• Member Since 6th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen Jan 16th, 2023

KingYakko5991


s w e e t i e b e l l e

T

They say good things can be found at the end of a rainbow. I just happened to he hit in the face by one. Turns out it was a pretty cool rainbow colored pony. She shows me around and we start hanging out and stuff. Next thing we know we're friends and maybe a little more...

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 21 )

First fic, eh. Not bad at all. :moustache: I love the way you made your OC meet Rainbow. You can check out my first fic if you like. I will continue to give feed back on your even if you don't feed back to me. Keep up the great work!

Good way to end, with that kind of suspends. I think I can predict what will happen next and possibly in much later chaps :twilightblush: ,but keep it up! Love the story!

Holy shit is this chapter short! Wow! I promise the next one will be longer.

Well, this is turning out to be a great story. Keep it up! Only one thing,

"How embarrassing!" I look over to Dash.
"Waft? Vuh brt wr-"
"English please!" She sounds a bit annoyed. What did I do? I balance the basket on my back and try again.
"What? The part where some random pony saw us making out or the fact that you failed to convince her that she was hallucinating?" She started to blush.

. This part was a little confusing in what happened during the time jump.

The feels, man, the feels.:raritydespair::fluttercry: I feel so bad for Lightning getting news like that. This will change him when he meets Rainbow's parents.

Its good but might i suggest a proof reader to catch any miss spelled words

Well, interesting way for Lightning to meet Rainbow's parents. And well done on Rainbow's part in getting her dad to like Lightning, Keep it up my man.

Yay another chap! This a nice story, love it!

OMg what happened?

6953430 Like i mean what happned a tthe end and also i wonder what's going to happen next?

6953437 sorry if it was unclear.

What!? Lightning? Dash? I'm so confused. They were so perfect!

6956682 It could happen, but it could also NOT happen. It's just a theory. A ga- uh... I mean it's just a dream...

6957097 I swear, I do not want to see them two go their separate ways.

6957177 Now I feel like if I do this, I might be making a Geoge Lucas decision right here...

its abit fast like he meets one pony and it end pretty quickly but other than that its good

Honestly, you should try to make relationships move not quite as fast as this one in future stories. You need to build up the relationship between them first. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the story, but I like to see character development too. It's just moving too fast for my taste. Still a good story overall. Going to continue reading now, and hopefully you take my advice and work on building relationships between characters at a slower pace next time. Take it from someone who has previous experience with writing, and who knows how to pace things relatively well. Just trying to help out a fellow writer as best as I can. :twilightsmile:

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