Chapter the Ninth
Chapter the Ninth, or "In Which the Equestrians Face the Nazis"
I walk casually down the street with a group of six Equestrians: Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Big Mackintosh, Spitfire, Rarity, and Derpy. While the latter five are relaxed, Twilight is an absolute mess. “Sebastian,” she pleads for the billionth time, “PLEASE tell me what’s going on! I don’t think I can take this any longer!”
I smirk. “Don’t worry Twi: we’re almost there.”
“Almost where?!?!” she demands.
Smiling, I point ahead to a small shop at a street corner. A beaten-up sign reads “Kassem’s Soups” above the doorway. “THAT, my dear, is the first part of your final exam.”
As we walk in, a small ring alerts the man at the counter of our presence. He has a thick, black mustache, bushy eyebrows, and a permanent scowl on his face. I chuckle to myself at the sight of him. This is going to be so much fuuuun…
“Alright, your goal is to purchase a bowl of soup from the Soup Nazi,” I explain.
Twilight gasps. “He’s a Nazi?! As in those horrible people from the 1940s?!”
“Naw, he’s just a hardass,” explains Mac.
I laugh at this. “Thank you, Mac, for putting it so eloquently. Now, since the Soup Nazi’s REALLY strict, you have to be on your best behavior. He won’t tolerate anything that even begins to annoy him, so this is an excellent test to see how well you adapt to eccentric human behaviors.”
“Uh, Sebastian?” quips Spitfire. “I see a little flaw in your plan. What’s gonna make us even WANT to put up with him if he’s such an asshole?”
I give her a grin. “You haven’t tasted his soup yet.”
With that, I walk up to the counter with the irate chef eyeing me. Standing military style, I give my order loud and clear: “French onion soup, please?”
Almost grudgingly, the mustachioed man serves me a thick, steaming helping of the heavenly concoction in a styrofoam bowl. “Seven dollars,” he demands with a thick European accent.
I obediently hand him the money and receive the soup, my hands trembling. With a bow, I step away from the counter and head towards the table where my students are waiting.
Mackintosh gives me a smirk. “Layin’ it on a little thick, ain’t ya?”
I simply thrust the bowl out in front of him. “Just try it, and you’ll understand it all.”
The ginger rolls his eyes and takes a sip. Almost immediately, they pop back open in surprise, his pupils dilating to an impossible width. He releases the bowl with a gasp. “Sweet sisters…” he mutters, “that was… amazin’!”
I smile as I pass it to Spitfire. “You try. It’ll change your life.”
With a skeptical glance, Spitfire takes the bowl and sips a little. Within seconds, she seems to be hyperventilating with pure ecstasy. “That was… whoa!” she declares.
“Ooh, gimme!” demands Pinkie Pie, snatching the bowl from the flame haired girl. She takes a big gulp of the stuff before letting out a satisfied sigh. “Oh, YES!” she declares. “THAT hit the spot!”
She passes it to Rarity, who gives it a disdainful little sniff. “Not to be rude, darling, but I doubt that this particular dish suits my taste. Surely, he must serve salads along with his soup?”
I groan. “If you don’t try it, you’ll fail, Rarity.”
She gives an exasperated sigh. “Very well, then. I’ll endure this… calorie-ridden catastrophe.” She takes a dainty sip from the bowl, only to open her eyes wide in shock. “Oh my… It’s like… it’s like velvet and silk, and it’s got a small tang that only accents the texture! Dear Luna, I think I might just faint!” With this, she swoons, only to be captured by a small velvet cushion.
I smirk at this. “Pfft. Drama queen. So, who’s next?”
Derpy eagerly steps up. I pass her the small Styrofoam bowl, and she nearly tips the bowl over in excitement. After a satisfying gulp, she passes it to Twilight with a grin. “You should really try this, Twi!”
Twilight looks at it with slight disgust. “But you guys already drank out of it…”
“Looks like someone’s gonna FA-IL,” I say in a sing-song voice.
She quickly downs the remaining soup. “WOW! That was AMAZING! How does he make this soup?!”
I quickly shut her up. “What are you doing?!” I whisper to her urgently. “You want to get us kicked out?!”
She looks rather surprised. “What do you—”
“Look, the Soup Nazi’s REALLY protective of his recipes. He nearly went out of business because one girl stole his cook book and he had to move out! DO YOU WANT THE CREATOR OF THIS MAGNIFICENT MEAL TO LEAVE US?! DO YOU?!?!?”
“No, but—”
“That’s what I thought!” I cut her off. “Now, who wants to volunteer to go first?”
Mac steps up, and approaches the counter with a stoic expression. “Ah’ll have a vegetarian gumbo, if ya please.”
The Soup Nazi narrows his eyes suspiciously. “You have funny accent,” he says in a funny accent. “You poking fun at me?”
“Eenope,” Mac replies, keeping his stone-like calm.
He looks him over one last time before pouring him a bowl full. “Eight dollars,” he commands. Mac calmly hands him the money, takes his soup, and silently walks back to our table.
I give him an approving nod. “Nicely done, Mac.”
“'Tweren’t nuthin’ particularly challengin’,” he shrugs. “Some guys just don’t like tah deal with people.”
Twilight doesn’t seem to agree. “Hmm… I think you were a little too intimidated, Mac. For all you know, he could have really wanted you to talk to him!”
I shake my head. “Twi, we have to respect his boundaries. It’s a beautiful system, really: he gives us soup, and we leave him the fuck alone. It’s as simple as that!”
“Well, I think he just needs a friend!” she declares, heading over to the counter. “Besides, he might give us free soup afterwards!”
“Twi, you’re asking for it…” I mutter under my breath. “You’re gonna ruin everything!”
She just rolls her eyes and gives the Soup Nazi a friendly smile. “Hi! I’m Twi— I mean, I’m Tina Sparks! What’s your name?”
The chef gives her a look that says: “I have no time for your shit right now, little girl.”
Despite being clearly intimidated, Twi presses on. “So… I heard you talking to my friend, and I heard your accent. Are you European?”
“Yes,” he states gruffly.
“Um… Where are you from?”
“Does not matter,” he replies. “Order now. You are holding up line.”
Twilight backs down and meekly places her order. “I’ll have a leek soup, please?”
He ladles out some of the hot soup into the bowl. “Six dollars,” he demands.
Twilight reaches into her purse and pulls out the money. The chef, in turn, roughly snatches the bills from her hand. As she’s leaving, Twilight looks into her bag and seems to be disgruntled. “Um, excuse me? You forgot the bread.”
The Soup Nazi turns around. “What?”
“Um, it’s just that the sign says that the soup comes with bread, and I don’t have any. I mean, it’s a common mistake, there’s no need to—”
“You want bread?” he asks aggressively.
“Yes, please,” Twilight replies eagerly.
“THREE DOLLARS!” the Nazi shouts.
Twilight’s taken aback. “Why would I—”
“NO SOUP FOR YOU!” declares the Soup Nazi, snatching the bag away from the girl.
“But— but you can’t do that!” she says, clearly shocked.
With a sneer, the Soup Nazi points out a sign above the counter. The words “WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE” are clearly written in bold.
Twilight gasps a little. “B— b— but I’ll fail…”
“NEXT!” the chef roars.
Dejectedly, Twilight sits down with us as if someone near and dear to her had just died. “I failed…”
Derpy pats the poor girl’s back. “Aw, don’t worry Twilight. He’s just a big old meany-pants, that’s all!”
Rarity turns up her nose. “The nerve of that cretin! Why, I have half a mind to go over there and demand that he sells you his soup! In fact, I’m going to do just that!” With the air of self-righteousness, she stomps over to the counter, where the irate European was waiting.
“What you want?” he asks gruffly.
“Listen well, you barbarian: my friend was willing to pay you good money in order to grace your restaurant with her business. I can understand having the right to pick and choose your customers, but this is disgraceful!” she raved. “I have never, in all my days, seen a man so un-gentlemanly that he refuses a lady his service! I demand that you give her a complimentary dish in order to atone for your lack of respect!”
He gives her a look. “You think I give your friend free soup?”
“Hmph! I should hope so!”
“Well, you are WRONG!!” he barks “NO SOUP FOR YOU!!”
Suddenly, all her righteous anger disappears, and her eyes widen in shock. “What?!”
“COME BACK ONE YEAR!!” he orders. “NEXT!!”
Her entire figure starts trembling in rage. “WELL, FINE!” she spits out spitefully, “WE DON’T NEED TO EAT AT YOUR TACKY LITTLE RESTAURANT ANYWAYS!!” She turns to us expectantly. “Come, darlings, we’re leaving!”
Everyone suddenly gets nervous. “Well…” starts Spitfire.
“It’s just that, we were kinda waiting in line,” explains Derpy sheepishly.
The violet-haired woman looks up at me in shock. “Surely, Sebastian, you should be gentlemanly enough to accompany me?”
I immediately turn to the Soup Nazi. “I have no idea who she is, I swear!”
Rarity turns to Mac. “Please, Mackintosh, darling, I know YOU won’t leave a lady waiting!”
Mac shrugs. “Ah’m sorry, Miss Rarity. Ah kinda want seconds…”
“Pinkie!” she cries, almost desperately. “Surely, you wouldn’t leave me hanging here?”
“Are you KIDDING?!” she gasps. “I would NEVER leave… this SOUP!! I mean, it’s AWESOME!!”
“No matter!” Rarity declares confidently. “Twilight and I can leave you to your precious soup! Come, darling. We can leave these Neanderthals to their work.”
Twilight gulps a little. “Um… you know, he never exactly told me that I couldn’t get soup today. Maybe I’ll just wait until he cools down…”
“Et tu, Twilight?!” Rarity huffs in frustration. “But you know what? A lady knows when to cut her losses. I’ll be at the apartment, if anyone’s interested!” With one last spiteful glance at us, she storms out of the restaurant.
I sigh in relief. “Alright, crisis averted. Pinkie Pie, you’re up!”
Several Minutes Later…
“…and then I said, ‘Oatmeal?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!’”
Amazingly, Pinkie Pie managed the impossible: making the Soup Nazi smile. No, that’s an understatement: by the end of the story, the big European was bellowing in laughter, smacking his fists against the steel counter-top.
Pinkie gives me a grin, which I return. Wow, leave it to Pinkie Pie.
“So, how much do I owe you?” she asks cheerfully.
“For you, little friend?” he asks, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “You come here, you get free soup FOREVER!”
“Wow, thanks, Yev! See you tomorrow!”
He gives her a genuine grin. “I remember to make the zucchini soup EXTRA special for you, Pinkie!”
She gives him a happy little wave and skips cheerfully to us, and I give her a congratulatory high five. “Whoa, Pinkie! I don’t think the Soup Nazi’s been that cheerful since… well, ever!”
“Silly Sebastian, he just needed a grin, that’s all!” she replies, patting me on the head indulgently.
Twilight’s eyes are wide open in shock. “Bu— bu— but HOW?!?!”
“Silly Twilight!” giggles the pink-haired girl. “I’m Pinkie Pie!” And with that, she skips off with the others.
Twilight just stands there, trying to comprehend what just happened. “But, I mean, she just, and then, but I—”
Spitfire gives Twilight a comforting pat on the back. “Don’t try to explain it, Twi. It’s Pinkie Pie. Logic has no place in these situations.”
The violet-haired girl lets out a weary sigh. “I guess you’re right… Do you think he’s in a good mood now?”
Spitfire shrugs. “I guess. He seemed pretty cool around Pinkie. Maybe he’s finally chilled out.”
“Okay, well, here I go… again.” With a nervous squeak, she prepares to go into the dragon’s cave once more.
“She’s gonna fail, isn’t she?” whispers Spitfire.
“Definitely,” I respond.
“Should we help her?”
“Nah… she’s gotta learn sometime!” I grin.
We turn to see that Twilight had already reached the counter. Unlike last time, she was meekly peering across the counter-top, as if waiting for something to explode. “I— I’ll have a leek soup, please?”
The Soup Nazi narrows his eyes, but says nothing and simply pours her the steamy liquid. “Six dollars,” he commands.
Twilight quickly hands him the money, as if expecting to get shocked. He grunts a little and hands her the bag. “Here is soup. Now leave.”
Twilight looks into her bag and smiles meekly. “Ha, you put the bread in this time,” she chuckles nervously.
“You pushing luck, little girl,” the Soup Nazi growls.
Twilight gulps and quickly scurries to our table, hyperventilating the whole way. “Oh dear sisters, that was scary!”
“Good job, Twi!” I smile. “Spitfire, you’re up next.”
Approximately Seventeen Minutes Later…
“Well, that wasn’t so bad!” says Derpy cheerfully, throwing away her bowl. “I mean, we got our soup, right?”
“Ah wonder how Miss Rarity’s doin’…” asks Big Mac. “Ah mean, she seemed right mad when she left.”
“Rarity’s always a drama queen!” laughs Spitfire, sipping her matzo ball soup. “She’ll get over it!”
“I’m just glad we got that over with!” sighs Twilight. “That guy’s starting to scare me…”
“You’ll get used to that,” I chuckle. “Now, I hope you guys’ll be ready for the next part of the exam.”
“What are we going to do this time?” asks Twilight. “Rob a bank?”
“No… I have something else in mind.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
651 users online
1,079,732 hits today, 2,818,023 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA -I just- AHAHAHAHAHA -soup- HAHAHAHAHA -nazi- YAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
*30 minutes later*
I'm sorry for that. In all seriousness,though. This chapter is bucking hilarious!
next test?
cache.gawker.com/assets/images/12/2009/11/500x_top_gear_hybrid.jpg
DRIVING LICENCE!!!
1188508 You read my mind!
I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL KILL YOU.
I like
The soup Nazi returns
1189110
Kitten Fight!!!!!
1189110 Ill take you all on!
thewolfmancometh.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/transformers-2-revenge-of-the-fallen-movie-optmius-prime.jpg
1190078
No, wait! I'm allergic to adorableness!!!!!
mylittlefacewhen.com/f/7533/
Come at us, bro!
1192712
*throw a kitten to your face*
They're going to be learning to... drive?
ABANDON THE UNIVERSE!
1195523
*Peels it off face* Aw.... *Dies*
1194826
I think your image's link is broken
1208561 Shut up....
1211305
Anyway.... You are a remarkable author keep it up!!
It's always fun to see mental breakdowns due to The Almighty Pink One.
Brain.exe has stopped responding.
Do you wish to wait for the program to respond or close the program?
2419203 Close program Brain.exe then reboot. Run program Minecraft.exe
I wonder how derpy's encounter was. I bet it was like: " you eyes funny. You mocking me?" " no sir, it's medical. I get nagged about them alot. I will have that stop NOW! Don't even talk about my eyes" "you talk tough... I like. Here is soup"
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/10/19/127108__safe_twilight+sparkle_glasses_george+costanza_costanza+face.jpg