Not-A-Ling

by Alex Prior

Bonus Chapter!

"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a pony."

Applejack looked the "pony" over. Cautious, guarded, and confident at the same time. Sure, Ah'll play along. She must be new.

"Well, howdy there, pony! Ah'm Applejack. What can I do ya for?"

The new pony started. "Oh! Er. Twenty bits?" Applejack froze. She could not possibly be saying what I think she's saying... There was a pause as both "ponies" reviewed what the "unicorn" had said. A small dragon, previously unnoticed, covered his face with a claw.

"Celestia damn it...."

At least his social shut-in of a boss couldn't come up with a worse first impression...

---

Looking at the mess before him, Spike could not help but curse his past self for invoking narrative temptations. Or whatever they were called. Then again, he supposed things coul-(STOP THAT) than a rainbow pegasus hugging his boss like a teddy bear. Odd; He could have sworn she was not the type...

"Soooo AWESOME!"

Never mind. Better pry a groupie (Boss had groupies?) off Twilight.

---

Spike was so caught up at the elegant white mare that he completely missed Twilight faintly insisting on being a pony. What was a pod-based mane treatment, and what did that have to do with anything anyway?

---

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee........."

Another groupie to pry off the boss. What in Celestia's name *was* with pegasi and Twilight?

---

"...sometimes the debutante related to a lunatic takes a coffee break, but an accidentally saintly menagé à trois always slyly buries a waif! Can you believe it? A bubble, a hardly saintly cream puff, and the sheepish (hehe, sheepish) colt are what got little old me into trouble! And then a trombone near some toothache buries a strawberry-blonde bodice ripper! I know, I didn't believe this myself! Now and then, the sublime cleavage ignores a bicep inside some amour-propre..."

Twilight and Spike exchanged bewildered glances. "All I did was reassure her that I was a pony..."

Spike faceclawed. "Okay. That's it. I'm done. Somebody else make sense of this stuff."

...that was an oddly cryptic thing for him to say, wasn't it? What do the readers think?

Author's Note:

Happy April The First, everyone!
Also happy April the Second.
Yes, this is a real chapter.
There was no prank.

Comments

[Fictional Fanatic]

Have my likes! All of them!

[Emtu]

I'm on board with Spike.

Somebody else make sense of this stuff.

[Fox]

Is that some Changeling equivalent of Polari? Did you compose a cant just for April Fools? I'm impressed.

[dragonjek]

"...sometimes the debutante related to a lunatic takes a coffee break, but an accidentally saintly menagé à trois always slyly buries a waif! Can you believe it? A bubble, a hardly saintly cream puff, and the sheepish (hehe, sheepish) colt are what got little old me into trouble! And then a trombone near some toothache buries a strawberry-blonde bodice ripper! I know, I didn't believe this myself! Now and then, the sublime cleavage ignores a bicep inside some amour-propre..."

derpicdn.net/img/2013/11/19/476007/medium.jpeg

[iloveportalz0r]

u mot w8

[lunarstallion]

Dude like

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

[Kryssi]

menagé à trois

You misplaced the acute accent: ménage. I have no idea how I found that among the torrent of jargon.
Which brings me to the rest of the paragraph…

“…sometimes the debutante related to a lunatic takes a coffee break, but an accidentally saintly menagé à trois always slyly buries a waif! Can you believe it? A bubble, a hardly saintly cream puff, and the sheepish (hehe, sheepish) colt are what got little old me into trouble! And then a trombone near some toothache buries a strawberry-blonde bodice ripper! I know, I didn't believe this myself! Now and then, the sublime cleavage ignores a bicep inside some amour-propre…”

Um. It took three re-reads to figure out at least a fragment of what she’s discussing… some relationship? Threesome? Musical instruments? Romantic novels? It’s a bit like Ulysses Lite™.

[Alex Prior]

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Actually, this really is what happened when this not-a-ling Twi showed up in Ponyville.

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Including a rant I mostly got from a nonsense generator.

[iloveportalz0r]

7087344

[Snow Fluff]

I'm not sure what happened in this story at all but it is funny...