The Great Moose Census of 1001

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Seven Moose

E Q U E S T R I A N N E T W O R K N E W S

J O I N U P N O W

"Young ponies from all over Equestria are joining up to count for the future!"

In an wide Canterlot courtyard, several adult stallions and mares stand in droves, clad in thick black armor. One mare turns towards the camera, speaking through her tight-jawed helmet.

"I'm doing my part!"

A stallion turns his head from where he stands in another phalanx.

"I'm doing my part!"

A helmeted zebra looks over, teeth gritting.

"I'm doing my part!"

Several bodies over, Scootaloo hobbles out of line, dwarfed by her bulky soldier armor.

"I'm doing my part too!"

The closest line of soldiers all chuckle good-naturedly.

"They're doing their part."

The Equestrian banner waves in the shimmering sunlight.

"Are you?"

Several ponies pose in gallant armor, sliding the beads across abacuses while saluting at Celestial emblems.

"Join the Canterlot Census Bureau and count the world! Service guarantees cupcakes!"

W O U L D Y O U L I K E T O K N O W M O R E?

"We have the calculators!"

A mare picks up a single abacus and aims it at a mountain. The summit explodes in brilliant flame.

"We have the pencils!"

A stallion crashes through a front window, rolls across a living room, and holds up a clipboard. "Present!!!" he snarls.

"We need ponies!"

"Ponies like..."

Y O U

"Ponies like Colonel Cantergore!"

"B-but sir!" A spineless yak shivers, clinging to a terrified griffin. "We can't go down that river! Moose are everywhere! It's too hairy!"

"RAAAAUGH!" A meaty stallion in a cavalry hat uppercuts them viciously while a circle of proud ponies cheer. "MOOSE DON'T SURF!"

"Ponies like Special Agent Sweetie Drops!"

Sweetie Drops straps on a helmet and leads a thick group of armored ponies through an unloading dock. "Come on, you equines, you wanna count forever?!"

"Raaaaaaaaaugh!" A rampaging herd of hoofed accountants gallop out the door, armed with number sheets and dry erasers.

"Service"

"Guarantees"

"Cupcakes!"

Hundreds of thousands of ponies march towards the walls of Stalliongrad, chanting a valiant war cry while the Equestrian Banner once again ripples into focus.

T H E Y ' L L K E E P C O U N T I N G

A N D T H E Y ' L L R E A C H T H E I R Q U O T A

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"Join the..."

C A N T E R L O T C E N S U S B U R E A U

"...today!"

"For liberty!"

"For harmony!"

"For cupcakes!"

Comments

[Jake The Army Guy]

thumbs.gfycat.com/FlamboyantUnderstatedGelada-poster.jpg

[FloydienSlip]

I can't.

[Ri2]

I want to live forever.

[Piecemeal Pony]

*slams hoof down on the table*

Sign me up!

[Sharp Quill]

"B-but sir!" A spineless yak shivers, clinging to a terrified griffin. "We can't go down that river! Moose are everywhere! It's too hairy!"

"RAAAAUGH!" A meaty stallion in a cavalry hat uppercuts them viciously while a circle of proud ponies cheer. "MOOSE DON'T SURF!"

Apocalypse Now reference.

[Butterwings]

6233976 Oh, so you want to LIVE forever and not even help count? SELFISH. :C

[HorseWordFan]

Much of this chapter was a hilarious reference to Starship Troopers .

[zaponator]

Called it!