When two brothers, Flim and Flam, need more mercenaries to fight their pointless gravel war. Nine ponies will be hired for the task. Unfortunately none of them were prepared for what would come with the job. Teamwork.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 19th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Feb 16th, 2023
Thetrainenthusiast
I'm just your average brony. I want to contribute to this fandom and (though it may come out slow) i'm gonna do it through fanfics
Thetrainenthusiast
Joined 19th Oct, 2014 ·
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5970701 To be fair that more or less matches TF2's official backstory with a few things thrown in. But yes those were definitely sentences.
5970860 I was trying to keep to the backstory as much as I could with this. Of course i'm going to throw my own spin on things occasionally with both the story and characters. I'm glad to hear i did a good job paralleling it though.
5971150 Since you don't seem to be a troll and are genuinely a writer may I suggest the following? Editor, would help you quite a bit. Space out those paragraphs a bit, it's up to you really it's just that them all scrunched up makes it a bit more bearing on the eyes of others. Remember to capitalize the Violet maid, noticed several times you didn't. Other then that it looks decent.
5971182 Thanks for the tips! I've got a lot of things planned for this story and the help is greatly appreciated. By the way do you know where i could find an editor?
5971214 Some people stop by to offer, other times there's groups such as Looking for Editors, Editors-R-Us.
Really there's dozens of groups for editors, those two names of groups up there are links btw, If you really need an Editor just click the button near the top of the page marked Groups and go to the Group search bar and type in Editor. Get a decent amount of results with huge amounts of members. Some will help, others won't.
This is really good! My only problem is that the Mann brothers are Flim and Flam. Those two are obviously intelligent con men. Their only mistakes were messing with Applejack - twice. They might not learn from their mistakes, but that doesn't mean they're dumb. Consider changing the names?
5982936 In the show they are brilliant con men. Keep in mind this is a fanfiction and that some characters have to be changed quite a bit, especially for a crossover of this nature. For future chapters many characters aren't going to act completely like they do in the show but that's what makes the story more original and interesting to read. I'm glad you enjoyed it though :)