Dashie McCourty
Joined 3rd Mar, 2012 ·
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635717
Thanks. It's something I whipped up in a day because of... "primal urges". But thank you for your feedback.
This sucks shit, I know.
But that's what happens when you're a rookie writer and you wrote something out of horniness, as crude as this might sound.
A word of advice never write when you're horny...That's why I stopped writing sailor moon fics.
What are these things called without the MLP twist? (Like the MLP version is clopfic)
641086
Erotica, I believe. This story in particular isn't really a good example of that, though
in addition to being standard there are a few places where it seemed jumpy. Like there wasn't really a transistion. It could be a solid story with a little bit of non clop padding on each end.
"Being the gentleman that he is"
He just took her virginity forcefully. Ouch.
Bad midnight >:(
im not sure what to say about this one im torn i think it was a grate story but i think it needs a bit of finesse in the transitions in some parts of the story
Of course all of what I'm about to say is my opinion but it felt like you rushed in some places, I understand this was just your attempt at a clop fiction and for that its better then most however; if your going to write the story with such romantic themes you need to spend more time developing them. Not saying what you had was bad in any way it's just that I enjoyed them so much but you kept stopping them to get back to the sex description. The only thing I would call a mistake was in how you mixed their emotions in with the sex the way you did, you should have them flow into each other more smoothly and not so abrupt. If you did this to show how ready they were for this that they couldn't stop to even think, you should have had Twilight show more interest in Midnight instead of of having Twilight just decide then she actually loved him.
Understand?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/234/961/d21.jpg
I don't know why I bother reading these...
Better than i wxpected
Oh god
Its good and pretty well written but feels hollow some how. It skips details all the time
At what point during this did she stop giving him a blow job when did he end up on top of her?
Ive just noticed that you haven't logged in in over a year, That is a shame you have a lot of potential.
663959 It never stated she was a virgin.