Sweetie Belle thought it would be harmless, she thought it would wear off after awhile, she thought Twilight could fix it... She thought wrong. Can the teenage filly keep her hormones in check, and keep her small problem a secret?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I haven't read it yet but I can tell you that the summary has way too much in it, like you were trying to spoil the plot for someone instead of just hinting at the contents. The first two paragraphs get the plot across succinctly enough.
The premise is good and I can't wait to read it!
Interesting story so far. I will follow and watch fun begin.
Good first chapter. The premise is one that I think plenty will be interested in seeing developed, though, for my part, I think it's less interesting since I'm obsessed with natural filly parts and futa has always felt like cheating to me. It will still be interesting to see something more developed from it than just the typical clop if that's what you intend to do. If you plan on making it gratuitously clop-y then that's cool too.
I have read it now and the story is flawless! I'm quite excited to read more!
ouch!
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Its either too little or too much detail with me...oi! >.<
It's definitely a good start! But you really seem to want to avoid using 'said'.
This seems like the kind of thing that should be written IN THE BOOK ITSELF. Especially considering this book was part of a LIBRARY, in a restricted section or not.
Seems contrived, but ok. The setup is in place, let's see what you do with it.
Agree - the pamphlet needs to be in the book - her skipping the forward is quite likely.
Also - 'want to see what you look like' - would be much better as 'we want to see colt parts' with that section rewritten some - natural curiosity.
You do realize that when you mention passages like this:
that there has to be a bit of proof.
.....and don't look at me like that , I know that I'm not the only one online at the moment that probably also are thinking of this. I know I have a perverted mind, I've been accepting that as part of who I am.
I like the 'screwed up the spell midway' a lot, though not for the reason most others reading this do (okay maybe a little of that too). You see, if a spell like this is permanent, then it cannot be irreversible because that would mean that there is still magic in play. Assuming that magical energy deteriorates over time or that permanent spells require a lot of magic like they do in most games, the only way for the spell to actually be permanent would be if the effect of the spell altered her DNA, making it as much a natural part of her as any other body part. As such, recasting the gender swap spell would return her to normal without complications. However, the messed up part of the spell gave her both parts, so the most a gender swap would do is flip them around if that. Therefore, you made the plot much more plausible (in the realm of technicolor ponies anyways) than the idea that an adolescent could cast a spell with an indefinitely sustained magic level.
I'll read more later.
Hey do you think you can link me to the folder that this is in, and let me fix it up / proof-read for you? I know that I offered for the next SSBLU 3, and future chapters for The Belle Tolls for Love 2 but I can do this fic as well. Just drop me a line if you're interested ^_^.
I love it so fur.
I'm surprised that Sweetie hasn't told Rarity about it. It would surely make her life a lot easier if she doesn't have to hide it at home.
Oh, this is gonna be good...!
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Is that a pun?
Hmm. Apparently honesty doesn't include the capacity to be discreet.