Chapter 2:
Buckshot and Silver Wind continued down the Rocky path, the small dragon still unconscious on Buckshot’s back. Crimson Sky returned, flying wide loops above them scouting for any possible threats.
They walked on through the jagged rocks, the hot sun hovering over them.
Buckshot looked worried, “I reckon we’re gonna be late,” he said.
“Relax, the Sapphire Lake is just over this ridge,” Silver Wind said, climbing over a unnatural pile of rocks.
On the other side of the pile, they were greeted by a heavenly sight. They walked into the crater, a large rock wall surrounding them on every side, and in the center was a shining blue lake, still and glistening in the sun. Around the edges of the lake, sapphires littered the ground, in piles stacking at least 10 feet into the air.
Buckshot laid the dragon on the ground, “Do ya think we missed it?” he said to Silver Wind.
“It should be just about time-” Silver Wind stopped talking, “look,” he said. The water started bubbling and rippling, the rumbling increasing by the second. Silver looked toward the sky, “Sky!!!, take the dragon to safety, we shouldn't have brought him this far in.
Crimson Sky, flew down and pulled the dragon onto his back, and started flying away. The rumbling in the water stopped.
“Here we go” said Silver.
Out of the water came giant glowing blue serpent, with cold black eyes and a fierce disposition.
Buck readied his gun, aiming towards the monstrosity, “This ain’t gonna be is fun as I thought I guess” he said.
But just then, the water continued its bubbling and eight more serpent heads join the first, scowling and baring their fangs. The serpent heads lunged and attacked at the two colts who were ready and dodged swiftly. The sun’s rays were reflecting off the scales of the beats, turning the inside of the crater blue, amplifying the sapphires and making them shine brighter than ever.
“Blade Ace!” Silver yelled, as white lances of wind pierced through one of the heads, it fell back into the water, retching in pain.
A head lashed out at Buckshot, who rolled to the side and shot out a red ball that hit the monster square in the face, and burst into flames. This head too fell back into the lake screaming in painful agony.
Silver Wind, jumped backwards as another head launched another attack, its fangs just missing him. The water rumbled again and from the lake, four more heads emerged, doubling the number of the ones defeated.
“Why, it's the Lernaean Hydra!” said Buckshot, “Watch my back partner!”, Silver drove a powerful gale at the heads shooting towards Buckshot, pushing them back. Buckshot took out his notebook and started flipping through the pages rapidly until he found what he was looking for.
He looked at Silver “We gotta get em through the heart to bring it down!” he yelled.
Silver Wind, was defending against the heads as best as he could. “CRIMMMSONNN!!!” he yelled, moments later Sky flew over the top and saw the beast. “Get him right through the heart!” Silver roared at him.
Buckshot bucked a head that was coming from the side at him, “You better get a move on!”
Crimson flew directly over the Hydra, Silver Wind and Buckshot took cover. Crimson Sky opened his wings fully to reveal them to be metal tipped. He dashed down at the evil beast, the metal contraption on his back that Hyper Drive designed opened and shot metal blades down at the serpent’s heads, cutting them and forcing them to turn in defense. Crimson gained speed and bared his bladed wings, focused on the beast’s chest.
Sky flew directly though the Hydra’s chest, going through its heart and coming out the other side, splashing down into the blue water.
The beast roared harder than ever, “BWARRRRGGGG!!!”, the body fell back into the pool causing a huge wave to wash more diamonds to the shore.
Silver Wind helped Sky out of the water while Buckshot wrote notes in his monster journal. They left the crater through the rock pile ledge and were greeted by the dragon.
“Whaa, what happened?” said the dragon.
Silver Wind smiled, “We saved you from the Manticore and brought you with us.”
“Yeah little buddy,” Buckshot joined in “we couldn't just leave you there all by yerself.”
“My names Spike,” the dragon said as he peered over the rocks, looking into the crater. “WOAH! What time is it!?!?! We gotta get going before that thing comes out, it’ll eat us alive!!!”
Buckshot and Silver laughed, “Oh, I don't think we have to worry about that, the guards will be here to take him away soon” Silver said. “In fact, why don’t you go get them Crimson. Oh, and good work back there.”
Crimson Sky smiled, and then took off into the clouds. Silver Wind and Buckshot accompanied Spike back through the forest to his home, listening to his story along the way.
“I was just out getting gems for Rarity when that thing pounced on me! I thought I was a goner, but then I saw you guys...and that’s all I remember. So you guys really defeated that thing???” Spike inquired anxiously.
Silver Wind had Spike on his back, “I could take you back later, if you really want all those gems it was hoarding” he laughed.
Spike lived in a place called Ponyville, once they arrived, they saw the carriage was parked and Hyper Drive was walking out and about. Her goggles were resting on her forehead as she stood outside the carriage awkwardly and stared at everypony, she noticed them arrive.
“Finally!” she yelled, “I’ve been here alone all morning you guys!”
“Reckon you shoulda made some friends then?” Buckshot said.
Hype only looked angrier, “Friends?!?! some pink pony threw me a party!!! For no reason! Can you believe it! I didn’t even know her!”
Spike jumped off Silvers back, “Oh, you mean Pinkie Pie, she does that for all the new ponies! In fact, she’ll probably want to meet you two, too!” he said looking at Buck and Silver. “C’mon, she’s probably at Twilights”.
Hyper Drive, Buckshot and Silver Wind followed spike into an ornate house carved into a tree. Spike opened the door, to reveal six mares all talking and laughing together happily.
Om mshabada like it
Boy, this doesn't seem like the typical pretentious group-of-bronies-just-having-fun stereotype. Not at all. Nope. It's completely normal. People acting "cool" and saving other people and being normal about it? Nah. That's original. Do carry on.
687964
I dont get what you mean, I also dont think the story has unfolded far enough for you to be judging it.
687964 Are you implying that us having fun is a bad thing? You're right, it is a bunch of bronies having fun,and you know what, we don't all have to be serious writers all the time. This was for fun and you know what, its actually written pretty well. Please don't leave retarded comments like this, because it makes you seem idiotic and shallow. Just like your writing. Good day.
688862
You know hes a serious writer because his name is CheeseDeluxe
688811
688862
You guys can have your fun. I don't give a damn. What I'm saying is that this looks like your average "oh hey we're buddies going on an adventure" story, but you fail to nail the character relationships. You're not making your characters look like characters. Labeling all of them sacks of flour wouldn't be inappropriate. Hell, they might as well be the same sack of flour, because you also fail to differentiate them. Give people habits, verbal tics. Give them something so they can be different. And not just one superficial thing (e.g. his eyes are red; her coat is a striking jet black). Give them personalities. Make sure they interact with each other differently. Go stalk a group of friends in real life and take notes.
Unless you're writing about how they grow apart and/or become different from each other (in which case, feel free to ignore my advice), you're doing it wrong. Characters should be people, not personality-lacking sacks of flour (and God forbid the same sack).
689469 Trust me, I see the same thing. What I was trying to get at was that it has only begun. Lots of stories use arcs and side chapters to explain emotion, characterization and personality. We have lots of time for that and we plan to use every minute of it. Just give this story some time to grow. I'm sure we'll nail personality and characterization at that time. But at this beginning, we wanted to jump straight into whats happening rather than have a rather boring first chapter about our OC's pasts. Again, we will have lots of time for that later. Thank you though for sharing that with us. I'm sure we will take that into account when we write the next chapter.
689469
A major reason people feel connected to characters is because they learn about them over time, not like I just give them a list about all their traits and characteristics.
690141
Good for you. However, at this point, your characters are the same sack of flour. At least give them different speaking habits so I know who's talking. Or something. Make sure their personality seeps into their voices and actions from the get-go.
691806
One of them is a fucking cowboy
One of them speaks pretty calmly all the time
And the other one is hot headed?
687964
Sorry my stories about pony making pudding.