• Member Since 6th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 10 minutes ago

Enigmatic Otaku


Write stories. Acquire followers and moderate horsefame.

Comments ( 22 )

First upvote, son.

As always, I really enjoy your style. 8D
Glad your commissions are that good ! 8D

Here's five bucks for you. :ajsmug:
( Does that count as a pun ? )

This was an enjoyable read.

6413288
Yeah, I'm aware of that fact. But, that's what my client wanted, and I delivered.

Oooh did I deliver. :ajsmug:

Haha, this was awesome. Plus...

Steve never mentioned what he saw to anyone... He was a cool bro like that...

Fuck yeah. :moustache: Bro code for the win.

6413288
Oh, oh!

I guess you can say that...he got more bang for his buck. :ajsmug:

...is there a possible link between the use of ad-blocking software and erectile dysfunction?

Suddenly it all becomes clear.

Great bucking story!!

Steve is the best bro.

Steve is a bro you can count on

Budding relationship... Dang it! Now I want to see how they do in Equestria.

Do you know if the commissioner would be adverse to someone commissioning a sequel?
I mean this had the right amount of sex, in the category of "we've been teasing each other mercilessly and now can act on it." And I would love to read a follow up of Michael returning with Octavia.

7202034
I'm sure he/she wouldn't mind. :twilightsmile:

7202038 You just made this hopeless romantic's night!:raritywink:

Now, the serious question; Are you currently open to commission?

7202050

Lucky for you, I only have one at the moment. So if you're interested, PM me so we can discuss it further. :raritywink:

now donned after her performance

To don is to put on, as a garment, not to be wearing already. You could go with "clad" or "garbed," or even come down to earth and use "dressed."

As of this moment, Octavia is one of few ponies currently on Earth after Equestria had discovered and made first contact with it.

This sentence is in the wrong tense.

preforming

Performing.

This is as far as I got before realizing I wasn't willing to edit the entire story for you. (I do it professionally, and I hate to take my work home with me.) You need a good editor, because this could really be something. As it is, it's better than a lot of what's out there, but there's plenty of room for improvement.

One thing to watch out for: you're doing the thing where you string three to five thoughts together in a sentence because you know how to pull it off without being grammatically incorrect, but because you're jumping between different actions and points of view in the same sentence, the thread is hard to follow. Break up the grind now and again. Read some Hemingway, and maybe some William "Omit Needless Words" Strunk. Short sentences have their place.

Edit: OK, I can't help myself:

a bar, complete with counter, glasses, and many alcoholic drinks to choose from.

Yes. That is what a bar is. Later, did they get into a car, complete with four wheels ensconced within rubber tires, a chassis, seats for sitting on, and headlights in case they chose to drive in the dark?

Steve is a true shining testament to brohood

You know, I could play minecraft with how many blocks of text there are in this. Skipped the clop and went right to the interactions. Nice ending though.

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