Chapter 2: Majestic Motherly mingle
*Revision take: 1.
Two weeks ago I was told and shown some evidence by a Anthro-pony that I was not a human but an Anthro-pony as well, but not just any pony but a prince and the son of Princess Celestia, Di-arch of The Royal Dominion of Equestria, brother to Sunset Shimmer, blood-nephew to Luna; in the days after learning the truth I spoke to my parents and it was a hard and emotional time as days passed as they confirmed the story I was told, my father was stoic yet emotional and my mother was beside herself over this, things looked dark all over as the day my real parents visit arrived and my adopted parents were willing to all but put their lives on hold so to be there when my father Jesse and mother Celestia come to see me for the first time in 21-22 years.
**Two weeks later: The Visit**
Today was July 19th, although I usually head to church on Sundays I today stayed home so to be home for the meeting that was to come. Time passed and soon at 1:30 in the afternoon I heard the doorbell ring, I was hoping to start the meeting but I also wanted to see it postponed....part of me wanted to crawl into a corner and die rather than face the glaring truth of my life.
"One moment please!" I shouted as I headed down my stairs, I soon reached the door and after a deep breathe I opened the door.
There standing in the doorway was a tall rather attractive shapely woman with a clear complexion, long brown flowing hair, she stood at an imposing '6-10" which was to be expected from her, she had those signature magenta eyes that radiated motherly warmth, love and wisdom, she had no make-up on her maternal looking face of which I was not surprised and she was wearing an actually complimenting light purple long-sleeve shirt with matching slacks and gold short heels.
Next to her was a tanned man with my hair, eyes, and a clean cut beard standing at exactly one foot shorter than what must be Celestia, wearing a grey T-shirt with blue jeans and laced brown dress shoes.
"Hello Jesse." the woman said, her tone betrayed how she was feeling, she sounded like she was by her tone suggesting she was ready to start crying and hug me to the point of crushing; the voice was the clincher, it was Celestia in human form.
"You Celestia?" I asked shyly.
"I am...it is, good to see you," Celestia said now sounding clearly like she was barely holding her composure.
"P-Please...come in," I said moving aside.
"Thank you," Celestia said making no hesitation to enter, the man then followed and shook my hand firmly, he seemed like he too was wanting wanted to meet me but showed not as much emotion as Celestia.
"Take this couch," I said to Celestia after closing the door pointing to the 3 cushion couch, when I turned to face the couple Celestia was still standing there and soon was now looking ready to let the tears fly and hold me, but just asked.
"M-May I?" Celestia asked, lifting her left hand to put it on my face, I permitted it and she soon had both her hands lightly cupping my face.
Celestia simply looked me over and examined every detail of my face, as she looked at my eyes, jaw, cheeks, nose and hair...her eyes began to water as she looked at me.
"Oh...my son...my colt...David...." Celestia said now sobbing openly as she looked me over.
"My foal!" Celestia cried out before pulling me into a tight hug, it was awkward to say the least but soon I returned the hug as Celestia wept freely while she held me.
I soon was in tears too as we held each other, all the while Celestia rubbed my back while burying her face into my neck resting her right cheek on the back of my neck as she then kissed that spot a few times before hugging me longer, as if she never wanted to let go.
"David! My David! I missed you...I love you my son!" Celestia sobbed as she held me.
"Honey? I think that is enough...you are not going to lose him by letting him go to breathe Celestia," my father said chuckling a little his eyes watering as well.
Celestia soon let go of me but took a moment to brush a tear from my eye before moving to sit on the couch.
"Sorry...I am sorry..." Celestia said brushing her own tears away.
"No, it is fine Celestia...you have the right," I said.
"Th-Thank you David....now, two things." Celestia said, she soon lit up like my last guest as did the man, once the light died there standing while the other sat the figures told of by Red Stationary two weeks prior.
"This is us..." Celestia said now '1-1" taller, "The other thing is for you," she said in addition.
Celestia then made a paper wrapped package appear, it looked like a shirt wrapped in the blue paper.
"Here, I think you will like this," Celestia said floating the package to me in her magic, she then encouraged me to open the present.
In the wrapping it soon was revealed that of a piece of sky blue fabric with the familiar twin alicorns encircling the sun and moon...opening it all the way out came unfurling a beautiful '3 X '5 flag of Equestria! Completing the majestic banner was gold braiding bordering the flags edges; I have a liking for flags, Celestia must have learned about this and naturally she gave me this gift to put me in a happy mood.
"It-...It is beautiful..." I said looking over the Stars & Crest of my actual native nation.
"We may have been told you would like this type of gift," my father said smiling.
"I do...am I to wait on hoisting this? Or could I fly it when I choose?" I asked.
"I would wait on that...though displaying it in your room would be fine," Celestia said now smiling brighter.
"Is there a reason?" I asked.
"Yes, the reason is that Equestria will soon be made known to your world and until that day, we are a secret...that means your friends must have no knowledge of us or your true identity," Celestia said.
"Alright then, I see this was made to last...wow..." I said looking over the bonnie banner in my grasp.
"Oh yes it was, the finest material, fade resistant, weather resistant, tear resistant; this will last you for decades," my father said.
"It will be centuries with me since I am picky when it comes to when I fly flags, if the weather is not right I do not fly it...unless for certain occasions; I also never except for certain time never leave it out over night," I said laughing.
"Well I am pleased about that, but centuries is unlikely with you David, since you are born to an Alicorn mother but a unicorn father even though he had powerful magic and a few extra things, your life span will be normal," Celestia said.
"I thought so...just saying that as an example of how well this flag will be treated," I said.
"Ah, that makes sense," my father said.
"For now I guess I will have this in a drawer until later," I said.
"Very well," Celestia said taking the flag and folding it back into a square before giving it back.
"But until then I will put this over here," I said putting on something in the living room.
"So...what else do you have to say to me?" I asked finding a seat.
"Anything that comes to-" Celestia was then interrupted by the pigeon in a cage we had adopted, we raised him from a fledgling after it fell from his nest on the Ralph's my adopted mother works at.
"Oh! Well who is this?" Celestia asked curiously.
Before I could answer my two cats entered the room with one of them approaching Celestia.
"Oh! My goodness you have quite the menagerie of animals here!" Celestia said petting the large orange cat.
"The Pigeon is named 'Casey', the cat here is 'Marbles', over there being timid is his brother 'Hoops,'" I said smiling.
"Well hello Marbles, and you Casey, Hoops" Celestia said petting Marbles who was 'noggin-ing' her legs.
"He is friendly...with these animals you and Fluttershy would get along well," Celestia said.
"Very true sweetheart, the big guy likes me too, but that one looks a little scared," my dad said.
Ha, I am calling Jesse my dad...I can see why my fake name was 'Jesse', because his name is.
"He is timid for a reason though...we got these two from a bad divorce....the husband of the woman was a abusive drunk...and hurt these two..." I said somberly.
"That is terrible! How dare he!" Celestia said petting Marbles and reaching slowly out to Hoops.
"Looks like Hoops took the worst of it...he so skid-dish looking...but I love the collars...Ha! I love Marbles' collar," Jesse said.
"Yes, nothings says tough like a spiked collar with jingle bells and a metal dog-bone name tag," I said chuckling.
"That is hilarious...why this tag though? Don't get me wrong it suits him well but...why?" Celestia asked.
"Because we could not find a collar big enough, we got him a small dog collar," I explained.
"Funny! Very funny," Celestia said chuckling in her melodic musical warm tone.
"Hoops' story is that since he went through a lot and 'survived', we gave him the army green color collar and the purple heart tag because in the US Armed forces, 'The Purple Heart' is a medal given for immense courage, so that explains him," I said.
"That sounds like a good reason and a perfect symbolism for Hoops," Celestia said now getting Hoops to show affection toward her.
"We thought so as well...now, for the questions," I said.
"Very well, what would you like to know?" Celestia asked.
"How did you find the family I was adopted off to?" I asked.
"Well David, this was how it was done," Celestia said starting off.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Stats
Page generated in 0.025 seconds
Total duration
1,101 users online
1,469,984 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
6312375 Feel free to read the two other stories I wrote too.
6312727 Feel free to read the two other stories I wrote too.
6312267 Feel free to read the two other stories I wrote too.
Ahh, you answered my question in this chapter. You did allude that David's adoptive parents were present at this meeting in the header but there is no sign of them. Guess I will find out in the next chapters.
YOU NEED TO ADD PERIODS
6730958
A rather stupid reason to disregard a basic grammatical rule in the English language, especially when it's such an easy and simple fix (not that he's right in demanding that periods be added to the end of every quotation).
For example:
This is incorrect.
This one is correct.
It's a grammatical error (and therefore a legitimate point of criticism) to not use appropriate punctuation in dialogue. You end quotations, in which it doesn't end the narrative sentence it is contained in, with a comma before the closing double quote. (link to a topic in a forum for new writers, for those who don't understand quotation grammar rules) That's the rule. It's not something you can just choose whether or not to follow. [emphasis intended] This isn't a subjective interpretation of something, it's an objective fact. Much like how English, in general, follows a subject-verb-direct object sentence structure. That is how information is structured when communicated in English. Not following those rules is jarring and, depending on the rule violated, requires deciphering that shouldn't need to be done, especially in novels where doing so disrupts the flow of the story and can throw people out of a suspension of disbelief (which, when done, completely kills a story). While this is fairly minor, to which everyone can admit to in this case and doesn't screw up the information too badly, it's something that bugs and annoys people who actually know the grammatical rules of the English language.
You have a solid grasp on the quotation grammar rules (which is surprising as I rarely find a fanfic author who understands those rules), and unfortunately with this acknowledgment, it can't just be "hand-waved" away as a typo that was missed during editing. Instead, it became a negative reflection on you as the writer (an unwillingness to accept factual criticism and correct simple mistakes) and the quality of the literature (poor editing and proofing), regardless of whether it's actually true or not. My first impression of you and your writing was a negative one because of this response; a rather bad result for an extremely simple problem with an even simpler fix.
6787667 Hurts self-confidence right there but I saw your points....since you say I cannot leave my distinction method of separating dialogue quotes from the rest of a sentence....it will take a field day but I will at periods to the dialogue quotes; i hope I did not foul up anything else badly.
6787724
Eh, it happens. At least this whole thing isn't as long as one story (original fiction) I wrote where I screwed something like that up. I think the word count was somewhere around 88k words, if not closer to 100k+. Everyone makes rookie mistakes, so don't take it personally. Just learn from it and move on. Key life lesson to learn from this: criticism of conduct/action is not criticism of the person. Keep the two separated in your mind and things in life will go easier. It also helps to never make characters too similar to either yourself or friends/family.
Another thing I need to point out is that you did the right thing by admitting you screwed up. It's a good thing to do, especially as a rookie. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes, be humble and grateful when they are pointed out to you, and you'll find yourself improving much faster than those who refuse such help. But please, use the link I provided to double check your efforts. From what I've read so far, you need to place commas in most if not all of the error locations, not periods. [emphasis intended] No need to make yourself work twice as hard.
On a broader note, I've got some issues with the story thus far, mostly in how characters interact (especially the MC's rather unrealistic reactions to shocking revelations), but I'll save that until I get further in the story. I always give a story five chapters before deciding whether to abandon it or not, and if it's worth the time to provide a critique (and I usually do when I see that the author is relatively new and is receptive to criticism). Still unsure if I'll leave or not, but I'll likely provide some critique of why I left if I do. Just remember, it's not you I'm criticizing, it's the story and its fictional characters.
Final thought: success teaches you one thing, while failure teaches you ninety-nine; so always make the effort to learn from even the harshest of criticism. It will make you better, but only if you are willing to accept it constructively.
6787768 I am afraid I often do take criticism personal...I want to please people on certain things, when I fail to do that like say fix the mistakes you point out and you abandon this because my mistakes are too many...it hurts, and sticks a while til my self-confidence bounces back; If you can help where my MC reactions fall short I can fix that...even if it takes months to fix the whole story.
Hmmm....
Too stoicy for my taste, needs more emotion, and a better reaction.