- Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 23 minutes ago
Ponyess
I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
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Flawed. Spelling and grammar issues throughout, with the most jarring being "SPA". Why did you capitalise the whole word every time? It is not an acronym.
It... seems like it needs a lot of work from concept to execution to me. There might be some potential, but I'm not entirely clear on some of the thinking behind it.
6422634 If I missed any errors on spelling and grammar, I am sory. Sadly, my spelling and grammar aid doesn't pick up more for me right now.
On that not, I am right to use A for it, as opposed to AN the acronyme interpretation of spellcheck claims. If you would care to elaborate and point out any of the spelling, grammar or other problems in order for me to find and correct them, I would be most grateful.
I usually do Capitalize it, but I guess it was too common a word in this story to slip your eyes?
6422780 I woukld appreciate any help you care to offer me grately
Part of that problem may lie in that the story is new in more ways then the publishing date here. For instance, using Discord in this fashion. Aside from the way I slipped the pairs together as well.
So discord turned Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon into rubber sex dolls then erased their memories of what happened after snips and snails had their way... huh... what about the substance on the colt's hooves, why didn't that do anything?
6424165 That is what the two colts saw, not exactly the brightest in the herd?
On the matter of the alered memories, Discord did pull a rather similar stunt of the group in the beginning of seaon 2.
Part of his trick is in how it that effect was under Discords control, not just waiting to happen. This part was inspired by the episode where they were at the Grand Galoping Gala with Discord and his Plus One attended in season 5. As I understood it, that sticky effect was a conscious choice, not an automatic effect.
On that note, would you have prefered that I made a more detailed description to the effect in the scne while the hooficure was performed? I have grown weary on prolonging this kind of scenes more than I can feel justified.
6424247
IF you want, I was just seeking clarification
6423696
The problem is that 'spa' is not an acronym in the first place. It is just a word. The word comes from a Belgian town called Spa.
6423696 Speaking on the matter of Discord, for starters, there is no clear motive behind his actions in this. It seems like a very elaborate set up, but it does not really seem to cause anything in the manner of chaos. More so since the colts think it was merely with a pair of toys and the fillies had their mind wiped of the whole experience. Now it could lead to some if Snips and Snails came back another day and demanded the same treatment from the actual spa ponies, or if Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara ended up pregnant, but have no idea how or by whom as their memories of the event were erased. However, neither of these possibilities are even mentioned. It just seems like Discord and the unnamed changeling are setting it up for Snips and Snails to have sex, and otherwise doesn't care about it. He doesn't even stay around to watch the fun, but goes to sit and have tea.
6424757 Thanks, that is appreciated.
I think I keep the part as it is.
6425307 Thanks, that makes it easier to understand, even if the more specific is less useful.
Since it is a proper name on a place, I will go on towards using it as such.
6425406 Motives? "What is the fun in making Sense" Discord told Princess Celestia.
I had the impression that Discord did set up deliberat and highly detailed setups, planning a few steps before his opponents. As in the first episode where he as featured.
I like to see it asaltered and corrupted in the same manner as in mentioned episode, but if you think it could be improved in order for this to come out better?
There is an interesting continuation, both the Pregnancy and the Colts asking for the same service on a later date.
The harmless prank was more of Pinkie Pie's game, wasn't it? I have a few of these stories already.
Having the two realize the pregnancy on a later date is an interesting sequal, I guess.
Aside from Queen Chrysalis, no Changeling ever had a name in Canon, as far as I know, or I could have slipped one on early on. On the other hoof, she is playing the role of Aloe, was it. I had them labeled by their respective roles, both for the reader and any Pony at the scene. If I was wrong in imagining mixing the lables would be confusing, let me know.
I guess the show would never touch on this side of the characters, but it seems clear that he does enjoy tea, at least in the company of Fluttershy. Too much in the interpretation to state anything clear cut out of canon at this point.
As to naming Changeling individuals, I like doing that in the stories where they act as themselves.
One such notion is that Changelings are Japanese and thus goes by these names and traditions.
6426249
No, it was named after a location, but these days it is just a regular word. You don't capitalise 'gym', 'school' or any other basic location like that, so you don't capitalise 'spa'.
You only capitalise Spa if you are referring to the place in Belgium (or to a specific spa, such as "The Balmoral Spa"). And under no circumstances is it appropriate to capitalise every letter.
6426328 Wonder if the Capitalisation is why the spelling/grammar aid thinks it is an acronym?
On theother hoof, if is always a special spa, in this case in Ponyville, even when the villages name isn't invoked.
If I am not entirely mistaken, Capitalisating can be used to highlight Epasise as well.
6427752
Capitalising for emphasis is only suitable for places where bold, italic, underline, or larger text are all unavailable.
In more technical terms, it is the difference between a common noun and a proper noun. It is possible but unlikely that Ponyville's spa is called "The Spa", but with no evidence to say so, it is best to stick with the common noun and remove the capitalisation. It isn't about it being special, it is about it being the specific name.
6428692 I guess bold could be used for emphasis, at least in some cases if you are pointing out sections of a quotation, rather than a specific word.
I am not sure as to how to use the underline.
To make Large text is more ugly than informative in my eyes, it is kind of feeling more as if you are screaming, which is commonly considere rude to the best of my knowledge. Aside from that, there is no direct link to Large text in either chapter or comment editor I can find, although I guess there may be code I have not yet figured.
I do know there is code for several items that has no direct link to them.
Some code obviously does work well outside the space where the link was given as well.
I would appreciate further help on how to use these and how to improve the experiece for the readers of my stories. If it works in one story, I commonly will assume it will work just as well in the next.
and 11 months later silver spoon and diamond tiara give birth to a couple of unicorn foals
I've always had a soft spot for these pairings.
Discord playing kinky, perverted matchmaker like this is also very enjoyable. Too bad so few others like the story; it would've been interesting to see if Discord could make turning Diamond and Silver into the boys' toys a more regular thing.
6854310 If I read you right, this is a perfect, clasical Double-Date, isn't it?
With Discord as mad match maker, I guess that could be a separate joy in the game. I have a few stories where he is playing a part or the other.
I have some other story with these pairings, somewhere in the pile, but under a very different context.
As to the Boy-Toy, I think I have that in separate stories as well.
6854534
Well, not a classical double date, perhaps. That would imply all parties involved remember what happened. ^_^
Discord as mad matchmaker does offer the fascinating option of exploring particular kinks and fetishes characters might have. I would expect him to have the power to find out such things. And then setting up ponies on such perverted dates is a wonderful prank to play on Princess Cadance, since 'normal' love is part of her domain.
And I'll be honest, I am a big fan of bondage and D/S. Especially with the males in control (more or less; Snips and Snails had no idea they were basically mastering Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara). Added to that some of my favourite pairings and I'm a very happy camper. I doubt Snips and Snails could ever pull off being Silver Spoon's and Diamond Tiara's doms or that the girls would agree without outside intervention, the kind of intervention Discord can provide. Say, if he creates several scenarios like this and leaves them more and more memories of what happened, enough to make them think about whether they like the idea.
6855812
In typcall Prankster discordian manner, that is what the Temporary and Selective amnecia was invented for in the first place. When the date is closing in, she is bound to recall at least part of what transpired.
If you haven't discovered the kink before; he could either provoke it or make you enjoy it, even with the added embarrassment on your part if it is pleasing him.
One could imply that Discord invented the Prank in his earlier days?
There is a special joy and excitement to unlock in the setting.
For once, there is a male in control, which rarely occurs in the MLP/FiM.
Are they commonly shipped on the star-lanes, these days? I can't recall seeing much of them together. I guess they could be more fun, if exploited in just the right light.
Discord is one of the few with the power or interest to invent such a prank in the first place.
I guess he could repeat the joke on them. Just as it is more fun if they are slowly picking up what had happened.
Is Vergin Birth an issue in Equestria, I never heard of it in any case.
Either way, I think I need to pick up some slack on a sequel soon.
6857801
Definitely! Some humiliation adds a little spice to it, doesn't it?
In that case, I'd give a lot to see Cadance's face when she realises it.
Sometimes they were. I think it was mostly in a "pair the spare" situation, which is a shame since they do offer the opportunity to explore how love can grow instead of going from simple infatuation, as it's often the case with Rumble/Pipsqueak/Button Mash. The stories that do try to work a serious angle are some of my favourites. It probably helps that I feel a little with the two doofuses and knew some girls who were a little like DT and SS and turned better.
I know I'd love it. ^_^ And it does turn the norms on its head; Diamond and Silver are rich, pretty, influential, stuck-up, and (I believe) a little lonely, while Snails and Snips are goofs and class clowns who nopony takes seriously. That can also be a lonely place since you have nopony to turn to when you feel like being serious for once. Giving the girls the opportunity to be submissive to the boys outside their usual situations could be a good thing. Hay, even if it's such that their newfound submissiveness bleeds into everyday life with SS and DT meaning to is already a prank worthy of Discord.
Please do!