It has been a long road, traveling from school bully to an ACTUAL popular kid, but not too popular. Spoiled Rich however, is very annoyed, and, well, she bursts.
Diamond Tiara has a sleepover with Silver Spoon, Scootaloo, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. At first it seems like a good idea...
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon get into a fight, and the insults are getting bigger and bigger, and every time Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, or Applebloom tries to stop them, it angers them even more. They seem like their old selves again.
WARNING : Contains spoilers from the episode Crusaders of the Lost Mark.
Chapters (1)
How does an Earth pony, like Tiara learn magic? Just a question ...
The story is interesting so far, I can't wait to read more of it.
6758950 That's the same question I'm asking
6758950
6759574 They're spells, or potions, I guess.
6759764 so potion making then?
6759781 Yes.
6759801 ah, that makes more sense. Love it so far
6759805 Thanks!
I like to think Tiara is used to eat only dry bread and water as punishment for misusing a fork or eating too loudly. If she can't eat like a proper lady, she can't have a proper meal.
6759886 Aah.
Apple Bloom's name is two words, not one. I'm not sure how/why people keep getting this wrong.
6760961 Thank you.
The premise of the story sounds very intriguing. It is definitely a good idea that you left the reason for the fight between Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon a complete mystery.
However, what you really need to work on is the execution of your idea:
First off, Spoiled Rich is quite out of character in this story. I recognized attempts by you to accurately portray her as the abusive mother she is, but you don't quite reach the goal with her.
First she sends Diamond Tiara off into her room as punishment (which is already quite tame from her considering the punishments she inflicted on Diamond Tiara in other fics, but that's ultimately your decision how far you want to go there), then she calls her down for dinner after a while anyway and then she suddenly allows Diamond Tiara to go to the library.
Even though she made Diamond Tiara pay for the fee, this sounds like Spoiled Rich has suddenly forgot her punishment for Diamond Tiara and became soft again and that without any need to do so.
Write Spoiled Rich more unforgiving, more harsh, the way she's written now doesn't quite fit to her character.
Second, you mentioned "meatballs" and "dollars" in the story. I don't know what was your intention behind this choice of words, but meatballs and dollars don't exist in Equestria; the second one should be "Bits" or "Gems", which are the actual currencies of Equestria, and meatballs would be a meal that is unheard of for ponies to eat because ponies are vegetarians.
If you want to go for an accurate depiction of Equestria, you should pay attention to what is heard in the show and correct those details.
I've also seen you making a mistake that new authors often make, you rush the story too much. Diamond Tiara's meeting with Twilight could be a lot longer, with them having a rich and long conversation that slowly leads up to it that Twilight decides to have a talk with Spoiled Rich about the way she's treating Diamond Tiara.
Diamond Tiara could start by acting stressed in Twilight's presence, Twilight could notice it and ask her what's wrong and then Diamond Tiara could describe her what happened.
There is a lot that could be done here, but you dispatch this moment very quickly and don't use its potential.
Something I'm also missing is more about Diamond Tiara's father. You hint at it that he is as harsh and cruel as her mother, but you ignore him otherwise. Give him a role too and let him partake actively in the events: What does he think about Diamond Tiara's new friends? Does he give Diamond Tiara a own punishment or is he content with her mother's punishment? Do her mother and her father agree with the punishment for Diamond Tiara or are they split about it? How is his personality different that Spoiled Rich's personality? And where are the similarities of their personalities?
Details like this would make the story a lot richer (Nope, no pun intended!).
The biggest issue here is Diamond Tiara learning spells. How does she do that? From the show we know that earth ponies can't actively use magic and Diamond Tiara is an earth pony, so, how does she do that?
So much for the things I caught. As I said, the premise is good and has potential, but these are the issues you should work on before continuing the story.