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Since the Alicorn Amulet incident, Trixie suffers of nightmares. After some time she finally yielded and decided to get to the one pony who can help her. And so she returns to Ponyville, the place her nightmares began, not knowing that she has bigger problems than simple nightmares.
The dark tag is for two or three chapters that handle nightmares or past events with mentions of death. Those chapters will be marked with [D]
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So, it's not a bad start to a story, but you need some help with tenses... you kept changing them through these two chapters. The grammar was okay, but some mistakes could be avoided. What I suggest is checking around some of the groups for writers and editors and see if someone is willing to work with you on fixing that.
Good luck!
I'm interested to see where this goes, tracking for now
6611982 thanks for the advise, I will see if I can find someone for proofreading
I thought that there would be some problems, it's nearly 10 years since I was in school after all and I don't use english that often
6612232 I'm happy that you like it so far, the beginning was really hard and I rewrote it several time before I was happy with it
I hope that I can get the characters of the main six and others right in the next chapters
6620738 I always had a feeling that there was something wrong in this chapter, but couldn't put my finger on it
and then it is something that simple. I will think about it and change it
I must say it's been a while seen I have encountered that word
. Had to look for it on the dictionary to refresh me 
. People like me who don't remember or know words like those should really be given hints like keywords (I think that's what you call it. A phrase or word that refers to the deep word 
)
Daww
... This is one of the reasons why they should put Trixie back at least in one episode where she gets a big role 
. She's not even a background 
She need to come back!!!
Just like what most people say; ever since Twi came to town, lots of problems have been happening lately
In a world where friendship is magic... is not so magical at all to some ponies
She never even realised she had bruises.
Also, play that clip on Lion King where Simba runs to go back to his home 
Twixie anyone?
Overall, I am interested most about Trixie's adventures.
Maybe even meet a few ponies she can call friends? 
Who knows 
. Other than that, nothing much else about the plot 
. And your main issue is grammar 
. I've seen a few errors which I'm lazy to point out 
. You should ask someone to revise it 
. For future readers to understand or get a clearer picture 
With Regards,
MysticCptTidalStirling29 ;P
How did you not notice that Trixie in the first place?
Hey, there are already a few a-holes in the show
. Don't be one whoever you are 
And you're talking to the Great and Powerful Trixie!!! 
I'm pretty sure you only know tricks that are for show . Not for defence or any other magic in particular
Trixie, what dream have you gotten yourself into?
Nightmares. *Sigh*
I'm guessing part of it has something to do with her past 
And this has been going on for 3 months?!
Next time, she might even be Derpy 2.0
(Though Derpy is still better 
Now have a muffin 1.bp.blogspot.com/-QEOxULPZyuo/UpUF3QbYwnI/AAAAAAABnIU/h_X_V8-36AA/s1600/mlp__derpy__s_muffin_party__by_maxmontezuma-d5qegez.png
Don't cry Trixie
. If I]you cry, I cry too! 
Dang it. Thought this was a fic about adventures of Trixie
Ohh well. 
Back to Ponyville we go! 
Though it's a cliche now in most stories about Trixie. 
But I'm curious what you have in mind for the little magician. 
Overall, this chapter has improved from the 1st. 
A little dark, but I'm sure it will be darker in a few chapters 
.
Any chance for shippings in this fic? Maybe at least a background shipping or something
It adds up to the gag 
6701134 Dang it. My emoticons disappeared again!!!
6701030 maybe I will change it a bit later, that happens if you don't write in your first language and has to rely on translators
I really hope that Trixie will come back, I was so looking forward in the S5 finale for a future with Trixie, but at least I got Chrysalis, she is my favourite villain
till now I got no plans for a Twixie or any romance in this storie, but maybe in a sequel if some readers would like one when I'm finished with this one
)
Just changed both chapters, they are edited now ^^. and this story will focus on Trixie with her daily life in Ponyville later after all, including new friends (and till now at least one important one besides the mane 6 for the plot
6701134 well, it's a nightmare, you don't always notice everything strange in the beginning
it's not really known what spells Trixie knows at all, but at least she can try to distract someone to escape
It was mentioned in the description that she will return to Ponyville after all, so no surprise. And yes, she got nightmares for all this time. Maybe I will add the Dark tag to the storie later, depends on what I wll write
And a cliche for my first try writing is not that bad I think
like I mentioned in the other comment on chapter 1, no planned ships till now, but it is still possible that I will change that a bit later
There are some of the errors I found from Twilight's conversation with Trixie:
extremely
were
floating
several (a few, many, a number of, etc...) doctors
too (very common mistake)
Trixie's
Twilight stood up from her place and walked over to one of her bookshelves.
caught
admits
I didn't point out grammar. Just wording and spelling. You might want to get a proofreader/editor.
As for the story, I'm surprised that Spike came back to the library by himself. I would have thought he would have told Rarity why he was so upset.
6705739 Hey, you live and you learn.
English itself is really confusing 
Mee too!!!
Lots of fan favorites that rarely get used 
. Chrysalis, Luna, Discord, and even Sombra (which you will like more if you read the comic) 
!!! That AU was definately worth it!!! 
Twixie is red! It is a no go!
But it's fine. It was only to a little something readers would look forward to if you added that. 
Will try to read the edits if I have time
. For now, busy with my own fic (LyraBon 
)
Who is it I wonder?
Background pony I presume 
Hope he/she becomes Trixie's BFF or something!!! 
6705760 Life is Strange...
If you get that reference 
But nightmares are weirder 
. (FYI, the title of my 1st chap in my fic that I'm still writing is "A Nightmare or A Night with a Mare?" Literally, the title means both! 
)
All we know is she is a magician in here and in human world.
And that her smoke bombs always fails 
because she always gets caught before she entirely disappears! 
You're a meanie!!!
For 3 months is too long 
!!! And she barely can't do a simple thing with her fatigue!!! 
And yay you uploaded Chap 3!
Kinda curious who is this certain pony to be included other than the mane 6 
If he/she is in that chap. 
Pinkie is always in a rush.
The only time everypony should start worrying is if Pinkie didn't show up for a week!!! 
Just Pinkie sense?
Fair enough 
. No 4th wall being broken here 
This is why Twilight in my preference is ranked 6th among the mane six
. (How ironic though 
that I love books 
, but don't like ppl *ehem* ponies who read books 
.) Not because of books, but how the show puts much emphasis on how Twi loves them 
.
Spike just trying to make Rarity notice her
But that's a fic far to may people have already written about 
. Moving on!!! 
I wonder how and why Spike is still mad at Trixie when she was controlled by the amulet and currently looks like a beggar :unsuresweetie And poor Trixie.
Trixie Software 1.0 is processing your information... *5 mins later* Data processed... 1%
Yeah... Uhh... Right
And make love
Also
I think she meant to say together
.
And finally
because all you need is a one night stand to forget
. I just couldn't help myself when I saw those lines 
Sorieez the Twixie shipping
But it just wouldn't be the same without her hat and cape
Spike is definately overeacting
Just calm the heck down baby dragon. 
Trixie isn't a threat at the moment 
That... Was unexpected
I mean it's fine to do so, but not to your rival or former rival 
.
Celestia it is! If Celestia can't however, Stars Swirl can!!!
BTW, do you also believe Trixie could be a descendant of Stars Swirl?
If only there was more proof to support my theory. 
Anyways, hope that theory gave you an idea 
Another idea is from EQ movie where she was with a band called Illusions. 
You can try to feature them here if you can 
Overall, Spike sounds really tipped off by Trixie.
Trixie being Trixie even if exhausted. 
And Twilight and her books 
. I think it's obvious Trixie will settle in Ponyville, but I just want her back in her old days where she has a caravan with her. 
She is also starting to show her soft side when desperate (for now). 
. Is she going to change however?
Maybe after 13 chapters or so?
Also, grammatical errors 
6706348 the spelling mistakes were my stupid mistake, I accidently uploaded the backup version I kept to be safe and that wasn't checked for the spelling
I already got 2 proofreader/editor (one was not available at the moment), so we will do our best to find most mistakes in future chapters.
And for your question at the end: he wanted to calm down and don't think about Trixie, but who said he didn't told Rarity anything
6708301 I read more than enough stories with really bad 4th wall jokes, just because they are Pinkies thing, so I will only write one when I got a good idea for it
) And even that I think you won't like it, but Rarity is my rank 6 of the M6. I don't really like her, but I don't hate her. She got some really good episodes in S5, but not enough to change my ranking 
everypony got something they truly love. Twily got her books, Rarity her fashions, RD the wonderbolts and Pinky sweets, partys, new friends...(this could go on much more
don't want to say to much in advance, nearly happened already
pride can be a realy party pooper
No, bad Stirling. No shipping for now at least
after 3 month of nightmare terror, the dam finally broke and she needed someone. Dosn't matter who at the moment to comfort her.
I read a few stories, with made good points that it could be possible, but who knows
might be possible for the Illusions to meet, maybe I will think about it for a future chapter
I plan on changing her at least a bit over time, and she won'T abandon her career like she mentioned in the first chapter. she needs to go back on the road, but that is not possible in her condition at the moment
6708064 it's not the smoke bombs that fails, they work perfectly, it is Trixie who fails in both worlds
in the beginning the nightmares where mostly harmless, but got worse over time as she told Twilight. And first thinking it will stop, than visiting several doctors while maintening her shows and in the end swollowing her pride and visit the last pony she wants to ask for help takes time. I thought about 6 months first, but that was way to long
it will be some time before this one will appear, at least two or 3 more chapters before the first meeting
6708042 I was never really good with english, but I always try to improve at least a bit
I'm not sure if I can write something like a romance at my first try, so I settled for slice of life first to get a bit experience
there are still some mistakes taht will be edited soon, one of my editors was not available for a short time
the future will show it
wow, longest comment I ever wrote on this side, but for 3
6712877 And she didn't go running over to Twilight's to confront Trixie, or was she waiting for Spike to leave before getting the rest of the crew?
6712984 I'll just be here waiting for any 4th wall jokes
It's fine
. I've met a lot of people in the fandom who have Rarity as their least interesting 
. It really depends on the person. Like me on how Twilight is all about books and alicorn incident 
i.imgur.com/uSR2Dpi.gif
Both really made me put Twilight at 6th (would have liked if Twi became an alicorn in about 2 or 3 more season, but larson said no
). Meanwhile, Rarity is my 1st since I can really relate to her! 
Like a hell lot! 
From fashion, to being generous, etc. Though I agree she is a drama queen 
, I still appreciate how she has attention for detail and all 
. That's just one of few things I like about her 
In short, everyone has their own opinion of who is the best pony 
. I mean, if we go and decide who is best character in MLP, that's just a land slide of arguements being thrown on and off 
What nearly happened?
Pls specify 
Hey, loosing your pride already hurts
. She's just trying not to do it again 
. Though I'm sure Trixie will change 
. and even be the 7th element humility Though it's already canon in the alternate universe. 
Just don't make her an alicorn (yet) if she does learn to be humble 
It's actually a gift or talent if you might say. If ever ppl ask me to make a story for them, often I would make lots of cheezy lines which I suggest to them. Even if it's not romance, I finds ways to make ppl ship something or I find ways to make this a little more interesting. Like, I'm such a tease . Hehehe. I'm thankful I have this since it's fun to see ppls reaction when I tell them a cheezy line. Most just overreact which I enjoy. The looks on their faces cannot be portrayed in a canvas properly xD
(Speaking of cheezy lines, if ever you're interested in seeing cheezy lines for my future fic, you will have to wait at least 4 or 5 chapters before I really make you flip a table! The 1st few chapters are more learning about the plot. But as soon romance fills the air, you will definitely smell lots of cheese)
And with the dam broke, she can finally follow the path to friendship!!! another headcanon, Twilight's student? Some ppl like me recommend it to the show
Definitely going to flip a table if she was related to Star Swirl and I will probably fan boy if Illusions appear!!!
Yusss!!!! More Trixie adventures!!! For that, you finally earned myfollow!!! One of my fav? I will have to see where this goes first. But I'm already tempted to press the fav button!!!
Welp. 1 reply done. 2 to go. Gonna follow you first.
6712984 Ohh yeah, that
I guess that makes sense
And wow, if it was 6 months?! 
Overkill or something 
It's fine
. Ppl improve overtime 
And I believe you will! 
Every writer has to start somewhere
. Even I'm starting with a mainstream fic 
(LyraBon 
). But let's face it, the fandom makes everything into mainstream 
. If you're confident enough though, try 
. It wouldn't hurt if you did 
Must be really busy. Exams are next week for us here
Then I will be waiting.
But my limit is half a year.
or less
6714958 that's true, that could be a long argument with could end in a little war
I know that good, my favourite is Pinkie, we are a bit similar sometimes. When I told a friend (not brony) about Pinkie he just said so she's like you
I mean that I nearly spoiled what I planed for future chapters with what nearly happened, I rambled a bit while writing and already wrote a lot of my planned plot before I noticed
cheesy lines are best lines
6714976 she would probably be insane when she reached Ponyville after 6 months
I even got a nice idea for a second story and already started the prologue a bit, but I don't know about some important details, but this will only be continued after finishing this story. I hope I got some good ideas for it over time
it is not an easy task to come out with something new after 5 years of storie writing for a subject, so everything is mainstream now
I'm really busy, too. With each day christmas is coming closer work gets harder. I planned to finish at least 5 chapters till know, you can see how that worked out
6718280 Hehehe, good for you.
Pinkie just brings the childishness among all of us bronies 
. I have an enthusiasm just like Pinkie 
. Sadly, she is only 2nd in my ranking 
among the mane 6.
I guess you really are just like Pinkie
. You can't keep secrets for too long 
so you unintentionally left a clue 
. Just make sure you Pinkie promise to yourself to not reveal much 
. Or make the clue more of a tease 
to mislead readers into thinking something else 
. It definitely helps since they get shocked that what they were thinking is actually the opposite of what you want! 
(Actually how FNAF got popular. You leave them this, which is correct, but not quite 
)
Well if you include or write a story about romance and want cheezy lines, you know where to find me
And if I really see a chemistry, I just automatically write cheezy lines (even if it's not romance) so be prepared when I do 
6718290 I'm sure you'll think of more than a few ideas since you're a writer!
They just happen or if you research enough 
. Also, is it another Trixie fic 
? I want to know what the story is all about! 
Or rather, who is it all about 
Mainstream is everywhere
. But finding new ideas about that topic isn't 
I'm also trying to finish my first chap this Dec, but lots of work has come up.
Don't know if I can finish it this month! 
I'll only be free next Tuesday since no classes 
6719363 the childishness was always there, but it got way more serious since I found this show (or better since my cousin managed to make me watch it)
I will try to get some plot twists inside if I can, not sure if it will happen here or in another story in the future, but a good
is always good 
I will come back to it if I'm ever in need of them
6719387 this one will go into the corrupted Twilight part. I just started to read a lot of these and got a nice idea for a plot I didn't found anywhere till now, so I thought about it and started it
maybe there will be a Trixie somewhere, it's still very open what will happen
don't hurry to much or it will not end good if you try to force it. That's why I don't really set deadlines or release dates for new chapters
Yay! This is an interseting concept! The only problem is that you keep switching between past and present tenses, but thats understandable
whats a scheme?
6851852 I wonder that no one mentioned that before. I accidently used a more german word, it is like a shadow or a silhouette. I will change that later
Sorieez for late reply
. Been busy lately. 
Now I've opened up a little free time today. 
Though I actually expected you to have already published at least 2-3 more chapters while I was gone 
. Also got busy? 
Anyways...
6735039 Ever read a short story "TheLittle Prince" By Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (He's French
). After reading it, you'll understand why being childish has its own advantages 
I just like to read adventure or mystery novel
(If not, romance 
). Plot twists are only good if they're unthinkable 
. If manage to have an idea, go for it! 
6735048 Oww, so Human genre (or Equestria Girls genre if you might prefer
). Is that going to be an AU? 
Haven't really read much about Human genres. But Antro... More than a few already 
. But since you said new idea, I'll give it a shot since curiousity is just a force too powerful to disregard. 
Anh Hurray for Trixie as extra! 
Yeah
. I really can't hold on to the proposed dates because of school work. 
I'm not even going to bother in making one because I have failed miserably far too many times on my deadlines. :raritycry :I just write if I have the free time. I was suppose to publish my fic this January, but then I thought why not even make a prologue? 
So the whole January (if I have free time), I've been busy making the prologue and it's almost complete 
. Just need to revise a few things and plan on giving specific clues to my fic which won't reveal much 
(My story arch is interactive. By that, you can see unsual things that might be clues 
. Just beware that if you don't analyze them carefully, you will be mislead.) And also the new feature I am going to add to FimFiction which I found from one writer on WattPad. Hope you love it when I do post the prologue ;P
Edit: My Emoticons don't work again :/
After rereading, I wonder what Spike's reaction will be to being woken up by Trixie's scream?
good start, nice and simple. always a good way for new stories. off to read the next chapter
and yea, trixie isn't familiar what the power of friendship can have, so why should she bother trying? that also is the problem though. anyways- allonsy
(link1able)
6851848 this use of past and present tense, can really throw even the writer off. even worse is P.O.V intervals to the point you forget which character it is we're looking through.
ooo... nightmare reminds me of doctor who. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2Px5tUfY74
http://whobackwhen.com/wp-content/uploads/n021-the-idiots-lantern-angry-doc-faceless-rose-doctorwho-drwho-doctor-who-tennant.jpg
lol
took her 3 months to admit defeat? hmm... took a wile, you certainly have her stubborn streak down.
hmm... something tells me spikes behavior spurred the nightmare into fresh waves. she certainly seemed far more terrified than the last chapter. just a thought thought. typical twilight, though i would be curious why luna had not gotten to trixie ni the 3 months since they began :P
looking forward to the next chapter.
6923444 I hope it won'T be that long anymore that you can see that answer in the next chapter.
I'm struggling a bit with the next one right now, but I will solve this
6713117 somehow I missed this comment, but better late than never
you will see what was going on with Rarity, she will be in the next chapter
6924155 lol, something like this was what I had in mind, but I never watched Dr Who
that was exactly my goal in this part
first I thought about 1-2 month, but than I changed it since Trixie would first do everything she could before asking Twilight for help after all. After that I thought shortly about 5-6 month, but that seems a bit to much considering how bad the nightmares are
6924199 Spikes behavior is not the only reason behind that mystery, but that's all I will say now.
And why Luna did nothing will also be explained, but probably in the 5. chapter. The next is already
longer than I expected, so I will probably cut this one in two, depends on how long it will be in the end
6925283 ah i see... sounds like a good way to go. even sounds like it has potential for a good lengthy plot. depends on your end-game though. multiple factors was a great idea. seems like it is hinting at the amulet causing them as a side affect. (withdrawals)
6925592 yes the amulet is the cause of all that will happen. I came up with everything while watching the Magic Duel reaction of Feathered Cake Batter on youtube
right now I don't know how long the story will be in the end. Got my plan what will definitly happen and some ideas that might happen, depends on how much they fit in later. And if they not fit, maybe I can use them in another story
6925606 ooo feathered cake batter? lol yea, he's interesting xD
I'm sorry to hear about your editors leaving. I understand the stories being unedited. As for the Trixie, the fact that the princesses were looking for Trixie worries me.
hastily.
i saw a number of these types of errors. with your editors gone, i can understand. but i noticed some not all punctuation missing. let me know if you want an updated one with my edits before you find a professional to do it.
(not even my story isn't passing submission somehow, and has same errors with punctuation -.- )
Well this is an interesting development.
What episode is that picture from? I've seen all the episodes with Trixie, but that particular scene is new to me.
7358230 it's not from an episode, it's simply a picture from deviantart
Trixie Lulamoon
Well that was painful.
Proofreading is needed.
7482427 yeah I know
I do my best but I was never so good in english class.
Why do people (ponies in this case) always have to invite Murphy to enforce the law?
What could possibly go wrong?
There is no way such and such will/won't happen?
How hard could it be?
There's nothing to worry about. Oy!
Okay. I'm going to guess one or more of the following will cure Trixie's curse:
1. She has to truly forgive herself for what she has done.
2. She has to make some kind of penance for what she has done.
3. She must allow love and/or friendship in her heart.
I know it will probably be awhile before Trixie is cured though. We still need to know what happened to Trixie in Canterlot. As well as why the creatures of the Everfree are leaving the forest and trying to enter Ponyville.