Chapter 4:
Throughout the vastness of the void, the Laughs echoed unceasingly, tolling the death of a Great Old One who thought himself above all judgment but his own. The other Eldritch heard. Some fled. Most cared not. They were too unknowable and simply different in their minds to care about some new horror in a place that was filled with them.
But there was one exception. The Eldest One, the most powerful, most hideous, most twisted. Very little caught its attention, so small all else was in comparison. It knew not fear. It knew only hunger, and feeding, and spreading.
It heard the Laughs, out at the furthest reaches of the Cosmos where it resided. The Laughs, which were among those few things loud enough to draw upon the attention of the Eldest One.
The Eldest One turned it's gaze upon their source, that limited speck called Time, and the even smaller iota of dirt called the planet Equus by those who lived on it.
The Eldest One would pay a visit, soon.
The Eldest One would devour all.
Till all Laughter turned to Silence.
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Oh dear.
That... is beautiful.
Excellent work, dude
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Thanks! Glad you liked it. I certainly enjoyed writing it.
Woah that was amazing
I don't have a group
I am amazed by this story you have a great writing talent
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Thanks! Glad you liked it.
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What? I don't think I understand.
Nice I always have liked stories that paired PInkie with the great old ones and the like. Some even have her being like one (though quite clearly a benevolent force of crazy).
I really like this!!!
Pinkie makes everything better with her happiness
Poor Azathoth, eldest of the Great ones. Especially if he's dumb enough to take on Pinkie Pie.
Fear, O' fear! The eldest of Eldritch has come from there to now and shan't be unheard by the less yearning eyes of the ignorant!
Clutch to sanity in its current brevity and travel in silence the path lain forth by the ones before our time's first day, but relinquish not your fear!
You really don't need those tags. Dark? Nope; happy ending with a cliffhanger that could go either way. Sex? None at all. Implied means a 'fade to black' scene, and there's none of that here. So it's out of place. Gore? Again, none to speak of. And implied would be something like someone's face getting bashed in, but the blood not being directly spoken of. The horror tag actually does make sense. To end, I think you made the right choice of age rating, but you probably could've gotten away with an E as well.
To summarize: this wasn't really dark. Like, at all. It's not even in the 'mildly dark' category—trust me on this, I read a lot. I do love it though, it got a favorite.
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I'm glad you liked it!
I think I made several mistakes on how I presented this story. Like you say, the tags are misleading, and that probably has a lot to do with the poor reception of the story. I think I will change that shortly. If I remember correctly, at the time I posted this, there wasn't even a tag for Horror, but I can't remember clearly - in general, I think I was too sensitive about things. I also did less editing of this story than my others, writing it all in one go and uploading it in the heat of the moment, so it might benefit from some reworking. Plus, although it has four chapters, it was uploaded all in one go, which meant that there would be no chance of recovering from an initial negative reception.
Thanks for the critique. It helps to hear how I can improve.
And then Alondro, the One So Old Age Doesn't Even Apply, popped in beside the Eldest Old Fart. "Unwise," is all the Troll Lord said, before leaving again to torment Twitter.
The Eldest needed to spend some ages cleaning up after soiling itself in abject terror across several spatial infolds.
Pinkie Pie is an eldrich horror done right.
I love this story, and I really hope it was more known.
Nice! Though most of the stories impact and weight was in the first chapter. I almost feel like it would have been better off cutting the story there and leaving things ambiguous and up to the readers imagination as to what degree Pinkie Pie is an eldritch horror herself, but still a good story!
I liked it.
I can see Pinkie heading the Elements of Harmony, instead of Twilight for once, and vanquishing the Eldest. There are heroes; and then there are those who can be more than just heroes.
Chapter titles... What's wrong with them?.. Hum, clearly they quote Pinkie's song... Oh!.. And this is where the title drops in!.. Ingenious!
Initially I thought, it was brilliant. But this doesn't look like a happy ending. Is Equestria doomed?..
Oh my. Horror indeed
...