Sugar is a baker who owns a little shop called Buns and Brews.
Pyrite is the most successful thief this side of Manehattan.
Crystal Quartz is an albino Pegasus who loves lazing in the clouds.
Black Jasper is a nurse at Canterlot Hospital who has a passion for gemology.
Blue Topaz is a Royal guard discharged for cowardice.
Sunstone is a junior geologist who finds a cave full of odd jewels.
When each of these ponies comes in contact with a strange gem, their lives will be changed forever.
Teen because fighting and occasional cursing. Crossover because gems.
Chapters (3)
I found it hard to get over the too many they's.
Fear them pony emojis. They will eat your soul. Just noticed the "And no, it's not meth." Haha XD. You are funny. Also
We
Are the Crystal Gems.
We'll always save the day.
And if you think we can't
We'll always find a way.
That's why the people ponies
Ooof thiis wooorld
Believe in
Sugar, Pyrite, Crystal Quartz
Black Jasper and Blue Topaz
And Sunstone!
I just had to.
6532652 sorry, I was writing an agender for my first time. Is there a pronoun other than they I can use?
I am basing my opinion from SNL character Pat. Typically referred to as an it, or explain in the beginning about the pony being no particular gender, and use one pronoun over the other. The use of 'they' in the begining is very confusing since you are talking about just one pony. Or, is it one pony with multiple 'beings' in it. This would have to be explained as well.
As far as the plot goes and the concept, its a good one
I hoe this helps
“It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt, Looking Forward
I'll say this, you definitely put some hard work into it and quite a bit of effort. It was a good read, and though my statement would be similar to what others have said already I will say this. Keep up the good work, and if you think it will help read a few stories here to pick up a few new ideas and even talk to a few people to see what new tricks you can learn.
6536095 Thanks for the feedback!
6536112 no problem.
If you're writing an agender character, make sure you're solid as to the reason why they would be 'they' so to speak. I rather avoid agenderisms and just stick with one denotation over the other (maybe they don't mind being called him or her or they have a tic or behaviour that leans more to one side than the other). This gives you an excuse to use gendered pronouns (even though they're not actually a particular gender).
Secondly, you have punctuation and grammar errors. If there is a 'he said' 'she said' dialogue tag after the quote, the quote has a comma after it. i.e.
"It was awesome," Rainbow Dash said.
If it's an action, or description, it is terminated with a full stop or period:
"It was awesome." Rainbow Dash snorted.
Thirdly, there's a bit of telling in your narrative device. This is one of the hardest stylistic improvements to make in a story (at least in my experience). Try to avoid saying 'It was her friend, blah blah.' Show this by how they react to each other, and then engage in some telling. (the tell has been italicised for convenience) i.e.
She looked up to see Sunny approaching. Instantly, her face lit up and she pranced over.
"Aww, you came! I knew you would," she exclaimed, drawing uncomfortably close.
Sunny looked at her bombastic friend with exasperation etched into her posture. "Of course," she replied glumly. "We've been together since *sigh* forever. Now what have you gotten me into?"
See? Lot's of backstory in as many sentences. Just remember it's pretty much show or tell, with mostly preference of show.
6537098 Thanks a lot!
I love it!
When Black Jasper fainted, I just had to laugh.
"What did I miss?"
Weeeeell, you guys are on your own with the gems thing, that's what!
6646788 Well, no. Sunstone's not abandoning then, they're searching for something to help.
6658982 Oh~. My bad!
There actually are crickets chirping where I am because I am sleeping outside and reading on my phone.