- Member Since 7th Nov, 2015
- offline last seen Dec 15th, 2015
YoshisDeepDungeon
Alt Account to TheYoshiTerminator, this is where my Hypnotic Fetish fics go
YoshisDeepDungeon
Joined 7th Nov, 2015 ·
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so who is next?
6697884 This is a one shot.......
6698280 ok can you make a sequels of this one?
6698288 No, this was stand alone story, but I have plans for other stories.
6698299 like?
6698311 I don't wanna say anything now, because I wouldn't expect for a while, but they're gonna be multi chapter, FILLED with hypnosis & clop.
6698329 can you PM me.
6698332 Nope, nothing personal, but you need to work on your grammar, punctuation, and other things.
6698339 you know what PM is right.
6698352 Personal Message, I've messaged you before.
6698355 yes and can you tell me what are you idea are?
6698299
6698329
6698364 Nope, I want them to be a surprise.
6698439 ok
The concept is fine.
The grammar and punctuation need a lot of work, though.
6699291 Let me guess...... Too many commas?
6699519
More than that. For example, in the first sentence you have this:
There are 2 periods for no good reason.
Slap is capitalized for no reason.
Excuse is capitalized for no reason.
These kinds of mistakes are all over the story. You should go over it again and try to correct them. Perhaps you should get additional editors.
6699570 There, I went through and fixed some, but probably not all.
Sorry, but I'm like post my story, then have people point what I fucked up, though I really should get into the habit of actually reading my story in full.
If you're going to copy my story, the least you could do is give credit.
6700449 ok, my friend said that it might be too similar, which is why I tried to make it as different as possible, I guess I failed.
6701653
Thank you.
The lines of words are a bit too close together. I was wondering if you could space it out a bit please.
6702879 I don't really understand......
6702898
The whole story looks like this...
Could you make it look like this...
YES.
This story needs more overhauling than Fluttershy apparently just received... I would highly recommend getting another editor to sit down and grind through it with you.
By far my favorite part has to be the choice to put the ear rings back in! A few grammatical issues here and there but otherwise a good read!
Is this story human or anthro?
7858848 Antho
7866105 but the tag says human.
7867970 blame the writer I guess
What? How could she want it? She'd only had the procedure thrust upon her five seconds before, with NO time to think about it and come to a reasoned decision. But, y'know, porn.
At this point, everything should've ceased. But, y'know, porn.
Some of the errors I noticed other than the spacing errors.