*Revision take: 1.
The day was July 4, 2015 and my family and I were enjoying the holiday by watching the fireworks outside our condo in a peaceful neighborhood in the city of Thousand Oaks, CA the day could not have gone better! As a patriotic person I look forward to days like this....that July 4th would be my last one I would show such devotion again.....The next day I was sitting around just enjoying my day when the doorbell rang, I got up and answered the door, what happened next would change my life, forever.......my name is Jesse Fuentes, and this is how MLP and my real life slammed head on and at full force.....
I answered the door upon hearing the doorbell, "Huh...wonder who that could be?" I thought aloud as I left my laptop and headed to the door to see who it was.
I made my way the 4.5 yards to the stairs in the short hallway between my brother's bedroom and directly across from the master bedroom and headed down the stairs after 1 landing 1 step down and a sharp turn right to the 12 steps of stairs then turned right to the front door. There in doorway upon opening the door was a slender white facial-hairless male in a butternut business suit and pants, he had green eyes and red hair. he stood about '5-10" holding a manila envelop.
"Good afternoon sir, I know it sounds strange and unusual but I am here for a 'Jesse Fuentes'?" the man said with a somewhat high proper tone one would compare to Spencer Reid from the show "Criminal Minds".
"I am Jesse; who are you?" I asked looking perplexed.
"My apologizes sir, my name is 'Red Stationary Jones'" he said.
"You serious?" I asked amused by the weird name.
"Oh yes I am serious, I know it's a weird name but it is the truth; may I come in please?" Red asked.
"Sure why not?" I said opening the door more so he could enter but kept my distance from him.
"Thank you sir" Red said before he then asked for a seat of which I gave him then shut the door and locked it on account the door was broken.
"Now, the reason I am here may be shocking to you but it is the absolute truth; to prove it give me a second" Red said, and not to soon afterwards he was glowing brightly as light covered him, when the light died I got a shock!
"That's better, now...to explain the importance of my visit" Red said, now instead of a human sitting on a folding chair there was a tan Anthropoid Stallion Pegasus sitting before me with his mane and eyes being the same, and upon seeing my stunned expression asked.
The family/Living Room of our condo of 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 bathroom, was defined by the 70's popcorn ceiling with was the the underside of the master bedroom; the floor was a laminate light stained maple floor with 2 dark green couches one holds 3 large cushions against the wood paneled wall of the same wood that also paneled the wall on the right side of the stairs as you walk up across from the TV with its back to an empty space under the stairs, the other has 2 cushions positioned across to the left facing a large window that let light in and a large view of out and in front of the door; we also had a matching recliner with blankets on it.
The view outside would be visible if not for my pigeon 'Casey's' cage on a table from my deceased grandmother who was my mother's mom, original plastic white blinds with dark green cloth drapes and a DVD cabinet to the right of the front door.
"Are you alright Jesse?"
"Uh....s-sure....I-I guess..." I said too stunned to think straight.
"I don't think I believe you, you should sit down, the reason I am here is because of an important matter concerning you" Red said.
"What about me involves a human pony in my house?" I asked becoming more confused as I sat in the recliner.
"It is because you are a 'Human Pony'" Red said, at that moment I was now amused and asked.
"Is this a joke? You are joking right?" I asked.
"No sir...this is no joke" Red said with a serious expression.
"How am I a pony?!" I asked demanding answers.
"It is simple, you were adopted by the family you have when you were born, and with secret US Government working with us, we and the US we fabricated your life to look as if you were born here" Red explained.
"Uh huh sure, what proof you got to prove this?" I asked skeptically.
"You have a Pony/Hybrid in front of you, is that good enough a start?" Red asked looking genuine.
"That is not good enough," I said.
"Here is more," Red said showing the envelop he brought with inside documents of official California, US, and Equestrian papers that included DNA testing.
I was stunned...I was almost ready to pass out from sheer shock, I could not imagine this happening to me, how could this be true? How could I be a pony when I look like my parents? It made no sense.....
"If you want proof Celestia agreed to do DNA testing in front of you upon visiting Equestria, I assure you by the by your blood is of pony kind," Red stated in addition.
"How can I not be my parents' child?..." I asked looking pale.
"Simple yet at the same time complicated, magic helped with appearance, God and your adopted country helped with the rest" Red said calmly and softly.
"I see....w-what was the reason why I was adopted off?" I asked.
"You were in danger....." Red said.
"How was I in danger?" I asked.
"An anarchist group by the name of 'The Dark Starlight Sons of Equestria'; they planned to of course overthrow our government, they were a weak threat until they destroyed the railway bridge leading to the capital, we then decided to have you, your sister and your cousins sent to different locations, the group was finally dealt with and now you are to be found and returned home" Red recapped.
"I have a sister?" I asked.
"Yes, and three cousins," Red stated.
"Now for the biggest question....who are my parents?" I asked looking unsure if I wanted to hear the big truth.
"Your parents are Prince Jesse Thomas Sterling-Silver, and Princess Celestia." Red said.
At that moment I about had a near heart attack, well for one thing firstly I yes had a crush on Luna and then because of a friend back to Celestia...and now I am her son?!?! Second of course...being royalty??? How would one handle that?...You have the "Princess Diaries" to give you some idea...but it I felt will soon be made a joke when compared to what I will face.
"What is my real name?" I asked sensing that it will be obviously different.
"Your real name is because of her current husband, Prince 'David Jesse Cosmos Sterling-Silver'." Red stated.
"What will happen now?" I asked.
"You will be visited by Celestia and your father first, after 2 weeks you will be visited by your sister, and cousins." Red said.
"I can guess my 3 cousins, who is my sister?" I asked.
"Your sister is Sunset Shimmer" Red stated.
"Sunset Shimmer?...*chuckle* saw that coming..." I said.
"How did you see what coming?" Red asked.
"I played around with the idea that Celestia had a child somehow and that child was Sunset." I explained.
"Ah, I get it." Red said.
"Good; So...I am an Alicorn?...Because of my mother?" I asked.
"Yes, since your mother is a pure-blood Alicorn her genetics are dominant as far as race, you apparently have a healthy balance of both with everything else; your father is a silver-ish white color with your hair and same eye color" Red stated, "He is for race a Unicorn" Red added.
"Interesting....I can only imagine what I will face....will I be given time to let it sink in? To get used to being there and being a prince?" I asked looking nervous.
"Absolutely, you will be given plenty of time to adjust to being an Equestrian and a prince, your Majesty" Red said.
"I guess that is something I will have to get used to first...by also making sure that does not go to my head" I chuckled.
"I am sure that will not happen sire" Red said chuckling as well.
"Thanks for the confidence..." I said now slumping back into my seat on the couch letting it sink in, my mind was now a hurricane as I processed this news that my life was a fabricated lie...that and Equestria is real....
"I know it must be traumatizing for you, to learn the life you had for 22 years has been a lie, Celestia knew this would be the case so she did give me this" Red said kindly as he then gave me a letter in an envelop in which I grabbed it and opened it, upon opening I then read the letter aloud in which it said.
My beloved son, my darling foal; I can only imagine the shock you must be feeling at this time learning about who you really are, I can see the fear and the sadness that must come from your life being uprooted by this truth. Believe me when I say that I am truly sorry sweetheart, I did not mean to cause you any pain from this nor by giving you away to protect you, you have every right to be angry with me and reason to not trust me; just know I did this for the reason all mothers do this, because I love you and care for you, I did this to keep you, your sister, and your cousins safe.
I am sure you have many questions for me and I intend to answer as many as I can, it is the least I can do for you; I am doing this not only because you are my eldest son but because I felt guilty for not telling you sooner after your sister found out first, this must all be confusing since you have some idea about us and when certain things happened, but know this when I say things are and happened much differently than you know. I hope after all is said and done you can perhaps accept the truth of it all and me as your mother, I may not know the full emotions you are feeling at this moment but I hope that this letter can soothe any pain that you are feeling, and again know that, pain was not what I wanted for you, I want you to take time to accept this life in your own time; I can't wait to see you, I tender to you my deep affection and care my sweet foal, my first born, my darling David. I love you very much God bless you my foal.
Your loving mother, Celestia. XOXO
After reading the letter I was in tears...I definitely was moved by the heartfelt letter, which had on it clearly visible tear drop stains on the paper, telling me a story about the letter; I could tell by a certain vibe that came from the letter that the emotions behind it were true as Celestia tried to write me this tender message.
"Naturally that is for you, put that somewhere safe" Red said brushing a few tears away himself.
I simply looked at him and then to the letter, for some reason I then smelled the letter, it had a scent to it...strawberries with cream...no doubt my mother....invoking more tears as I placed the letter to the side of me tenderly like it was made of glass.
"You here for something else Red?" I asked.
"No sire, I am finished here; have a pleasant day the best you can and live life as if it were no different, as hard as it may be" Red said as he shifted back to human form and headed to the door.
"I will let myself out, Good day Jesse" Red said as if to help calm me and to cement the plan he wanted me to perform.
"Good day Red Stationary" I said.
Red smiled then opened the door and left, leaving me alone with my brother and I to our selves....
"What do I do now?" I asked as I sat there, that is truly one of the only questions I could ask.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Cool a story that's in my hometown
Nice story, I'd love to see more of this
Nice imagining hapening inreal life If that were to happen to me i would be freaking out / fangirling that im related to sunset shimmer
6312177 You are in Thousand Oaks, CA?
6312375 I am happy you like that.
6312267 Thank you.
6312691 Born and raised
6312727 Cool!
Had to double take there, thought he had 5' 10" of red hair.
6355839 that would be ridiculous
Proof? You ask for proof when this strange man turned into an anthropomorphic pegasus in front of you?
Also,
When did his brother show up?
6480697 I was talking about my human brother; also I understand your question, well yes this would be silly to ask for proof, but as one said to me, he may be lying so I ask nonetheless.
Can we get a physical description of Jesse? I feel like there is a description of everyone but him, and he's the main character lol
6628500 How about this?: Center man; no bayonet on musket.
Interesting premise and worthy of continuing on to the next chapters. A few questions and a irritation in this chapter though.
Red comes off as such a brown noser. Right after Jesse says that he hopes to not get a big head, Red goes on that he is sure that will not happen. Kinda comes across as pure ego stroking.
From the general tenor of the chapter I deduce that Jesse had a secure and happy childhood, certainly the US government would cherry pick his parents when placing a child from royalty. I know if this would happen to me I would insist on calling my mom and dad before believing the news, preferably face to face. I would have to entertain the possibility anyways since I would have no idea why Red would lie unless he was a complete jerk. That and I would insist that my mom and dad would be present with meeting with Celestia. (I consider the people that raise a child mom and dad, Celestia would be Jesse's dam and Jesse-Thomas would be his sire).
Overall great writing. The only thing that bothered me was when right before the letter, Jesse thinking that his life is a fabricated lie and right afterwards, Red giving his condolences that his life was a lie. The two thoughts echoed each other a bit too perfectly and is jarring.
I'm guessing that English isn't your first language?
6650059 How so? What did I make a mistake in?
6480697
That only proves that the man in front of you is an anthro pegasus, not that "you" are who he says "you" are. Given the level of "proof" provided, I'd also try to sell "you" a bridge for ten bucks. It'd be the easiest ten bucks I ever made. The MC acts way too gullible (any assertion provided with no evidence can be dismissed with no evidence, after all) and is way too accepting of it and any attempt of saying "but he had two weeks to get used to it" is a worthless excuse for bad writing. Being skeptical of it all would be a much more logical and realistic attitude toward the situation. And before saying he had a letter, I'd remind you that anyone can write a letter pretending to be anyone and say anything and thus can't be taken as proof in and of itself.
As someone who was adopted when I was born, I can easily say that if I was in the MC's position, I'd laugh in his face and then throw him out of my home with the orders of "don't come back until you have real evidence"; for instance having my blood drawn and having a DNA test done right in front of me to show that I do, in fact, have a familial connection to Celestia. Anything less, and I'll look at them as if they were trying to sell me a bridge for ten bucks. Also, transforming me into a pony wouldn't be evidence since they can obviously transform themselves into humans, meaning that they could also force a human to turn into one of them as well.
Well..... that was unexpected....
6828950 How so?
6829001 Just surprised by how the royal bomb was dropped...
other than that, I'm enjoying the story!
6829113 Good to hear; I got a Dislike a while ago sadly so I pissed someone off.
Same great story, just a little more polished. Excellent. Looking forward to new chapters!
Much better then the original. Though I often catch my self skipping words here and there. I have to reread this three or four Times for it to make any scienc. I must be tired. But keep up the good work
6892319 Thank you so much, as quick as it took me to revise the whole story it was hard and tiring.
6889366 Thank you so much, I am getting to work on Chap. 15 ASAP.
its coming along well keep it going
7233457 Thank you kindly.
After reading the first chapter I believe that if I were in a similar situation the conversation would go more along the lines of:
...Yeesh, I'm an asshole.
I don’t think any fiction on this website could make me cry...