Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's bugger-all down here on Earth.
Centuries ago, when the heart of Equestria was still wild and untamed, corrupted and twisted by powerful ancient magic, Annie and her family, exiled from their former homeland, settled near the edge of the then-unexplored Everfree Forest. Her efforts to protect her family from certain doom will, unintentionally, change her and Equestria forever.
Page generated in 0.101 seconds
Total duration
718 users online
1,056,456 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, y’all got my interest now.
Ah yes, we wander deeper into the strange and mystical. Looking forward to seeing more!
"Crunching, swishing, shuffling. Annoying."
I love this line. Physical descriptions followed by an abstract feeling, and the fact that it's separated by a period to make it FEEL annoying is perfect.
The description on what Annie's swear word WASN'T feels really good, and what follows immediately after.
I really enjoy the banter between Annie and Ruby and the events leading up to the end help sell the... uneven-ness of the terrain.
The new characters are really neat, and it's cool to see there's a legend surrounding Ruby.
Overall really great chapter. My only "grievance" is that they should have been following timberwolf tracks instead of wandering aimlessly, but eh. It works easily the way you have it already. I love the description of all the ponies.
Ooo, background! Hidden history! And the quest for that blasted ladle continues!
The timeline gives me some pause, though. I’ve been assuming that Annie is actually Granny Smith, but the story has made it clear that the events are happening 750 years after the fall of NMM. Granted, we don’t know how much later it is when the story is being told to whoever’s hearing it, but Annie-Granny would have to be really super old if it turns out to be her...
Honestly I enjoyed this chapter a ton! The explanations make so much sense are in actuality kind of inspiring. It makes me want to use it or something similar for my own stuff you know? Because everything just fits into place with your stuff, and you do the education well.
Ruby's story is also incredibly heartfelt and enjoyable. Thank you! <3
Looking forward to the heart of corruption!
Never underestimate earth ponies!
Well, that's certainly a surprising cliffhanger.
I laughed a little at Annie's decision to poke it with a stick.
"I pondered for a moment. What Ruby proposed was without a doubt the craziest and most suicidal plan I’ve ever heard, and that includes my Pa’s decision to accept banishment and find a new homestead. I guess being dead allows you to think outside the box."
This might be my favorite line. I had a lot of favorite lines but this "I guess being dead allows you to think outside the box" feels so obvious of a characterization but it's not.
That was a really good action-based chapter. :)
That was a pretty enjoyable chapter. It was nice to get to know Annie's humility and see Celestia in all her well-intentioned yet clearly wrong glory. It's very in character for Celestia to do just what the fuck ever she wants without really thinking of the consequences or if anyone actually wants it. It's happened multiple times in the show, and has happened in the comics when we've been given looks into her when she was younger.
"Any crop you could imagine, within reason depending on the season, could be found in its stalls." I like this, it sounds oddly poetic.
This chapter was good. It was a nice little break from the action and it felt quaint and the world building was sweet. It was nice to see Detrot, it gave a feeling of wonder that the story has continually given. My only question is the meet up with Kharon seems a little contrived, but given most of what happens in my fanfic is contrived, even if explained as "things are bound to go perfectly in at least one timeline," I think it's totally fine.
So good work! <3
That was a really good summary chapter, and it helped add to the enjoyment that there was a little bonding moment between Sweet and Annie. All I could possibly ask is a little more... I don't know, like... affection or something? It's not relevant to the chapter and it'd be mostly filler but I feel like it'd help demonstrate the familial relations a little more.
Either way, great chapter. The succinct-ness of the summaries and Sweets/Annie's conversation were my favorite part. They got across everything they needed to, especially the passage of time.
"Still, I’ve seen stranger things happen." This is a very good reference to everything that's happened up til now. Even if unconsciously, it makes me remember all the things that have gone on, giving me a sense of a journey.
"Sure, Celestia had lifted the Heresy-Ban against them, allowing them to operate openly, but had she changed her mind in the meantime despite promising me to my face she’d leave them alone?" I like this bit of characterization, especially because it references the audience again. It feels good, like you're part of the story.
"fuzzy, like I was untethered from the world and my senses had been dulled." The description of the sensation, and the comparison, are all really well done.
Knowing what I know of the show, and that Starswirl essentially sealed himself away to seal away an "evil," probably without telling Celestia or Luna, it seems appropriate she thinks he died.
"Unfortunately for me, all that magic caused me..." This might be my favorite paragraph.
"Her voice was quiet, like a filly who’d been beaten within an inch of her life." This is another good description. Dark, and possibly my favorite.
My favorite section is probably where we learn of Annie's training, I really enjoyed all of it, the characterization, the detail, everything.
I recommend changing the part about what kind of ponies are present in Ponyville. Iirc there weren't that many unicorns, which is why Winter Wrap Up was usually done without magic. Or something? I can't remember.
That was a REALLY good story, and a nice headcanon about Granny Smith's origins. This is my new official headcanon.
By the way it occurs to me I didn't mention my thoughts on the twist. I thought it was really well thought out. I just wish there was a little more pseudoscience to it. But I really enjoyed it nonetheless. I like both unnecessary details and checkov's guns.
Wow, I fell behind on this pretty badly of late.
Back making progress again. I’m glad to see that the ladle is still front and center in our heroine’s concerns! And I think this decision makes sense for her, though she’s definitely passing up a lot of potential ability to change her life and circumstances. It’s interesting to see a character make that choice and to have it make sense.
Haha, that was a REALLY good epilogue. It was neat to know Applebloom was the one reading all that. Also in hindsight Annie really feels a lot like Granny Smith, so you got the characterization down pat.
Loved it. This story was a great way to tie together all sorts of loose ends in a really entertaining package!
That was a lovely story, thanks for writing it.
Sequel?
10007362
Here you go.
Now keep in mind the sequel was written over four years earlier. In other words, the story you just read -- and I'm so glad you liked -- is a prequel to the very first story I posted on this site. Also, since that IS very first story I ever posted, it's not going to read as well as this one, which I put a lot of care into. Aside from a few tweaks to satisfy my word-count OCD a year ago, I haven't even looked at the story I just linked you since January 20th 2015.
Every January 20th, I post a new Mayor Mare story, and they ALL take place in the universe Antonovka establishes.
Confused? So am I. And I wrote these stories! I suggest you read my blog posts for a look into how my brain works. Or doesn't. "Trigger Warning": My FiMFic blog often contains rants about personal mental issues and politics. Also sometimes spoilers.
TL;DR - Thank you SO much for reading and enjoying "Annie". It's one of my personal favorites.
The depth of the lore is already very impressive. Though, the names of Granny Smith's (or Antonovka's) family appear to come from a variety of languages, so I'm having a hard time understanding which culture they are meant to represent when their names appear to be a hodgepodge of Russian, Spanish, and French yet their culture sounds very Scots-Irish, just going by what is presented thus far.
10010905
I'm glad to answer this one. "Hodgepodge", perhaps, but I did my research. I daresay you're thinking too hard.
The names of the 250-years-ago Apple Family (Clan Malus Rosales) are all apple cultivars that existed no later than ~1820. "Antonovka" is a Russian variety of apple that looks almost identical to a Granny Smith but is attested at least as early as the mid-1700s. Some other apple names are taken from Colonial America, pre-Victorian England, pre-Revolution France, etc. There simply weren't as many apple cultivars back then, especially not ones that would work as names for ponies. Honestly, I'm proud of myself for managing to find as many fitting names as I did. It wasn't easy. I didn't care so much about the linguistic origin of the names but rather if the names worked for the individual characters.
The "culture", so to speak, is a combination of the Amish (for the Tarpanites who kicked the Apple Family out of their homeland, think Pinkie's family -- in fact it was literally their clan who did it), and "Borderer" -- i.e. those who come from either side of the English-Scots border (same people who originally Euro-settled the Appalachians, where AJ's accent is meant to come from) -- for the Apples themselves. So in that sense you're not wrong.
Of course the Moon Cultists all take their "Order Names" from the various moons of Saturn. And yes, I use the alternate spelling for "Iapetus" as a nod to Arthur C Clarke's works.
I also took care in showing the speech differences between characters of different eras -- i.e. Celestia and Luna never use contractions (I don't care that they do in canon). Other characters from the period also speak with few to no contractions. The Moon Cultists are somewhere in between because their speech pattern starts as an acquired put-on. Annie meanwhile speaks in full dialect but her future (present) self is much more eloquent because, y'know, old.
There are several OC's in this story, mostly Moon Cultists, who I really took a liking to as I wrote them -- Callisto. Ruby also impressed me with what she could do beyond Donitz's original fangame. Annie/Granny apparently has the gravitas to order around Discord and I look forward to expanding on that soon. I didn't realize until after I wrote this story just how much potential I still have to unpack if I want.
10013447
I hadn't thought to check if all the names were those of Apples, but that makes a lot of sense. Everything else is cleared up too, and there's a much clearer picture now that I know what went into their names.
I've personally used this for writing them in certain eras and settings, but not the modern one. It's a good touch and one I picked up on.