"Hurry! They're gaining on us!!!" Cried the Doctor to the two ponies runing beside him.
"Halt!!!" Bellowed the Royal Guard Commander. "You three are enemies of the State! In the Name of Emperor Blueblood, you are to be arrested and executed for your acts of rebellion!"
"Yeah, THAT'LL get us to stop!" snaps Rainbow Dash. "Where's that stupid machine of yours, Doc!"
"Right around the corner, Rainbow!" assures the Doctor. "Mac, can you stall the guards for a moment?"
"Eeyup!" bellowed the farm-pony. He deliberately kicks over a cart, which knocked over a statue, which buried the guards in the marble rubbage.
All three escapees pause for a moment, catching their breaths. "Well... That worked out well..." gasped the Doctor. He notices both Mac's and Rainbow's stiff gazes. "What's wrong with you lot?"
"Gone..." chokes the rainbow pegasus. "All gone..."
The Doctor turned to see what Dash was referring to: The once beautiful town of Ponyville had been reduced to rubbish. Guards were marching around town by the dozens, making sure that the town had been completely evacuated. Looters were ransacking houses of anything not bolted to the ground, and the twin statues of the Princesses Celestia and Luna were being desecrated. Anything already robbed of all valuables were quickly burned down. It was a sad sight for any Ponyville native to see such a fair town being treated as such.
The Doctor felt a horrible surge of nostalgia: This was how it ended for his home as well. Sighing, he gently nudged Rainbow Dash out of her horrified trance. "We can make this all better soon." he promises. "We just need to-"
"Doc! They're comin' back!" warns Big Mackintosh. Sure enough, the Guards had sent reinforcements, and they were quickly gaining on them.
The timelord leaps up. "I'll hold them off! You two, go to the TARDIS and tell the Princesses to start it up!" He throws Mackintosh the Sonic Screwdriver. "Mackintosh, give this to Derpy. Tell her I'll be alright."
While Mackintosh nods in determination, Rainbow Dash looks alarmed. "But- but how will YOU get out of here?!"
A shadow of the Doctor's old, cocky grin slides onto his face. "I'm the Doctor. Simple as that. Now you lot, run! ALLONS-Y!!"
Both of the ponies nodded and ran, leaving the Doctor alone with the upcoming stampede of Guards. After a quick turn, a blue telephone box came into vision. With one last leap, Rainbow Dash flew up, and burst in.
Inside the seemingly small vessel, a large crowd of Equestrians, pony or otherwise, had gathered in quite comfortably, though very scared. These were the remaining supporters of the Royal Sisters: Zecora, the Cakes, the Apples (Ponyville branch), Braeburn, Snips, Snails, the Donkeys, Trixie, Soarin, Spitfire, Nurse Redheart, Cheerilee, Gilda, Lyra, Bon-Bon, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Chief Thunderhooves, Little Strongheart, the other two Whooves, Aloe and Lotus, Spike, Scootaloo, Sweetie Bell, Shining Armor, Princess Cadence and of course, the Elements of Harmony. At the controls were the two royal princesses themselves, Princesses Celesita and Luna.
"Where's the Doctor?" asked Derpy anxiously.
Big Mac came over and gave her the sonic. "He told us to give y'all this..." he explained. "And that'd he'd be alright..."
For some reason, Derpy cheers up, suprising the work stallion. "Oh, ok! I'm sure he'll be fine!"
Princess Celestia wasn't so sure. "But he could be in danger! We can't afford to lose him!"
"And we can't afford to lose the TARDIS to those scoundrels!" cries Princess Luna. "Sister, we must trust him to be safe! Hasn't our encounters with the Doctor taught you anything about him?"
Celestia sighed. "Very well... Derpy, proceed with the plan!"
Derpy nods and began to press multiple buttons on the control panel. Suddenly, a VWROP, VWROP over took the room, sending the lights into a frenzy. A large bar in the center of the console begins to gyrate up and down, and the room starts shaking thunderously.
"WEEEE!!! It's like a rave!!!" cheered Pinkie Pie.
Suddenly, a choking sound comes from the depths of the TARDIS. Everypony begins to panic, while Derpy Whooves only seems mildly supervised. "Oh, darn!" she pouts. "We're out of power!"
"I don't suppose my double A's will help at all?" asked Scootaloo sarcastically.
"Not unless you've got 265 of them!" the gray mare answers back, apparently not at all concerned.
"No time for that!" declares Celestia. "Sister, aid me with your magic!"
The two Sisters concentrate all their magic into their horns, causing a great white beam to hit the TARDIS console. Suddenly, the center of the TARDIS, normally a lime green, glows a bloody red color. This DOES worry Derpy, causing her to punch buttons even more frantically. "NO!" she cries "THE TARDIS CAN'T HANDEL THIS MUCH-"
The very essence of the room begins to warp and twist. The passengers screamed in fear as reality itself blended, teared and churn.
"POWER!!!" finished Derpy, and then everything went black.
"No... WAY!!!" I cry, looking at my computer screen again, just to make sure. But there it was, shining clear as day on my laptop screen:
To Espinosa, Sebastian:
Someone has applied to be your roommate. Shy, Flutter has shown interest in your apartment. She will be coming by for an interview on July 19th, 2020, a week from today.
Sincerely,
Sunny Stables Managment
After reading the email for the billionth time, I finally let my emotions loose. "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah, I'm a fag.
Deal with it
Speaking of which, I should probably introduce myself: My name is Sebastian Espinosa, age 22. I live in the Sunny Stables Apartment Complex in Atlanta, Georgia. I work as a lawyer and an amateur detective, but obviously, that's not why I'm making this. You see... I just met the human incarnation of my favorite character. EVER.
July 19th finally came, and my apartment was in perfect condition: Clean carpet, clean ferret cage, fully stocked fridge, the works. Around 2pm, I heard the noise that had gotten me into such a frenzy in the first place: A small, timid knock on the doorway.
There she was, just as i had imagined her as a teen: A slender, pink haired girl with a sweet, shy face, a pale complexion, and eyes of sky blue. She was even wearing her colors: a yellow tunic with a light pink trimming. "Hi, I'm Fluttershy..." she murmurers, avoiding my gaze.
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Hmm... i liked the beginning but when you came in..... I felt like this..
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NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. YOU ARE DOING WRITING WRONG GODDAMIT.
Let's start from the beginning shall we?
The description you wrote IS YOUR STORY IN A NUTSHELL. IT SHOULDN'T BE THAT. Bad author! Bad!
Next: WHY THE ROYAL FUCK. IS THIS?! SIMPLE! A SELF-INSERT. Just slap on an MLD tag without the SAD.
NEXT!: "You three are enemies of the State! In the Name of Emperor Blueblood, you are to be arrested and executed for your acts of rebellion!" NO! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW A REBELLION PLAYS OUT?! The guards aren't gonna flip flop like a whore between two desperate men in a bidding war offering her money! They're gonna choose for themselves! Granted they're used as a driving plot point but holy hell c'mon man! Be reasonable!
NEEEEEXT: YOU HAVE AN ENTER KEY GODDAMIT. USE IT.
Next up on wheel of fortune!: Your plot is decent alright, an internal struggle resulting in a coup d'etat? That's smart. BUT NOT WHEN EXECUTED AS SUCH. I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW IF I'M LOOKING AT ENGLISH OR HIEROGLYPHICS.
And finally: " No... WAY!!!" I cry, looking at my computer screen again, just to make sure. But there it was, shining clear as day on my laptop screen:
To Espinosa, Sebastian:
Someone has applied to be your roommate. Shy, Flutter has shown interest in your apartment. She will be coming by for an interview on July 19th, 2020, a week from today"
NOOOOOOOOOO. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME GODDAMIT YOU,AS AN AUTHOR DO NOT SELF-INSERT YOURSELF AND EXPECT THE GENERAL POPULATION OF FIMF TO NOT DESCEND UPON YOU LIKE A PACK OF ANGRY FARMERS DURING WITCH BURNING SEASON.
What I'm trying to say is: Nice plot, needs work.
Please write more!
(oh yeah,proofreaders gonna criticize)
I have no clue what your raging at Mr. Ignorable, but I think this is great! Look forward to what happens next!
Hmmm...... i guess this kinda story is almost evrey Bronyies(broni? Bronyes?) DREAM WAHOOOO
Needs more charpturs
I am going to read this, because the potential for shenanigans is great.
However, I will give you a bad thumb if you make your self-insert bad. I am OK with the IDEA of of a self-insert and I am hoping you will do yourself with humility and enough self-awareness. Nopony likes a Mary Sue/Sam.
845214
Oh you.
845417 yes DDF is taking a break for the moment and he's letting me (the rage) out and about.
845375 You know I would love to see what would happen if y'all banned all HiE stories for a day or two. My guess is it'll be like a newly released New Air Jordan's in a predominantly black-neighborhood.
People will flip their shit like Jehovah's Witnesses.
845431
Okie dokie lokie.
845214 Believe or not, this isn't a self insert. I came up with this completely new character. Originally, this was supposed to be a self insert, but then i figured, why the hell would i do that? Too creepy for me. i'm mostly basing this character off of a friend of mine. Trust me, i would take this a WHOLE different direction if this were to be a self insert. Other than that, i'm honored you chose to pick on my story, it's good to now i have a following(?), and i'm actually a big fan of yours. I'll try my best to release the next chapter somewhere between later today and Friday. Feel free to rip apart my feelings if need be. All for the sake of a good story!
845506 And another thing: The guards being idiots is kind of part of the plot. I'd say more, but then you'll just blow another gasket. And also: There's a sad tag on it? I didn't put that!
845341 Looks great?
ARE YOU HIGH? It looks like mayan only taken apart and stretched from one end to the other.
(now I'm just making fun of god knows what)
The story is alright so far, but your grammar/spelling needs work. Get a prereader, and you'll get my thumb up.
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''ALLON-SY!!''
is actually written allons-y (its french)
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My reaction gearfuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/meh-facebook-button.jpg
Yay ferrets.
Interesting story concept, but your English teacher should be fired. From a cannon.
A small point of interest, the TARDIS from Doctor Who will not under normal circumstances "run out" of power. This is because of how the TARDIS is normally powered.
The 'reactor' of a TARDIS is a star (as in a Sun) ripped from it's orbit, and suspended in time as it's exploding and collapsing into a black hole, leaving it in a state of perpetual decay which radiates a certain type of energy which is present in the Time Vortex, and powers the TARDIS. This is known, as a small point of interesting fact, as the Eye of Harmony. At least in more recent seasons! Previously the TARDIS was fed by the Time Vortex directly, or rifts would allow it to refuel as well.
Just thought I'd mention.