The Great Moose Census of 1001

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Four Moose

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

The persistent chime of an EKG machine greeted Red Top as he marched in through the M*A*S*H's tent flap. He stared, muzzle hanging wide open, while his eyes took in cot after cot of bruised, bloodied, bandaged ponies.

At the far end, Nurse Red Heart stood over a bed where a lavender figure rested, surrounded by surgeons, her battered limbs suspended in countless white casts.

Swallowing a lump down his throat, Red Top shuffled over towards the mare.

Red Heart looked over. With a sad expression, she trotted up to meet him, balancing a bloodied first aid kit over her flank.

“How bad is it?” Red Top asked in a hushed tone.

“Her Majesty is in critical condition, Mr. Top,” Red Heart said. “I'm afraid that her... g-gorgeous eyes exploded as soon as her body flew out of Sugarcube Corner, and most of the liquid inside her organs froze instantly. If... if it weren't for the bodies of her four dead friends forming a protective insulating shell of petrified flesh around her, then I fear that she might have—”

“What matters is that the Princess survived.” Red Top's brow furrowed. “Now, what of my agents?”

Nurse Red Heart hung her head. “They're... gone.”

Red Top's ears folded back. “Gone?”

“Mr. White... Fluffle Bottoms... Chimney Sweeps...” Tears flowed down the Nurse's cheeks. “...I could not spare them from the cold kiss of mortality. I'm so very sorry, sir...”

Red Top took a deep breath. “You... you did your duty, Miss Heart. And I couldn't be prouder.”

“But... but it's n-not enough!” Red Heart briefly frowned. “That damnable Capreoline monster—!”

“Shhhh... Was it counted?”

“All these years, it masqueraded as an annoying, obnoxious, squealy-voiced party mare! How could we have never put two and two togeth—?”

“Was. It. Counted?” Red Top glared.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

With a slight shiver, Red Heart reached over to a table and held up a clipboard. “With her dying breath... Mr. White produced this...” She wept. “Right b-before she exploded from a boiling circulatory system...”

Red Top squinted at the manifest.

Right next to a bloody zebra hoofprint was a pair of penciled hashmarks.

Red Top sighed. “...Two Moose,” he grunted.

“This is far beyond the C.C.B., Mr. Top!” Nurse Redheart exclaimed. She hissed through clenched teeth. “You can't keep holding back! You have to send in your number one agent!”

“I... I can't...”

“Why not?”

“Because she's already on assignment...” Red Top looked towards the E.K.G. machine besides the alicorn's bed. “...in Palermoats.”

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Comments

[Ri2]

They're dead?! NOOOOO!

[MustacheMerlin]

WHAT?!

[Piecemeal Pony]

God.

Damn.

It.

[Always Breakfast]

This became very Total Recall...

[Goldenwing]

I'm sorry but when did Ponyville become a vacuum?

[pahnazd]

... what?

[Leftover of Saikano]

Suddenly bleak.

[zaponator]

“I'm afraid that her... g-gorgeous eyes exploded as soon as her body flew out of Sugarcube Corner, and most of the liquid inside her organs froze instantly. If... if it weren't for the bodies of her four dead friends forming a protective insulating shell of petrified flesh around her, then I fear that she might have—”

i.imgur.com/uvJPNSj.gif

...I love this story.

Also, it might've been a typo, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume it wasn't, and that Mr White is in fact a female.