Shining Armor comes home from being stationed aboard with a fiancé and Twilight is not at all happy about it. Why would anypony fall in love with such an arrogant jerk?
Nothing in this fic is canon. I started it before the finale, but I wasn't able to finish until long afterward.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey this is pretty good. The description is a bit confusing tho so you'll want to fix it.
The story is fine... but I prefer the canon.
Pretty decent AU if you ask me. For some reason I still thought it would be Chrysalis at the altar but Discord was a nice twist. (sorry for the spoilers for all who read the comments before the fic!)
The description could be a little more clear, perhaps adding something about how Twilight never knew Cadence in this universe or something. I liked your story though, keep it up!
Decent! I actually really enjoyed it. On another note, "Shy-Shy"? Excuse me whilst I laugh with enough scorn to scorch my eyebrows.
She'll be the next Starswirl the Breaded? Sounds delicious!
Good writing, I enjoyed it, just something that popped out at me.
Well, finally read this and definitely nice take on a like, AU of the Canterlot Wedding before it came out. At least, for first part and then second part that came out after it was done. Definitely kind of sad by the end, even though didn't like make me cry or anything. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png Could've explained why Twilight's friends suddenly decided to come after Rainbow decided not to offer to come at first or just HOW Discord escaped his prison, if never went back into it the first place and kept like, a low profile or something. Even though love the ArmorCadence pairing, it was a nice story, having Discord take her place where she never existed or was Twilight's foalsitter, after Shining had treated his sister improperly, I guess. Glad they made amends before the story's end, though, since I liked their relationship, even if it did get a bit rocky in the first part of the 2-part episode. Not much else I can say, except good job!
Great story, and definitely worth the read, but it does have room for improvement.
The first thing I noticed is that you do not have the correct tags. This story needs to have the "Alternate Universe" tag, and I don't think "Slice of Life" fits this story. If nothing else, please correct that. It's the easiest thing to correct and only takes a few seconds.
Second, the prose is confusing in places. This story suffers from a lack of scene transitions in the text. The small, but sudden, changes in focus are jarring and confusing. For example:
The scene abruptly changed from Twilight's friends and the princesses to Shining Armor and Twilight in another area, with nothing to indicate that the focus had changed. This causes confusion and results in people losing track of what is happening. In this particular example, I suggest adding a brief description of the new area right before Shining Armor speaks. Nothing much, just something that makes this new area distinct from where they were a moment ago. Perhaps they were standing by a fountain or a statue or something. "Over by the fountain, Shining Armor sighed as he gathered his wits," or something like that. That's just off the top of my head. It should be all you really need.
In another example, one moment Luna was startling Shining, but in the very next sentence, he's already up in the tower to talk to Celestia. I had to go back and reread that carefully because I thought he was still with Luna.
Also, you often use "then" when you really mean "than", such as in the quote above. "Then" refers to the order in which things occur ("I did this, then I did that.") or a certain time ("It wasn't the same back then."). "Than" is used for comparison ("Bob is better at this than Tom is.").
Don't let my criticism fool you. If I didn't already like this story, I wouldn't have bothered to take the time to help make it even better. Despite the flaws I listed, it still earned a thumbs-up from me.
Am I just to assume that all of Twilight's friends slept on the floor while she was in bed? Eh, whatever. I hope Shining gets his face rubbed in Twilight's achievements... *evil grin*