If The Emperor was in Equestria

by The Warmaster

Chapter Four: Nightmare Moon Inquisitorial Spam

Twilight's POV

There was actual steam coming out of the Emperor's ear area.

"Umm, are you alright?" I asked.

The steam vanished.

"Yes. I'm just Absolutely Livid right now." He replied, his eyes bursting into light at the word 'absolutely'.

"Wh-why?" I asked.

"Simple. Your angsty ass princess saw it fit to send her younger sister to the fucking moon just because she might have been having a bad day. Or was on her period. Whichever. Oh, and then, not only does she remove almost all history relating to her sister, she proclaims complete leadership of the entire country. She also makes up a damn children's bedtime story about her sister, and saying of how she's evil and all that bullshit. I mean, it was just a single day. So what if the moon stayed out a little longer? Nothing would change. And now, Celestia is worshipped as a goddess. Fucking Inquisitorial Spam Filters. It's time to make myself known to this shitfest of a country you got here. I want you to record everything I say, then send it to the closest newspaper company you can find. I want this fucking sent all over Equestria by the end of the day. No Inquisitorial Spam Filter will stop my knowledge from getting out." The Emperor ranted. I sighed, pulling out a piece of paper and a quill.

"Hello, ponies of Equestria. My name is The Emperor. I have been living underneath Canterlot mountain since this rock you call a planet was still mostly molten magma. I stopped paying attention to it after the seventeenth millennia after it was born. When I get back, what do I find? A bunch of crazy horses who worship their princess like a god. Religion is not the way to go. I have seen what that crap does to countries. Tears them apart, that's what. Religious Wars turned family against itself, and nearly killed my species. There is no 'god' or 'goddess' in this universe. There is only strange Magic and science. So, go sit down and rethink your life for a day or so." The Emperor spoke. I scribbled each word down, and, nodding to the Emperor, ran off to deliver it.

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷
Emperor POV

"Sigh. Why does every species I come across always have a damn religion. Hell, I leave my own species alone for a couple thousand years, and they became a bunch of asshole religious people who wasted valuable resources on simple luxuries. Or just blowing up the whole planet because it didn't give them it's shiny shit." I stated.

"Wow. What brilliant insight." The pony guard, who stubbornly stuck around, said.

"You're still here? Sigh. I wish I had my Centurion." I groaned.

"I could be your Centurion." He offered.

"I will set you on fire with my mind and take pleasure in watching you burn to ashes." I told him. He backed away quickly.

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷
Meanwhile............

"Uh, my lord, the newspaper." The servant said, hoofing the paper over to his lord.

"What is it now? I'm busy making this asshole go bankrupt for not giving me his shiny shit." The Mare on the massive throne replied, before levitating the paper over with her magic. She quickly read through it, before snarling, the paper bursting into flame.

"This is HERESY!" Fleur-de-lis roared.

Author's Note:

Welp, there's the next chapter! Don't know if it is longer than the rest. The First few Text-to-Speech Device episodes were short, so that's how it's going down. Also, send me any questions you want to ask The Emperor! Ask it as if you were a random pony citizen if possible or be funny and send a very stupid question. Or fourth wall breaking question. Next chapter will introduce Q&A

Comments

[The Warmaster]

It felt like I had written a thousand words..... oh well.

Next Chapter after questions: Tirek? Such an Evil Fucking Name

[The Warmaster]

Also, nothing can replace the Centurion. He was unique. They had a bond. And nopony is gonna replace him. NOPONY

[mrkillwolf666]

1000/10

[skyminer252]

can i haz another cookie?

[The Warmaster]

6517814 have four cookies, since that wasn't my intentional reference. The Emperor must have referenced him in the series. Huh. I've watched TFS before, but that reference slipped my mind

[SeventhBrony]

The way this had sounded at the beginning this is long before the latest episode where the CMC get their marks, if so we need them managing to get to him and pestering him on how to get their marks!

[Clockwise]

good chapter my friend :3

[The A I]

more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SomeCleverReference]

6517794 Hey - I don't mean to nag about grammar but at the bottom of the chapter the pony said "Uh, my lord, the newspaper." even though the 'Lord' is a mare - just change it quickly to 'Lady'.
Just in case it might tick of anyone not as levelheaded as me :/ and anyway someone had to bring attention to the little mistakes to make your work be improved (even if just by a little). After All we have to look after each other as a community.

Oh BTW LOVE your work so far; hilarious!

[Iron Comet]

Fleur is the Inquisition? Brilliant? Will she have Fancy Pants sitting next to her making snarky comments?

[Azure5555]

It smells an awful lot like heresy...

[wlam]

"What is it now? I'm busy making this asshole go bankrupt for not giving me his shiny shit." The Mare on the massive throne replied, before levitating the paper over with her magic. She quickly read through it, before snarling, the paper bursting into flame.

"This is HERESY!" Fleur-de-lis roared.

PURGING TIME IS NOW

[EvilEnchantress]

6759310
lh3.googleusercontent.com/5Fxhnt71jsMg150RLY5w85el6vPGwBanBdVQS3GVhJp9N6enWm-cQYqQzV-zAPpAX0CDDgovPiETV7U6VV8fUhEvIIYFRzt8U2oTbze6EIsr5cLrvdGOi_Xp5ikdYBjh3soCChwKTGmF2xQpoDFj5ckNzm9_1FYYoi9f88uGwXeQY7fJY_IAIYHqQ36D1CCL64ZJAqEQp49LlG8byLQHDl4-HMYr6KbaaYeTAh8ovrz9rLQhSksRZ90iO4pcljEA3vIkMEDLqKFkwQkUQnHgpjPS5jZxmquVOAsWSVXskNjJFZ2G9zHLlnmZ2eEHXhxEKRt0K07N8_DZxHzfflm5aX6-LN9EnUZlcCqXgkZSpvn2nNuHiNITxmwu7ZOVCJjenuDbstb5EzfHFuhKNz7WmnB0cbVddi56PbZ9L0wmcLrUYiXogAS2AZMxFC_baJEaW3R3pBcF44QjVNemOGLVzQhtqc-izrnoJW4HnlWuny1YsrRNceVxlFRyO9bMatAb-ncIo0jL8Khnv67KvFPYXAdu7oeJt2vJlBptXxHx__OQayHc11rkhd7KUpoNfZfpe1B698Qbb9MAa6L9kRL9kR5bttEx3qM=w473-h570-no

[Sentinel343]

lolololololololololol this shit is so frikkin funny!!! im dying over here!!!!

[Crescent Glaive]

Meanwhile............
"Uh, my lord, the newspaper." The servant said, hoofing the paper over to his lord.
"What is it now? I'm busy making this asshole go bankrupt for not giving me his shiny shit." The Mare on the massive throne replied, before levitating the paper over with her magic. She quickly read through it, before snarling, the paper bursting into flame.
"This is HERESY!" Fleur-de-lis roared.

[Bronzer]

And then the Emperor discovers that the people who take advantage of religion for their own gain by twisting it and not letting people read their own religious text (like cults and terrorists) will just do the same in politics if there is no religion. The problem is who you let come to power, not religion itself.

Also, Alfabusa and you made a lore mistake. The Emperor, though atheist, had no problem with religion. But he believed Chaos could easily trick people into worshipping the Dark Gods and make Chaos stronger. Of course, in the end, he had the terrible realization that faith actually harms Chaos.

[Death is disturbed]

" This is HERESY! " Fleur-de-lis roared.

https://youtu.be/B34DmsMxUlA

[aicosh101]

Huh fluer, I'd smash

[Guner]

"I will set you on fire with my mind and take pleasure in watching you burn to ashes." I told him. He backed away quickly.

Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn!

[creonman]

[Connorcooper]

" This is HERESY! " Fleur-de-lis roared.

This isn't Heresy if the emperor wills it

[ThatGuyJayce]

"Hello, ponies of Equestria. My name is The Emperor. I have been living underneath Canterlot mountain since this rock you call a planet was still mostly molten magma. I stopped paying attention to it after the seventeenth millennia after it was born. When I get back, what do I find? A bunch of crazy horses who worship their princess like a god. Religion is not the way to go. I have seen what that crap does to countries. Tears them apart, that's what. Religious Wars turned family against itself, and nearly killed my species. There is no 'god' or 'goddess' in this universe. There is only strange Magic and science. So, go sit down and rethink your life for a day or so." The Emperor spoke. I scribbled each word down, and, nodding to the Emperor, ran off to deliver it.

A bunch of weak excuses doesn't discount the existence of a God, if he's gonna be Anti-Religion he could at least have some better arguments

[Blaze Song]

" This is HERESY! " Fleur-de-lis roared.

Wait? Wot?

[hades21]

" This is HERESY! " Fleur-de-lis roared.

no it is hell

[Waiting for Godot]

"I will set you on fire with my mind and take pleasure in watching you burn to ashes." I told him. He backed away quickly.

...this is a handy skillset!

[Epsilon 11]

9790449
Better them pro religious arguments