After Rarity notices that her friends are depressed, she does what it takes to cheer them up before Christmas day.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 3rd Feb, 2015
- offline last seen May 16th, 2016
Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
I love My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop. My favorite ponies are Rarity and Rainbow Dash. I love to write fanfiction, but I need to learn to pace better.
Mathew_The_Raridash_Fan
Joined 3rd Feb, 2015 ·
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The story is cute, but I just had a hard time getting into it. For a full chapter and a half, everyone in the school, barring Rarity, is acting petulant and downtrodden, including Fluttershy, of all people, telling Rarity to knock it off with the complements. I was waiting eagerly to see what was causing all of it. I hate to say it, but I was...disappointed.
We're told that despair is contagious and that that might be what happened, but that doesn't really make sense to me. One or two people get bummed out, and suddenly, the whole school is bummed out, with Rarity (and maybe Sweetie Belle) the only exception? Why are those people sad? We're told that Tank died, and that could definitely hurt Rainbow Dash, but I find it hard to believe that that alone would cause the whole group to feel blue, especially if Rarity doesn't feel down about it. And if it were the case that contagious despair is causing the sour moods, why doesn't Sunset know from the start? It's pretty easy to know why you're feeling down, even if someone else's despair caused it, so I think she'd know if the group is sad because the general mood of the school is sad or because Rainbow's pet died. Why is Rarity seemingly the only person in school who isn't glum? Surely she isn't the only student who loves Christmas.
If there were one thing to compliment about how it all turned out, it's that you didn't go with a magical problem. Going with a magical problem would've seemed lazy to me, like you couldn't come up with a believable reason for everyone's mood, so you fell back on magic. No, instead, you at least tried to come up with a good reason for everyone's gloom without resorting to magic, and my hat's off to that.
I might sound harsh up there, but I'm really not trying to be. I am being critical, make no mistake. I just want this story to do well, and I think addressing these concerns will help with that. If your story does very well as is, then joke's on me. But I truly believe that reading this comment and answering my questions in the story, even if it means changing things up a bit, will help it a lot. Good luck in this and your future endeavors!
That was cool
I don't get it......
Despair is contagious.... why Rarity of all people though....( it'll totally be logic if it was either Sunset, Flutters, AJ or Pinkie..)
I kinda.. liked it though