Season 2, Chapter One, Part I: Mucking about
Canterlot Castle, Alicorn Throne Room
“Mr. Emperor…” Celestia sighed, for what felt like the seventh time this week.
”Yes, Sunhorse?” The Emperor asked, shifting in his golden armor to sit up from his slouching position.
“I know you’re excited about having a functional body again…” The Princess of the Sun continued, noting Roboute and Magnus’s positions next to their father.
”You can't even conceive my levels of joy. No more phantom itches all over! Not in the eternal torment that is my existence on that accursed thing! Having the Little Emper-”
“Don't even finish that sentence, Emperor.” Celestia groaned, putting a hoof to her forehead. “Anyways, I know that all that is great and all, but…”
”But we haven't had a full blown celebration, and need to rectify that as soon as possible?” The Emperor guessed.
“No. If you want to have a party for that, then go find Pinkie Pie.” Celestia rolled her eyes in irritation. “What I was going to say, before you interrupted me, was that just because you can finally move around, that does not mean you can lounge about on my sister and I’s thrones. Especially during our respective courts.” She gestured to the line of ponies staring at the two bickering from the golden doors, and to the throne straining to support the Emperor’s weight.
”I am the Emperor. If I want to fucking sit in a seat, then may I have mercy on the souls of those who try to fucking stop me.” The Emperor replied, his pristine features shifting to narrow his eyes at Celestia.
“I'm certain that is the case wherever you came from, but this is me and my sister’s kingdom. And if you want a throne in this room, then why not either ask, or make one yourself with your… ‘4th degree Warp Fuckery’ you boast about at every chance?” The alicorn asked, raising an eyebrow, which was lost in the ever flowing sea that is her mane.
”Because using my powers for dumb shit like that is a waste, especially since I could do some better dumb shit. And also because this throne is pre-built.” The Emperor replied, rolling his eyes. ”By the way, your ponies have some really stupid fucking complaints.” He pointed to the bright blue Pegasus stallion in front of them. ”If you want more gold from the fucking treasury, then either fucking rob it or actually earn it like a respectable fucking citizen, instead of using your nobility status to ask the indecisive and far too kind Princess for more gold. Now fuck off back to your home before I bitchsmack your sorry ass there through the Warp.” The pegasus’s face grew more red with rage at each word that came from the Emperor’s mouth, and he stamped his hoof in frustration.
“H-how dare you, you arrogant and foul creature! What right have you to tell me to do anything?! You are but a simple primate-” The stallion’s words were cut off as he found he was unable to talk, the Emperor giving him a heavy glare, his golden claw pointed at the stallion.
”I have the right because I am the motherfucking Emperor. Now, please enjoy your flight on ‘Fuck-Off Airways’. Please remember to keep your eyes open on the trip, you'll be needing the mental trauma.” The Emperor stated, casually flicking his claw to the left, towards the window. The stallion soon found himself rocketing towards said window, which depicted the Ascension of Twilight, but before he impacted, a portal to the Warp opened up in his path, swallowing him whole before vanishing. The whole event lasted less than a second, and Celestia merely stared in shock at the spot where the Noble had been.
“Emperor, why in Equestria did you send him into the equivalent of Tartarus, just to get rid of him?” Celestia said slowly, turning to glare at the human sitting on her throne.
”Because he was a shitstain upon your species, he was asking for it, and because it's a lot less costly having him pay the government for therapy than repairing that window over there.” The Emperor shrugged, idly scratching his claw against the throne.
“That… that doesn't…” Celestia sighed, defeated. “That's just like you. I'm guessing you sent a few of the guardsponies off as well?”
”Only that trio of eyesores and disturbing thoughts. And that was only because they tried to convince me to get out of my armor to show them my everything. I was completely justified, and I hope they land in the worst place possible.” The Emperor replied.
Macragge, the Realm of Ultramar
“Hail, honorable battle-brother!” One of the ultramarine blue Space Marines called as he walked up to the other two identically colored Astartes. “I have found three odd-looking creatures roaming the plains, muttering something about the Emperor!”
“Greetings, honorable Battle-Brother! Where are these creatures? I am certain our Chapter Master will want to decide what to do with them!” The first Ultramarine dropped the three furless ponies in front of them. “Ugh… perhaps the Chapter Master wouldn't want to see these things… I know! Bring them to Cato Sicarius! I am certain he will be able to adequately decide their fates!”
“At once, honorable battle-brother! After all, the greatest of them all…” He paused, and as one, the three Ultramarines cried out in unison. “ARE THE ULTRAMARINES!” With that said, the Ultramarine picked them up by the oiled scruff of their necks, and walked towards the city in the distance.
“Somepony please wake me from this horrible nightmare…” One of the furless ponies groaned.
“GREETINGS!” A shrill voice called out, and another Ultramarine, this one with a red and white plume atop his helmet, and a power sword in his hand, called out, appearing next to them. “I, CATO SICARIUS, HEARD I, CATO SICARIUS’S NAME, AND CAME AS QUICKLY AS I, CATO SICARIUS COULD. WHAT AILS YOU, HONORABLE YET INFERIOR BATTLE-BROTHER?!”
“C-Cato Sicarius! Honorable Brother-Captain, I found these creatures roaming the hillside, raving about the God-Emperor himself! I was going to bring them to you, to decide their fates!” The startled Ultramarine stuttered, hefting the three in front of him. Cato looked at them, before turning to the Ultramarine.
“THEY LOOK HORRIFIC! I SHALL KEEP THEM AS PETS! PERHAPS THEIR HORRIFIC VISAGE WILL AID ME IN BECOMING CHAPTER MASTER!” The Ultramarine captain took the ponies out of the other Ultramarine’s hand, shouting, “CATO SICARIUS, AWAY! WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!” And vanished.
The Ultramarine stared at where he had been, before shaking his head and walking back to his duties.
Canterlot Castle, Alicorn Throne Room
”Yep, I hope they are somewhere full of eternal agony. Then again, they might like that shit.” The Emperor frowned, before shrugging. ”By the way, me getting off the throne has removed the protective field keeping this world hidden from the rest of the galaxy. Hope you enjoy fighting Orks and other stuff.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Celestia grumbled, before snapping back to attention, eyes wide in shock. “Wait, what?! What protective field?! What are Orks?!”
”The protective psychic shield that kept this world from the prying eyes of both the denizens of the Warp, and to the eyes of every living creature in the known galaxy. It was created by the Golden Throne, and powered by me. Maybe it was some modification to the Throne by that prick merchant? Maybe it was even in the original Golden Throne? Or maybe it's just a cliche excuse for some nerd to explain why this world hasn't been visited by the Imperium? It could be anything.”
“Why didn't you tell me that that was that throne’s purpose?!” Celestia growled.
Magnus smirked. “You never asked.”
”Shut it you fucking nerd. Father doesn't need his children to talk for him.” The Emperor said, and the Crimson King slumped, grumbling. ”Anyways, yes, you never fucking asked. And before you ask, no, I'm not getting back on that glorified death chair. Even having to listen to those fucking Ultrasmurfs chanting again is the lesser of two evils.”
Celestia closed her as the Emperor spoke. “But what are we going to do if these ‘Orcs’ attack? Just sit here and die because the big golden man doesn't want to sit in his seat?” She asked, smugly, until a psychic fist crashed her into the wall. The guardsponies bolted over to her, pointing their spears at the Emperor as they formed a protective circle around the Princess
”First off, it’s Ork, not Orc. Second off, you spend not-even-I-know-how long on that fucking chair. Then you tell me how much you want to get back on it.” The Emperor rolled his eyes. ”Anyways, where's Sparklebutt? I would have thought she would be trying to learn how my armor works by now.”
“Twilight is currently at a party for her student Starlight Glimmer at her castle.” Celestia groaned, standing back up and nodding to her guards, who returned to their positions. “It's to celebrate the victory against the Changelings, and, had I not had to deal with you, I would have already called off the Solar Court, and been there.”
”A party for beating those bug things?” The Emperor asked, suddenly alert. ”Why in the fuck wasn't I invited? I did most of the work!”
“Well, most likely because you have ignored almost everything tossed at you.” Celestia replied. “Either that or you had Magnus use the paper for his books.”
”Right. Well, let's get going! Magnus, Guilliman, we’ve got a party to join.” The Emperor stood up, looking at his two sons.
“Yes father.” Magnus and Guilliman replied, standing next to the Emperor. The three then vanished.
“Well, that's one problem dealt with.” Celestia sighed, turning to the line of ponies at the doorway. “Sorry, my little ponies, but the Day Court is over for today.”
The ponies all collectively groaned, before shuffling back out to the city. Celestia sighed, feeling sorry for those who had been waiting, before lighting her horn and teleporting to Twilight’s Castle.
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May the Chaos gods have mercy on the Imperium, Tau, Eldar and all the others... because i see the Orks and Ponies being friends because why the fuck not?
I blame the warp/psychic fuckery that drives/fuels the Orks being a funny thing and doing something that not even the motherfucking Emperor could foresee it
i love this
and i got to know what the Emperor think of discord
let the 4th degree Warp Fuckery begin
Yay its baaaaack!
8140535 I doubt Discord would want to fuck with Big E. Then again, he probably would, only to end up learning why you don't fuck with him, the hard way. His way.
I know what this party needs, Tom and his Orks. XD
8142190 yes
8141463
HUZZAH!!! WE GET TO HERE MORE ABOUT THE EMPEROR AND HIS SHENANIGANS!!!! YAY!!!
LET THE CHAOS BEGIN!!!
ALSO Chaos Lord YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD YOU
Keep up the hard work with this story and never cancel it (seen too many good displaced and fan fics be canceled)
And then Cypher showed up. Because where else would the Galaxy's Hide-and-seek Champion go to get a new robe? Why Raritys shop of course!
Our Emperor has RETURNED!
The Golden Throne does not hurt you. What the Emperor did with it hurt him. He could just choose to shield Equestria instead of using his soul as a meatshield again. Or just, y'know, use his Emperor powers to hide the planet anyway. It is just a planet and he is the Motherfucking Emperor.
8248205
But then there'd be no fun and no challenge. Let's face it, everything on Equestria couldn't hold a candle to The Emperor. At least with the possibility of outside interference can give him something to do :p
Image file: pics.me.me/icato-sicarius-heard-myname-cato-sicarius-andi-came-as-soon-19316807.png