Twilight was so excited to have been appointed to head an important diplomatic mission to the distant land of the alphyns, even more so that Cadance, Shining Armour and Spike were coming with her to provide support.
But the truculent Grand Prince Caldrast is less interested in negotiating than he is in advancing his tenebrous personal agenda. As she deals with the machinations of the Grand Prince, Twilight discovers some members of her family hide secrets of their own...
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You got a signal boost from Skywriter.
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/506465/signal-boosting-the-heart-of-the-matter
6157591
He is a true gentlestallion and a scholar!
(And also partly responsible, as he both generously volenteered to pre-read and his interest in the idea being final impetus for me to actually sit down a Write A Thing...!)
Came over from Skywriter's blog, do not regret it one bit. I love everything about this, but this:
takes the fuckin' cake. I'm definitely faving this to keep an eye on it.
We don't get a lot of stories about Cadance, so it's always great to see a new one come along. Definitely a great start for a story and a very well handled premise.It also helps that, all things considered, Cadance is the most mysterious of the Princesses (yes she is, Luna fans) so she's really a blank canvas for a background story, and I'm digging this take so far.
If Skywriter is reading this, thanks for sending me this way!
Twilight was momentarily shocked to silence, but she regained her serenity and performed her breathing exercise before a faint curve came to her lips, the only genuine smile she'd managed to give Prince Caldrast in days.
"Spike, take a letter!" Force of habit overcame the tension Spike, like the rest of the delegation, had been under, and he was ready with a fresh scroll before Twilight had finished her sentence.
"Dear Princess Celestia," Twilight began, closing her eyes for her dictation. Caldrast's mouth parted slightly in confusion during the pause before she continued, "Today I learned that although acceding to every demand a new acquaintance makes may seem to be the friendly thing to do, and a way of avoiding conflict, especially when the person you are working with can offer reasons why they need you to accommodate them. But when you are the only one making concessions, you may begin to appear weak, inviting more demands upon you, until they are more than anyone should give or any friend would ask. In the best friendships, everyone is strong, and each is ready to both ask for and offer compromises with her friends. Your representative, and ever your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Caldrast was still a few seconds, then began to laugh.
He was cut short by Twilight, her voice much lower and words clipped as she said, "Which is why, Prince Caldrast, I'm making a condition of my own; I wouldn't want to taint you with weakness by association, after all. We will have our Honor Duel first, and it will begin . . ."
Twilight disappeared in a violet flash, and a wide-eyed Caldrast managed to bark, "I won't be—" before a second flare, much nearer, blinded him.
". . . now."
One transmogrification and one hour later, the remains of a much smaller and rounder, but only slightly less orange, Caldrast featured prominently in the fruit cocktail drinks Twilight, Shining Armor, and Spike sipped as they waited for the marshal to announce Cadence's Honor Duel from the royal box. As the marshal strode into the arena, Spike decided to offer one final, and first, enthusiastic expression of appreciation for their host. "Well, at least the Prince finally provided us some decent refreshments!"
[Pan out, fading to black as the three laugh, the marshal beginning his speech as Cadence stands proudly and confidently in the arena floor.
Text overlay: Prince Caldrast V would be immortalized in history as the only ruling Grand Prince Palatine of Phynland to fail to appear in an Honor Duel for which he had issued the challenge.
As a result of the trade agreement, orange imports to Phynland skyrocketed, soon overtaking all other fruits in popularity as the base ingredient of fruit cocktail drinks.
After all, an orange-based drink is a sure sign of a winner.]
More seriously, I've enjoyed this, but it almost feels like a one-shot, as cutting it off where the chapter ends leaves a pretty complete story. It's something that invites the reader's imagination to fill in the end, wrapping it all up in a neat little bow, so the duel itself and completion of the negotiations aren't even needed, and Twilight already leaves with a changed understanding of Cadence, her brother, and her own place in Equestria.
All that said, I'm quite interested in seeing how you decide it plays out, and how it will be expanded, especially given the world-building elements introduced.
Cue beatdown in 3...2...1...
Here also via Skywriter, and looking forward to more.
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Skywriter made that observation himself, actually: I probably could have left this as it stands.
But I figured if it was me, reading this by someone else, I'd totally have wanted to see what happens next!
Plus, it gives Cadance a chance to shine in an environment where she can fight Caldrast without worrying about a him getting any support (like trying to turn him into an orange would have resulted in...![1]) Next chapter (about 75% written currently) is mostly from her point of view.
[1] To completely derail your joke with my usual penchant for totally unnecessary analysis; if they had tried that, it wouldn't have been a proper honur duel, and would have effectively been a striaght-out attack on the country's monarch, upon which all the other alphyns would have jumped in on. Even the alphyns that might not like Caldrast would have been offended at that and it would have garenteed Equestria wouldn't have gotten the deal. (And as good as Twilight and co are, they can't beat an entire nation into submission by themselves. For that matter, the diplomatic staff might not have gotten out unhurt.)
But, of course, you did illustrate exactly why Caldrast didn't want to be going up against Twilight - because he basically assumed that would be a likely result himself - and (wrongly, as it turned out) thought that the pretty pink princess was a much more viable target.
I'm interested to see where this is going. Is Cadance going to teach Twilight magic sword making and swordfight after this?
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You're quite welcome!
6159274
Hey, that's what unnecessary analysis is for! And it's not like I don't do the same.
But it should be noted:
It's not like what happened was a proper Honor Duel either. It was, in effect, a straight out attack on another country's monarch, just an attack that was ill-advised. Part of the issue is that, as Twilight observed, their respect for principle, protocol, and probity were subsumed by that for the prince's power. They should have been jumping in on Cadence's behalf, and Twilight's before hers. Their "honor" is such a sham it's easy to spin it around to them happily accepting even the barest pretense of legitimacy if it comes from one more powerful than they are individually. And that is something that will always invite comedy.
I like the lore you've built up here! This whole thing is very interesting and I look forward to the next chapter.
6159655
The alphyns are rather "one rule for us, one other rule for Foreigners" so, a bit like the colonial-era British, they would have got all offended that the Equestrians weren't playing their game.
The second, more pertinent point is that Cadrast is a schemer. You notice that the royal party has only two guards? That was the admission price of even letting them into the paltinate. While he has made on grevious tactical error (though to be fair, and understandable one, since even Twilight didn't know it herself), you don't get to be in his position without preparing for contingencies. If they'd have kicked off outside of where, in his arrogance, Caldrast assumed he had an overwhelming advantage, they'd have found that Caldrast's own guards were standing just out of sigth, ready to pounce in this exact circumstance. (His royal robes, would, incidently, be stacked up with all sorts of defensive enchanments, come to that - it's not like was going to go in there unprepared.)
A stand-up fight in the audience hall would not have been his ideal plan, but it would give the at least the chance of killing one or two Princesses and at the very least humiliating Equestria, since it would have been they that first struck the first blow. (It would be a PR disaster, and you would be able to hear the Cusith laughing all the way from Necanis.)
If it resulted in outright war - not entirely unlikely... Well. Let us just say that while I have not specified exactly why the Golden Star Orchid is so badly needed (that might be a story for another time; one that's been kicking around in my head since season one and whose length has always put me of beginning), there is one; and one such that Equestria would not be wanting to commit to a war with Phynland over.
Especially since war might encourage the Cusith - currently cowed by the sudden emergance of more than one alicorn - that maybe it is time to deliver a killing blow to their most hated enemy, while they were so distracted. While alphyn magic is a little weaker than pony magic, the Cusith are basically on absolutely even terms with the ponies and their magic is nastier (death, disease, poison); worse, it's not even a direct opposite of Harmony Magic or anything, which would be easier to counter. They even had their own paragons - equivilent to alicorns - at one point.
(The last one was killed by Celestia during the last and utterly disaterous attempt by an invading allied force of nations (of which she was very reluctantly a part) to defeat the Cusith as a nation. Pro-tip: do NOT attempt to invade a land of people who are both immune to disease and can use their specialised disease magic with impunity. It will not end well... That IS a story - or at least a world-building historical note - for another time.)
(It is worth noting that the Cusith are the only race this Celestia had banned outright from entering the borders. They are that much bad news.)
If Cadrast had even the slightest inclining that Cadance was not the walkover he expected (and he wasn't so blinded by his own ego and was content just to screw Equestria over for the PR), he should have challenged Shining Armor, or better, Razor Sharp or Spike or possibly even one of the diplomatic staff, whom he would have stood a much greater chance of getting his victory.
6159291
You never know...
6159777
*tips helmet*
6160012
I hope, and I'd like to see it.
6160012 Yes. He should have used his giant flaming sword against Spike.
"Do you yield?"
Good to see this on site, and I'm glad there is going to be a part two. One assumes Caldrast is about to receive a friendship lesson...
It's a small issue, but I see this happening in more and more stories, and I'm very confused by it. When, Aotrs, have we ever seen Spike in canon shy away from or reject a hug from any character, and especially not from Twilight? He's a very "huggy" little guy, and it's a big part of who he is. Was there a particular reason why you chose to imply he doesn't like getting hugs? Neat story in any case. It took quite the turn there with the duel, and you handled it well.
6160615
...
...
That is a good question.
You know, I could have sworn that on occasion he's displayed typical boy-aversion to perceived sappiness a time or two (which would follow with him being sometimes slightly averse to Twilight over-mothering him, the whole "Mom/sister-get-off" sort of way), but I'll be (more) damned if I can think of an example, even having recently been working through the DVDs of the series.
So, is it possible I am guilty of simply projecting an attirbuted fanon onto him or merely steriotypical young-boy traits, or simply projecting personally[1]?
Throwing this question to the boards then: can anypony else cite an example?
[1]One of the major advantages to (my particular form of) Lichdom is that people don't touch you, as they tend to fall over and die. I do not, nor have ever done, physical affection...
6160615
After careful consideration, a night's meditation and consultation with my local ponythread (who couldn't remember anything either, and in fact recalled more evidence to the contrary), I have modified that line thusly to retain the general thrust:
... as on close examination, I could not fathom a good reason as to why I had written the previous that stood up to close scruteny.
(I would apologise to Spike, but I think implying he didn't like hugs under my errant pen is probably getting away lightly compared to Twilight's fate on the original version of the cover art...!)
So thank you for pointing that out and it the words of Best Pony:
i.imgur.com/us0sn.png "I just don't know what went wrong!"
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The sole time in the series we see Spike push away from Twilight is when she's trying to give him a tissue in Dragonquest (when he wanted answers, not consolation, and it wasn't a hug he was pushing away from anyway, so moot point on my part). Other than that, he's always been a very clingy little guy. This gets ignored quite a bit, and as I said you're hardly the first author I've seen do it.
I spent a good hour researching heraldic animals thanks to this fic, just so you know.
This was pretty good! I enjoyed it. Not many stories can pull off a good badass Cadence.
Canterberry? I suspect there is a tale or two there...
Bad literary references aside - part 2 was worth the wait. I'm even going to try this one on my daughter...
It's hard enough to write a convincing swordfight without bringing magic into it, but you have written a compelling duel here. Good job!
"I regret selling my grandmother!" *giggle*
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Thank you! This was my first attempt at actually writing a proper action scene like this (though far FAR from the first time in my head...!), so I'm glad it worked.
The major thing was to ensure that the fight was more even, as letting Cadance just beat the crap out of Caldrast - while hilarious - wouldn't have been all that interesting. So I tried to ensure that, although Cadance basically had the advantage, that no fight is ever garenteed.
(I dislike the standard of fights - especially common in anime and fanfiction - where it goes "bad guy beats hero soundly, then hero managed to reverse at last moment," be it over the course of one or more fights. I figure both sides should be feeling the pressure, which I attempted to show here.)
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*tips helmet*
Anything I can do to to aid the goal of corrupting the next generation...!
6182409
I rather liked that one myself...!
I don't think Caldrast will be sitting on that throne much longer. Under normal circumstances I suspect alphyn honor would make any potential challengers wait until he is fully recovered before challenging him again and he is strong. But, by attacking Cadance after the duel was declared over and worse failing at it he has publicly discarded the honor that would otherwise protect him while he's weakened.
A fun story! Excellent job on making your readers really desire to see the Prince get his smug face smashed in, and then delivering it in a most satisfying way. The reveal of Cadance's secret badass nature was nicely done, and I truly loved her frilly 10-foot sword with its bubbly heart effects. Plus the whole thing aligns well with my own headcanon that Cadance and Shining were on Equestrian-crisis duty while Twilight was being trained by Celestia.
Thanks for sharing it!
Lol, I wanted Cadance to lose.
6184975
Not a Cadance fan, I take it...?
6184302
Thank you! I'm glad to see I'm not quite the only one who has that line of thinking!
6183747
Now, that's an interesting question. On the one hoof, the alphyns that are left have been THOROUGHLY cowed by Caldrast. In the sense that all those who were of the "proud/noble warrior race" types Caldrast would have made certain he dueled an killed. (Remember, he doesn't have to accept their surrender even if it is offered.) So in short, anyone who might have been a threat to Caldrast has long been exterminated (one way or another).
So the remaining Princes will be completely under his talon (for one reason of another) and, so long as he's alive, they very likely dare not move against him, since even if they succeeded in killing him, the personal cost to them would be extremely high. (It's how he can cheerfully disregard he honour rules; because he doesn't himself have any but he's more than smart enough to take advantage of the system to abuse the people that do. And has had done, to the point he's very actually eliminated all his potential rivals.)
What you have left, then, are the cowardly schemeing-type Princes, who value their own skin and priviledges far more than honour. They are still too crap-scared of Caldrast to try anything - and Cadance has now proved to be EVEN MORE scary than them, so it's quite likely they would probably run at the mere sight of her...!
But remove that obstacle, and they'd get straight back to their own manouvering for power. It would not unlike removing Vetenari from Ankh-Morpork - even if you could do so, it probably would not be in your best interests to do it, since the ensuing chaos would be bad for business. (It would be very bad for Equestria if Caldrast was removed for power; it would be as bad as having killed him in the duel, since the following Princes would not necessarily agree to the same terms, and trying to scare them into it would be messy and nasty as Equestria would essentially have to involved in a civil war.)
And on the other hoof, a scared-straight Caldrast might actually be in an even stronger position, since for (however long his change of heart lasts) his sudden desire to do good deeds (which will be echoed by his cronies) will likely build up popular support. So, daft as it is Cadance may have actually helped stabilise his regime even further.
Ha! Glad I finally got around to reading this. It says something of your skill at writing, at least of this variety, that although I knew what was coming (indeed, if I remember correctly I may have helped inspire Shining's "I'm the shield..." many moons ago), I was edging forward in my seat as the predual progressed.
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Thank you! As, if I do have a tendancy in my stories (and my wargames... and my RPG quests) to build towards a "sudden thing you don't see coming", it's good to know this still works even if you do know...!
You know what other couple this reminds me of?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwkGW748vlM&feature=youtu.be&t=1m15s
(Only of those two, it's Steven who is a "magical prince".)
6424035
Huh. Well, great minds and all that, or something...!
(That clip paints the series in question in a better light than UK CN trailers, but it's not one I've watched myself.)
It is hilarious how much sense this makes.
...Although, shouldn't the marshal be using Cadance's full name, given the context?
6544360
That could either be a) an oversight by the marshal, b) an oversight by the author, c) a deliberate attempt by Caldrast to further snub Cadance and Equestria or d) all of the above at once...
8453699
Thank you! I very rarely manage to simultaneously find the time, energy and a project short enough I think I can complete (and not start and never finish!) to actually write anything myself, but occasionally, I manage.
(This one came in, I think, just barely before my hobby CAD work became my day-job and I had less time to spend on stuff like this.)
It was well worth it, though - just having Skywriter be editor taught me a huge amount (and I wasn't terrible before!); and i have been able to pass the favour on to a friend of mine writing his own story.
8459226
Thank you!
*tips helmet*
One might legitimately observe that Caldrast is a DM's boss-monster-y sort of character - since the vast majority of what I write is quests and whatnot. Caldrast was sort of there, ultimately, to be something for Cadance to wail on and aside from Sufficient Context, I did not give it more thought than that. (I'm just not wired to think about it that way around.) So there was a certain DM BBEG[1] slant to him, setting up a domino for the PC/Protagonist to knock down, because the DMing is so deeply ingrained after over quarter of a century! (One thing we discovered as Skywriter editied was that I tend to write everything as read-aloud flavour text if I'm not careful!)
I also am more of a fan of those who are Evil because they chose to be (or are "because I can") - largely because I associate with them far more personally. So there is that bias as well to consider.
On top of all that, I was trying to avoid the mental place of making him like this universe's (theorhetical) version of Sombra (which if Magic ever happens and I actually ever wrote the one or two stories that have been kicking around in my head since season one one might see), intelligent, ruthless and capable enough to be able to stand-up to everyone at once - at least for a while. I have a noted tendancy to cleave towards that sort of thing. (An examination of any of my campaign worlds will find the major evil threats are pretty much always Lawful Evil or equivilent, with highly-trained and organised armies, rather than the uncounted hordes and whatnot more typical!)
In a perfect world with unlimited time and motivation - and were I was magically capable of writing such - I ideally would have done the actual pre-fic diplomacy in more detail (i.e. shown, not told). You would have seen more OF Caldrast, certainly... But, ultimately, I fear, Caldrast was principally an enormous egomanic (probably medically narassitic or something), who just happened for rare occasions to have the competance to back it up and enough personal charisma and intelligence to manipulate people into feeling that competance.
(That said... I wouldn't rule out inspiration striking me I was writing, as it sometimes does and resulting in something outside what I'd original thought, so who knows?)
As it was, I gambled and hoped that I could give enough context (and apparently succeeded, from the reactions!) with careful exposition, to not have to do that, as otherwise it likely have meant, I never would have started; it would have hit my mental "too big, will become a chore to write" threashold. (Which is why I have all the respect for the fine fellows like yourself that stick to the bitter end. I am stubborn enough to do it, I think, if I forced myself[2], but at that point it's not really fun anymore.)
[1]Big Bad Evil Guy
[2]I have been known to blither on recaps of adventures or let's play for an entire year, even when evidence suggests no-one is paying the slightest attention after the first post or two.
Seattle's Angels should definitely hype this story. Where else can you find a believable Warrior-Princess Cadence?
8723486
Thank you! I should be so lucky!
Yes, there are far too few stories with Cadance (or for that matter, Celestia) getting to do awesome stuff.
I also noted in the movie, though the other Princesses were predictably Worfed (*sigh*) Caddy at least, was the one who actually reacted FIRST and actually blocked the attack with the diarchs and Twilight stood gawping. (And also she was the first to be targetted!) This pleases me, since it actually helps my case...!
Corrections offered without malice.
is it this time?
arena
more ornate of the two,
thought
needs a space
until they eat
8777401
Dangit. Apparently both Skywriter and I missed those.
Not sure I get what you think it wrong with this one:
Could you elaborate?
Think this is maybe more stylisitic choice than wrong? (Though - and I say this without trying to being facetious or anything - if you can explain what is grammatically wrong with it, I'm quite willing to be educated,)
Fixed the others, thanks!
(For the record, I don't object at all to constructive critism, nor certainly to pointing out my typos! Skywriter himself was fairly judicious in pre-reading (to the point the dear chap asked if he was being too harsh!), but it was all to the good. Even just writing this one story improved my writing ability thanks to him - something I was able to pay forward to my mate who was writing his own story.)
Certainly.
Ignoring the side clauses and quotation interruption, currently it reads "What it is this time?" which is the wrong word order for it and is in a question. You'd say, "What is it?" not "What it is?"
If you meant "I can't find that" then here is the full excerpt: (edit: here, ch1)
8777992
https://www.englishgrammar.org/degrees-comparison/
The comparative (more/-er) is used when comparing two, the superlative (most/-est) when comparing more than two.
8778855
To the first:
*skulldesk*
Aaaand that is clearly why both Skywriter and I missed it, because I couldn't see for looking. (It was kinda late last night, though, in my limited defence!)
Fixed.
As to the second.:
Interesting. I often find it a bit odd that English language (or at least when I was at school/college) never seemed to get nearly so much into the nitty-gritty of the mechanics of the language (even when I A level English, albiet literature, not language[1]). Clearly, this is one of those bits.
I did/am doing some further research on it. Some of the examples I've been finding are so obvious that I would never have done it wrong (e.g. Apples are dearer than oranges) and some that I find do sound natural, even if they are apparently, strictly wrong. (e.g. of 'Which of the two sisters is the prettier?' and 'which of the two sisters is the prettiest?', the second one sounds more correct to me. (And according to one ot two places I looked, this is one of those issues where in the instances it crops up, there is something to be said for a degree of artistic lisence for some occasions.)
In this specific instance, (unlike say with "best" verses "better"), the technically correct is fine and I have changed it.
It is something I will certainly try to remember and give a cursory thought to in future (and so, in an instance where I do it "wrong" I will at least hopefully do so on the auspises of it "sounding right," even if it technically isn't!
I have, as they say, learned something, so thank you once again.
[1] I WOULD have done the latter, but I was daft enough to do four A-levels at once and it didn't fit in with the other three.
It had been about a month since Caldrast's defeat at the hooves of Candace and already he was plotting his revenge. "I'll get that prissy-little-princess... I'll get them all! And NOCREATURE is going to-"
In a flash of light a creature with miss-matched body parts materialized before him. Caldrast froze. His heart stopped dead for a moment. He knew what this beast was. It was told of in hushed whispers around campfires by cubs to scare each other, and by superstitious old females who considered it evil incarnate. He barely managed to studder. "Y-y-y-you... Y-y-you're DI-" An eagle's talon seized him around the throat.
"That's right." The draconequus grinned maliciously.
"I'm Discord, Lord of Chaos! And that 'Fat, old, cake-obsessed lackadaisical sun-nag' and 'her sister who spends her time bothering the dreams of foals in the vain hope of conning somecreature into spending time with her' you where just talking about?"
With the next three words, Caldrast knew he was dead.
"They're my sisters."
9102557
It would probably be as well - for him anyway - that Caldrast didn't know that (if that were true in the nominal continuity that I half-have this set-in[1]), or he almost certainly would have managed to work Discord into his rant as well. When spitting fumes, Caldrast is not the most... Circumspect individual.
Glad you enjoyed it.
[1]If the Fic(s) That Will Probably Never Be Written ever was (were), there would be a possibility that Discord might have been... Currently indisposed at the time.
In any case, magnificent, well-balanced beatdown, to say nothing of the setup that made it feel so cathartic. I wish I'd read this years ago. (And I can't help but note that even in the movie, Cadence was the only non-Twilight princess who even tried to defend herself.) Thank you for this.
9668051
*tips helmet*
Thank you! I was very glad I made the effort to get this out, actually, since not long after that, I didn't have as much free time anymore.
I had a jolly old laugh myself at that point of the movie and quietly thought "Heart of the Matter canon confirmed...!"
(Though in fairness, if I ever wrote the story that has floated around since season one, Celestia would have got her badass moment too. That sadly, is likely not to ever get done, simply because it would have been a huge undertaking that I'm not sure I could sustain to actually finish (or at least, not without it becoming a chore). So I content myself with this one, at least!)
I enjoyed this a good deal. Cadance here is powerful without being braggadocious, and the turn of putting her on her back hooves was well executed.
That, and we just don't get all that many fics where's she's a force to be reckoned with, so it's always nice to read a good one.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
11174229
Thank you for the review and the recommendation, which, considering how little fanfic I've written (four, maybe, in... huh, will be about twenty years now), is more than I could hope for. (I point at Skywriter's editing for enabling a quantum leap in how my approach to writing had changed, which benefitted a lot of my rules-writing stuff as well.)
(And I just realised on reading the description on the review how accidently moderately topical this might kind of seem to anyone coming in, what with a greedy autocrat who has ceased power from a corrupt oligarchy getting a deserved beatdown. That seems to be my lot, of late, accidently topical despite having planned or written stuff months or years in advance...)