Crystal Empire
“And so Rainbow Dash flew back out holding the other end of the bridge. We quickly tied it up and were able to finally get across. Afterwards she told me that apparently Nightmare Moon had manifested a mirage of an elite flying team trying to lure her away from helping us, but she, and I quote, ‘never leaves her friends hanging’. So, anyway, we crossed the ravine…”
As Cinch entered Sparkle’s castle, she noticed that Rarity hadn’t followed her inside. She was more than fine with that. Sparkle did not have to know how poorly the “tour” had ended up, and with any luck Cinch could pretend to be interested enough to fool the equine into proceeding with her plan and taking her to the Crystal Empire. That was the only place in this entire world that Cinch thought could be relevant, if anything about it truly parallelled Crystal Prep.
“...the Elements shot forward a spell, defeating Nightmare Moon and returning Princess Luna to us as her normal self, after a thousand years...”
It turned out that Sparkle was just finishing her affairs, so they immediately headed to the train station to check the schedule. In an unprecedented display of good fortune, the wait for the next train to the Crystal Empire was rather short. As soon as it arrived, Sparkle spoke with the conductor equine, gave him some coins, and used her magic to lift all the crates she had brought along and load them into one of the baggage cars. Finally, they both entered the nearest passenger car and took their seats.
“...So none of our attempts to get through to the dragon succeeded.”
Soon enough the train departed.
“But then, Fluttershy saved us all! Seeing us, her friends, in actual danger gave her the courage she needed to stand up to the dragon.”
Much like the bakery, the train’s interior didn’t match its tasteless exterior, so Cinch could almost imagine travelling by normal human transport. There wasn’t much through the window either, apart from generic wilderness. It all looked sensible enough to maintain the illusion.
“...Pinkie played all those instruments she had gathered, and the parasprites, enchanted by her music, followed her out of town.”
The illusion only lasted until her companion decided that silence was too pleasant for them and started talking incessantly about all the times that friendship allegedly saved the day.
“If we had been better friends and helped her find all the instruments, the damage the parasprites dealt to the town might’ve been avoided. We all learned from this mistake, though.”
Initially, Cinch’s intention was to ignore her. Telling her to shut up was not an option since, loath as she was to admit it, she did require Sparkle’s cooperation during her visit to the Crystal Empire. The equine certainly wouldn’t hold her hostage in the horse world, but she might be hesitant to part with extra details of the workings of the place if she gave up on Cinch’s case. The charade would have to be kept up for a while longer, it seemed.
“...Seeing her friend plummeting to her doom drove Rainbow Dash past what she believed were her limits, and she dove down at amazing speed, catching the Wonderbolts, Rarity, and, of course, performing the Sonic Rainboom.”
However, Cinch’s brain never was good at filtering excess information. She could not help but absorb the useless, irritating knowledge flowing out of the equine’s mouth. Including the likely explanation of why that Rainbow equine was so dear to Rarity. It made more sense now. Saving one’s life does tend to bring people closer, more often than not.
“So, my spirits were completely shattered, and I was just about ready to give up on my friends and my new home and leave. But when I came to my room, I found that Spike had been receiving dozens of scrolls from Princess Celestia.”
However, the little piece of information that she really wished she could have missed had been sprung on her relatively early in the lecture. Apparently, the principal and vice-principal of Canterlot High School were supreme rulers of this land, more than a thousand years old each. Well, it was their counterparts, to be exact, but that did not help Cinch’s disposition.
“With all of my friends back to their normal selves, we could once again wield the Elements of Harmony and turn Discord to stone, as well as restore the land to its natural state.”
The fact that those two unambitious, arguably downright incompetent women had their equine versions hold such high positions, probably the highest possible, and yet an Abacus Cinch was nowhere to be found hurt Cinch’s pride just a bit. Then again, this world did seem to reward completely different virtues than the real world did. She did not allow herself to dwell on this; it would have led her nowhere if she did.
“This finally got Fluttershy to overcome her fear and join the tornado. Her contribution ended up being exactly what was missing, and the pegasi successfully raised the water to the weather factory.”
As the landscape outside gradually changed to a colder one, eventually gaining a thick snow layer, Cinch put her forehead to the now cool glass. It helped her headache somewhat.
“I’ll skip telling you about the Crystal Empire, I think. It will be more engaging if you hear it while actually seeing the place where the events happened.”
Of course, these neverending stories of Sparkle’s friend group’s ridiculous escapades created a perfect balance with the pleasantly cold window. The pain didn’t go away but neither did it grow. Cinch would have to settle for that.
“And right at that moment I understood how the spell was supposed to go and what it meant. So we went back to the library, I wrote it down, and, well...”
Tragically, all of Sparkle’s babbling registered in Cinch’s mind, and she could not help but notice a certain trend throughout most of these scenarios, the more prominent the bigger the problem had been. Sparkle herself did not seem to see it though, otherwise she would’ve known that her plan had been hopeless from the start.
“...So I fought Tirek using all the magic that had been stored in me.”
Cinch finally realized that she did not consider this Sparkle deserving of her name and likeness, a thought that only added to her dislike of the equine. The real Twilight Sparkle was much more intelligent, even if she was also weak-willed and unsociable. Hopefully CHS would not turn Twilight into the sort of person Sparkle was.
“That turned out to be the final key, as I had expected. So, thanks to our new and old friendships, we were able to open the chest and retrieve the magical power hidden within, and using it we defeated Tirek!”
Unfortunately, like all good things, the snowy weather did not last. The train left the limits of its influence, crossing a staggeringly clear border between eternal winter and eternal summer.
“And here we are, right on time! Follow me, Mrs. Cinch, we’re in the Crystal Empire!”
The Crystal Empire almost fit its name. Almost.
It certainly was made of crystal. However, it was nothing more than a small town, and definitely not anything close to an entire empire. Although, Cinch hadn’t expected the counterpart of her prestigious—albeit territorially limited—school to be a whole country. Instead she assumed these equines always tried to pretend that their world was bigger than it really was.
Still, Cinch failed to see any parallels between this place and her school. Perhaps locations were even more loosely matched between worlds than people. That theory was supported by the fact that their Canterlot was a capital city built on a mountainside, housed a royal palace and looked absolutely nothing like CHS, even from afar.
However Abacus Cinch was nothing if not determined. She did not let go of the smallest chance that this “Crystal Empire” could offer something useful. If nothing else, the town was aesthetically striking.
The most impressive structure was the spire in the middle of it all. It stood on four legs and stretched high into the clear blue sky. As it shimmered in the sunlight, Cinch could not help but feel a pang of appreciation for the scene. It was too extravagant—not to mention bright—for her to wish Crystal Prep had looked like this, but it was certainly pleasing.
Cinch turned to Sparkle, who was carrying several large crates with the portal parts and the mirror itself in them.
“This looks like quite the utopia indeed, Miss Sparkle.”
Sparkle glanced back at Cinch with a smile and then turned back towards the city, taking in the scenery as if it was her first time seeing it.
“It really does. After everything they went through, it makes me happy that the Empire is enjoying a calm and peaceful life these days.”
“I’m certainly curious just how this was achieved,” Cinch probed.
“Well, there’s a certain somepony I want you to meet, and they’d be better than me at answering that question!” Sparkle grinned enthusiastically. “And while you two are busy, I’ll quickly put the portal together.”
“Very well,” Cinch said. The thought of leaving this fairytale world lifted her spirits just a bit. Enough that perhaps she would have an easier time pretending to be nice for this new equine.
As the pair made their way along what seemed to be a main road, Cinch’s eyes danced all over the surroundings. Gawking was beneath her, obviously, but she did appreciate the visuals. The buildings were all irregular, shaped with apparent randomness, but it still possessed a certain orderly style with elegant decorative elements. It certainly was more worth looking at than the fairly typical old town that was Ponyville. Not to mention the rather drab architecture back in the real world.
Cinch’s irritation at the whole situation slowly melted away. Did the beauty of the town really have such a profound effect on her? Or perhaps she was slipping and got too optimistic about learning something useful?
Cinch took note of the resident equines. All of them seemed to be the regular kind, neither pegasus nor unicorn. However, they had a certain shine to them, as if they collectively took a bath in Cinch’s hair products. As she observed the equines, some of them gave her strange looks of their own. Maybe it was because she was casually walking alongside royalty. Or maybe it was her apparently disastrous wings.
Eventually Cinch noticed that Sparkle had taken her towards the magnificent central tower. The entrances were on the inner sides of its legs. In the middle there was what appeared to be a heart-shaped piece of crystal, floating in between two spikes and spinning lazily. The object looked important and required further investigation.
“Oh, it’s called the Crystal Heart," Sparkle said when Cinch inquired about the object. "My sister-in-law can explain it all, the Crystal Heart is her cutie mark, after all.”
“I see. I shall ask her further then,” replied Cinch.
“Yep, and we’re nearly there. She’s in the castle, and if I’m correct, the court will be closing really soon. If we take a more roundabout route to the throne room, we will be able to catch her as she leaves.”
“Court? Throne room? Miss Sparkle, is your sister-in-law yet another ruling figure?”
“Well yes, she is a princess too. Formerly the Princess of Love, and now, with the Crystal Empire back, the co-ruler of this place alongside her husband. She had also ascended, just like myself, but much earlier. That’s a whole other story, though.”
“And I am certain I do not need to hear it.” Cinch said dismissively as she looked past Sparkle.
Sparkle rolled her eyes. “Alright, Mrs. Cinch, I can see that it would be irrelevant to your interests. I won’t bore you.”
A little too late for that, Cinch thought. No, in fact, much too late for that.
Cinch turned yet another corner and saw a big and impressive set of doors at the end of the hallway. Two guard equines were stationed at its sides. This had to be the throne room entrance. About time, too: they had gone around the palace in such a big circle that they had even managed to find the room to house the soon-to-be-rebuilt portal, and Sparkle had deposited her cargo of crates there.
As the pair neared the doors, Sparkle approached one of the guards to ask if the court had ended. When the guard silently nodded in response, she turned back to Cinch with a smile. “Alright, Mrs. Cinch, it looks like we’re just on time. Let’s go in!” She enveloped the door handles with her magic and forced them open.
Cinch was not quite ready for what waited on the other side. Of course, thanks to her decades of practice, her face reflected none of her surprise upon seeing the comparatively gigantic white equine with a mane that looked almost exactly like Principal Celestia’s hair, waving as though caught in an invisible water current. Next to her stood a smaller one, dark blue in color, who Cinch could deduce was probably supposed to be Vice-Principal Luna, even though she did not really look that much like her. These two stood with their backs to the entrance, talking to a third one. A smaller pink equine, possessing both wings and a horn like the other two. She looked the most familiar of the three.
Cadenza? Cadenza was running the Crystal Empire?
Well, actually, it was almost expected, if Cinch was to be fair. As she had noted before, with this world working so differently from her own, it would only make sense for the same people to have achieved different levels of success in the two worlds. Cadenza’s outlook on life suited this place better. Although, honestly, she was still too mature and professional for this collection of shameful parodies. Vastly overqualified, in fact.
At least, the real Cadenza was. Judging by the difference between Twilight and Sparkle, this equine Cadenza could easily turn out an utter dullard.
Sparkle entered after Cinch. Upon seeing the two CHS equines and shooting Cinch a nervous glance (was she expecting her to react violently to their presence?) she galloped towards them, clearly elated. Hearing her, the two large hybrids turned around, first noticing Sparkle herself and returning her greetings (in which the Cadenza equine joined them), and then landing their gazes on Cinch.
Their eyes widened, and Cinch was almost certain she could see Celestia quietly mouth a word that could have been “Abacus”. Sparkle was looking confusedly between the larger hybrids and Cinch. Cadenza, for her part, did not really react in any way. As a result, she was the first to break the sudden silence.
“Oh, and you must be Mrs. Cinch, right? Twilight told me she’d be bringing a guest today.”
“Correct,” answered Cinch.
Cinch’s voice snapped the white and dark blue equines out of their stupor, and Celestia ushered Twilight out of the room, presumably intent on questioning her about the situation. Another great example of incompetence on Sparkle’s part, Cinch realized. Not letting the two supreme rulers of the entire land know about a guest from a different world? Sounded about right for Sparkle’s intelligence.
Luna followed her and Celestia as well, leaving Cadance and Cinch alone in the large hall.
“Well, while they’re busy… Twilight told me in her note that you would probably want to know about the Crystal Empire. I’m assuming she was right?”
It was even more unusual to hear Cadenza’s voice coming from a horse than it was Twilight’s. Mostly because the dean’s counterpart talked and carried herself almost exactly like the original. Sparkle’s demeanor was different to the point of being unrecognizable.
This did, however, help Cinch feel a bit more at ease with the pink hybrid. A strong sense of familiarity invaded the part of her brain that tirelessly worked on keeping the real world and the fairy-tale world apart.
“Indeed. Miss Sparkle told me that you would be the one to shed some light on the way your Crystal Empire works. I’ll be honest, since I am in charge of this place’s counterpart in my world, I am mostly interested in something that I could perhaps apply there. However, it is a school and not a town, so I do not expect anything substantial at this point.”
Cadenza approached one of the tall windows and looked across the panorama of her town stretching beneath. Cinch joined her, but did not care to partake in the view. Her attention was fully on the pink equine.
“Well, Mrs. Cinch, there is really no big secret. This place is isolated from Equestria, in more ways than one. It’s so far to the north, away from any other settlements, and it has been gone for a thousand years, so everypony is adjusting to a new world.”
“What exactly do you mean?” inquired Cinch.
“This place is ancient, Mrs. Cinch. More than a thousand years ago it was ruled by an evil unicorn named Sombra. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna defeated him, but he managed to use all of his remaining strength to place a final spell upon the empire, a spell that caused it to simply vanish for a thousand years. It only reappeared recently, and Sombra with it. We were able to defeat him for good, though.”
“I see.” Sombra, an evil tyrant? Of course. This world knew no subtleties.
“So as I was saying, we’re an isolated community. Not too big, not too difficult to keep tabs on. Shining Armor and myself have tried really hard to help the crystal ponies adapt, to keep their spirits up. Luckily, there was already a good way to do that: the Crystal Faire. It’s an annual event that celebrates everything that the Empire can be proud of, its traditions and customs. The Faire keeps the whole population of the empire together in friendship by bringing the sense of love and unity to everypony.”
This again. Was there no escape?
“We’re fitting in rather well, especially since my cutie mark depicts the Crystal Heart, so the ponies have taken to my presence very well. Shining and I are friendly with them and try to never make ourselves appear above the others. For example, Shining has been personally training our sports teams. I tend to just take walks and talk to the ponies, look at what they do.”
“What DO they do here, Mrs. Cadenza?”
“Please, call me Cadance,” Cadenza said with a placating smile.
“Very well, Cadance. What do they do? Do your subjects just wallow in euphoria every day or are they actually achieving something?”
“They… they just live, Mrs. Cinch. They lead happy, pleasant lives. What more could a pony ask for? Some go out and travel around Equestria. We’ve got our share of artists, we produce our own food and so on.” Cadanza tore her gaze off the town and turned to face Cinch once more. “You sound rather dismissive of such a life, may I ask why?”
“I’ll tell you why, Cadance.” Cinch looked into the distance, furrowing her brow. “In the real world you have to put in a lot of hard work and excel if you want to live a good life. Many people settle for the meaningless existence you can achieve if you have no ambition, but I find it unacceptable.” She turned back to the princess. ”My school provides people with what they need to have a chance at success. In your world, it seems, everything is given to you on a silver platter! Of course I am dismissive! It is simply a mockery of reality!”
Cadenza looked confused. “Is your world really such a different place? From what Twilight told us of her visits, it seemed not unlike ours, in the things that matter at least…”
“Well, let me give you an example then, Cadance,” Cinch said, levelling her gaze. “Just remember something you mentioned a minute ago. Those marks on your hips. You refer to yours quite casually, yet in the real world we do not get a magical confirmation of our destiny. Most people spend their entire lives not knowing what they could be good at or what they could enjoy in life. There is no societal pressure to figure these things out, unlike here, where you are apparently an anomaly if you don’t have an understanding of your destiny by puberty!”
“But Mrs. Cinch, the portal gave you a cutie mark when you crossed over,”—Cadenza glanced at Cinch’s hip—“surely that must mean that you HAVE figured out what you’re good at and what you enjoy!”
“I do know what I am good at, yes,” Cinch replied coldly. “Especially since the fruits of my work are obvious. But that is because I do actually work hard. Most people in my world act as though they live in yours, but, thankfully, it does not tend to work out for them.”
This conversation was getting out of hand. Cinch had to remind herself that this was not the real Cadenza, Cinch had nothing to prove to her and no reason to convince her of anything. Though she found the pink equine to be a much better match for the real person than Sparkle had been, and the years of working alongside Dean Cadenza took their toll, making Cinch a bit more open to the, technically, total stranger that this Cadenza was to her. Thankfully, Cinch was able to catch herself.
“Well, anyway, Mrs. Cinch, did you at least get the answer you wanted?” Cadenza didn’t seem to be put off by the hint of malice in Cinch’s last sentiment.
“I believe I did. I understand the gist of your methods. You get down to their level and make your subjects feel comfortable so that they trust you.” Cinch nodded. “You also keep their spirits high by evoking a certain pride they feel for their town, undeserved as it may be.”
Cadenza frowned a bit. Cinch looked over the town outside and continued.
“I highly doubt this could work for my establishment, but it’s something to keep in mind I suppose. Perhaps I’ll let your counterpart have a bit more free rein for a while. She did always want to act towards my students the way you do towards your subjects. It could smooth things over until I can safely take back full control. And if you can do this for an entire town, she must be capable of the same feat on the scale of my school.”
There she went again, telling Cadenza more than she needed to know. The equine’s smile returned at Cinch’s words.
Cinch turned to look at Cadenza once more. “I have just one last question, though. That Crystal Heart, as Sparkle called it. What does it do?”
“Oh, well, it’s a magical artifact, as you might’ve guessed. The crystal ponies power it up with their emotions during the Crystal Faire, and its magic spreads those emotions not only across the Crystal Empire, but across the entire Equestria.”
…
“Mrs. Cinch, are you alright?”
No, Mrs. Cinch was not alright.
Magic. Of course it was magic. It was always magic, was it not? Even her emotions were not her own, Cinch realized. The hints of happiness she had felt before were just magical equine mind control. The same magical equine mind control that was the key to this place’s state. Not discipline, not the rulers’ competency, not the social engagement, not the evoking of pride. No, it was the enchanted artifact that forced the feelings of “love and unity” into everyone’s minds, making them content and complacent. What Cinch had thought was a working method of keeping the right mood and morale was merely a ritual to turn on the magical mind control device.
Sparkle was an idiot to think this whole interdimensional trip could benefit Cinch in any way. And Cinch was feeling more eager than ever to let her know that.
Cadenza did not even have time to say anything else as Cinch stormed out of the throne room.
Cinch’s brain had registered the path to the room where the portal was to be rebuilt just as well as it had registered all of Sparkle’s stories and their running theme. She walked with a purpose, paying her surroundings no mind. The beauty no longer interested her. Even as she passed the two princesses, Celestia and Luna, who looked like they wanted a word with her, she did not slow down.
Finally she reached her destination.
“Miss Sparkle, I am going home.” Cinch’s brow was furrowed.
Sparkle’s eyes widened. “What? So soon? Did you talk to Cadance?”
“Yes I did, and that is precisely why I want to leave immediately. There’s nothing for me here but a waste of time, and Cadenza only confirmed it.”
“What do you mean? I thought you wanted to learn why the Crystal Empire was such a nice place?..”
“Yes I did want that. And make no mistake, I did learn. But what do you know? I’m not sure what I expected, but the secret behind everything is the same here as it is everywhere else in your world.”
Sparkle lifted her foreleg and tentatively asked, “Friendship?”
“NO! No, Miss Sparkle, it is not friendship, and frankly I am appalled that you, having lived here your whole life, still have less of a clue about your world than a total stranger. The secret behind everything is MAGIC!”
“But friendship is—“
“Quiet!” Cinch all but barked. ”I don’t need to hear any more preaching from you, especially now that I know that you do not understand anything you’re talking about! How are you so blind?”
“What do you—”
“Recall all your stories, Miss Sparkle! All, positively ALL of your world’s problems are solved with some sort of magic that just happens to need friendship to work!” Did Sparkle really not see this? “This is such an absurd world that you equines being friends with each other powers up your weapons which destroy everything that wrongs you! How would your nation prosper so without those magical artifacts? You would crumple under the first mildest danger like the pathetic creatures you are! I could understand diplomacy, a heightened sense of professional or political ethics, anything, but you just convert niceness into power! Of course you would think that being friends solves all problems! In your world, it magically does just that! But the real world has NO magic, we do NOT get to make all our troubles go away on their own by holding hands! In fact, I would LOVE to see you come over and go visit the sites of any of our currently ongoing wars, just so you can get blown to BITS while trying to convince the opposing sides to just BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!”
Sparkle was speechless. Her mouth hung open. Her eyes, wider than should have been possible, began to water, although that might have been wishful thinking on Cinch’s part. As much as the sight pleased Cinch after having to endure so much and waste so much time due to this equine’s stupidity, and as much as she wanted to lay into Sparkle even more, she could not afford to indulge herself since it meant having to stay in this world even longer.
Cinch sneered anyway.
“So I’m sorry to say it, but the personal project you seem to have made me into is not going to work out, Miss Sparkle! You did nothing but waste my time and yours. Congratulations, princess.”
And with that, Cinch approached the portal, awkwardly stood up on two legs and stepped forward...
WHAM!
...Only to find the surface of the mirror as solid as any ordinary mirror’s would be, the portal not having been reactivated yet. Smacking into the glass knocked Cinch on her back. She scrambled back onto all four, whipped around to glare at Sparkle with pure rage roaring in her eyes, and practically screamed, “LET. ME. OUT!”.
Wordlessly, Sparkle levitated a book into the slot above the mirror. The machine whirred to life and the mirror shimmered.
Cinch’s exit from the statue base in front of Canterlot High was less than graceful, but it was late enough in the day that there was nobody in or in front of the school to witness it. Truthfully, even the rival school’s building was a sight for sore eyes after these several hours.
Getting back her human body reflexes and muscle memory, Cinch stood, slightly swaying from side to side. She straightened out her coat, gave a sigh and gently rubbed her forehead.
Cinch noticed that her glasses weren’t in her hand to be put back on afterwards. She looked around and spotted them in the grass near where she had fallen out of the portal. Picking them up, she recalled where her car was supposed to be parked and took off in that direction.
Arms behind her back, Cinch slowly walked through the neighbourhood that was home to the rival school. Since it was already evening, not too many people were out and about, and the ones that were didn’t seem to care too much about Cinch being there. Not that she would’ve been in any danger from the residents, but it still made her more comfortable. All the energy left her after the impassioned speech she had delivered to Sparkle so it was nice to not have to hurry.
The familiarity of the real world calmed Cinch down. Most of her anger had evaporated, replaced by a sense of bitter regret for a day wasted so foolishly.
Then again, no disasters seemed to have happened while Cinch was out. Cadenza hadn’t contacted her using that magic book. Cinch took out her phone and checked for messages or missed calls. None, as usual.
To be honest, she was not sure she even knew how the notifications for those things looked. She always had the phone on her to answer calls right away, and it was not like hordes of people were dying to talk to her all the time anyway. Thank goodness for that.
As soon as the car started up, Cinch fully lowered both front windows. The sensation of the cold evening air coursing through the salon was like the wind, and the wind was the one thing Cinch genuinely enjoyed. It was doubly appreciated after the still and oppressive heat of the horse world. As she drove, the breeze chilled her head and her headache slowly faded away. Thankfully, Cinch had never gotten a cold from doing this, and she really needed this after the day she had had.
The sun began to set, painting the dispersing clouds in orange tones. Cinch felt a new appreciation for the simple sight of the darkening city. Soon the street lights would come on, and windows all around would light up one by one. It was familiar, it made sense, and it was right.
Fortunately, Cinch did not need to stop by Crystal Prep. She had given Cadenza instructions for the entire day. Tomorrow her mind would be clear and she would tackle the situation, whatever that might be, after Cadenza’s day in power. Maybe, if everything was well, Cinch would have the dean help some more with returning everything to normal.
It would also not hurt to see how Cadenza handled herself in such a situation. Just in case Cinch had to leave again. Perhaps she could afford a vacation sometime (one week tops) if she made sure Cadenza was responsible and would not turn Crystal Prep into Canterlot High as soon as she had the capability to.
Soon after leaving the suburban neighbourhood and entering the city proper, Cinch’s car stopped at a red light. She felt a pleasantly sweet aroma seep through the open window. Cinch glanced outside and spotted a cafe on the street corner. On a whim Cinch parked her car on the sidewalk.
She had never noticed it before, the enticing smell of freshly baked pastries, but she could recall hearing people gush about it. It was something everyone felt the need to point out, which was normally tedious, but right now she felt like she understood those people.
As she entered the cafe, Cinch immediately felt several pairs of eyes on herself. She did not look around, though, and went straight for the counter and the pudgy blue lady behind it. The lady's smile was warm and welcoming, surprisingly genuine for a worker of the service industry. Perhaps it was not so surprising for this particular position, though.
Some of the baked goods looked nice. Cinch picked one that had a wrapper—she was definitely not going to sit down and eat her treat here, especially since she could hear several distantly familiar voices among the patrons she had ignored. A high-pitched bubbly voice, a raspy boyish one, and one with a fake posh accent among others.
Some of them even sounded like her own students, their voices still fresh in her mind after the Games. Cinch felt the need to squash what could’ve turned out to be the first symptoms of a friendly relationship between them and the students from CHS, but she simply could not find it in herself to care.
Cinch paid for the pastry and went back to her car.
The water was running. Cinch knew she had nearly fifteen minutes before her bath was fully drawn, so she decided to stand on her balcony and eat the sweet treat she had bought. She never used to do this. Neither the hot bath nor the pastry. This evening, however, she felt like it for one reason or another. Perhaps she thought she deserved it after suffering through the useless trip to the horse land, which was already like a distant memory.
And perhaps this bath would finish off her headache for good. She did learn that such a thing helped, after all. Relaxing in hot water calmed her restless thoughts, and the throbbing pain with them.
Cinch looked over the buildings and at the spires of Crystal Prep that could be seen above the roofs not too far away. The sun sank behind the city’s skyline and a gentle breeze caressed her face.
Abacus Cinch sighed.
“Perhaps I should have flown, after all.”
Cinch felt a slight discomfort on her back. She reached into her sweater with her free arm and pulled out a teal blue feather. Perhaps it came off shortly before Cinch’s escape through the portal and did not get erased in the transformation, no longer truly being a part of her body.
Suddenly Cinch understood why the portal had given her wings in a state of complete neglect in the first place.
She looked at the feather, spinning it around between her fingers for a bit, then quietly let go. As the feather drifted down and away through the evening air, Cinch sighed once more, finished her pastry and left the balcony.
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It was well written, don't get me wrong, and Cinch certainly DID come across as relatable. I'm just not happy with how it ended. She didn't seem to get that happiness and friendship weren't forced upon the ponies...and I honestly wanted to smack her across the face for being so blind. I WAS kind of hoping she'd end up learning something....but her heart's as frosty as her manner.
Sweet, well-written, but I can't help but think that this shouldn't be the end of it. Cinch basically just gives up and storms off in a huff. I kind of thought of her as more proactive. And in case you do think that a sequel is in order, here are some unanswered questions which could be your sequel hooks:
Why does Cinch appear not to have a proper counterpart in Equestria? Is it because she's in some way special, or because her actual counterpart exists, but is off doing something outside camera range? What would that counterpart, should she be found, say about Cinch@EG?
Now that Cinch knows the specifics of the secret of Canterlot High, does this change her attitude towards it, and does this lead to any interesting events?
For that matter, Twilight@EG transfers to Canterlot High. What happens to Shining Armor?
Wow, that was a pretty interesting story. It's kind of like what was said in Turnabout Storm: Friendship isn't necessary to live, but it's one of those things in life that give it value and meaning. By not partaking in flight, even if there was a chance she would never get to do it again, Cinch condemned herself to not knowing what it meant to enjoy life rather than living it...
That being said, I'm really curious as to what Celestia and Luna know about her from their world.
An interesting tale. I feel like Cinch's ruined wings kind of went over my head, but overall I really loved her character, especially her practical approach to her relationship with Cadance. You didn't really give a strong justification for why she was so worried about the reputation of Crystal Prep she went so crazy in the movie, but honestly that is such a big plot hole it would be impossible to totally fill that.
I feel sad for Cinch, even as I agree with her speech (not that every problem in Equestria is solved by converting friendship into magical lasers and blasting people, but Twilight should really not have focused on those).
That and the implications for the Crystal Heart "spreading harmony and love" are pretty creepy, though I suspect the Tree of Harmony does the same thing, and on a larger scale.
If Twilight the Princess of Friendship really wants to put her bits where her mouth is, why isn't she "befriending" (i.e. establishing diplomatic relationships with) the human government?
This is a really good story! I look forward to when you start on the sequel!
Some people just can't change even when given the chance to do so. Well I'm sure it'll hit her sooner instead of later.
This feels very incomplete. Don't get me wrong, it's a great story, but I think this is a good chance to develop Cinch's character even more. Right now, she feels very one note, and the most you've done with the story is play that note a few times, moving slightly up a half-step with the ending.
You could do a lot more with this. You've kept her in character throughout this, you could do a full 'lightening up' of her without compromising that character.
6624476 Following up on that, Cadence mouthed "Abacus" when she saw Cinch. I took that to mean that Cinch *did* have a counterpart in Equestria, and Cadence had known her, and thought that when we learned the details of her fate it'd be significant. Cinch's cutie mark was also left unexplored. Good story, but it does feel like it ended too soon - there's still lots left here.
One thing that I *didn't* mind was Cinch not being "reformed" or such. I think Cinch actually is pretty okay and makes some good points over the course of the story. I think it would have been better to *broaden* her perspective rather than *change* it per se. And that did happen somewhat, but yeah, it felt like this was just the beginning of a journey.
Hopefully maybe a sequel someday?
Huh...That was rather abrupt really. I mean, this was well written and executed quite nicely, but I was expecting a bit..more? I mean, I can see a person like Cinch just storming off on a whim like this, but it seems like it's missing out on all this potential. I want to see her soften, grow nicer, open up.
The fic does call it into question and she does feel a bit of lingering doubt at the end. That's a perfect spot to have some more down the line, but the way it just ends...Almost makes the journey useless in a way. Again, I really did enjoy this story. That's just my thought. {Also, human Sparkle is just as 'stupid' as pony Sparkle. They aren't very good scientists. Oh they're smart and intellectual, but both tend to form machines or spells without properly testing them and such. Sunset Shimmer is a much better scientist.}
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Well, actually, I intended this as a kind of hopeful ending. She didn't come out of the trip completely empty-handed, like you all think, despite believing so herself. She subconsciously accepted doing things for her own enjoyment, and she rememebred/realized that she hadn't been doing that at all in life (hence the unused wings). So she might start opening up a bit to what life has to offer, perhaps including friendship, somewhere in the future. Basically, the trip sneakily sowed seeds of change in her mind, ones that she can't feel yet, but they are there.
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I wouldn't say she thought friendship and happiness were forced... She just thought that the existance of magic in Equestria is what made them important and valuable (mostly friendship), and that in her world, without magic, friendship and happiness can't be the solution to most problems. The crystal heart mind control thing I didn't intend her to take very seriously. Even if she thinks there's some influence from it, she doesn't think it hypnotizes the entire world.
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Regarding Cinch's Equestria counterpart, you might notice that Celestia and Luna seemed to recognize her. I didn't want to get too head-canony with this story, but if I make a sequel this could get explored.
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The wings represent the fact that Cinch always had the ability to enjoy life (= fly) but never did it anyway. Her understanding this is what might set her on the path to mellowing out in the future.
Also, I don't really see how her being ultra-concerned with the school's reputation is a plot hole. And I think I explained it well enough. My understanding is basically that the school is her whole life's work, the only thing that gives it any meaning, and she firmly believes that if the school's reputation is tarnished one way or another, it can all fall apart and everything she achieved might be ruined. The Games are probably important enough to be a big factor in the school's overall reputation. If they lost, it meant they were no longer the best, and Cinch believes that her school is doing well only because it's considered the best.
As for Twilight befriending the human government, I'd wager they don't want to make people crossing over back and forth a habit. Heck, Celestia didn't even let Twi's friends go over in the first movie. They probably think that for the stability of both worlds it's better to stay fully separate.
6624560 Well, it was more of a character exploration story than a character development story. To be honest, I feel like she would never be able to "lighten up" quickly enough for one short story's scope. Certainly not in one or two more chapters. Not everyone has basically no convictions and social experience like Discord or Diamond Tiara! Not everyone can change easily. My full intent with this story was just to have a window into Cinch's character, and to end with a hint of a possibility of "improvement" in her future.
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Write more, Commander. We will be watching. :)
6624573 It was Celestia who mouthed "Abacus" but you're right in noticing that.
I feel that I've given enough of a hint for everyone who wanted to decipher her cutie-mark in the story itself and that it wasn't really relevant further than that.
Her cutie-mark was explored in the comments!
6624581 Well, as I said in the comment just above this one, I don't believe someone like Cinch would "soften, grow nicer, open up" fast enough to fit a story of reasonable length. If I wanted to show her progress all the way through it would've had to be one of those "hundreds of chapters of the character in all possible situations without anything big happening" stories. And hey, the journey into Equestria wasn't useless as you noticed, and it wasn't really even much of a journey. Just an excursion that lasted a few hours.
Speaking of Human Twilight, that may be so, but Cinch only knows her from her academic performance in the school, not her own personal scientific pursuits. I believe that the sheer success Twi evidently had in the school has led Cinch to respect her somewhat, although not enough to not manipulate her.
6624616 I think I will. I wasn't sure about making a sequel to this (and as I said, my ideas for it were very off the wall), but now I see that people seem to indeed want more of this Cinch and her possible journey to becoming a "better person", so it's pretty much inevidable that I start thinking it through during most of my free time. Although if a sequel comes, it'll probably have a more unusual storyline and have a tad more adventure instead of being pretty much exclusively about Cinch vs. the concepts of friendship and happiness, although that should obviously remain a big part.
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I suggest you don't hurry with the 'better person' at all. Who's to say Cinch is incapable of making the ponies actually think seriously about the way they live, take the trains of thought they usually do not? Maybe they can become better ponies for it. There's always room for improvement.
Simply getting Mrs. Cinch to remove that pole from her posterior would be horribly one-sided. :)
6624601 Thanks for replying! And for explaining the feather, that's a cool metaphor in retrospect. As for the reputation, I can understand in larger terms Cinch being extremely concerned about the reputation of a private school that probably relies partially on alumni and parent donations as well.
What was the real plot hole to me was the idea that if Crystal Prep lost one match after having won the last 9 in a row, their reputation would be significantly affected. Like students would really have switched to different schools, or people would stop donating, to a school with a 9-1 win ration? They should have found a way to make the win more important to Crystal Prep or Cinch personally, like she's up for a Superintendent job and her winning streak is why she is even being considered or something. As it is, its hard to imagine there will be any actual affect on Crystal Prep from losing the games (Cinch unleashing magic maybe, but not the loss).
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Well, to be fair, the ponies are perfectly happy with their way of life. Cinch, on the other hand, is a miserable, cold-hearted bitch, who was completely unmoved by any of Twilight's stories. If anything, SHE'S the one who needs to change....
Cinch's mistake, judging Equestia by it's surface, she heard Twilight's stories but didn't listen to them. As a result she completely missed the point of it all because she didn't understand how "magic" could be anything but a literal term, and that while the magic of friendship was a real quantifiable thing in Equestria in the "Real World" it's just as valuable and powerful as it is intangible.
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Exactly! The bitter old crone needed a bucket of cold water dumped on her head, being unable to see what Twilight was trying to get across....
6624687 Oh don't worry, I'm not going to go the boring redemption route for Cinch, whatever I do with the sequel! But I suppose character development should still happen, especially since there's almost none in this story.
6624698 Well I mean it might seem obvious to us from the outside perspective, but imagine dedicating the better part of your life to running a school that is so heavily dependant on the reputation (not just some good enough school like every other one, but The Elite one - that can't come without significantly spotless rep). I can easily imagine Cinch getting waaaaaay too into it after a decade or two of reputation being the most important (and fragile) aspect of running the entire school.
Granted, they definitely could've gone into it at least a tiny bit in the movie, but I felt like it was implied well enough if one cared to contemplate Cinch at all (her mention of how the reputation was "responsible for everything we have here" in the beginning, her calling the school's reputation "her legacy" in the song), and she was far from being the focus of the movie anyway.
6624627 Hmm, that's all true. Cinch's growth would have to take time and the only real way you could keep Cinch in Equestria to do so would have been to create some reason for the portal not working. Like a recharge, or villain, or even a mishap. It's the talent of a writer when all the reader has issues with is 'Why wasn't there more?', because that's the only thing I could think of for this story. Keep up the good work.
As well, I do so hope that Cinch can be shown that it isn't mind altering magics and that the 'magic of friendship' type of deals are more physical manifestations of our own feelings. Emotions are indeed powerful and magic is fueled by them.
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To be fair, all of the major problems in Equestria do seem like they are solved by magic and friendship just happens to be the power source. I mean, how would they have defeated Nightmare Moon, Discord or Tirek if the magical spells or doohickeys didnt exist? Even being friends as good as they are would've done nothing for them.
And since Twilight mostly went for the biggest, least personal examples, as you'll notice by the excerpts from her narration, for someone who wasn't there all the way it was remarkably easy to think that friendship on its own meant absolutely nothing for those achievements and they were impossible without magic, or completely irrelevant due to the crazy nature of the problem itself (like a dragon).
There's also the factor of how much easier and more carefree life seems in Equestria, at least on first glance, and how unrealistic it would seem that what works for a world as sacharine as it would work for the "real world".
6624775 Thank you and yeah, I think since a sequel is pretty much inevidable at this point (funny how quickly I decided that, but oh well), I'll try to show some of her journey towards comprehending the pony values and whatnot. I already have a vague plan for the sequel and I think there might be room for a friend in Cinch's mind (not the heart, she's not that kind of person!) by the end
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True, but really, it's Cinch's own fault for not completely listening. I'm sorry, I know you tried to make Cinch relatable, and you DID succeed (I liked that part in the beginning where we saw just how much she cared about her school), but honestly, I find it very hard to have sympathy for her. And the fact that Cinch didn't seem to get that friendship by itself could do wonders, even when its not a tangible, magical force....well, I attribute that as being a classic case of 'Evil Cannot Comprehend Good." (Though, in this case, it's more like "Cynicism Cannot Comprehend Good"....)
6624846 Well, relatable was more of my focus than sympathetic so I'll take it!
Still, I stand by my opinion that Cinch simply was not presented with convincing enough examples during her brief exposure, and the examples she had were so overwhelmingly leaning towards "magic" (starting with Rarity's historical lucture, and that story had been something Twilight had hyped up a bit during their initial dialogue in the human world if you remember!) that her first impression was pretty much inevidable.
And honestly, I myself think that even in the show, where it's the focus, friendship by itself seems to only be good for small, personall matters, not global stuff, and Cinch mostly cared about things more global than personal relationships.
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Fair enough. :) I guess this just isn't my kind of story, and what with friendship converting several characters in the show proper (Discord, Diamond Tiara, heck, even Gilda after several seasons), it's a bit jarring to not see it be as effective here...
This is NOT a reflection on you, mind. The story was very well written and constructed. :)
This is probably just me, but I really got the feeling that Equestria frightened Cinch. She has a world-view based on a set of assumptions but they simply didn't apply to that universe. The thought that the things that she considered incontrovertible facts had been challenged attacked her personal reality on a fundamental level and, like many small-minded people, it drove her to a rage.
She also missed the point the Hearth Warming story, of course. That too lay beyond her ability to interpret correctly. It wasn't magic that saved the ponies, it was co-operation and setting aide racial differences (racism in ponies is based on quite distinct anatomical differences rather than our minute cosmetic variations so it should be stronger) in favour of co-operation. After all, they couldn't just drive off the Windigoes and then everything is sweetness and rainbows, could they? No, they had to spend decades rebuilding their civilisation and finding a way to exist in a more balanced symbiosis than before. So, yes, the lesson of the ponies is applicable to humans... if only we had the courage to stop finding reasons to hate each other and look to the good of the community as a whole rather than our own selfish lusts.
Not evil then, just pathetic, petty and so sure of her own wisdom and brilliance that she is incapable of imagining any other path. I strongly suspect that her influence will be ruined if she starts trying to 'cleanse' her students of the the 'infection' of friendship. All because she can't accept that there is more to individual attainment than selfish focus!
So, the air is her element and thus the Mirror made her a Pegasus (which may have altered her behaviour somewhat - Pegasi are renowned for their aggression, which may be biochemical as well as cultural in origin).
P.S.: Just who was the pony Abacus Cinch that Celestia would know her on sight and be most concerned at seeing her in Twilight Sparkle's company? Something tells me that, perhaps, in both worlds, she is an enemy of Harmony.
the more prominent the bigger the problem had been
Something missing from that sentence I think.
While people do seem to dislike her opinions on the matter, I think she had several that were actually quite spot on, while people seem to focus on the ponies friendship she does point out that there are still several wars going on in the EQG universe that wouldn't just be solved as easily as using a multi-focused rainbow of friendship or restoring the spirit to the people.
Which people seem to gloss over, yes the ponies universe is pretty nice and good with it's friendship but at it's core there is a magical bit of harmony that allows for various things to happen, even some of the hardest problems such as the Unicorns full magical burnout in the olden days was fixed up by Celestia gaining a connection with the sun and using the intervening magic to fix them.
Damn right!
Though make sure you don't force it. This is a fine stopping point. (figured I'd put that out there as a "no pressure")
I certainly hope there's a sequel. And now, I'm curious as to how Luna and Celestia knew her there.
Not a bad story by any stretch, and an interesting take on Cinch. If there is a sequel, I look forward to seeing it.
Broken individual faces a reality that doesn't conform to her brokenness and looks for any excuse to justify herself.
Final grade: C-. Well written but pointless.
Well, you failed there unfortunately. If anything I just dislike her more now. Sorry. She's short sighted, closed minded, inconsiderate, and self serving, with a generous dose of arrogance to boot. This is the kind of character that I could really get into hating, but not one that I could ever even pretend to like. It's a well written story though.
6624888 I think both Tiara and Discord were so easily "converted" because they both secretly wanted to be, moreso Tiara than Discord of course, although Discord's deal was that he just didn't know it.
If you think about it, Tiara is just a kid and a kid who apparently deep down never liked being bad. And Discord is someone who, for all his years and powers, never really had many social interactions and hadn't spent a lot of time "learning" how the world worked, mainly because no rules applied to him.
Cinch, on the other hand, is someone whose views have been formed in the fires, so to speak, they're much more rigid and resistant to change. While it may be unusual for the MLP universe, at least the canon parts of it, I think it's pretty darn realistic that she wouldn't change. But yeah, I understand if that's not what you wanted!
6624894 I might not be able to tell, honestly. I just pretended to have her views and lack of knowledge of Equestria and her reactions wrote themselves. I hadn't considered the idea that she was frightened, in my head she's mostly disgusted. But hey, open for interpretation.
6625297 Exactly! Friendship has simply different levels of power in the two worlds. In the human world it's purely a relationship thing, in Equestria it's also a power source.
6625416 I've thought it over a bit and I'll make a blog post regarding the sequel's future. Not forcing it is definitely a concern, among others.
6625819 Fair enough, even though she did kind of get on a path to change in the end there. It's barely a hint of the possibilities though, I understand if that's not satisfying enough an ending.
6625890 Eh, well different strokes for different folks I suppose. Maybe it'll succeed for some people out there. I myself truly don't consider her as bad as you're describing. Maybe because I secretly agree with a lot of what she thinks. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to make her character consistent!
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Harmony ITSELF can be taken too far, like ANYTHING. (Take free will too far, and all you have left is anarchy.)
6624812 Here's a possible opening hook: Have Principal Finch receive a letter from her other self, or from Twilight about her other self. She then goes back to meet her doppelganger, or her doppelganger comes to meet her, who would be able to do a better job of speaking in terms she can understand than anypony else.
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Well no one said Cinch's conclusions didn't make sense to her, or that her misconception wasn't understandable. But like I said in Equestria the magic of friendship is tangible, and they face magical threats. It does make sense that when magic is fact of life that magical problems need magical solutions, and when you look at it coming from a world where the problems aren't magical that solving any problem with magic seems unrealistic. When the world beats you down the power of friendship can seem like it doesn't exist, and when more violent or destructive ways to accomplish goals are frankly so EASY the idea that any other way could work seems unreal.
6626160 that was one of the ideas I considered, although it was more of a thing where Cinch's presense was requested by the princesses in order to clear something up about the pony Cinch, who might've disappeared somewhere and they'd need her help finding her, or she was long dead but left some sort of coded message that they needed Cinch's help deciphering. Either way, the pony Cinch in my head was from before Sombra and is supposed to have been dead for more than a thousand years from the Princesses' perspective.
I actually do already have an opening hook in mind though. I just have to make it a bit more sane than it currently is in my head, and figure out a lot of what would happen in the main part of the story.
6626177 Indeed. I mostly just disagree with people who think Cinch was very blind to the "obvious truth". From where she's coming from, her conclusions make the most sense. If she had been there for all the show's episodes, though, she might've ended up with a different opinion, but Twilight's choice of what kind of events to retell was a bit one-sided and poorly planned.
6624894 Now hold on. Cinch accepts that her assumptions don't apply to the ponyverse. What Princess Twilight failed to do was show her that Equestria's assumptions DO apply to the humanverse. And at least to some extent they don't. Ponies do use magic a lot to solve problems and get along on a day to day basis. The Crystal Heart does help the Crystal "Empire" function smoothly and there is no equivalent on the other side.
6626227 This is exactly how I see it!
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I think she just need to see the power of friendship outside magical context to truly "get it", like perhaps seeing what dean Cadance's ideas manage to accomplish when Cinch isn't running things with a iron fist. Clearly Equestria was the wrong place to show her the power of friendship in "real world" context. And just so we are clear, that isn't exactly a criticism, I'm not saying "this was a bad story because". Twilight's plan failed for good reasons, depicting Twilight as never failing in my mind hurts the character. Twilight isn't a mary-sue because she makes mistakes, she stumbles, sometimes she fails her strength is she doesn't let failure beat her. She failed to show Cinch what she wanted to for good reasons.
6626250 I say this in these replies way too often for it to be plausible but that was one of the ideas that I had but discarded. One of the ending ideas was actually supposed to be about Cinch witnessing how Cadence did rather well, so Cinch was going to just hand over the principal position to her and go travel around the world or something. Mainly because originally I planned her reputation to be in much more danger and that was a good way for her to "sacrifice" her position to save the school. Perhaps that sort of ending would've satisfied more people but I felt it was way too radical a change in Cinch (after a quick and unconvincing exposure to the Equestrian brand of "friendship") and decided it would've been just too sappy/unrealistic.
6626250 While I agree that Twilight was completely unprepared and used the wrong approach for someone as cynical as Cinch I wouldn't necessarily call the visit a failure. It didn't work out nearly as well as Twilight hoped, but Cinch really did seriously think about her approach to life and her goals and she has opened her emotional walls slightly as a result.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
I can't help but enjoy this story more and more with every new chapter. You do such a terrific job at describing Cinch's thoughts, feelings and mindset, it is really interesting to read. That, and the plot itself is quite breathtaking. So, I want to thank you for every minute you spent writing those chapters. It all has really paid off.
6626304 Yeah, things affected Cinch, just not things anyone expected, lest of all Twilight. Cinch was basically forced into several activities which she ended up somewhat enjoying and that was quite an important step when she realized the fact there on the balcony.
6626446 Wow, thanks! Although it probably wouldn't have been as enjoyable for you without the improvements brought upon by those two guys I mention in the description and the author's notes to chapter 3. So it's not just my time that paid off!
Also, it's kinda funny, writing Cinch's perspective was pretty easy because I just turned "Cinch mode" on in my head and was able to think like her. Maybe I'm more like her than I realized. Or maybe everyone does it with the characters they write, dunno.
6626478 That's right. The best way to write from character's perspective is imagining that you are that character. I, for example, am nothing even close to Rainbow Dash, but I do believe that I've described her thoughts and feelings pretty good in my story.
liked the story and ending with a whiff of hope to it. Hope for a sequel soon.
6626608 A whiff of hope is pretty much exactly what I wanted to get across.
About the sequel situation feel free to check my blog post about it. In short, I'm probably waiting for the season 5 finale to see if it changes anything significant in Equestria.