- Member Since 6th May, 2014
- offline last seen 10 minutes ago
Enigmatic Otaku
Write stories. Acquire followers and moderate horsefame.
Enigmatic Otaku
Joined 6th May, 2014 ·
Offline
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First upvote, son.
As always, I really enjoy your style. 8D
Glad your commissions are that good ! 8D
Here's five bucks for you.
( Does that count as a pun ? )
6411034
Well thank you!
This was an enjoyable read.
6413288
Yeah, I'm aware of that fact. But, that's what my client wanted, and I delivered.
Oooh did I deliver.
This story is now heresy.
Haha, this was awesome. Plus...
Fuck yeah.
Bro code for the win.
6413288
Oh, oh!
I guess you can say that...he got more bang for his buck.
Suddenly it all becomes clear.
Great bucking story!!
Steve is the best bro.
Steve is a bro you can count on
Budding relationship... Dang it! Now I want to see how they do in Equestria.
Do you know if the commissioner would be adverse to someone commissioning a sequel?
I mean this had the right amount of sex, in the category of "we've been teasing each other mercilessly and now can act on it." And I would love to read a follow up of Michael returning with Octavia.
7202034
I'm sure he/she wouldn't mind.
7202038 You just made this hopeless romantic's night!
Now, the serious question; Are you currently open to commission?
7202050
Lucky for you, I only have one at the moment. So if you're interested, PM me so we can discuss it further.
To don is to put on, as a garment, not to be wearing already. You could go with "clad" or "garbed," or even come down to earth and use "dressed."
This sentence is in the wrong tense.
Performing.
This is as far as I got before realizing I wasn't willing to edit the entire story for you. (I do it professionally, and I hate to take my work home with me.) You need a good editor, because this could really be something. As it is, it's better than a lot of what's out there, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
One thing to watch out for: you're doing the thing where you string three to five thoughts together in a sentence because you know how to pull it off without being grammatically incorrect, but because you're jumping between different actions and points of view in the same sentence, the thread is hard to follow. Break up the grind now and again. Read some Hemingway, and maybe some William "Omit Needless Words" Strunk. Short sentences have their place.
Edit: OK, I can't help myself:
Yes. That is what a bar is. Later, did they get into a car, complete with four wheels ensconced within rubber tires, a chassis, seats for sitting on, and headlights in case they chose to drive in the dark?
Steve is a true shining testament to brohood
Here ya gos2.quickmeme.com/img/07/07382e1792662869171191987f16d8e6326567f5c429ab4e836bafcc943975e9.jpg I gave pencil a few if it makes you feel better.
You know, I could play minecraft with how many blocks of text there are in this. Skipped the clop and went right to the interactions. Nice ending though.