We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, ey?
We Brits love our crumpets, and the greedy Mr Warburton knows this all too well, so he devised a plan to ensure everypony of Trottingham and beyond are put in a position where they just can't stop buying his crumpets.
Octavia rants about their heinous practices.
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I don't know why.. but this is so true
Good little story, I like it
It really feels like this is based on a true story.
There's obviously a story here -- I'd be curious to hear what it is.
I spent a good few quid back in the day on Warburtons crumpets, or as we call them here, pikelets. Love how surprisingly accurate this story is in a way, we never eat things in odd numbers, it's just wrong as Ed Miliband might say. Though you did forget to mention that in one final attempt to satisfy the urges, you scrape up a fiver, go to the bookies and bet on a horse before losing it all and wallowing in self pity. Other than that, top notch story.
6189687 Haha, cheers. I wanted to bring something very British to the table. You don't see many Brit-orientated things on here.
And yes, we're obsessed with our crumpets. Especially me. That's not to say this story is about me...
If you liked this, you might enjoy some of my other light-hearted stories like 'Nightmare In Rainbow' and 'Cadance: The Love Arsenal' - you should give them a read!
6189936 *wipes butter from upper lip* huh?
6190225 Well this is a story about how my life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, and I'll tell you how I became addicted to crumpets:
Heh. I'm a redditor and a subscriber to a subreddit called 'british problems'. Someone made a post on there complaining that Warburtons made packs of 9 which rubbed him the wrong way because he only eats 2 crumpets at a time.
Someone suggested buying 2 packs at a time, and the entire story you read here is an adaptation of the comment I made in reply. I made it out like a clever marketing scheme to get people to buy more crumpets, but crumpets don't have a very long shelf life. So you have the choice between eating an extra crumpet, letting one go to waste, or buying another pack.
Knowing that nobody wants to waste a crumpet, both of the other solutions result in more money in Mr Warburtons pocket.
It slowly snowballed into a heart-wrenching story about one man/mare's struggle against crumpet addiction, because, let's face it, most of us have things we're addicted to, meaning most people can relate to this on one level or another.
Pro tip: buy the 6-packs, not the 9's.
6190602 Thanks, bro! Seems like a missed opportunity, as people who tend to fall into these sorts of addictions are more prone to falling into doing other addictive things. It would have been very fitting to have a crumpet addiction lead onto gambling, drug and hooker addictions... but then I'd just be retelling The Wolf on Wall Street with crumpets in place of an insatiable love of making money.
I'm not sure I had plans on creating a story about Octavia snorting coke off of a hooker's ass, but hey, with Vinyl and the 'night life' lifestyle, you never know...
Also, thank you very much for the favourite for this story!
6190749 Well it's a good film, haha. Though in my mind they're snorting butter off a hooker's arse...
6190732 First the story, then a Fresh Prince reference? Keep it up and you might end up with a follower.
And, of course, the invocation of Reddit explains all.
Pfft, please. I'd buy the 9-packs to eat three every morning. Because if you're going to enjoy crumpets, why limit yourself?
6205070 In terms of sheer references, I'd suggest reading one of my other fics; Super Ponyball X. The problem with that one, though, was that I wrote it under sheer boredom, it's a deliberately bad troll fic that is an absolute chore to read.
That said, it's the only one that someone has went out of their way to use one of those text-to-speech things to create a "dramatic reading" of the first chapter.
The whole thing is a train-wreck, but it does contain a few references you might pick up on.
That said, if you want something genuinely fun to read, try 'Cadance: The Love Arsenal' - I've had great fun writing that so far.
As for the crumpets, why settle for three? Get a twelve-pack and eat all the crumpets!!
This is one of the most insightful things I have ever read In my life.
You truly are a god
6226884 Hah! Maybe my OC should have a horn and a pair of wings!
6226990
I think a six pack of kingsmill crumpets bold be more adequate to show your wisdom
6227031 Well OC doesn't have a cutie mark yet. Perhaps it could be a crumpet.
...What?
6233429 What?
6233473 The way 'Tavi said it sounded like Pip would get an addiction to Warburtons crumpets.
6233533 Perhaps she was speaking from personal experience?
6233584 Ah.
Jaysus.
And you say us Irish are obsessed with potatoes.
At least we've the sense to get addicted to proper drugs, like e's, hash, heroin, Alcohol, smokes, crack...
My country fecked, isn't it?