Nothing Like You

by flutteredchaos

The storm

"Come on, Mr. Peppers, please?" The blonde soothed as the black and white cockatoo jumped onto her hand. She giggled slightly as it nuzzled against her. She gently set the bird down into it's cage and it began at peck at it's food. She sighed happily and shut the cage door, and made her way to the counter. Hardly any customers had come in since she opened. Usually the owner would let her leave early if the shop had been empty, but he was at dinner with his wife and needed her to stay full time. She gasped as she felt something crawl against her legs. Looking down, it was just a puppy who had gotten loose.

"Sammy, what are you doing?" She laughed. As she went to pick up the stowaway, it started barking. The bell at the entrance went dinged as a group of people piled in.

"Hello, Can I help you?" She smiled.

"Why yes," A sinister voice began. "You can..."

"Are you here to adopt an animal? We have a great selection of all sorts of animals in need of a good home." She said as she lifted the puppy. Two of the men exchanged glances.

"This is who Discord is giving us up for?" One of them asked raspily. She cocked her head.

"Huh?" She asked, confused. Another one rolled his eyes, and with a snap of his fingers, one of them grabbed her. She screamed, panic running through her mind. Were these the 'friends' Discord told her about? "What's going on?!"

"Someone duct tape her mouth, please." The leader muttered.

"Sombra said he didn't want her injured. Not until we get his answer."

"Doesn't mean you can't shut her up. Do you want to drag her out of here kicking and screaming?" The man snarled. She watched the scene play out before her, the man behind her tightening his grip on her arms. She winced in pain, and felt tears stream down her face as they put duct tape over her mouth. What did they want from her?

"Blondie, is there a back exit in this shithole?" She ignored him, until someone twisted her arm. "Just because I was told not to hurt you doesn't mean I won't, kid." He spit, his face close to hers. She cried out, the sound muffled by the tape. Nodding anxiously, she led them to the back. Her heart began to pound as one of them pressed a gun to her back. She wanted to ask where they were taking her as they shoved her into a car. The windows were tinted black, and there were men on each side of her. There was no chance of her escape. The ride seemed to last forever, her fear elevated when they arrived at their destination. It appeared to be an abandoned warehouse, similar to the one Discord brought her to. They pushed her, leading her down into the basement. She gulped when they took the tape off of her mouth, smiles plastered on their faces.

"I'm just saying, I don't think a red tie would go with her dress." Discord argued.

"You haven't even seen her dress." Rarity mumbled. "Yes it will."

"Remind me again, why am I doing this?" He scoffed.

"Because," She muttered as she adjusted his suit. "You care about my friend and you want to look spectacular for her, do you not?"

"I don't care what I look like either way." He shrugged. She hit him, causing him to roll his eyes. "Yes." He grumbled.

"Now, you stay here and i'll be right back. I've got to get more thread." She perked, sashaying off. He grumbled under his breath until his phone began to ring. That's strange, he thought. Nobody calls me. Glancing at the number, it wasn't one he recognized.

"Hello?" He answered curiously.

"Discord..." A familiar voice drawled.

"Grogar? Why are you calling me?"

"Your time is up, and considering we never heard back from you, I've called to make a compromise." Grogar said wickedly. Discord rolled his eyes.

"There's nothing you could say to make me return."

"I thought you'd say that..." Another voice replaced Grogar's. Discord furrowed his brow. What was going on? "Which is why I thought you'd like to have a chat with our...house guest." The voice growled. Discord paused.

"Discord!?" Her voice rang through the phone. His body tensed at the sound of it. She sounded panicked and like she had been crying.

"Where are you?" He growled.

"I don't know, a warehouse. Please help me!" She cried. He felt sick. This is my fault. I should've known they'd go after her. I am so stupid. He paced back and forth.

"Discor-" Her voice faded as someone grabbed the phone from her. "We're at the cherryhill warehouse, Discord." Tirek muttered. "You have one hour to get here and accept Sombra's terms, or...we're going to have a little fun." Before he could say anything, the phone clicked and toned out. He growled, and darted out of the house.

"What in the world?" Rarity chimed as he raced past her.

"Why do you want him to come back so bad?" Shy spit, struggling against the ropes that tied her to a chair.

"Don't make us re-tape your mouth." Tirek muttered.

"I don't understand..." She sighed. "Why did you go to all of this trouble just to get him back?"

"Discord is one of our smartest affiliates, despite all his faults. To lose him would be to lose the entire heart of our organization."

She thought for a moment. "It would be a shame if your leader heard you say that." She said bravely. He whirled around to face her, gripping her chin tightly.

"Listen girl, I'd shut my pretty face if I were you." She stared him down defiantly, but one squeeze from his hand made her cry in pain. "You are a pretty one, aren't you..." The man mumbled. "Hey boys!" He called. "What's stopping us from having a little fun right now?" The men laughed and gathered around, leering at her. She may have been tired, and worn down from all her struggling, but she was willing to fight with all she had if they even tried to touch her. They all jumped at the sound of someone's footsteps shuffling throughout the room.

"Discord?" Tirek called provokingly. There was no answer. They looked around, waiting for him to jump out and attempt something. "Tell me Discord," he continued. "What does this doe eyed child see in you?" They waited, still nothing. "Does she coo when you touch her?" He taunted, looking around. "Or have you not?"

"Stop it!" She hissed, ignoring the pain she felt as he squeezed her face harder. Discord growled and emerged from his hiding place.

"Ah, there you are." Tirek laughed tauntingly.

"I accept Sombra's ridiculous terms, let her go."

"You waste no time," Tirek raised his hands in surrender. "Alright." He untied her, and she ran into Discord's arms, clutching him tightly.

"Did they hurt you?"

"I'm fine." She whispered.
"This is sweet and all..." The man with the gun began. "But unfortunately, Sombra still insists you face your punishment." He raised the gun at her head. "You must learn...love is imprisonment, Discord." The gun shot rang through the sky.

Author's Note:

I'm sorry this is so late, as well as short. Forgive me I wanted to end on a cliffhanger, because i'm that evil.

Comments

[The Abyss]

Hm... it seems like you're putting a lot of effort into this, so I'm gonna help you out!

1: Do not describe what your story is in the title. Take out the words "Fluttercord AU" from the title, and capitalize the first letter of every word so it looks like this: "Nothing Like You" This is just me, but I would do this: "There's Nothing Like You"

2: Your description is extremely basic and doesn't do a good job of attracting readers. You've written 13k words for this story, surely you can come up with something better. You have to write something that'll grab people, draw them in, and keep them.

3:

This fic is a human AU, characters hair colors and names are changed to seem more human.

Delete that from your description. Also, changing the characters' hair colors and names to make them seem more human is a bad choice, and it could be the reason why you aren't getting that many readers. It's completely fine to write humanized stories, but when you change the characters from what everybody knows and loves them as, you're pretty much shooting yourself in the foot. I would go back and describe them as they are in the show.

4:

What happens when Shy's mother takes in another troubled delinquent?

This part of your description is rather lacking. We don't know who Fluttershy's mother is, and simply leaving it at that won't do your story justice. Go look at how a lot of the big writers write their descriptions: http://www.fimfiction.net/search/users?s=followers and see how they structure them. Find someone who has a romance story and imitate their style while describing your own story. You have to make it unique, and you have to make the potential readers wanting more.

5: This last point is a very big issue. You haven't put your story into any groups yet, which means that you're only getting views from when your story shows up on the front page whenever you update it. I'm sure you'd love to get hundreds more views, so click this link here: http://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/groups?group_name= It shows all of the groups on fimfiction. Go through the first twenty or so pages of groups and join them, and put your story into the relevant groups. It's very easy to do, and there are hundreds of groups. A lot of them have hundreds of people, so just imagine this: If you put your story into the FlutterCord group, (http://www.fimfiction.net/group/198345/fluttercord), 703 people will suddenly have access to your story. There are also so many groups for new writers such as yourself, and you could benefit greatly from joining them!

6: If you want to attract more readers, find some cover art for your story. It's very easy to find something for your story, and you can pretty much use anything you find unless the artist specifically says that you can't use it. So long as you give credit to the artist and provide a link back to their userpage, you won't have any issues. Usually, artists love it when people use their art for fanfictions, and by using fan-made art, you give that artist free promotion while you attract more readers with it. It's a win-win for both of you, and it brings the community together.

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If you have any questions, feel free to reply to me and I'd be happy to help you out.

[nobody_in_particular]

6668474 Oh hey it's Abyss. Hey man :)

Dang it this was a freaky cliffhanger! So this story was one I always skipped over when I was looking in the Fluttercord Group, but I'm glad I decided to read it because it's good so far.