I just said-"

"Dash!" It looked like Twilight wanted to admonish her but thought better of it. "I'm sorry. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I hope you forgive my friend here and yes, take the couch over there."

"No need to apologize. She did what she thought was right. No worries." Okay, still gotta work on my joking voice apparently.

Pinkie went back into the kitchen as Dash followed to get some answers from her. Twilight led me to a small couch and let me sit down, laying my dust-covered pillow in my lap. She didn't seem too concerned about the dirt and we jumped right to the issue.

“Who are you and why are you here?”

“I’m Dex and I have no idea why I’m here. I woke up outside of town just a few minutes ago and met Pinkie. If you are worried about your friends’ safety, don’t be. I’m as peaceful as I’m sure you are.”

She took a moment to contemplate. “What is a human?”

“That’s like saying, ‘what is a pony.’” I leaned back to think of the best answer. “I guess you could say we are good, or mean well, and we are highly adaptable.”

A knock came from the library’s front door, halting our conversation. Twilight went to answer it while I sat and waited for the inevitable flood of questions and suspicions. She opened the door and said a few words to whoever was on the other side before allowing them entry.

Applejack entered first, followed by Rarity and Fluttershy. At the distance I was at, I couldn’t see their expressions. They jumped back a bit when they looked towards me, but slowly walked over as they got over their initial shock. Twilight closed the door and stood back, no doubt watching my actions.

“Well ain’t ya a peculiar fella,” Applejack said as they reached me, Fluttershy hiding as best she could behind her mane while Rarity looked me over.

“I’m certain I am compared to y’all,” I said, letting my country accent slip a bit and leaning forward to get a better look at their faces.

“Ah’m Applejack, this here’s Rarity and the yellow pegasus hiding behind her mane there is Fluttershy,” she said as she pointed at each pony.

“Call me Dex. It’s nice to meet y’all.” I reached a hand out and they looked at it for a moment before I chuckled and made a fist. Applejack obliged me by bumping her hoof against it.

“What happened to you to make you so filthy?” Rarity asked, always focused on cleanliness as she was.

“I had an altercation with Rainbow Dash. Nothing serious,” I quickly added at their concerned expressions with a wave of my hand.

“Oh dear, are you all right?” Fluttershy asked, my previous statement not removing her own worried look.

“Yes, I’m fine. I landed in a soft patch in the road and it would take a bit more to injure me anyway.”

“Ah just got one question for ya. What are ya goin’ to do now?”

I turned to Applejack and let her study my features as I answered. “I’m not sure. I’d like to get cleaned up and find some glasses, but know that I won’t do a single thing to harm anyone if I can help it.”

Twilight spoke up while Applejack looked me in the eyes. “You have bad eyesight?”

Satisfied with whatever she was looking for, the farmer nodded, turned, and headed to the room Pinkie and Dash had disappeared into. With my attention free once more, I looked up to Twilight. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad. I can’t see anything clearly for more than a few inches from my face. When I woke up in that field outside of town, this was all I had.” I gestured to my pillow and comforter.

“Oh, that simply won’t do at all!” came Rarity’s response. “I’ll make something for you personally; just stop by my boutique tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do such a thing.”

“Nonsense, everypony needs at least one good outfit.”

“That’s mighty kind of you, but I have no money to pay you.”

“I’ll take care of it, darling. Don’t you fret about it.”

Deciding that I wouldn’t win an argument of generosity against the element of such, I relented and thanked her. Before another question could be asked, the three mares came back out of the kitchen, food piled high on their backs. They set it all down on a nearby table and looked towards us.

“Come on, everypony! Let’s make this into a party!” Pinkie said and bounced over to the far wall to start some music. Surprisingly, as I suspected they had more questions, the girls I was talking to started towards the food.

“Hey, Twilight, hold on,” I said. She stopped and came back over.

“Yes?”

“Why are you all so calm about this? It’s like, as soon as I told you I meant no harm, the tension left.”

She looked at me confused for a moment before giggling. “We wouldn’t be very good ponies if we didn’t trust others a little, would we?” It didn’t sound like she wanted to discuss it further, so I just accepted her answer for now and stood up.

I decided to check out the confectionery table Pinkie had set up with the others. Of course, it was no surprise when she appeared at the table right when I was about to take a bite of a cupcake.

"So what do you think? I didn't know what you eat so I made a little of everything." I couldn't blame her for jumping the shark; I did the same thing whenever I made something.

"I haven't even taken a bite yet, hold on." Hmm, vanilla, egg, good sugar level. Icing is too sweet, but what icing isn’t? Is that? Yes~ Pudding~ "Well Pinkie, you want to know what I think?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure?"

"Abso-positively!"

What? Eh, whatever, it's too good to keep this going. "It's delicious. I can taste a bit of vanilla pudding in this, too."

"Really?! You can taste it? Ohmygosh nopony can ever tell! How did you know? It's supposed to be a secret."

"Relax, Pinkie. I'm really good at breaking down food flavors, is all. I do the same thing, it really adds to the richness of vanilla."

This led into a big conversation about baking and mixing flavors. It was mostly Pinkie talking, with me agreeing or disagreeing to different mixes. Applejack came over at one point, but without knowing too much about apples, I couldn't contribute anymore. I left the baker and farmer to talk and found Twilight talking with Dash.

"-just do it, Rainbow."

"Argh, fine, but I still think he's trouble."

"Hey, you two. Don't mean to interrupt, but I'd like to talk to Twilight."

Both girls turned to me. "Oh, hello, Dex. We were just talking about you. I believe Rainbow had something to say." Twilight attempted to nudge the pegasus without me noticing.

Dash started rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof. "Ugh, yeah, look, I'm so-"

"No,” I said, putting a hand up to stop her, “don't worry about it. I wasn't offended, and I said earlier that you did what you thought was right. There's nothing to apologize for."

"Hah! See Twilight? He's fine," Dash said before giving me a pensive glare. "I still don't trust you, but I'll give you a chance. You aren't so bad." At this, Dash walked off towards Fluttershy and Rarity.

"Oookay... Anyway, Twilight, I need to talk to you about what's going on. I'm sure you have more questions for me, and I'll be happy to provide answers, but I have no idea what happened to get me here."

"Well, the party seems to be winding down a bit, so I'll see if Pinkie wants to wrap this up. We'll talk then, okay?"

I agreed and let the party pass. Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy headed out first; they had to get up early for some work. Pinkie headed out after packing up the party supplies. It was just Dash, Twilight and me. Before I could wonder why Rainbow had stayed behind, she flew up to me.

"I'm going, but you better not do anything to Twilight. I'll be watching you." She said farewell to Twilight and headed out, but not before giving me one more look.

Twilight closed the door behind Dash, pulled out a notebook, and sat down. "All right Dex, shall we begin?"

All right, I'm finally alone with Twilight. Should I get her questions out of the way first or mine? I couldn't decide how the conversation should go. Twilight caught on though.

"Dex, take a seat or something. Just relax. I'd like to get my own questions out of the way first; it might shed some light on your own predicament."

"All right, ask away." I sat on the couch again to avoid making anything else dirty.

"Is there anything you remember before waking up in the field outside Ponyville?"

“Just like any other day. Once I got tired, I laid down and fell asleep.”

She wrote down a few notes that I couldn’t see. It was at this point, I realized something strange. “Hey, Twilight, where’s Spike?”

“I had him head upstairs before you arrived,” she responded offhandedly before perking up. “Wait, how do you know about Spike?” Well that was smart.

“Um... Pinkie.” God, I hate lying, but I don’t know how they’ll react.

“Pinkie told you?”

“Over cupcakes. We were talking about different mixes for them and she mentioned the Cakes making one with sapphires in it for Spike.”

“Ah, yes. His birthday cupcake.” She paused as if she was reminiscing. “Anyway, like I said, he’s upstairs. If you want to meet him...”

“That would probably be a good idea, since I assume I’m staying here and I’d like to avoid a confrontation later.”

Twilight jumped in realization. “Oh! Right! I’m sorry, but I don’t have the spare bedroom ready.” She looked a bit nervous as she looked at the couch I was sitting on. “Do you mind sleeping there?”

“It’s no trouble, Twilight. I did kinda barge into your home unannounced.”

“It’s all right; you didn’t get much say in the matter. Let me get Spike.”

As Twilight ascended the stairs, I took a moment to get more comfortable. Well, it’s better than nothing, and these ponies are being exceptionally nice. Either they’ve learned their lesson from Zecora or they just matured.

The purple unicorn came back down the stairs with a tired looking dragon trailing behind. As Spike reached the landing, he looked up to me. He jumped just as the others did and stomped up to me.

“What are you doing here?” he said in an irritated tone. Huh?

“Huh?” Twilight and I said. “Spike, I just told you. What’s wrong?” she continued.

He seemed to snap out of whatever mood he was in and shook his head. “Ah, sorry, still waking up. I meant, why are you here?”

“Aw man, I woke you up? I’m sorry, I just wanted to get introductions out of the way so you wouldn’t attack me in the morning. I’m here because Twilight is allowing me the use of her couch as a bed tonight.”

“No, here here. Why are you in Equestria?” What is he going on about?

“I’m not sure, I just woke up outside of town this morning.”

“Right. Well, I’m Spike.” Sudden 180?

“I’m Dex. Sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s fine, it was just a nap anyway.” He turned to Twilight, looking just as bewildered as I was. “I’m going back to bed. Have fun with the human.” We were silent as he headed back up the stairs and closed the door behind him when he entered their bedroom.

“...”

“...”

“What was that about?” I said.

“No idea,” she responded.

“Right...”

“...”

I shook myself out of my stupor. “Should we continue?”

"All right.” Twilight settled down at her desk and levitated a quill. She seemed to have written off the whole encounter as Spike being tired. “Now, why do you cover yourself with that blanket?"

Wow, right into that. Okay, I can deal. I held out an arm. "As you can see, humans don't have much hair on their bodies. We use clothes to stay warm. After a few centuries, we started covering ourselves out of modesty as well. Our...” I paused in slight embarrassment. “Well, our gender isn't easily hidden like ponies."

Twilight didn't seem too affected by this. Aw, I was kinda hoping for a light blush or something. She really is a scientist first. After writing some notes down, she continued her questioning.

"Tell me more about where you're from."

Another doozy. "I come from a planet called Earth. It's in the Sol system in the Milky Way Galaxy. The only sapient creature there is humans. Some would say dolphins, but I haven't met a dolphin yet that could talk to me. We are the only creature to build cities, develop trade, and expand. Because of this expansion, we are fractured. Humans fight and go to war over what little resources exist and difference of opinion. It's quite sad, but there is good in us. Those that aren't greedy, or in politics, generally are good natured and will help who they can. Also, instead of magic, we have technology. We have managed to venture into space and communicate across the globe."

That got a reaction. Twilight was staring at me in shock. "War? The only developed species? No magic? How... What... Wow. I can't imagine it."

"Most humans aren't affected by the wars, thankfully. Secondly, although some say there was magic in the early days of our civilization, there's no evidence to prove it. What you can do with magic, we can do with technology for the most part."

"I'll have to see that, but what was that about a 'galaxy' and 'Sol system?'"

"Hmm, let's put that on hold for now. I'd like to know if you know anything about what happened to me."

"I'm really sorry, but I don't. You say you went to sleep and woke up here. I really can't think of anything that could do that. I can send a letter to Princess Celestia tomorrow, if it helps?"

Okay, don't screw this up. Do I say yes or do I say I don't know who that is? Umm... "Yes, thank you." Well, that answers that.

"You don't know who she is, do you?"

Crap! "No, but if she's a princess, she must know more, right?" Ignore the fact that princesses know less than the common man on Earth. Yes...

"She, along with Princess Luna, raises and lowers the sun and moon, respectively. They are immortal goddesses who rule Equestria in peace and harmony."

"Ah. That's good to know. I'll be sure to give them proper respects if I meet them, then."

"Oh, I'm sure Princess Celestia will want to meet you."

We stayed up for a few hours and diverged into an 'ask one, answer one' discussion.

"You can warp space?" How did we get on the topic of teleportation? I already knew she could.

"Oh no, it's not so complicated as that!" Twilight said happily, before turning to look out window. "Oh, it's really late. As much as I'd like to keep this up, maybe it's best to go to bed. We completely went off the original subject."

“Sounds like a plan. I hope I don’t permanently stain this couch though."

"Oh, don't worry about that old couch. The dirt will come out easily enough. Don't you want to get cleaned up though?"

"That's a good idea but there's only one problem: I don't have any clothes, remember?"

"I have a spare blanket you can use like that one. Let's get you cleaned up. Tomorrow we have a lot to do."

Indeed we do. Twilight stood and motioned for me to follow. She led me to the bathroom and handed me a blanket. I thanked her and told her not to wait up for me.

The bathroom wasn't all that large. Then again, for the average pony, it didn't need to be. I was surprised to see both a bathtub and a shower head though. Well, a shower in a not so fictional Equestria. Might as well get this over with. I hate using someone else's bathroom. I quickly showered and dried myself. The tub took the dirt well, so I quickly rinsed it out before wrapping myself in Twilight's spare blanket. Against my better judgement, I didn't put my boxers back on. Now, I need to clean these up, hopefully tomorrow morning.

I brought the dirty comforter and boxers back with me to the couch. The last thing I need is someone doing my laundry for me. After laying down and finding the best way to keep the blanket from opening while I slept, I closed my eyes.

All right, to reiterate, I am in Equestria. I am sleeping on Twilight's couch. Side note: I was totally right that they were around four feet tall. Twilight didn't know anything and, being Celestia's student, may mean that the princess can't help me either. Well, if I'm stuck here, I guess I'll make the best of it. I wonder how long it will take my family to find out I'm missing? Or maybe I really am in a coma? Ah man, just thinking about that makes me feel bad. If I’m in a coma, they will keep me in a hospital for a time, and if I don't wake up, I'm sure they'll let me die. I may not have much time here. If I'm missing, they're going to go crazy. If I make it back, everything may have changed. So I either have to make it back within the week or I'm staying here... or maybe not. Well, I just have to ignore it for now. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

Without my fan, every noise was amplified. The silence felt like it was swallowing me into the darkness with the white noise, that I was so used to, missing. Even without thinking, it took me awhile to fall asleep.

Comments

[Focusphobia]

Wait, I'm the first? Muhahaha... MuHaHaHa... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Anyways, this story is pretty awesome.

[Lizard0tM]

Huh.... is eveypony shy about commenting? Any way cool story. He act how any sane brony should act in a HiE fic. Nice job

[Tome Turner]

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0nmcgECjS1qibz0jo1_500.png
I honestly have no strong feelings about this yet...I just know that he is going to screw up badly and spill the TV show beans.

[sirraf]

What is a human? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk… Have at you!

[War-Mercer]

2380351 Fuck, you beat me to it.