XXII. Apperception
The rain did little to hinder your speed. As you flew back towards the small town, or more specifically Rainbow Dash's home, a faint voice kept speaking to you. A faint voice that you've heard so many times before.
Liar. He trusted you and you betrayed that trust. And for whom? A pegasus who you were friends with once? A long time ago, before you changed. Ridiculous.
You tried to block it out for the remainder of the flight. Once you entered the familiar region, you quickly gained altitude and scanned the clouds for Rainbow Dash's home. Your eyes came across the flagrant design of her home and you quickly flew towards the edge of the cloud that her building was situated upon. As you landed, you calmly made your way to the door and placed your hoof on the handle and pushed. There was a strange resistance.
Suddenly, a sharp agonizing pain hit your temple. You were lying on your back as you opened your eyes when you saw Rainbow Dash on her back as well. She held a hoof to her forehead and when her vision fell upon you, her expression changed from pained to enraged. She sprang to her hooves and began walking towards you. She stomped her hooves as she approached you. Still a bit dazed from having collided head-first with Rainbow Dash, you couldn't resist when she grabbed a hold of your mane and dragged you inside. As you stumbled and tripped over your own hooves, you were finally able to release yourself from her grip. You stood firmly on your hooves as she slammed the door shut. A minute amount of fear began to spawn from your stomach. Not even before you had revealed your true identity to Rainbow Dash had you ever seen her so infuriated. You couldn't have helped but to hope that her rage would soon subside.
"Where the hay were you?" she asked as her voice cracked upon uttering your name. Almost immediately after her inquiry, you responded in an attempt to defend yourself.
"What? What does it matter where I was? My affairs are mine and mine alone!" you replied, perhaps a bit too boldly. However, you had to establish the fact that you still had the right to do whatever you please.
"Not when you tell me that you're just gonna go take a shower and leave like that!"
Now becoming frustrated, you attacked the issue once more in the hope that it would diffuse the argument.
"You shouldn't have to concern yourself with my whereabouts! Why do you care so much about where I am?"
"Because I don't want you to kill yourself like an idiot!"
Complete silence fell upon the room, save for the quiet pitter-patter of rain against the home within the clouds.
It suddenly became obvious why she was so concerned with where you had gone: she had been afraid that you had finally put an end to your miserable life. You tried to respond but an overwhelming sensation of guilt loomed over you like the storm clouds outside. Once again, you had managed to cast unwarranted anger upon somepony that was merely trying to help you. Unable to speak, you stood there shamefully and stared at the ground, ears drooped and flattened against the side of your face. You held this position until you heard Rainbow Dash muster up the courage to speak again.
"Look", she began, much calmer and collected. " I don't really mind if you want to go out or whatever, but could you at least tell me about it, so I can at least know where you are? It's not that I don't really trust you, I just wanna know that you're safe, ya know?"
As you picked your head up, Rainbow Dash trotted over to you, which caused you to withdraw into a defensive stance and become unnerved. She placed her hoof on your shoulder and asked, "So we're good, right?" She began to slide her hoof up and down, which only made it easier to coax you into forgiving her. You warily nod your head in agreement, finally having brought tranquility between the two of you. Still, despite all of this, Rainbow Dash brought the question up once more.
"So, where DID you go?"
Having your guilt and paranoia slightly eased, you answered the question without hesitation.
"I went to Manehattan to see Sigmund."
"Sigmund?"
"Doctor, Sigmund. My therapist. Remember?"
Rainbow Dash nodded her head in agreement and replied, "Yeah, I remember now." Fortunately for you, that was all she pried at. She stood quietly before you, leaving you in a state of silence as well. She shuffled her own hooves for a bit before beginning with a long, drawn-out, "So... I was thinking, since going back to Cloudsdale and me doing the chant from school helped you remember, and that's the plan now, right? To get you to remember stuff from your past?"
You debated with yourself whether or not if that was truly the 'plan' now, but you brushed it off and nodded.
"Okay, so, what if we, and hear me out, alright? What if we..."
She hung on her last word for some time, leaving you in a mixture of suspense and annoyance.
"Went to your home?"
Immediately, the hospital spawned in your mind from having heard the word, 'home.' After all, that is what the hospital had become to you.
The hospital? Why in Celestia's name would we go there? There's nothing of relevance to my past there.
As you turned back your attention to Rainbow Dash, you saw her gently biting her lip in anticipation of something. She slowly drew her hoof back as if she was guarding herself. Confused, you asked, "Why would you want to return to the hospital?"
She placed her hoof down and responded, "What? No, not the hospital..." She hung onto the last word once more. You didn't understand why she was being so reserved all of a sudden. Normally, she wouldn't have a problem expressing her own opinion. Ironically, her new-found coyness had begun to bother you, just as much as her blatant dauntlessness had before. However, you remained silent and waited for her response, all the while the rain fell.
"Your home. Your actual home. Where you and your parents live- lived."
The image in your mind suddenly changed to your home. The dark, desolate location that only harbored the memory of your parents' death. There was nothing worth retribution in there, nothing to be claimed. That was not your home. You'd sooner accept your home to be the hospital rather than the building with the broken door held up by the hinges, the overturned furniture and the large pool of blood gathered on the floor in the center of the main room. You asked yourself the same question once more.
Why... in Celestia's name... would we go there?!
It seemed inconceivable to you that Rainbow Dash would actually want to return to that location. After all, she knew what had happened there. She knew everything there was to know about you. Unsure of what she had meant, and having retained some hope that she had not meant what she had, you asked.
"What?"
The simple utterance of the word seemed to unnerve Rainbow Dash.
"Listen, I know that you don't want to go back there, but-"
"Then why even ask me such a ridiculous question?" you responded without a hitch.
Despite having just realized moments ago that everything she had done was for you, you felt another argument on the verge of spawning.
"But, you don't know what's in your home an-"
"That is not my home, and I do know what is in the location you insist on calling my h-" you coldly interrupted.
"It's where you grew up, isn't it? Th-"
You weren't even giving her a chance to complete her sentences, and you could tell that it was beginning to irritate her beyond no extent.
"It's also where my mother and father were m-"
"I know that, but I'm willing to bet that there's a whole lotta memories there in your home, s-"
The only memories that were there for you to find was the death of your parents, and the more Rainbow Dash insisted on returning, the more it became difficult to push the images of your mother and father laying in a pool of blood.
Then, something snapped.
"Dammit Rainbow Dash, that is not my home!"
You, specifically, had snapped.
And all that could be heard was the pitter-patter of the rain. That, and the flaring of your own breath. Seeing this situation as a repeated pattern, you soon expected Rainbow Dash to be furious as well. But she seemed to be at peace. She didn't seem ready to pounce or shout or anything at all. What she did was slowly trot over to you and closed the distance between you. She was the first to speak after your outburst.
"I know you're scared," she slowly started. "And if you start remembering things you don't want to remember when we're there, then we'll leave, but you have to trust me on this one. Maybe you’ll see that there might be something worth remembering there."
This was far worse than when she had yelled and retaliated. She tore down your barriers with ease and had cast a cloud of uncertainty upon you. Now there was a small part of your consciousness that wanted to know what was inside the building that your parents had been murdered in; your home. You turned away from her and grumbled to yourself as you mulled over whether the risk was worth taking.
Perhaps she's right. It can't be any worse than what I've already experienced before, I suppose. Besides, it seems that she has always been right... to some extent.
You let out a heavy sigh, as it if it was an attempt to expel much of your harbored anger and discontent for her request. Nevertheless, the small piece of your consciousness that was curious about your home soon took over the majority, and had left you genuinely curious, albeit uncertain as well. You turned back to Rainbow Dash to see that she had donned a sincerely sinister smile, as if she had known what you were about to say. And for all you knew, she might have.
"Fine... we'll go, but only on the condition that we leave when I say."
You felt your blood turn to ice as you agreed to return to your home. However, it seemed to be the opposite for Rainbow Dash but you hardly found that to be surprising. She nodded her head in agreement to your request, but you couldn't help the feeling that you would later have trouble asserting yourself when the time came. For now though, you were to depart to your home too see what would lie inside.
"Okay, so... do you remember where your home is?"
You grumbled to yourself as you felt a slight headache beginning to form.
"Alright, this time I'm sure it's in... THAT direction," Rainbow Dash assured you before she bolted off into the endless clouded sky. The rain had become a bit stronger, but nothing that would deter Rainbow Dash from continuing the search for your home. The search had gone on for quite some time now, long enough to have made you lose track of time.
And yet, despite having agreed to 'hunt' for your home, there still lingered the original doubt you had always carried with you. The burden of paranoia was constant and there was just about nothing that could relieve you of it. Still, you brushed the ideas of being made 'normal' away. You've become accustomed to this pattern of conscious flow. This was normal to you.
For the time being however, you would continue the search to appease Rainbow Dash. Despite how hard you tried to convince yourself that she was doing this for your sake, it seemed to you that the opposite was true. And throughout this whole mental struggle that you had with yourself, you managed to successfully follow Rainbow Dash through the rain clouds to find nothing. Just the vast lightly-darkened sky with the occasional rain clouds that protruded. As she climbed further and further, she eventually reached the same height as the rain clouds and began to scan the horizon. After having searched high and low, you were inclined to believe that this was a waste of time. You'd much rather return to Rainbow Dash's home and at least make an attempt to relax, which for you was simply not partaking in anything and leaving yourself to your thoughts. Your thoughts that were usually interrupted by Rainbow Dash, just like now.
"So, you’re sure you don't remember where your house is, right?" she condescendingly asked. You weren't entirely sure if she had meant that as a joke or not, but nevertheless you shot her a disapproving look that explained to her just how much of a farce her question was.
"Rainbow Dash, why would you convince me to return to my home when you yourself can’t remember where it is?"
Without having removed her view from the horizon, she answered you.
"Because..." she slowly began, only giving you a portion of her attention, "I thought I'd remember where it was. But hey, I haven't been there in a while."
Seven years...
As you stayed in mid-air hovering, you began to lose interest in finding your home and much more wanted to return to hers.
"Ah-hah! I think I'm onto something here!"
But that would have to wait. Before your eyes, Rainbow Dash had sped off into the distance, much faster than you could follow. You couldn't help but think that she had actually found something this time. Something relevant to your home. Seeing no other viable choice, you followed her as quickly as you could, carrying hope that whatever she was following was another false hunch. As she diminished her speed to allow you to catch up to her, she looked to the sky and back towards you.
"Look familiar?"
When you finally realized where she had taken you, you saw a small, loosely grouped collection of cloud homes that brought on a sense of familiarity and cognition. Almost as if you could close your eyes and navigate with ease through and between the buildings. It frightened you.
Before you even had the chance to give a reply, Rainbow Dash began to circle the cloud buildings while you merely hovered, dumbfounded. It was one concept to deny the existence of your home, where your life was thrown into discourse and your psyche shattered. It was another concept to be even within the vicinity of your home. As the synapses in your mind connected, memories you had not encountered in some time began to surface. Not memories that had been locked, but memories that has been avoided. Memories that you hadn't experienced since but a couple of days ago. Memories that were painful.
And the night suddenly came upon you as quick as a flash of lightning. The rain had ceased and everything around you was dark, save for the moonlight that darted through the night sky and clouds. The same cloud homes around you were still there, except that there was a light that pierced through their windows. Nearly all of them had the same distinctive shine. As you tried to comprehend what had just happened, a ringing began in your ears. Very light and faint, but present nonetheless. You brought up your hooves to cover your ears, but the ringing was soon accompanied by the feeling of the pain behind your ear pulsating and burning. Your wings became heavy and you found it difficult to stay adrift. They felt tired, fatigued. Almost as if you had just performed in a marathon. You tried to concentrate and decipher what the meaning of all of this was, but the afflictions surrounding you made it difficult to focus. As you heard the night breeze pass by your ears, you began to press against the temples of your head, trying to force out the pain. The wind blew by you once more, and despite trying to turn your thoughts away from your surrounding, you could hear the wind echo your name. It passed by once more, and the whisper of your name was much more audible. It seemed to be beckoning you to return to where you belonged.
"Are you alright?"
And the daylight suddenly came upon you. As you removed your hooves from your head and observed your surroundings, you could see that you were in the exact same location, only it was still morning and the rain was present once more. The pain and fatigue dissipated, and the lights from the windows dimmed, and were eventually gone. Rainbow Dash seemed confused and slightly concerned.
You tried to catch your constantly escaping breath, which in turn prevented you from enlightening Rainbow Dash of your condition. Before you even had a chance to stabilize yourself, she took the initiative of answering for you.
"You're probably just winded. Stay here and catch your breath if you need to, I'm gonna go scope out the rest of this place."
As you huffed, you cursed under your breath for not being able to demand to Rainbow Dash that you return home as part of the compromise she had earlier promised.
Dammit, she promised me... She promised that I would be allowed to return upon my request!
You took in a deep breath of air through your nose, now having relaxed yourself as much as you could. Now all you had to do was to find Rainbow Dash through the light shower of rain and insist on returning home. You could already see her in the distance, upon a cloud that seemed disconnected from the main group. With your sights set on her, you took off towards Rainbow Dash, rehearsing what you would say to the cyan pegasus.
Rainbow Dash, I would like to go home now... No, dammit, that won't work... That's enough Rainbow Dash, let's go home now.
As you landed on the cloud she was on, you took a quick glance at the building. That’s when everything went dark.
The pain, the migraines, the fatigue, the ringing, all of it returned. What previously stood before you, the cloud-based building with the solid door frame was replaced. What took its place was a flimsy door that hung on its hinges for dear life. As the wind blew by, it pushed against the door, swinging it open. You dragged yourself closer, yet it was not of your own will. Something else was pushing you. Soon enough, you found yourself facing the broken door, with its vast darkness behind you. Despite your consciousness yelling and begging you not to, that you knew what would lie behind the door, that you would only come to regret having ever come here, you placed your hoof on the door and pushed.
And met a strange resistance.
"Darn it! It must be locked."
As you pushed harder, you were haltered by a stabbing pain behind your ear. As you pried your hoof away from the wooden door, the conscious world was slowly pieced back together. The fresh, dribbling rain, the cyan pegasus, and the fluffy structure of the clouds all returned in a sequence. You fully realized just why these familiar visions were returning so suddenly and sporadically. Your home stood before you. Upon accepting this fact, your emotions began to overwhelm you, overpowering your better judgement and your cold exterior.
"Rainbow D-Dash, I want to leave! Now!" you whimpered, just as you did before your home seven years ago. Rainbow Dash hadn't noticed your frightened behavior just yet, as she tried to persuade you into staying.
"Aww, come on. We haven't even seen wh-"
You could feel the fear slowly creep up into your chest and as it took hold, your heart began to pump faster and faster.
"No, no!" you interrupted, with your hooves on your head, desperately trying to shut out the world around you. Yet you could still feel the non-existent wind blow through your mane as it caused the non-moving door to swivel. As your eyes were still glued to the door, the pungent smell of iron became ever so present. And despite having your hooves pressed on your ears, you could still hear the hideous, horrid sound of the door creaking, even though it was not moving. You fell onto your back: your hooves still covering your ears and your vision still on the door. With every part of your mind shutting down, all you could do was crawl; crawl away, off the cloud and fall into oblivion. You'd rather face the danger of taking flight from free-fall with your wings immobilized than face the memory of your parents' death again. As you crept closer and closer, you felt the edge right before you. But something else stopped you, as it grabbed onto your hooves and pulled you away from the near-edge. You were turned around to face the edge, finally having your vision peeled away from the door. All you could see now were other homes in the far distance, with rain slowly pouring down over them. You felt a pair of hooves, not yours, wrapped around your head. As you looked up, you could see a pair of cerise eyes looking right into yours, and a voice calling your name.
"Relax, I'm here. Just calm down. You're fine."
As everything returned to normal once more, you scrambled to your hooves and stood up. You faced the door, only to see it still intact. There was no wind blowing, no creaking or a smell of iron. Just the smell of fresh rain and the feeling of the small drops on your coat. At last relieved, you took in a deep breath and sighed, having come close to another attack from your most feared memory. Rainbow Dash was unbeknownst to what had happened, as signified by her question.
"What happened? You were doing fine until you tried opening the door... did you see them again?"
You tried to speak but you couldn't. Your throat had closed up, for it was the fear of having to relive the memory that held on to you. You couldn't just break down and let your emotions pour out before her like you had done before so reluctantly. You were tired of it, tired of having to fear the memory. Tired of having to wake up every day with the paranoia of reliving your worst memories. Tired of having to be scared of others betraying you or casting you aside without a second glance. You felt your eyes begin to tear-up, as you brought a hoof up to wipe them. Out of the corner of your blurry eye, you could see Rainbow Dash next to you, putting her hoof on your shoulder.
"C'mon," she cooed, "you can tell me. We'll leave, but I just wanna know. What's wrong?" Unable to resist her comfort and her care, you responded, making it blatant that you were holding back sobs and tears.
"I'm... I'm just tired of, having to relive this memory every time... Every time I come close to something that reminds me of my past!" You managed to hold back any moans or tears for now, but you knew the longer you stood in the rain before your home, the sooner you'd come to losing control. You took one glance at her, and it was enough to tell her that you wanted to leave.
"Alright, well we can't even get in. The door's locked, and I don't think we're in any rush to get in, right?" she nervously laughed in a weak attempt to lighten the mood. However, your less-than-optimistic face made her stop right then and there. You waited for her to take flight, and when she did you wasted no time in doing the same. As the two of you began to travel back towards Rainbow Dash's home, you took one glance back at your forsaken home and cursed it for all of the misery it's brought upon you. As you turned back to face Rainbow Dash, you could see that she was entirely focused on returning to her home within the clouds.
She must be upset that her attempt to help me recover my memory only ended in pain.
And just as you believed your troubles for the day had ended, you heard a voice call out: this time, not belonging to Rainbow Dash. This one was much more frail and raspy. As much as you wanted to keep flying, as much as you wanted to return to Rainbow Dash's home, you saw her stop, and you followed suit. Being left with no choice, you slowly halted to a hover next to Rainbow Dash.
"Did you say something?" she asked while you simply shook your head in disagreement. However, you were quick to respond.
"Rainbow Dash, you said we were going to leave."
"Yoo-hoo! Over here!" you heard, the same voice calling out once more. Both of you were able to find the source of the voice, and you could see that it was another pony from one of the homes in the sky; the closest one to you at the moment. The pony was a mare who seemed rather aged. Not as old as Sigmund, who already sported gray hairs in his mane, but nowhere near as young as you and Rainbow Dash. Her coat was a pastel pink that seemed dull and her mane was a faded indigo. She was sitting in a rocking chair in her porch the cloud home supported: safe from the rain.
As you turned back to Rainbow Dash, you could tell that she was able to take note of all the same details. She turned back to you and shrugged. "It can't hurt to see what she wants, right?" And with that, she took off towards the mare, leaving you to believe that she disregarded you and your desire to return back to her home. Reluctantly, you made your way towards the mare's home and landed next to Rainbow Dash. You shook yourself from the rain and made your way up the steps with Rainbow Dash who stood before the mare. She rocked in her chair for a few more seconds before Rainbow Dash spoke up.
"Were you calling us over?" she asked, perhaps a bit too impulsive to start. However, the mare seemed to take no notice of it.
She merely responded with, "Were you two trying to get into that house over there?" Suddenly, your attention was fully paid towards the mare in the chair and so was Rainbow Dash's.
"Yeah, we were. Do you know anything about it?" she asked. You scoffed to yourself in thought.
It's obvious that she wouldn't know anything. No pony has been in there ever since I left. Not even the so-called Cloudsdale Police who supposedly investigated the whole ordeal.
"I suppose I should. After all, I've been living here for as long as I can remember." she replied, as she turned towards you with a smile. And with that, your grin that you held behind the mask of your face turned into a frown.
"Wait, so you knew the pegasi that lived in that home?" Rainbow Dash asked, with much more interest this time. You turned to her and shot a glare towards her, and she caught sight of it and gave no sense of guilt.
"Oh, yes. I knew them. Are you a related to them?" she asked, which caused your heart to speed up. Rainbow Dash took the initiative and spoke on the behalf on both of you.
"No, we're not related to them."
"Ah, yes. Silly old me. I've forgotten that they had no relatives."
What? How does she know?!
Rainbow Dash must’ve read your thoughts, because she asked the mare the same question.
"How did you know that?"
The old mare simply responded, "I knew the family quite well. You must be friends of the little one, right? Well, I suppose he isn't so little anymore. I'd say he's about both your age right now. I can't remember his name, though."
Rainbow Dash said that she was correct and proceeded to say your name, despite that your eyes had burned a hole in the back of her head. You took one step away before you felt her wing come around your shoulder and pull you closer. She made it clear with that motion that she wanted you to stay and listen to the old mare. You felt your throat dry up as Rainbow Dash asked, "Do you think you'd recognize him if you saw him?"
She chuckled and said, "Oh, I can't be sure. I've gotten so old and my memory gets worse with age you know."
Not in my case.
"But, I'm sure if I saw him again, " she began, as she directed her vision towards you, "I'd be able to recognize him." She stared at the two of you for a few seconds before returning her view back towards the rainy sky. You let out a sigh of relief when you realized she hadn't recognized you. And it seemed that Rainbow Dash also realized this, however she made no explicit remark regarding so. The old mare spoke once more.
"Pardon me, but I haven't introduced myself have I? My name is Sun Drop." she said, all while making a slight salutational gesture from her chair. You remained quiet as Rainbow Dash introduced herself.
"Name's Rainbow Dash. And, uh..." she mumbled as she turned to you. The look of concern on your face practically told her to not reveal your name, and she listened. "This is... a friend of mine, who lives in Trottingham. He's visiting." she finished, lying through her teeth with ease. For you.
"Nice to meet the both of you. The two of you make a lovely pair." she snickered. Rainbow Dash blurts out that it wasn't "anything like that" and that you were merely a friend, while you tried to keep your mind clear of yesternight's events as you grumbled to yourself. "You don't have to lie to me, deary. I've been married for 30 years. I know wh-"
"So anyways, how did you say you knew the family that lived over there?!" she interrupted, which she seemed to do to everypony, as she pointed towards your home. "Oh, yes. Of course. I knew the family because they were my neighbors, up until about nine or so years ago." she explained.
Seven, not nine.
"There was a terrible accident. It caused quite a stir for the whole town. Nothing like what happened that night had happened around here for nearly half a century. But I suppose it was bound to happen eventually in Cloudsdale."
After having heard Sun Drop explain herself, you began to grow even more disturbed about her. Disturbed about just how much she knew. Previously, you believed that only Sigmund and Rainbow Dash knew of your past. But the introduction of a third pony who may know your past wasn't relieving. It was unsettling. Sigmund said that you, and only you, were to uncover your past through your own means. You couldn't be simply told your past, as if it were some story read out of a fictional book. You used your wing to prod Rainbow Dash at her side, which received her attention.
"Could... you excuse us for a moment please?" she asked as Sun Drop nodded. She pulled you aside, out from her porch and into the rain. She must have known you wanted to talk about what Sun Drop was talking about.
"What's the problem?" she started. "She's telling us about you! And she doesn't even recognize you. Isn't this what you wanted? To be told about your past and what happened that night?"
"First of all, I know what happened that night. That's all I can recall from my childhood. I don't need to be reminded of what happened, especially from somepony I don't trust!" you retorted in a manner of a whisper, not wanting to be overheard.
"What do you mean you don't trust her? Why would she lie to us? She hasn't so far, she knows about you and what happened that night. I want to find out, and what the hay, maybe she can tell us a bit more. And that might help you remember something important. Maybe something important about me or your parents. If you don't want to listen to her, that's your problem. But I'm going to go talk to her. So, what's it gonna be, huh?"
She had done it again. She has managed to convince you to partake in an activity that would surely only bring you more grief and dismay. As you found yourself at a lost for words, stammering and such, you muttered, "Fine."
"Good. Now c'mon, if she starts overstepping some boundaries just let me know and we'll leave, alright?"
She already has by mentioning my past...
The two of you slowly trotted back towards Sun Drop, you more reluctantly than Rainbow Dash. She initiated the conversation once more, asking the old mare to continue.
"Well, you see, I knew the family pretty well. They might have not been my nearest neighbors, but they were definitely the closest. They first moved into the home when the wife was with foal, the little one. His name..." she ended as she hung onto the last word. Rainbow Dash reminded her, which irritated you. "Ah, yes. I gave them a welcoming gift on behalf of the neighborhood, and they were a lovely couple like the two of you." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as you simply ignored the comment. "Anywho, I don't remember where they moved from, or how they met. They might have mentioned it, but my memory escapes me. Eventually, their little colt was born and thus began their new life. They never once thought about moving, and neither did my family. The other neighbors came and went, but they stayed. That's how I got to know them so well."
If any of this is true, why can't I remember this? Surely I'd remember a close friend of my parents... but, then again, I couldn't remember Rainbow Dash.
"What happened after that? After their kid was born, I mean," Rainbow Dash asked, wanting to squeeze every tidbit of information that Sun Drop had to offer.
"Oh yes, of course," she started recounting her memories once more. "The colt went to the same school I went to when I was just a little filly. And mind you, that was a long time ago. I'm sure you went to the same school as he did. That's probably where you know him from, right?" Rainbow Dash nodded, which gave Sun Drop the signal to continue. "He started at a young age, but I remember he had difficulties flying at first. He was a bit of a slow learner, but he got the hang of it soon enough. The parents hadn't changed much to be honest. They were always nice and kind and caring, just how parents should be." You could see that Rainbow Dash cringed and you figured that she must have been reminded of her parents, but she seemingly shook it off and continued to pay attention.
"But," Sun Drop sighed, "that all changed that one night."
"And... what happened on that night you're talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked, regardless of the fact that she already knew what happened.
"Well, you see... around that time, Cloudsdale was getting an unusually high amount of break-ins and burglaries and such. The newspapers said that it wasn't done by just any hooligans, but that it was done by a team or a single group of dirty-minded, moral-ridden thieves. We thought our little neighborhood was safe because it's in the outskirts of Cloudsdale, but I guess we were wrong." she finished, still being vague about the night of your parents' murder.
"Sun Drop, can you please tell us what happened? We have to know." Rainbow Dash persisted once more.
"I only know as much as what I saw and what the detectives and police told me." she said. You were standing there, the whole time awaiting for your re-entailment of the night your parents died. However, Rainbow Dash caught something you hadn't noticed. "What do you mean, 'as much as what you saw?’" This puzzled you as well, enough to spark a response from you.
"Did you see something that night? Was it the pegasi who were responsible?" Before you could go any further, Rainbow Dash brought her hoof up next to you, motioning you to stop. You complied and allowed Sun Drop to continue.
"You two, since you are friends of his, you probably already know this but I'll tell you anyways. His parents..." she faded, but spoke up again, "His parents... were killed that night. They were killed by the pegasi who were responsible for all these crimes. The police said that the parents were killed because they had stayed home that night, because all the other burglaries were done when the homes were vacated. What a senseless crime, killing two innocent pegasi, making them abandon their child for money."
You felt your stomach churn as you were reminded of the event. But she still hadn't answered your question, as to what she saw. As you kept your consciousness clear of any painful memories, Sun Drop continued.
"But, what I saw... I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. I was passing by after running some errands late that night. I was flying towards my home in the same direction that Cloudsdale is, and I passed the home. It was windy but I heard... I heard crying coming from somewhere. Right as I flew by his home, the door swung wide open because of the wind. And I heard the crying again. I landed on the cloud and I was frightened to death. When I walked closer, there was a strong smell, a ghastly smell really. I could barely stand it, but I was worried about the crying, and I had hoped that it wasn't coming from him. And when I walked into the home, the moonlight, unfortunately, struck just right. It struck just right."
The both of you stayed quiet and waited for her to finish.
"I saw the little colt, in a... a pool of blood between his parents."
And the image flashed in your mind. The image of the darkness and the crimson red blood that stained your coat and dried to a crisp. The smell of iron and the sensation of the blood that stuck onto your coat and mane like a disease. And the feeling of the wet, cold, thick blood underneath you and the trail of tears beneath your eyes that mixed with the blood, and the whimpers that came from you. The sobs and moans and cries and wails that escaped your lips and echoed in the darkened, desolate room. All of it came in one strike, one blow to your psyche and caused you to stumble. Rainbow Dash and Sun Drop both jumped a bit, but Rainbow Dash immediately knew that something was wrong, as she helped you regain your balance.
"Hey, you alright? You don't want to leave now, do you?" she asked you, as you rubbed your head.
"Is your friend alright? He looks like he's a bit dizzy." Sun Drop asked. Rainbow Dash responded, defending you.
"Yeah, he's fine. He's just not use to the high altitudes, he doesn't fly much in Trottingham. He's gonna go take a breather." As you regained focus, you looked at both Rainbow Dash and Sun Drop, and nodded towards them as you stepped down off of the porch and into the rain. You heard Rainbow Dash asking the mare to continue, before you were left with your own thoughts. The rain fell on your face and refreshed you, which allowed you to clear your much muddled thoughts.
Sun Drop. Sun Drop. Sun Drop. That name doesn't ring a bell. But surely it must, I would... I should at the very least have the slightest memory of her. But, all I can seem to remember is her scream. The scream of her finding me, covered in blood. Yet she doesn't recognize me. I'm the memory that should have been burned into her psyche, as it did into mine. And yet, she insists that she knows my past. Regardless, I have to uncover it on my own accord. I suppose I should go back and listen to her, just to be sure that she doesn't slander my name or my past. Or whatever she remembers of it.
You sighed and made your way back up next to Rainbow Dash, in time to listen to Sun Drop finish her story. "And, they asked me if I saw anything else but every time I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate, all I could see was the poor little colt, parents gone." Rainbow Dash nodded, finally having listened to the entirety of the events. But, something snapped in your mind. Something you had to ask Sun Drop about. The grand delusions of her having reason to lie to you were temporarily gone, which gave you incentive to ask her.
"What happened to the colt after his parents died?"
The question escaped your lips before you had the chance to hold it back in, but it was in the air now and had even caught Rainbow Dash by surprise. Sun Drop slowly began up once again.
"Well, I suppose he was taken to the police station after the incident. After that, I'm not sure what had happened. They told me they took him to a hospital, because of his mental condition. I didn't really know if there was anything wrong with him, but I assume after something traumatic like what he experienced that it is possible. But, where he is now I don't know. You know, after the accident, I would have liked to adopt him. I figured since I knew him and the parents, that it would work out nicely. He could return to his normal life, and I would help him with cope with his loss. But I was told that it would not be possible, and that the information was classified. They wouldn't even tell me the hospital he was located at. I would have loved to have visited him, but I couldn't."
Adoption? Impossible.
"If you're looking to find him, then he'd most likely be in Manehattan. I may not know if he's still there, but I'm sure that's where he last was. If you do find him, could you tell him to stop by? I don't think he's come back yet because I'm sure he'd like to go back and see his home."
Rainbow Dash and you both gave a glance to each other before she asked, "What do you mean? Is there something you have for him?" Sun Drop smiled back at Rainbow Dash and reached for the small purse she had by her side.
"I do, I always carried it with me ever since he left. You know, because he had no family or relatives, the police had asked me to take care of the home. They gave me the key, and told me that if he was ever to return, that I should give it back. After all, the home belongs to him now. But, you know, in my old age, I haven't been able to clean the home in a long time." Rainbow Dash took the short pause to interject.
"To clean? You mean you've been cleaning the home ever since he left?"
Sun Drop chuckled and responded, "Well, it's been about a year since I've been in there, but yes. I cleaned the mess that was made, and I tried to keep everything the way it was. That way, for when he came back, everything would be the way it used to be. But... he never came back." After having fumbled around with her purse, she pulled out a single sliver key attached to a simple black thread looped string. And your heart stopped. The blasted key, was the key to your home. You knew it was. You could imagine it fitting nicely into the keyhole of the door you cursed earlier. You could see it perfectly lift the tumblers into the correct position, and turn seamlessly until the lock was disengaged.
Sun Drop smiled at both you and Rainbow Dash, and asked, "I need a favor from both of you. I need you to hold onto this key for me. I can't keep going back there every month, and I don't know how much longer I can wait for him. Would you please hold onto this for me? If you do see him, could you please give it to him and tell him to stop by? I'm sure he'll remember me." She extended her hoof out towards you, with the key and all and placed it onto your left wing that was now extended as well. Rainbow Dash seemed to be in awe, as well as yourself.
"So, that key opens the door to his home?" Rainbow Dash asked as Sun Drop nodded.
"You can go visit whenever you want and clean up if you'd like, but if you ever do see him again, please tell him to stop by and come back home."
And everything went quiet. You held on your wing, the key to your home. And before you stood a pegasus that knew your past. And not too far from where you stood was your home where your parents died. It was nearly overwhelming, so much so that you needed to get some fresh air once more. "I need to get some more fresh air." you said as you dismissed yourself from them. You stepped down off the porch once more, and held the key before you, and examined it with immense detail. You took another moment to recollect your thoughts.
Damn. Damn it all! I have the key, I should just dispose of it! Let it fall down onto the ground, and say it was an accident! I don't want to return to my home, I want to return to Rainbow Dash's home and just wallow in my own pity. But, because of Sun Drip or whatever the hell her name is, I can now return home. Unless I drop it and I should drop it! All I have to do is just let my wing relax... and the key will slip.
But, no. Rainbow Dash wouldn't want that.
But then again, I didn't want to come and talk to the old mare and she refused to listen to me! So then why should I be bothered to return to my home! My home only harbors painful memories: painful memories that I don't want to relive! And imagine, standing before the door nearly caused me to relive it. What will standing in the exact same spot that I was in seven years ago do to me? It's all too much, I need to get rid of this key! But... then the chances of ever returning to my home will be lost.
Oh, don't be ridiculous! If you were really desperate to return home, you'd have no trouble breaking the damn door down or entering through the window. Just as... the thieves would have.
And what would Rainbow Dash think? I know I already said I don't care, but... she's the only pony I can trust here. She's the only pony offering me love and affection. And my damaged psyche was a fool to accept it!
Damn it, I am not to blame! After being neglected and abandoned for years, I became fragile and unstable! I needed somepony, anypony to show me the slightest bit of understanding and sympathy.
Perhaps... that is why I was so willing to befriend the yellow pegasus who lives in the tree abode. But, she couldn't understand. She couldn't possibly understand all the pain and trauma I've endured for the past seven years. All she gave me was bandages and what seemed to be genuine worry for my well-being.
And what has Rainbow Dash given me? Closure? No, not at all. I could have stayed with Sigmund and continued to progress nowhere while I lived under the "watch and care of the Manehattan Psychiatric Hospital.”
But with Rainbow Dash, I uncovered a memory, I uncovered a memory and it was because of her! So, yes, she is giving me closure in manner. That's why I can't drop this damn key. She knows what's best for me, and she's only tried to help! Even if it means that I have to suffer along the way, it's a much better option than reliving the memory of my parents' death every night! Of reliving the memory, of my final night at my home... that I'm about to enter.
No, no I can't do it. I just can't! I need to let the key go! Rainbow Dash will understand, of course she will! She has to, she wouldn't let me suffer on purpose. She will forgive me! I, just... have to relax my wing, and let the k-
"So this is the key, huh?" you heard Rainbow Dash ask behind you as she snatched the key from your wing that hovered over the edge of the cloud. You cursed at yourself beneath your breath for not having taken the opportunity to release the key. However, you still retained some hope that Rainbow Dash would keep her promise of the two of you returning to her home, rather than returning to yours.
"So, are you ready to go?" she asked as she placed the key around her neck, ensuring that she wouldn't lose it.
"If you mean ready to return to your home, then yes I am."
She put on a look of disappointment and replied, "Come on, I already said goodbye to her for the both of us. We at least owe it to her to go take a look around your home."
"I owe it to her? What do I owe her? I don't owe anypony anything!" you retorted as you raised your voice a bit.
Rainbow Dash calmed you down and said, "Alright, listen. What if we take a quick look around? That's all. And then we'll leave. C'mon, what do you say?" she said as she ran her hoof up and down your left fore-leg again as she slowly and inconspicuously made her way towards your chest. And despite the pouring rain, she managed, with her touch, to coax you into agreeing with her. And you knew that she was exploiting your intimate, primal emotions that you've developed for her. It worked to perfection.
"Fine, but not for too long, and we leave on my word. Understood?" you demanded, in an attempt to stand your ground.
"Yeah, of course. Now come on, let's go check out your home!" she exclaimed, taking off back towards your home. You grumbled to yourself, in hopes that she would listen this time. As you followed her, you noticed that she seemed more excited than you, but that was understandable. Mostly because you were dreading every second of this. As she landed on the cloud, she waited for you to land next to her, and paid attention to your every move. You landed right next to her, before the door. There was no creak and no smell. Everything was calm.
"Hold up."
Or so you thought. "Let me ask you something, about when you left your home." she said as she removed the key from her neck and tossed it towards you. You caught the key with your wing and you turned to her, as you figured that her questions would be heavy in seriousness.
Whatever stops us from entering my home.
"Sun Drop said that you couldn't be adopted. Why couldn't you? I mean, I'm no doctor or psycho-watchamacallit, but wouldn't it have been better if you stayed with her?" You tilted your head down, as if to say 'seriously'? You took in a deep breath and began your response.
"Rainbow Dash, think. I was only ten years old. My mental condition was incredibly unstable. Had I been released, I might have... finished it, so to speak." you replied, as sternly as possible. However, Rainbow Dash was not through with her questions just yet.
"Well... do you actually know the ponies who, you know... did it?" she questioned, placing heavy emphasis on the last two words. Your eye contact with her was broken as you craned your neck downwards. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on the faint memory you had of your time at the Cloudsdale Police Station.
"I know it's hard son, but we need you to think. Do you remember seeing anypony fly away when you were flying home? If you can remember anything, it can help us find the ponies responsible for this."
You wiped your eyes and looked at the pony who stood next to you, and nodded. Another pony in a similar blue outfit walked up next to him and placed a tan portfolio on the desk before you. He pulled out two images, of what appeared to be pictures of two different pegasi.
"Do either of these two ponies look familiar?" the other pegasus asked.
You nodded once more and asked, "Where's my mom and dad?" The two pegasi looked at each other and slowly turned back towards the images.
"I told them that I didn't see anypony leaving. I was all by myself that night. I can't even remember what the ponies that they showed me look like. I can barely remember what happened after that night! But Sigmund... He told me that the pegasi who killed my parents were never found. So, no, Rainbow Dash. I don't know who's responsible."
Rainbow Dash crept closer to and hesitated before asking, "Well... do you feel mad or angry at whoever did this?" You opened your mouth to respond but found yourself at a loss for words. Not once had you ever felt any animosity or anguish for whoever had done this. You only felt remorse for the loss of your parents and nothing more.
Never once have I wanted to find out who was responsible. But that may have been on account of Sigmund. I'm sure he managed to transform the path of my anger towards the loss of my parents, not towards those who had caused it. Perhaps it is better this way. The last thing I need is to harbor anger for somepony I'll never see.
"I suppose not. I have never really given it much thought. But I suppose it is better this way. Does that satisfy you, Rainbow Dash?" you finished, as you hoped that this was the end of her questions.
"Well, just one more thing. How long has it been since you left the hospital?" You raised an eyebrow and parroted the question.
"How long? Well, I suppose it's been.." you tried to remember the last memory you had before leaving the hospital, but you could only draw a blank. The fact that you couldn't remember how long it has been since you left the dreaded asylum only angered you further. You snapped at Rainbow Dash. "What does it matter how long it's been since I left? Why are you asking all of these questions all of a sudden?"
Rainbow Dash shifted into a more defensive stance and replied with, "Hey, calm down. I was just wondering. Sun Drop got me thinking, and well... there were still some things I wanted to know. But, let's just forget about it. C’mon, we gotta go inside your home."
You still held the key on your wing for what felt like an eternity. Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, signaling you to move on. As you turned towards the door, Rainbow Dash walked right beside you. As much as you'd hate to admit it, her presence gave you a slight boost in your confidence. Unfortunately, it wasn't nearly enough to fully convince you to enter your home. You placed the key into the lock and held it. Your heart raced and you felt your foreleg freeze up.
Then, you felt her hoof. You felt Rainbow Dash's hoof on yours and said, "Don't worry. The second you see something you don't like, or start feeling nervous and scared, we'll leave. I promise this time." She quickly planted a kiss on your cheek and placed more pressure on your hoof, which caused the key to turn.
And, with a simultaneous push, the door opened.
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Finally, man
so intense cant wait for more
Woo! It's gonna be like a new home! I always like going into those new houses. It's so neat! :D
I really enjoy this story. There are quite a few fics out there where the author tries to emulate the mind of a mentaly unstable pony/person. Well done /)
And fails, sorry i forgot to add that to my previous comment
I love this story so much, thank you for continuing it.
IT'S ALIIIIIVE!
I love psychology stories!
Sweet celestial cliff hanger now another day-month wait oh may gamed hnng. Btw totally loving the story and it is well written.
Me at the end:
Kinda had to read this, it appeared 4 times on my "Favorites" list.
Yay update!
Quick question, though. Is Fluttershy going to have a direct effect on this story's path, or just a little side plot (Sort of)?
This is so sad
I hope the Kid didnt hurt his parents
An update!
I was wondering when this was going to update. I can't say how happy I am to see an update. I really Liked it. Now to wait another few months for the next one!
I hope I'm not the only one here getting some 2004 Hulk vibes here...
It . . . it updated?
Carry On
Yes! An update! And seriously, this is way too good to end.
I get the sudden feeling that this story could turn into Batman....
Reading this chapter is like uncovering an ancien lost artifact.
A very expensive lost artifact.
I hope the main character doesn't listen to dubstep.
I don't know why I just thought of that. Probably because every other 2nd person fic has the main character really into dubstep.
Now I wonder what kind of music he listens too.
all these questions and more, answered after these commercial messages!
1973117
He probably hates music. Just a bunch of pointless noise.
So yeah, next chapter probably starts with absolutely nothing happening. The empty room has no effect whatsoever, and all that freaking out was for nothing. Cue house exploration, artefact discovery, a memory's recovery, and the launch of Batpony and Rainbow à la 1939243
That, or he opens the door to find himself reliving the memory of a surprise birthday party with RD at the helm. Relived fanservice memories optional, though requested.
Wow nice story!
Why isn't this featured...
Only thing that disturbs me is, that I still don't know the main character's name
Gonna predict some crazy shit here... SIGMUND KILLED HIS PARENTS!!!
Think, he came late to help the kid, and was in charge of his case completely, which meant preventing him from being adopted and leaving! Also, he was in charge of finding the unicorn that "accidentally" destroyed his memories! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!
I need... more...
2157827 You're not meant to: it's a 2nd person fic. You imagine your own character. There's nothing preset.
I should have read this 7 weeks and 5 days ago.
Oh, well, at least I have 7 weeks 5 days less to wait for the next chapter.
I haven't been on this website for the longest time. I believe I was up to chapter 13, and this was my favorite story. It was amazing but it progressed so slowly. I would have been fine with that if the writing of it hadn't progressed so slowly as well. And now after about a year of absence I return to this sight, the first thing I did was look up this story. I was so excited to finally finish it. I spent all last night reading to chapter 21, then this morning I started reading again. This was a very exciting chapter, but to my disbelief as I finished it I looked down to go to the next chapter and...
"ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDIN' ME? YOU ARE STILL WRITING THE DAMNED STORY!" Then I laid on the floor and resisted the urge to suckerpunch my computer screen. The biggest cliffhanger in all of FIMFiction history and I have to wait to find out what happens next. Hurry up with the next chapter you glorious bastard.
*awaits on next chapter*
at least put it on hiatus
2192440>>2220625>>2280272>>2524936>>2579999>>1938376>>1936653
Editor of this story here. Since it's been 6 months since the last chapter, I just wanted to drop in and tell everybody that MM is indeed dead and this story is canceled. I know this because I was the one that killed him.
Just kidding. He spends all his time sitting on his fat thumbs, not knowing what to write.
The next chapter is actually pretty far along, so I'll do my best to pester him about having it published before Christmas.
2695021
Serene Sleeping Celestia man you almost gave me a damn heart attack.
Carry On
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