Broken Colt takes place in Cloudsdale and Ponyville, a small colt named Air Glider was always disowned by his mother, she never wanted a 4th child, until one night she decided to take actions out to far being on his 2 brothers his sister and his father, after disrespect coming from her daughter Light Star, she and Air Glider decide to get away from her mother and try to find a new home in Ponyville, but her mother is not happy with Light Star running with Air Glider, so she is persistent to get her back, but is unsuccessful. She tries hard, but the strength of Air Glider and Light Star is no match for them, will Air Glider be able to get away from her mother and live a happy life? Or will their mother destroy Air Glider's life?
Chapters (2)
A filly is a female, a colt is a male.
Um, this speaking in such ways isn't really too common for ponies. It kind of just sounds like somone replaying childhood events in pony form.
But on a side now, grammar. After a speaking sentence, such as. "Blehbleh blah." when you say "she siad after that. Break it with a comma. so it looks like this. > "Bleh blehblah," she said. If there is an exlaimation or question mark, jsut pretend it's a comma.
635258 Thanks i was always confused on that ill change that
So I thought after I had criticized this i might as well read it, I read the first paragraph.
“Do this list of chores by 12:00 or your (should be you're) going to be punished.” his Mother said handing him a list of things to do. Air Glider was a 6 year old colt, the tasks his Mother gave him usually were beyond what a normal colt (his age) should do. Air Glider (too repetitive, use 'he'started to work at 11:00 (comma, maybe put 'this being') the time his mother gave (had given) him the list, he worked for about 30 minutes till his father came to him and said
“Air Glider take a break go out and play.” (Going to change all of this, too much speech is bad, this isn't a transcript. Try put 'It had been half an hour before his father interrupted him, telling him to go and play'
Do you have/want a proofreader? :P
Skimming it you're very... liberal with your profanities, there are a few other spelling or grammatical errors and again, very repetitive.
635677 I could probably use a proofreader
Nopony called the police yet?