He was an average man in nearly every sense of the term, but his entire life is flipped upside-down when a push for a paycheck turns into something unexpected...something much more. Marooned on an alien world with no known way home, how will he survive a potentially-hostile environment? Afraid, ignorant, and alone, he will be forced to adapt and survive, or seek out help.
Rated T for strong language, use of alcohol, violence, and suggestive situations.
A/N: Yes, there is romance in this story. No, I'm not referring to one-sided romances. Instead, most of the story is going to show the developing relationships between Jamie and those close to him, and you'll join him as he slowly and painstakingly overcomes a lifetime of human culture and morals.
Featured 09/18/2014! Holy horseapples, batmare!
Featured 06/13/2016! Thanks guys and gals!
hmmm an interesting story.... I shall fav this.
I feel as thought this story can lead to great endings, you have my interest.
This is very promising. This is the first story I can remember a human actually being "scared" in.
I shall be watching.
Interresting story so far.
Ends up in Everfree Forest
Gets bucked by Applejack
Instantly forgives her for said attack
Will work fixing things
Has potential for magic
....................
2660821
Yeah, these are real flaws in this story, because obviously he's a white knight like every HiE story.
But at least the author managed to avoid making a manticore or timber wolf appear, he's not been saved by RD or Fluttershy, he's not geared with the usual ( weapons, ever-working ipod/laptop ), he's not a combat specialist, he don't know Equestria and so far he don't have super-powers ( but yeah, he seems to be able to sense magic and use it in some fashion in the future ).
I like the Equis is sentient thing, at least it's more original than most of the explanation we got in story as for why the human cannot leave.
And the author managed to make a 10k words chapter, with enough descriptions to help picture what happen, not every HiE authors can make this.
2660821
Based on the themes and circumstances of the story his reactions do make sense…I will hold my face palm for when we see how forgiving he is when he is on even ground.
Interesting. I shall fav and like it, let's see what else do you have in your sleeve, Mr. Radiant Dawn.
2660957 I realize that this story has potential, which is why I gave it a favourite, watching to see how it develops. Those things you listed are indeed some of its redeeming qualities.
2661017 These days, I've developed a strict intolerance of stories where the protagonist just forgives everything that happens to him just like that and the incident is forgotten. It's infuriating because of the lack of logic regarding the situation. When I realize it becomes a pattern in a story, I just leave. I'm hoping the writer avoids that.
For example, Celestia explicitly threatened him if he ever harmed the ponies. He just can't put that away to be forgotten. To me, that threat would linger and constantly be a reminder and alter and affect his interactions with the ponies, it would leave him with more than a touch of paranoia and distrust. Also, I would have thought he would be more annoyed with Twilight's questioning. He spent weeks barely getting enough to eat, and possible suffering from the beginning stages of malnutrition. Then he got bucked in the head. Somehow it's rather unrealistic for him to be talking and walking around so easily.
Also, how come in all these HiE stories, the protagonist doesn't suffer from some form of brain damage from being bucked in the head?!
2660821 Never said he has potential for magic, only that he can sense it...and also, he's in survival mode. It wouldn't do well to basically spit in the face of someone who's trying to offer an olive branch, no matter what happened, if you're completely isolated, starving, and weakened.
Might want to take those things into account...any halfway-intelligent person trying to stay alive would do anything to do so if given the chance. Transgressions will be forgiven faster, and he would be more likely to want to form useful bonds than to burn bridges...holding grudges would be stupid at this point, though I can promise you that such a thing promised by Celestia will not be forgotten. It will be part of the story and will actively affect the way he acts towards the ponies.
As far as the "realism" of the situation, it is possible to get knocked out by a blow to the head without getting broken bones or having brain damage. True that repeated hits would do the damage mentioned, but two would hardly be enough to do that. Applejack was frightened and mistrusting, but she wasn't trying to kill him.
Hope this clears things up, and might I recommend not having such a bleak outlook on a story so early. Any of my common readers will tell you that I have a strong tendency to "break the mold" and make things very unique as far as my stories. So remove that palm from thy face and have a cookie...things are just getting started.
2661331
When a blow to the head result in more than one minute unconsciousness there is brain damage; because any blow hard enough to knock someone unconscious for so long is a blow that cause skull fracture, concussion, internal bleeding and a bunch of other ailments ( even death ).
Yeah in all films/mangas/fics/etc a blow in the head is the best way to Knock out someone, it's a fact accepted by everyone. But in reality a blow on the head become fatal really fast.
2661497 Perhaps to a healthy human being, but to a starving and exhausted one such as Jamie, it can change things...easily resulting in a coma or death.
Why didn't this happen? Hmmm...
2661331
I like that this story starts off with this guy just being a plain ol' Joe, it's more interesting when a story actually tries to just throw an average guy into the mix and not some sort of super commando or a "chosen one".
That being said since my expectations are "this is a normal guy", I'm a lot more critical of things straining my suspension of disbelief regarding his behavior. This guy just spent a week having to survive all on his own being aware that not only is he on an alien world, aware of his ignorance of what can harm him, but that there are other, sentient beings on there that terrify him so much he wouldn't dare get close to them in order to interact with them. Combine that kind of paranoia with spending nights in a forest, alone and completely insecure, along with starving and you have someone who is very unstable. It seemed so weird that he didn't act more violent or with more spite and vitriol when he found out that he was tied up; he thought calmly and rationally which just completely threw me off. It's damn hard to remain calm under just one of those things that are causing him duress, but all of them combined? This man should be far less cooperative. I was expecting him to call Celestia unfair or do something else seemingly pathetic when threatened. When he was told that a sentient planet was essentially keeping him prisoner? I was expecting him to freak out, people do not like their choices being made for them, especially ones that are perceived as putting them in danger and making them feel insecure. How he's handling all of this so well just makes me so...bored of him.
I might not be very impressed with the character but the rest of the stroy interesting regardless, especially the little bit about the planet itself being sentient. I sense a lot of delicious world building coming on~
2661511 Well keep in mind he was dealing with beings that he knew for a fact could use some kind of weird power (magic), and he was too afraid to be uncooperative...that and he was ecstatic to just have someone to talk to after so long. He is far from "stable" because of his time in isolation, and you're going to see why and how coming up. At the moment, he is just trying to stay alive, and since these ponies are pretty much in control of him at the moment, he's just trying to go with the flow until he can heal and get his strength back. The mental breakdown will come later, along with all the shouting, name-calling, and irrational behavior that is to be expected. Right now, he's a bit in shock.
Good story, mate! I'm definitely wanting to see where this goes.
2661331 I'm not saying he shouldn't accept their help, just that he should be more wary of any perceived ulterior motive they have for offering it. It's not that I have a bleak outlook for this story, I'm just very cautious these days about some of the stories I've read, they start off well and then crash and burn from the excessive use of cliched elements. Like I said, I'm hoping you avoid them, so I'll wait and see what you have in store for the future.
2661528 This is a bit more along the lines of what I wanted to hear.
2661497 2661511
Woah, this fic is good, i am SO gonna fav it.
I have no idea where all the downvotes are coming from for this story. It has good grammar, coherent story, and interesting plot points.
Carry on good sir.
2662324 Do that shit.
2662389 Human tags tend to generate a lot of hate, and of course there's the fact that some people simply don't like the story. Some however, I hope will be pleasantly surprised when things pick up.
2662480
They do. Especially the combination of Romance and Human. That's like the anathema to upthumbery.
Still, I'm very much looking forward to more.
Faved to see where this is going.
Interesting.
He can "sense magic", but in the presence of Celly its hardly surprising. She's Celly. She probably did it on purpose (push her "aura" out) to intimidate him.
I like to think he was taken to a the SCP foundation as a test subject, and they used SCP<REDACTED> happened.
SOme ppl complain he is too forgiving for getting hit in the face.. but his options were "forgive and go with the flow" or "bad bad stuff happen since hes a weakling and alone". So it makes sense even if its a stretch to okay/calm with it. Id expect him to be very wary of AJ's proximity at first, his first reaction is playing dumb but i'd expect him being on the defensive (fetal position or whatever, even just trying to be in a less vulnerable position to the bad orange pony of pain) until he understood they werent hostile.
His time being scared and surviving in the wild doesnt seem to have affected him much.. a bit too "easy" imho. He think a bit too clearly and calm for having been trough all of that.
He is a bit too open/talkative about how he feels. I'd expect that degree of "openness" after he is comfortable and trusting with the ponies but not at first contact.
Agree mostly with what others have said- the distrust, paranoia, injuries, and the like should come later. The thing about the blows to the head too.
Besides that, though, it seemed pretty good. 10, almost 11k chapter, no huge mess-ups, and that's not even mentioning that it seemed pretty good about grammar, spelling, paragraph, etc. etc.
Everyone seemed incharacter, and I liked the sentient Equestria thing. Although I was hoping for third person, not first. Still. Liked, fav'd, etc.
Don't disappoint me, now.
2664044>>2664084 Generally speaking when the mind goes into "survival mode", we tend to be rather calm and collected in comparison to how we should feel...this is usually referred to as being in shock. It is the body's way to protect us from the immense stress that comes with surviving the way he has had to...but don't worry, it'll come crashing down on him once he begins to relax enough into a somewhat normal lifestyle and such.
2664884
2664897 Expendables? What's that?
2664914 Hmm...reminds me of the marines from Starcraft.
When Celestia said her farewellvto Jamison, she reminded me of a kajiit farewell (May the sun keep you warm) in skyrim.
Said this useless though, I like this story, it's another way to see the hie in another way.
So... This guy is a werewolf, right? I mean, his unusually long canine teeth... his preference for hunting, and insistence on meat in his diet... the way he shrugged off getting kicked in the head by an earth pony... his dodgy reference to how "things changed" for him after middle school...
I'm calling this, guys. Werewolf!
2665533 No, he's not a werewolf, but neither is he a "normal" human.
2665421 It just came to me. I was unaware it was used as a Khajit saying.
2661528
If you know that to be so important, you at least give hints of it throughout the story, like a split second frown or a unusual reaction if he thinks about it himself.
You can't go explaining things out of the story if in the story you didn't give hints of it, and if I'm correct, we're in the side of the human here, shouldn't we know what he's really thinking? We know his thoughts but not those that are inconvenient for future plot twist?
Well damn...
So in the end we shouldn't even pay attention to his thoughts, they don't really tell what he's thinking.
2666069 The story's also just beginning, so don't get your thong in a knot.
2666148
Beginning with 10k, and you couldn't add what you just told us the moments he thought about it... yeah...
There's actually 7 Human senses.
You are doing great work so far. I hope to read more soon
Best regards,
numismondo.com/pm/kic/Wilhelm%20II_sig.jpg
Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany
2666442 there's actually like 10 to 12
2666442>>2666462 Where the fuck are you guys getting this information from?
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/please-sir-can-i-have-some-moar.jpg
faved
I thought this was fitting, love it already
2667213 here, I'm too drunk to type them:
i.imgur.com/BxGoDvr.jpg?1
2667621 I never learned those last two, I didn't think they counted.
Sooooo~~~ a new Story from Radiant Dawn.
*reads the Story*
Great work like always ^^
*reads the comments*
*laughs like he hasn't since a long time*
Owwwwhhh... Guys 'n Gals~~~ Radiant Dawn knows perfectly what to do, when and why.
He (or She?) is one of the most versed Authors I know,
Super realism is something preserved for things like Survival Stories or The Games series "Arma".
A Story shell do especially one thing: it shell entertain its readers... *gnarf*... everything else is additional.
So~~~
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/090/a/4/he_brought_you_a_prezzie_by_jollyjack-d3cwgml.jpg
read it, ponies catching the human naked is always funny
Lil' fav to keep this story on my radar.
I think that makes you a singularity, which can make things even more complicated than they already are. Being a unique alien is bad enough. Having a gravity field from which not even light can escape? That's not going to win you any friends.
Anyway, this is certainly an interesting way to trap a human in Equestria. Don't think I've ever seen "planetary immune system" used as a plot point before. I look forward to seeing where the story goes from here. Also:
Five bucks says it's the appendix.
2668139 Speaking of sense, check this out
2671047
I say it's the gallbladder... either that or he has an unexplained tumor organ..
Also, author, this is a tad rushed, just an FYI. Nice story though, I'm looking forward to the rest.
Humans actually have between nine and twenty one sense. We have traditional senses which are sight, hearing, taste, touch, smell. Then we come to the others, temperature, balance, time, gravity. pain.
I think it can be assumed that for this story, we're only referring to the five traditional senses. Probably a waste of time to focus on the wrong part of the story line.