6970476 Maybe things change behind closed doors

Grammar and pacing definitely needs some work. I couldn't even finish the first chapter. You may also wish to proof read your story. For instance, there's no such thing as 'people' in the world of pones. Yet you used people in dialogue.

I might come back to this story in the future, not sure. If you'd like for me to possibly have a go at editing this, just send me a pm.

7265572 Sweet Apple Masuer?